Guy Watching: This Guy!

As in this guy. This guy! Yeah, this guy. So many ways to say it. So many angles to see him. So many reasons to drop to your knees. Or make him drop to his knees if you're into that kind of thing. But you see which one I thought of first.

Coincidentally "this guy" is what it says multiple times in his torso tattoo. But in Aramaic because Johnny Depp probably gave an interview once where he said Aramaic tattoos are the wave of the future. See, an ancient language is the wave of the future.

Kind of like the cereal bars in Brooklyn that charge $6 for a bowl of retro feeling cereal like Froot Loops or Frankenberries when you can get a whole box of generic Froot Loops (called something like Fruit Circles) at the grocery store down the block. Everything old is new again. And expensive.

And this guy looks expensive too. Though he does save money by not wearing shorts over his compression tights. And he saves money by not having an iPod holder for his arm. What a practical guy!

I assume he loves me and is a personal trainer and so would love to be my personal trainer for free. Sometimes it's best to just assume things about guys as reality is generally much different. Like I would have sworn when I saw Ricky Martin's leather-pants wearing, hip gyrating performances in the late '90s, I would have sworn he was gay. I was so wrong. He's super gay. Talk about it on Oprah gay. Marry a guy and adopt kids gay. Gay gay gay. Not just hips and ass gay. He's a whole other level.

And it would probably take that level of gay to get this guy's attention. Or a whole level of whoever you are. So assuming there are guys out there who you want to get the attention of, best be yourself 1,010% or they're just not going to notice.

Otherwise, just get a tattoo with your phone number on it and work out shirtless on the beach. Just make sure you don't use Roman numerals as that would be an expensive and confusing tattoo.

Got to go, this guy is calling me. I swear.

[Photos via Candid Crotch]