Your friendly neighborhood Dick

My neighbor is a real dick.His big pickup truck is really loud and he is always revving the engine for no reason.He spins his tires when leaving his driveway passing my house.I normally equate this behavior with a low i.q. and a small penis.You know the type...trying to compensate.

I didn’t always dislike this man.When I first moved into my home, Dick had been very friendly.He walked over as I was unloading the last few boxes out of the U-haul.

“Do you need any help with those?”

“Um...sure.” I said as he took a box from my hands.Fuck, he was hot.

“My name is Dick.I live next door.” 

“Ethan...nice to meet you.”

We made small talk about the neighborhood as we brought the last few boxes inside.I offered him a beer.

He was cute, but definitely straight, as far as I could tell, and also younger than me.He was telling me about his recent divorce and I could not help but notice his piercing blue eyes and bright red beard. He was muscular under his loose t-shirt. 

“She sounds like a real bitch.”I said. 

That’s what straight guys say about their ex’s...right?

“Well I won’t hold you up from unpacking.Welcome to the neighborhood Ethan.” He said finishing his beer. 

“Thanks Dick.” I said.I always wondered why guys named Richard went by Dick, especially guys under 30.Why would you choose to have your nickname be Dick?I mean I love dick, I love my dick, but I don’t want to be called Dick.

“I will see you around.”I said following him to my front door.He did have a nice ass.I couldn’t help but watch through the window as he walked across my lawn back towards his home.Little did I know that in just a few days, the entire country would be shuttered by a global pandemic.

Now almost a year later, I’m at a weird place in my life.Months of isolation have taken a toll. Sometimes I feel like I only care about the way the landscaping in my yard looks instead of how the landscaping around my cock looks.With the last year of working from home, my yard looks better than ever, but my young 29 year old muscles have transitioned into a more beefy 30 year old man.My body is hairier than ever and I have completely stopped shaving it like I used to.I feel like I’m going nuts.Working in the yard is my only outlet.I now have a well maintained lawn and lots of flowering plants and bushes.My Dad would be proud I guess.He always said people with nice yards have their lives together.What the fuck does that even mean?Anyways, back to Dick.

My dick neighbor, Dick.His last year has been quite the opposite from mine.Here is what I do know.He doesn’t work from home.He cranks his big dumb truck every morning at 5am.It’s loud rumble waking me up way before sun.If it is not his truck, it is his dog.He leaves his dog out in his fenced back yard all day while he is at work.It barks at everything.I can’t even go out into my back yard without his dog constantly barking.

As I finish my work this afternoon I hear Dick’s loud ass truck rolling in.After another day of listening to his dog bark, I decide that today I’m going to confront him about it.I slip on my shoes and make my way over as he is getting out of his truck.

“Hi Dick, how’s it going?”

“Oh, Hi Ethan, I’m good.Hope you are.” 

“I have been better.I wanted to talk to you about your dog.It barks all day.I’m home most of the day and it is really distracting when I’m trying to work.” 

“Oh, sorry about that.It can’t be that bad.There is not much I can do about it.Some of us don’t have the luxury of staying at home all day.”He said brushing past me towards his house.

“Hey, I understand that, but your dog barks literally all day.” I said following him up the steps.

“Get some headphones or something... I don’t know what else to tell you.” He said opening his front door.

I don’t know what came over me, but I suddenly wanted to punch this guy in the face.I’m not a violent person, but he was really pissing me off. 

“Listen...DICK, if you don’t do something about it, I’m going make a noise complaint tomorrow to the police.I’m also going to complain about your stupid truck.” 

He quickly turned glaring at me.“Listen faggot, I don’t know who you think you are talking to, but you do what you need to do.I can make some calls of my own!You don’t think I have seen you staring at me when I mow the lawn without my shirt on.I have seen you spying on me.You take your gay ass back over there and mind your fucking business.”

Inches from my face, his angry stare backed me off his front stoop.I walked back toward my house cussing him out under my breath.Who the fuck did he think he was?I don’t have the luxury of working from home I had been forced to.A wave and smile over the fence was not spying, I was just being friendly. 

I reached my door in a few seconds even though it felt like I had walked a mile after the tongue lashing Dick had just given me.

What was he talking about?Spying on him?

“Oh fuck!” I has almost completely forgot.A few weeks after moving in, I noticed Dick in his back yard.I could see his yard from my living room window.He was mowing shirtless and his sweaty muscles were glistening in the sun.

With each pass he made across his back lawn, my cock grew larger.Before long I had my cock out, in my hand, and was stroking its length.I reached down slipping my finger into my hole, all the while, imagining it being Dick’s dick.I kept my eye on him as my cock began to spit cum out across my hardwood floor.Good thing I didn’t buy the house one neighborhood over with the carpet.Had he seen me?

Still fuming from being cussed at, and called a faggot, I decided to go pull some weeds from the flower bed at the curb.I mean, I like being called a faggot, but in the moment, and that definitely was not the moment.I drag the garden hose as I walk over to the planted area around my mailbox.Dropping the hose, I kneel down and start to pull weeds from the mulch, angrily.

“This is what my life has become, I’m just an old fag pulling weeds and threatening my neighbor for being to loud!”

“30 is looking real good on you Ethan.” I say to myself as I start to pile the weeds and their root bulbs up on the street curb.

I hear the slamming of a door and lookup to see Dick walking out to his truck.He is wearing workout clothes and his probably heading to the gym.At least he may have put his dog in the house first.Chances are probably not.

“What a dick.” I mumble under my breath.

He glances at me before climbing into his truck.He starts it and loudly revs the engine before backing out quickly into the street.I hear the transmission shift into drive and then the engine revving loudly again.

