Ask GayDemon: Too Much of Bad Thing?

I’m having issues being separated from my boyfriend while he’s at work. I have anxiety problems and rely a lot on him. How can I make sure I don’t push him away with my overbearing need to speak to or text him?
-SOS

People like to feel needed, but only to a point. After that, it can feel like a second job. Except for that whole thing called love. And when someone's in love with you, they may not be setting boundaries that would benefit them, your relationship, and yes, even you, in the long term.

So your best bet is to get him fired.

Try taking naked pictures of him, then send them to his boss as him. Though that could backfire. He may get a raise, in which case you will freak out.

Really you know there's something off about him being a sole support for you. Certainly contacting him for reassurance about your relationship would not be appropriate or sustainable.

But from his POV, an occasional text during the work day could be just fine as long as you don't demand or expect an immediate response. Because he is at work.

Where are you at the time, by the way? Because a solid routine, work and otherwise, can help you focus. Exercise could help too. Talking to your doctor, a counselor, all that jazz.

The support he gives you will actually be more effective when in context of your overall approach to how you take care of yourself and others on your support team. I don't think you actually want to feel that dependent on him and the fact is you aren't solely dependent on him.

You feel the pull of contacting him, a mix of love and habit, and an expression of a need. But a need that can be met other ways. You may be assuming something bad would happen if you're unable to interact with him for a certain length of time. But nothing bad does happen besides you having emotions that are difficult to process.

For the benefit of your relationship, you need to find that balance of you two loving each other, caring about the personal growth of the other, while also having a definition of what health is for you, and a plan to work towards it.

You're so anxious because you don't have that additional support system. So while temporarily alleviating, the total focus on him limits your personal growth.

He may be totally okay with this, which is a bit of a red flag, not on his motivation, but the fact that he may have his own worries that if you weren't in the challenging, dependent state you are, maybe you would lose interest in him.

But again, it's not sustainable. You can find balance if you each work to grow independently and together. So you can tag along to the office and suck him off under his desk, while texting him. That should work.

Consider this phase 1 of your long term relationship.

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