Ask GayDemon: New Gay on the Block

I'm 32 and split up with my wife a couple of months ago after I realized I was gay. I want to start seeing guys but am not sure what's the best way. I live in Boston. Gay clubs maybe? I'm quite shy though. And I'm nervous about meeting people from an app.

-Fresh Out of the Closet

You're not off to a good start. Being married and sort of in the closet would have made you immensely desirable. And it would have created a reason (besides insane shyness) that you would be looking for some sort of discretion. You've lost your chance to be trade. That's gay slang for a straight guy who can be had after a few cocktails. Or in your case, after a mocktail. Because you don't need to be drunk to screw a guy.

The thing is you're comparing yourself to guys who've been out since high school. Out and socializing. You don't have anything like that experience. Because women aren't gay men with vaginas. Say that out loud right now. Good job.

It's natural for you to be shy, though maybe you were shy with women because you're gay and had a tinge of regret to go along with every pussy lick. Not so shy you didn't get married. So however you met your wife, you can meet guys the same way. Like maybe you met at a book club or while volunteering to clean cigarette butts up off the beach (which by the way totally destroy the environment so don't toss your cigarette butts anywhere but an actual trash can, wherever you are). So you can find something you're passionate about and meet someone that way.

Problem is those guys aren't going to be hot as fuck. And since you said "I want to start meeting guys" as in plural not "I want to meet one special someone" then you are looking to fuck around basically. But in a nice, let's have dinner first kind of way. As soon as you start adding requirements, the hotness factor of the guys will go down. Want a nonsmoker? You just lost a huge percent of the guys out there. Want a guy who doesn't get blackout drunk? Kiss those hotties goodbye before you even met. Want a guy who shows up for a date on time and can carry a conversation? Then you're an idiot because that kind of guy is as rare as a post-'90s hit single from Paula Abdul. Poor dear.

There's no technology or place that will be the perfect medium for you. At least a gay club or app will have a concentration of gay guys. But so will everywhere to some degree. Grocery store. Divorced men's support group. Men's room at the mall. Take your pick.

It's not where you meet. It's that you meet. You're in Boston. There are plenty of homophobic, fundamentalist, racist Red Sox freaks you can call your own. Or just skip all that and go to some classical music recital at Harvard. All male cellists are total slut fag dick pigs with IQs higher than their weight. If you get lucky, maybe you can even go to a nerd-heavy frat party. I'm already jealous.

If you're really, really shy and can't do any of this, then don't. Just get a therapist and hook up with him. That's more a lesbian thing to do, but it's not like they own the concept.

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