My heart started beating faster as I dug my hands down into the dirt.He was so obnoxious and I loathed him, his truck, and that loud ass barking dog.As his tires squealed behind me, my anger took over and I stood.My hands full of damp soil, I drew my arm back and threw the soil towards his truck like a baseball pitcher throwing a strike.The dirt struck his back window with a thud.As his brake lights illuminated, I quickly knelt back down and continued pulling weeds.

Looking over my shoulder I saw Dick round the back of his truck.Staring at the mud sliding down the back window, he turns to look at me.

“What is wrong with you?” He says stepping towards me. 

“What is wrong with you? Who drives like that?” I clap back standing and stepping into my yard.

“You need to clean that off!” He yelled.

“Clean it yourself...you asshat!” I yell as I go to pick up the water hose.

“You are crazy.If you had broken the window I would have kicked your faggot ass!”

My heart started beating faster again.I squeezed the water hose trigger aiming it towards his truck.The cold water started to flow.

“I’m sorry Dick, I don’t know what came over me.”Has the words left my mouth I flicked my wrist and redirected the stream of icy water directly into the side of his face.

Dick, throwing his hands up to block it, yelled out “Oh fuck!What the fuck! You are really going to get it now you asshole!”As he lunged toward me I ran backwards continuously spraying him down with the hose.

Realizing that he was now in a full sprint, I turned dropping the hose, hightailing it into my backyard.He was gaining on me and tackled me to the ground pinning me on my stomach.The full weight of his wet body forcing me into the grass, he leaned down inches from my ear.

“You dirty faggot, I’m going to kick your ass now.You think I didn’t see you jacking off while I mowed.I saw you you little bitch.I’m going to teach you a lesson.”

“Get off of me you asshole.Get off!”Trying to break free was no use.He had me trapped.Almost in tears because I was so angry at this fool, but my clothes began to get damp from his wet body.He pushed his body down on me harder.His big chest digging into my shoulders and his hips into my buttocks.

“Be quiet Ethan.You don’t want the neighbors to call the police do you? How would that look? You throwing shit at a passing truck and then assaulting the driver!”He laughed in my ear as he began to thrust his wet crotch on my ass. 

“You see, I have been watching you too Ethan. Your always working outside.Always bending over with your ass up in the air.Your ass is so hot Ethan.Almost looks and feels like a woman’s ass right now.”

I could feel the pressure of his dick pushing against me.It was not small at all.It felt thick and long.The only thing between it and my crack was the thin fabric of both of our shorts.

“Get off of me you DICK!”

“Oh calm down Ethan.I know you want it.”

He was right I did want it.I wanted to see him naked.I had secretly lusted after him from the first day I moved in.Even though his stupid truck woke me up early every morning, I usually ended my shower by releasing a hearty amount of cum and fantasizing about him. 

Has my own cock started to enlarge and press into the almost carpet like grass of my perfect back lawn, Dick began to kiss my neck and push his big cock into my fertile rump.

“Relax Ethan.”His hot breathe and lips on my neck made my tense body go limp.My anger turned to desire.A desire to get his straight cum.You see, I’m a cum slut and this pandemic has really shut down my slutty ways.

I haven’t had sex in months and have had to survive on eating my own cum.That’s been fine, but there is just something about swallowing another’s.Especially a straight guy’s spunk. 

“You want my big dick Ethan?I haven’t been with anyone in a long time and I’m so horny.”

“Yes me too.Please fuck me Dick.”

“I knew you did.I thought that was what you were coming over to ask me about earlier, but you just came over and sounded like a little bitch like my ex.So now I’m going to have to punish you.” 

“Yes!I’m sorry for that.”

“Yes...What?!” He said pushing his engorging dick further into my cheeks.

“Yes sir!”I mumbled.

Then he grabbed my waistband and pulled my shorts down exposing my furry peach to the sun.Spreading my bum he spit a wad of his saliva onto my hole, forcing a finger into it as I moaned.Roughly swirling his digit around, just as he probably did with his ex’s pussy, he began to finger fuck me.

“You like that don’t you slut?I’m going to make you my bitch now.”

He yanked it out and quickly replaced it with the fat head of his straight cock.He pushed in without regard for my comfort and I suddenly was full, as my eyes blurred with pain.I dug my fingers into the green, pulling at the grass as he plunged in deeper and deeper.

“Hell Ethan, your cunt is fucking tight.”

“And your cock feels like a fucking baseball bat.What the fuck, Dick.I thought you would be working with a pinky since you drive that stupid truck.”

“Mmm, watch it you little fucker, I’m going to rip you in half.”Dick said as he quickly started to slam into me like he was doing push-ups.His thick meat slid all the way out until just the mushroom head was still in me, and then all the way back in until his fat baseballs slapped on my ass. 

The water dripping from him soaking my back as he pistons relentlessly into my slutty hole, I completely surrendered to him.No mater how mad I was before, my need to get dick erased any animosity towards him.Now, I just wanted his cum inside me.

Quickly, I realized that was about to happen.Before long Dick had his thighs pressed against the back of mine and was pumping his creamy load deep into my ass.As he emptied his balls I came in the grass.

His pint up load overwhelmed my cunt and pushed out around his pulsing girth.I could feel its warmth soaking my balls.

Dick quickly jumping to his feet, and leaving my asshole, smacked my cheek and pulled his shorts up.

“Alright Ethan.I think you have learned your lesson.”He walked away.I could only roll over and stare at the sky as his cum dripped from my ass.I reached down rubbing my stretched hole.

“Damn is cock was big.Wish I could have seen it.”I said aloud just as I heard his truck start.He revved his engine a few times before burning the tires and speeding off.

“What a DICK!” I said tasting his cum on my fingers.

Just then his dog started to bark.

“Fucking Dick!”