The warning from the cops was still fresh in my head, even though the letter they sent was already buried at the bottom of the trash. I’d read it once, shredded it with my hands, and tossed it like it had teeth. A warning. Nothing more. But that didn’t stop the paranoia from creeping in every time I saw a cop car crawl down my street or every time the mail slot clattered.
Running was the only thing that settled me. My legs could burn out the fear better than sitting at home staring at the walls. It gave me the illusion of control, like I could outpace the shame and the memory of those cold metal cuffs.
So I left my house and veered to the left and further up the block, toward my local shopping center. While I had no real need to go shopping, I’d discovered running was a good way to get to know the neighborhood and to distract me.
It was also keeping me away from temptation.
Jogging past my neighbors was always interesting; it let me compare us all and our various tastes. Some houses gave away the origins or ethnicity of the people inside with things like Buddhas, wooden wind chimes, or that strange gold cat with the waving paw you see in Asian shops. Sometimes it was the curtains, their shapes or colors, and other times it was the house itself.
Raj worked from home on Fridays, as I usually did, and he lived about three blocks from me in a slightly elevated part of the suburb. After detouring the shopping center, I looped back wide and angled past Nate’s neighborhood and his house. I wasn’t creeping or stalking. I just liked to feel the distance between places. Running it out made me feel more connected.
About forty minutes into my run, I’d been thinking about him, and realized I needed to clear the air. Before I knew it, I was jogging back past Raj’s house.
From the outside, his place appeared to be a mix of Indian and Western themes. I’d been inside before, so I knew it was like that all the way through. My wife liked it. I thought it was interesting, but I was never creative with that stuff. I just appreciated being in the space, not in its style.
He answered the door after a minute, clearly stalling after spotting me through the curtains.
“Hey,” I said with a big cheery grin, pretending nothing had changed.
“Oh hey,” he said, scratching the back of his head, looking past me, to the left of me, down at my feet but never directly at me. Like he was searching for an excuse to send me packing.
“Can we have a quick chat, mate?” I asked, stepping closer.
Too quickly he said, leaning into the door to block me, “I’m so sorry, mate, I’m really busy…”
Fuck it.
I pushed the door wider with a firm hand and stepped inside until I was inches from his face.
He looked terrified. Startled. I took that as my chance. “We’ve been friends for years. I think you and I need to have a chat.”
I’d never forced myself on Raj, never tried to intimidate him or push into his house. So when I barreled past him and stood in his living room, I surprised even myself.
“Fine,” he said with resignation, scrambling to close the door like it was the doorway to his secrets.
I noticed his laptop glowing through the office doorway and sat down on the sofa. “Are you home alone?”
He nodded but didn’t sit. Raj stood with his arms folded, wide-eyed. I’d never seen him look so cold and distant, or so obviously scared.
“I’ve missed you.” It was all I could think of to soften him. Raj was looking at me like I was the threat.
Those words helped a little. His arms dropped, his eyes flicked up briefly, then shifted back to the floor like he’d been scolded.
“Well, if I can speak openly?” I asked, glancing around as if his wife might appear.
He nodded but stayed standing.
I swallowed, realizing how much harder this was, face-to-face.
“It’s weird. We know each other’s secret. We’ve seen each other in a situation that…”
He refolded his arms. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about it. It was an accident, not really my thing…” He glanced at the door again, then back at me.
I stood, needing to get through to him.
“That same guy and I got arrested a couple of weeks ago,” I blurted.
His eyes went wide, his arms dropped, his jaw hanging. “What!?”
He stood opposite me, his eyes wide and his arms unfolded again.
So I told Raj about Nate, about the arrest, about the times before. But not everything. I left out that we’d been held overnight. When I got to the arrest, he stared, lips ready to fire off questions.
“Do you have a criminal record?” he asked.
“No. We got a warning,” I said.
“Did you get a fine?”
“No. Just told to stay away from that bathroom.”
“Did they send stuff to your home address?”
I nodded, fingers interlaced. “I worked from home for a few days because I knew there’d be a letter. I burned it as soon as it arrived.”
