Guy Watching: Hunks Are Everywhere

Except when they're not everywhere. Sometimes you're in a hunk desert. Isn't that awful? But reminds you of the importance of really looking hard when you do spot someone. Really appreciating it. And (here's the totally crazy, fucked up part), smiling and/or saying hello if at all possible.

Then something may end up happening beyond looking. I get that so much of our socializing is online, but nothing can replace 3D, in-person, for-real encounters. You can read someone's energy. Like maybe the guy looks amazing but strikes you as terrifying. So steer clear. But maybe he looks amazing and has amazing energy. Steer right to him.

So yes, if you're at a baseball game and see a guy with a huge bulge, run out onto the field or into the dugout and find him immediately. You'll have just a few seconds before security tosses you out, so be prepared to shout your number. He's sure to call you.

Or if you're on the train and spot a guy, strike up an idle conversation while staring at his crotch. Or chest. Or chest and crotch. Or chest, crotch and face. Or dress shoes if you're into that. The important thing is he knows you're paying attention to him. And you don't want to let the moment get away.

Will he become your boyfriend? Maybe not, but same is true of someone you go out on a formal date with who you met supposedly the right way like through a friend or at a party. But maybe so. And that may be your one chance to have what romantic movies are built upon, the "meet cute."

Don't you want to be able to tell the dog you two get together after you move in that you met each other while shopping for cucumbers to stick up your asses? Your hands touched as you reached for the obscenely long English cucumber and you had two choices. Say something and connect (literally making the cucumber a double-headed dildo later that day). Or say nothing and just one of you goes home with the cucumber with no other hole to stick the other giant end in.

Now that's heartbreak.

Caveat: don't necessarily say hi and be all flirty with someone who may be one of those gaybashers. In those cases, just go eat some pancakes in your underwear. You can never go wrong doing that.

[Photos via Tube Crush, Hot Sports Bulges & Butts, and Everyday Hotness]