I’ve just moved into a new place with my boyfriend of 8 months and I have realised he has an awful lot of stuff. Our place just isn’t big enough to store all his clobber but he is so very attached to it all. How do I tell him that he’s got to have a clear out without breaking his heart?
-Buried by Boyfriend's Belongings
Applause to the two of you for not at all assessing the realities of moving in together before jumping right in. Bodes super well for how well you two communicate with each other. And even now, you're isolating yourself as if he for some reason thinks the place is big enough for all of it and it would be news to him that it's crowded.
It may all come from a place of love and sensitivity, but when those things are used to justify a lack of communication, what's the point?
Several options here, though. He can spring for a storage unit to keep some of his stuff in, visiting it, praying over it, staring at it to his heart's content. Though he'll likely be pissed at the extra expense.
So you could go in on a storage unit together, and talk about how it's mainly for your stuff and he's welcome to put some of his stuff there so he saves face. That should jibe really well with your indirect communication style.
There's also the option of assessing the overlaps in each of your belongings. Because how many garlic presses do you need? Just seven last time I checked. So he can store his other 47.
But if your apartment is overflowing with sex toys, then ditch nonessential stuff to make room for the toys. Pointless things like chairs and lamps.
If all this fails, then tell him he has a second job as an escort so you two can afford a bigger place. You'll discover if he's more attached to his virtue or his collectibles. And it's always great to test your boyfriend's loyalty and devotion. Guys love that.
Yes, this is the answer you can expect from me when complaining about having a boyfriend and too much stuff. I'm sure homeless single gay folks would have greater empathy than me. Plus not as much stuff, so break up with your boyfriend and fall i love with someone who's taken a vow of poverty (or that society has forced to be poor). They'll just bring their dick, ass and mouth. Pretty much the basics.
Send your question to [email protected]