“What if they send more?” His panic spiked.
“They won’t. I’ve talked to a lawyer, so has Nate. They won’t do more at this point. But yeah, we need to be careful.”
“You’re sure?” His voice steadied, though his face didn’t.
“Yeah. They’re not allowed. Only one letter to back up the warning. Just in case, I’ve been all over the mail lately.”
He laughed nervously, then we stood awkwardly, not really looking at anything.
When he asked about Nate, it revealed how he felt about him.
“He’s nice,” Raj said.
Who wouldn’t? Nate was fit, hot, magnetic.
“He is,” I replied. “I really have missed you. I know seeing you in the bathroom was weird, for both of us… but we’ve been friends a long time. Maybe we should talk about it.”
Raj bit his lip and looked away.
“Some time, not necessarily now. Anyway, I wanted to come see you. We’re friends. I’m not going to lose you without a fight,” I said, quoting a line his ex from college had once thrown at him, the girl he couldn’t stand these days.
Raj grinned, so I did too.
“Oh my God, she was such a nutjob!” he said.
“Your girlfriend,” I teased, happy the atmosphere had shifted.
We agreed to make an effort to move forward and to keep the other, more personal stuff buried for now. I made it clear that if he ever needed to talk about it, I’d be there.
“For now, I’d like to pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe later, I’d like to talk more. If that’s okay…” Raj said.
We shook on it, and I left.
After talking to Raj, I almost sent a message to Nate, but stopped myself.
What I did instead was probably the most reckless and idiotic action I’ve taken in a very long time. And given recent events, that would be a lot.
I walked into what had become too familiar an environment. The bathroom echoed with a low, ambient hum from flickering fluorescent lights overhead. The walls were quiet when I entered, but it felt like they hushed further when I walked in, like the walls were holding their breath.
There was nobody at the urinal, so I walked up, pissed, and waited.
The air smelled like stale disinfectant over something older, moldier. A metal trash bin nearby reeked faintly of damp paper towels and whatever had rotted under them.
I heard a cough from one of the cubicles.
I zipped up, slowly walked around, and saw that one door was closed and the other was open. I stepped in, locked the door behind me, and bent slightly to look through the glory hole.
A man, possibly in his forties, quickly lifted his head, but not before I’d caught a brief glimpse of him. He seemed fit enough. Hairy, balding and good looking in that rough, masculine way.
With slightly shaky hands, I unzipped, took my cock out, and let him see it.
It took a few seconds before he bent forward to get a closer look. I could see his eyes now, flicking between my cock and whatever else of me he could make out. When I was confident he was admiring it, I started slowly jerking. My palm was already damp with sweat from the run, and the movement was casual, slow and uncertain.
The smell in the stall was a mix of fading bleach, piss baked into tile grout, and my own body, though it was clear it had been recently cleaned as the overpowering smell of disinfectant stood out. The sweat that had dried under my arms was starting to sting again. The waistband of my shorts still clung damply to my skin.
Through the hole, I saw the other guy jerking off. His cock was long, not as thick as mine, and his foreskin hung over the head until it rolled all the way back to reveal raw pink flesh that made my mouth water.
My heart raced at the anticipation of what was to come.
A moment later, he stopped jerking. His face came toward the hole. He studied me for a second longer, his breathing louder now. His gaze moved up, like he was trying to take in my shape, my chest, my stance, anything he could piece together from his side of the wall.
He must have liked what he saw, because seconds later, his mouth appeared at the hole. His tongue flicked out slowly, licking the air where I assumed he wanted me to put my cock.
I stroked myself for a moment longer, getting fully erect, my breath shallow. The anticipation building.
Then I moved toward the hole and pressed the tip of my cock against his tongue.
He licked it once, slow and warm, then wrapped his lips around the head, sucking the bit of precum that leaked out. The contact lit something up in my chest.
I pushed forward gradually, sliding more of myself into his mouth as he opened wider. His lips stretched, and I kept going until my hips were flush with the wall. My balls hung low and scraped against the rough edge of the hole. The sting made it more real.
