You're Kind of a Shitty Person

Daniel didn't have much going for him. He was the kind of guy who openly bragged about his IQ on the first date. His first and only relationship lasted for two days when he was six, and his "ex" only remembered him as, "the short kid with the big ego." 16 years later, and Daniel had done little to grow out of that description. If you asked, he'd tell you he was, "too liberal to be an incel and too conservative to be a simp."

Today marked his second anniversary since dropping out of college, a decision that cut him off emotionally and financially from his parents. His father, a hard-working Midwestern man, didn't support the young Millennial's dreams of fame and Daniel had little respect for his mother. On the day his father cut him off, Daniel vowed to make it big and make his parents’ lives a living hell. Daniel fantasized about becoming so rich that he could buy his parent’s house and force them to sleep in public or in comically small sacks. He imagined his parents begging him for forgiveness only to be degraded, put in their place, and abandoned. Nothing made Daniel happier than the idea of his father completely exposed to the world with nothing but a sleeping bag. He'd be forced to live his new life on public display to every voyeuristic pedestrian who passed by. Daniel was determined to see his prideful father humiliated, homeless, and desperately wishing he had been more generous to his son. It's what men like him deserved.

And all Daniel had to do was get famous...

…The only problem was that the 22-year-old aspiring actor hadn't formed a single social connection in the 18 months since moving west. He had no friends, no agent, and no connections. Daniel couldn't help but blame other people for his problems. He hated working in customer service. It was beneath him. It was clear that everyone in the world was stupid. They were the ones holding him back...

Due to his poor work ethic and combative attitude with customers, Daniel couldn't keep a job longer than a week. Worse yet, he hadn't found employment in over a month and was days away from getting evicted. Where would he honestly go?

Daniel didn't even like his apartment. The small walls and low lights made him feel claustrophobic. Like he was trapped in a compact dimly-lit box. It didn't help that he thought his landlord was a "controlling bitch." She told Daniel he had till the end of the month to find rent, but yesterday he came back from the convenience store to find that his key didn't fit the apartment lock. Of course, he had forgotten his phone inside the apartment so all he could do was sit outside his front door in his dirty sweatpants. He intended it to be a short trip, just in and out of CVS. The boy had run out of batteries for his special vibrating toy. He had grown accustomed to playing with it daily and desperately wanted to be back in his apartment playing with it now. He looked down at his Dorito-stained crotch and let out an annoyed sigh. If he had known he'd be in public this long he'd have reached for something cleaner.

By the time someone finally walked by, Daniel had fallen asleep. Above him loomed a 6’5” clean-cut California jock. "You're... Danny, right?" the man said cracking Daniel a sympathetic smile. "You locked out?" Daniel stared up at his semi-truck of a next-door neighbor, the man's face framed through his bulging pectorals.

"That's a stupid fucking question" Daniel muttered. For a moment the man's smile wavered. "And my name is Daniel, not fucking Danny...", Daniel said slightly louder.

"Oh shit. Sorry, Daniel. I'm terrible with names." The man said, his smile returning. In truth, Daniel didn't know the man's name either. He assumed it was something like Kyle or Brad. He didn't care enough to ask. He hated men like Brad, big muscles, low IQ, chick obsessed, and popular. A total "alpha male" douchebag.

"Well... if you’re stuck and need a place to stay until maintenance comes, my apartment is literally right here."

"Are you mocking me?" Daniel said, finally getting on his feet. Once standing his eyes reached just above where he approximated his beefy neighbor’s nipples would be. The smaller of the men was suddenly aware of just how scrawny he was. Brad, just stared down at Daniel for a few moments fully assessing the disheveled manchild before him. After a brief pause, he simply asked, "Daniel, are you looking for a job?"

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This is my first story so I hope that you all enjoy.