Whether in motion or at rest, jocks are just plain awesome. As long as I don't have to make conversation with one. How much can one talk about sports without losing consciousness? Like the guy on the airplane who thought maybe he'd be safe from being snapped if only he closed his syes.
Isn't that a mental development thing? That age when a kid thinks the world disappears if they close their eyes. Or is it that thing where if you put an object behind your back, the child thinks it no longer exists so it's a magical amazing surprise when you make it reappear.
So if I have a sports team, I'll call it that Peekskill Peeks. Peekskill as in the town the classic girl power sitcom The Facts of Life took place in because some of those girls were major jocks. And Peeks as in peekaboo.
The team uniform can be shorts but the crotch part is see through. I will require a strictly defined team tryout involving trying on the uniform and jumping up and down. That's about it. Nothing super athletic.
Plus there doesn't need to be an opposing team. Anyone who wants to compete can join the same team and jump up and down harder or take their uniform off. Whatever. I'm really open. The world is way to competitive.
So with a completely sexualized team, the locker room attendant would actually be the only fully un-naked guy I know there's a word for un-naked but I'm trying to strike it from my vocabulary for obvious reasons.
Now let's all hold hands so we can wrap around that one guy's giant legs. Kind of like how it takes a group of people to hug a redwood.
Here's hoping he doesn't require a $45 million contract to allow the leg hugging stipulation. Maybe he doesn't realize how desirable he is. So while we're all spontaneously ejaculating by just being near him, don't anyone say how hot you find him. Hopefully he won't figure it out.
[Photos via Tube Crush, Dilfs for Days, Bros Without Clothes and Everyday Hotness]