He started fondling my balls with one hand, rolling them in his palm with care that didn’t match the setting. His other hand gripped my shaft and stroked in time with his mouth, coaxing more of me forward as more of my cock entered his mouth.
My ears were tuned to everything now. The soft shuffle of his knees on tile. The low suction sounds between us. A distant car driving past, the warble of birds somewhere outside along with the creak of something settling in the ceiling.
I’d made a mistake with Nate last time. I’d let myself go too far, too fast, let the moment carry me but I wasn’t doing that again.
I kept listening and made that my priority.
My cock got pulled into this man’s hot throat all the way, like he’d been wanting this as desperately as I had. It reached the part of his throat that tightened, his warm hands cupping my balls, stroking my shaft while he sucked it and I felt his nose at the base of my pubes.
He didn’t seem to mind the musk from my sweat, in fact he licked my balls even as the entire shaft was all the way inside his throat. I felt his saliva drip down my balls, only to be used as lather as he stroked and sucked, cupping, licking, stroking.
I got close very suddenly, but pulled it out. I could almost feel his confusion, but I had to taste him.
I dropped to my knees, stifling my hard-on to keep from blowing too soon.
When I got to my knees, feeling the cool, rough tiles under them, I felt that surge and excitement looking through and watching him stand up. Also in shorts, with hairy, muscular legs, he stood, pulling his shorts down to reveal that juicy cock.
He moved forward, slowly as though unsure. I put my hand through, to encourage him, to give him that same sense of excitement that I’d had seconds earlier.
Finally, he brought that cock through the hole, slowly and tentatively.
I listened out, and the sounds were the same, nobody was even close to this building as the cock, now glistening with precum came through.
I touched it. Hot. His balls warm and heavy in my hand. They hung low as I cupped them with both hands, then moved my hands up and began to stroke his shaft as my tongue licked the tip.
The taste of his precum was bitter, but also sweet. I didn’t realize I’d come to like that taste this much.
I opened my mouth, feeling his nervousness on my lips as it entered my mouth.
I sucked it slowly, enjoying the salty taste of his sweat as I let it slide into my throat until my nose was buried deep in his bush. Just the sound of my mouth sucking on his cock, the weight of him on my tongue. His hips stayed steady, and I worked him deeper each time, letting my lips drag up the shaft, then down again, lubed with my spit.
I felt his weight shift forward, thrusting through that hole as far as he could go. I could tell he was giving in to me, so I cupped his balls again, rolling them gently, tugging them down as I sucked harder, faster, feeling his breath change on the other side of the partition. He was close. I could feel it in the way it grew and throbbed in my mouth, the way his thighs tensed, the way his cock thickened just before he came.
There was no warning, just a sudden flood of his jizz filling my mouth. The taste on my tongue, as the first shot hit the back of my throat, thick and hot, and I swallowed around him, letting the rest fill my mouth until I had to pull back. I held the last of it on my tongue, tasting him, breathing heavy, still crouched on the tiles with my cock aching and untouched.
As soon as his cock pulled out, he dropped to level with me, mouth open, letting me know he wasn’t about to leave me dry.
I stood quickly and put my cock through, knowing this would not take long at all. I spit the last of his load on the ground and wiped my mouth as I felt his mouth on me again.
The minute my shaft entered his throat, I pulsed and knew it was going to go. I could feel it deep in my balls, in my stomach as he sucked, the jizz built very quickly.
It shot inside his mouth, deep into his throat, which he clenched and tightened, heightening the feeling even more.
I stifled a loud moan, even as it flooded his mouth. He lapped it up hungrily, finally getting what he wanted too.
And then his mouth was gone, and I pulled out, feeling not just spent, but exhaustion too.
I leaned back against the opposite wall as I adjusted my shorts, zipping up, flushed nothing in particular, and stepped out of the stall.
He was already gone. The bathroom went back to silently judging me as I washed my hands, walked out and excessively shook them.
The air outside was cooler, the world kept moving as I built up my pace and jogged home.
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