Willing Second Time

I just had a couple of fantastic experiences I wanted to share but as I looked back at my journal, I noticed something. I never actually published the story of my meeting my rapist face to face.

Life in itself is strange but the last 8 years or so of my life have been an odyssey in retrospect. After the actual rape itself, I wrote about it in my journal and I jerked off to it daily. However, the biggest and most unbelievable thing is that what I had written; pales in comparison to the intensity of the orgasms I had. I even researched it (to some degree) and I've come to a better understanding of different sexual makeups, ejaculating and orgasms, sensitivity and responsiveness etc. However, I digress....

OK back to the story. After the 'encounter' two major things happened to me: I became incredibly paranoid and increasingly hornier. I felt that I was so easily overpowered by him, I began to workout daily. Lifting weights (which I hadn't done since high school) and running longer distances. I also bought another set of locks for my apartment and even a pepper spray. On the other hand, I went into emotional and sexual overdrive. I bought at least 5 new vibrators and dildos (more like 10), all kinds of porn, I even had some fleeting sexual encounters with some women of my past. No need to mention that was a waste of time. I even signed up for an online sex service but never hooked up (too shy) I tried to visit a TS call girl but she had an emergency and had to cancel. I even started masturbating at work! I'd read my own story and rub one or two off in the bathroom. However, nothing worked better than when I was home using my vibrating pink dildo, lying my back - legs propped on pillows. I would think about what happened to me that day and each time reaching at least two intense orgasms but usually 3 or 4. Every day and twice on weekends. So, at this time, I'm in this really fucked up space - scared wimp on one hand, but total submissive slut on the other.  I'm afraid of my own shadow - but would love my shadow to have its way with me.

About two months after publishing the story I decided to do my daily run in town instead of over at Prospect. I ran a pretty boring route and noticed it was a lot harder on my knees than I thought it would be. Getting older is hard to accept. I finished up probably a 3-mile set at my favorite Bodega near my building and stopped in grab some orange juice when I saw...HIM!!!

He was in the same type of uniform he was when I met him and was laughing and talking with 3 other guys dressed the same. The first feeling I felt was extreme shock, but not fear. Also, I realized that I wasn't scared which was kinda weird, I guess. Another thing was that it was strange to hear him speak! Throughout our whole thing he didn't say anything - not even a grunt. His had severe acne that I didn’t notice before but it wasn't really bad. He didn't have his glasses on either. He also looked a little taller than I remembered but it definitely was him.

I watched him for what seemed like hours but in actuality was only about 5 to 10 minutes. I carefully followed them around the store from a few rows away (not sure why I was doing this) until he noticed me! He did a double take and his complexion went ghostly white. Now the look in his eyes was fear no doubt. He tried to look away but he was visibly shaken and began fumbling his words while talking with his cohorts. At this time, I felt the dynamic has shifted. I felt I'm the one in control right now. So bizarre.

I saved him by extending my hand and saying 'Hey you probably don't remember me but we met at a seminar and you said you needed some tax work done, I'm Geezy ' The look on his face was priceless! He just stuttered acknowledgement and shook my hand (his hand absolutely engulfed mind they're so big) I pulled a business card from my pouch and told him to call when he was ready. This seemed to go over very well and his friends looked none the wiser. He looked as if he seen Freddie Krueger as he put the card nervously in his pocket.

I will say I am surprised that I had the courage to do that but to say I work well under pressure is an understatement. I was so emotionally attached to what happened but I didn't react until I was alone. It was like I was having an anxiety attack. I really needed to calm myself down. After I did, I of course masturbated to the event!

He called later that day! I can't tell you why but I didn't expect that. He was extremely nervous but he thanked me for being polite and asked could we meet in person to discuss things. I catch the extreme uneasiness in his voice so I'm feeling so powerful now - I asked 'what do you want to talk about? ' it took him a full 5 mins to say he wanted to say he was sorry.

Now I don't remember exactly or everything that was said but I got a good vibe from the conversation. To make a long story short I told him that he could come by on my next Tuesday when I’m off.

My brain was so frazzled I ended up taking some personal days from work prepare for our meeting. On Monday I bought some condemns and extra lube. On Tuesday morning I took a long relaxing bath. There was no doubt I wanted to be taken again. I actually take enemas regularly but today I took two. I stretch my anal cavity with my largest dildo which is about an 8-inch large black dildo. I don't use it often but I figured it would get me prepared if things got that heated. And I also thought that since I was in control, I will offer up some rules. And I even practiced reciting the rules in the mirror 1) no kissing 2) we use condoms 3) if I'm not feeling comfortable, I want to be able to end this immediately. Looking back at these rules now I feel like a total dork, however is where my head was at the time so I guess it is what it was.

I also wanted to look appealing but strong. I chose some new clothes I bought (a lavender shirt and khakis) because I really couldn't decide. Truthfully, I wanted to put on a dress and high heels so he could fuck me like a woman. I wanted to totally give myself in to my deepest fantasies but no way was that going to happen. However, I did shave my mustache off and had a manicure /pedicure to look cute as possible.  Crazy how much I over thought the situation.

When he arrived, he brought me a gift? This didn't go well with me (at first) because I received this gesture as overplayed. I changed my mind after he explained what happened that fateful day:

He was on a painting /window washing contract with the management and saw me through the window. He had never (so he says - I think I believe him) seen an ass as plump and round on a guy before. He said he watched me until he couldn't take it anymore and thought he could try to get to know me. He didn't know what to expect when he rang my bell.

