Flashback: Time Travel Is Real

24 Feb 2017

Flashback: Time Travel Is Real

Let's all fracture the Time-Space Continuum. So go back in time and meet up with one of these guys and give him a stock tip that will change his life and cause a ripple effect on all of this.

Because a butterfly flapping its wings differently can change weather patterns so may as well fuck up other stuff while we're at it.

Then, who knows, maybe we'll end up in a world in which you can buy a penis alarm clock.

Flashback: Time Travel Is Real

Which is the alarm that makes an orgasm sound and squirts you in the face. And you can even pick the orgasm accent, like it could be Aussie if you're into that. Shout out to those of you who use the male Australian Siri voice and pretend he's your attentive boyfriend.

Or maybe that's just me.

And there's other ways to change the world in the past besides a stock tip. Like get cast on The Real World season 1 when nobody was trying that hard. And today, you could have a wonderful career as a, never mind, none of them really do anything.

I'd probably just suck a bunch of them off and steal their vintage clothes. And grab some furniture and cum-soaked carpet while I'm at it. Seems a viable use of time travel technology to me.