Public Exposure: Dicks Everywhere

Look out, there's a dick! There's another one! And there's a bare ass! 

Duck! Or stop, drop and roll! Or go into a bomb shelter! 

Or stare at the dick and expose yours right back. That'll show 'em! And maybe earn you a date or several.

Whether at the gym, on the train, at an outdoor concert or in an open window, dicks will be there. Which reminds me that I need to pick up a ticket to whatever band that naked guy is in. 

What band could that be? The Dicks? The Naked Mole Rats? No, I've got it.

Celine Dion.

They've clearly sold millions of records, and saved a lot of their money by not buying underwear. Don't tell Calvin Klein that theory. He'll beat the fuck out of me again. What a bitch.

Now excuse me while I take my clothes off and open the blinds. Or at least the first half of that.