When I unlocked the door, he thought that I wanted him to see what I had been doing to tease him to sex. He only realized fully after he saw me crying but then it was too late, he had to have me. He tried to be as gentle as he could and again was immensely sorry.

Now I have to admit, this wooed me. I realize now, late in my years (I'm 55 now I was 48 at the time) that being desired is my Achilles heel. I then seen the gift as a gentlemanly gesture. I felt really girly especially from the way he looked at me.

I found out some things about my new friend let's call him John. He's married where she is the bread winner. They live in jersey but he picks up odd jobs here and there with a friend when she travels for her job. He also is closeted with his attractions to men and says his wife would definitely get rid of him if she knew. He then asked me if I could ever forgive him.

I really believe to this day it was just the way he said and after we had sex, I was almost positive. Listen, I remember sounding like a doofus reciting those rules but I definitely can't tell you how we went from this conversation to sex. I didn't journal how it started but I do remember him having me strip naked and get on my knees on the bed. He literally devoured my ass and feet for an hour. He told me later that he enjoyed watching me tremble and hearing me moan. He rolled me on my back and I got more of the same but intensified.  He took both ankles in each of his large hands controlling my leg movements while he feasted on my asshole and ass cheeks. I remember loudly squealing as he kissed quickly from my butt to my feet. As he sucked on my toes and behind my knees, he made these loud sloshing and slurping sounds. Whenever he was sucking my butt and legs – he massaged my feet with his strong hands. Then he vice versa when he was sucking my toes, he squeezed my ass for its entire worth. He would stop briefly every once in a while, and tell me how good I tasted and how sexy my body was. I was mush. I was so hard my dick ached a little.

 It was then I received my first m/m blow job. He's fantastic at it and it was the first time I came from fellatio. I felt so comfortable and relaxed I just laid there and enjoyed being serviced. When I realized that I was about to come, I told him and he tried to deep throat me which really sent me over the top. I must have spurted at least 5 times and he swallowed every drop. He finished and looked at me for a while before he said something funny and we both laughed (wish I could remember more details)

Afterwards he's all over me, my stomach, knees, feet and thighs. He steadily made comments about how sexy I was. His hands were all over the place, everywhere he touched became an erogenous zone. Especially my nipples!! (I REALLY loved him sucking them! Wow!) I was instantly erect again and John commented that I was such a ‘horny little dollbaby’. I must have blushed like a schoolgirl because he told me I was really cute when I'm smiling. He really had all of my sissy buttons pushed!

This time he asked me if he could fuck me (which I thought was so hot!) I said 'yes you may sir' or something corny like that. All this time he had not fully undressed! I felt like such a pillow princess! He finished getting undressed quickly and his dick was already hard. He put on the condemn I bought and started lubing his penis generously while tongue fucking my ass. I'm in heaven - I couldn't move a body part without him kissing, licking or sucking on it!

Then he lifted both my legs together and stuck his dickhead against my anus and started kissing my calves while masterfully inching that dick into me. The way he enters my ass is like a magician. I can feel his gentle pressure with very short stabbing type strokes. He just takes his time and soon he’s all the way in. Oh, what that does to me is indescribable but I tell you this, it's like little jolts of tender electricity hitting inside my cavity, my balls, my legs and my brain simultaneously - then starts all over again in waves.

As my body was being wrecked with pleasure, I looked at John. I’m at full circle now. My emotions are all over the place. I went from terrified - when we first met, total submission - giving in to the situation, ecstasy - when he first fucked me, to fear - after he left, to paranoia - what if I'm attacked and hurt like it usually happens, to shock - seeing him again, to powerful - controlling the situation, to total submission and back to ecstasy. John’s hands are roaming all over my body and I’m losing my mind. I’m laying with both hands over my head as he started fucking me with longer and harder strokes. Each stroke gives me another wave of pleasure all through my body.

Then he spread my legs keeping them trapped with him arms, as he lowered his body until his chest touched mine. Now I can see my feet are out wide toes curled and his face is inches from mine - never did he stop fucking me but I hear him breathing and myself whimpering. I wished right there and then I had never made those stupid rules. I wanted to be kissed and I wanted him to come in my ass. I want to put my arms around him but honestly, I can’t move. He started fucking a little faster and the chills started getting more and more intense

 His pace became rapid and I remember moaning louder. I remember him squeezing me tighter and me begging him to keep fucking me. I remember wanting it to last forever. I remembered him saying something before I came but I forget what while writing this. I remember that wonderful feeling of being like a valued possession. I remember the orgasmic wave came violently over me. I could feel it all over my body. I came hard on my chin and chest and John came hard too. He groaned loudly and was breathing hard. He said that it was the strongest he'd had but you know sometimes people feel obligated to say things like that especially after I came so hard.

I was literally shaking for a little while and had to lay there with him for quite some time. However, we talked about what happened in depth and came to an understanding of what we both expect from one another. Even though there was nothing in our conversation to suggest it, I felt my little reign of power was gone. I guess it's because I feel like putty in his hands. I go crazy on being loved up and fucked, what can I say?

I had written in my journal that the experience wasn't that good but in hindsight it was more than good it was fantastic!  It also was the beginning of a great friendship that you won’t believe. Now it didn't compare to the first time but I can't imagine that anything ever will. Although I have recently came damn close which I'll write about soon.