Training in the Time of Covid

The Buddha is right. Desire is the source of sorrow. But it is also a source of incredible bliss – if fulfilled. The problem is that our desires are so rarely fulfilled. This is hardly an insight we have all been waiting for. Just simple reality.

But those desires. We all have them. To have ice cream. For the Red Sox to win. For our friends to be healthy. For our bodies to be used sexually.

The last one, the last desire more difficult to fulfill when you re gay, a pig, married and on the down low, with no chance of being able to be out. And you know that being out would not be a festival of constant sexual activity. How the desire overwhelms, dominates…

Desire… sorrow… bliss… even those few minutes when you can ride a huge dildo in the cellar while the wife is upstairs on a Zoom call. This is the time of COVID. She is not going out to work. Those hours of freedom are gone. The challenge is to make the best of the 45 minutes to an hour and a half she is on Zoom. My hole calls. My desire to be opened does not go away.

So what? Doesn’t ever gay man on the DL have the same problems? Sure we do. Perhaps that is why we do, when we can, share some stories. These are stories that may help us get off, may help us relieved some frustration, maybe give some others some pleasure from reading about what we feel and do.

So here is a story. And stories are not all fictions, any more than all memoirs are all true.

The story… about a simple play area that I have established in my cellar for solo dildo play.

It is where I will be going later today, to feed my hole and feed my spirit. I have been tidying up down there today – folding the towels, arranging the dildoes, checking my supply of lube, getting my gas mask ready, thinking about  how it will feel to have the latex fist slip into my pussy while I am sucking the dildo cock, after I have sprayed my throat with some numbing spray, after I have lubed my hole and the fist, wanting it so much to be two real men ready to fill me mouth and cunt with cum… no cum today – and rushed, like an old-school hook-up in an alley way… fuck I love this. It is me.

I have to allow that I am very happy with how easily my hole opened to take my now basic dildo – 2.5 inches in diameter and 10 inches long (I have yet to take it all the way). It simply slides in now, caressing my cunt lips, kissing the insides of my pussy, sometimes making that incredible contact with my prostate. It can be almost too intense. And how much is added when I huff some poppers. How much hungrier I become to be filled. Damn it is so good.

Sometimes I start now with a medium-sized clenched fist dildo. Sometimes I work up to a kind of punch fucking. I want my hole to just become a supple, wet, hungry man pussy… ready when I have a real man, a pussy ready to be fucked and used, because it is. I want it to be a pussy able to take the pleasure another man wants to give it as he seeks his pleasure. My hole is not all about me. Would that a dildo could cum because it wants to seed me…

I think of this play in the cellar as training. Some men go to the gym. I go to the work area of my cellar, the place with the work bench and the storage for my tools and toys. It is in a special corner of the cellar. It is an area that the wife does not go into. And I keep it in enough disorder to suggest that… well… if you need something that might be there, well ask me and I will get it.

So to training.

First the Zoom or Skype, or Facetime call has to be well underway. I do not want to start too soon only to have to find out that the call had to be re-scheduled. It can be anytime. And I often do not have too much time to get ready. So sometimes things are not quite squeaky clean. But then…

The call is well underway. And I have to allow that I do not leave the basic douching until now. I have done some before, discretely. I want my hole ready. Sometimes I do a bit of spot cleaning.  It depends on time and timing.

I decide I am ready. I head down to the cellar. Go to my corner. I strip. I put on a cock ring. I get out the toys to be enjoyed, the lube, the poppers, my trusty gas mask for hands-free huffing if it seems like I have time to get really poppered up, and I want to ready. Next week I will try Boof from Fort Troff – CBD for your hole. They say that the feeling is great, maybe wonderful, relaxing, buy my hole opens readily, maybe the BOOF will help it take the really big clenched fist. I hope so. I want to ride that baby.

I attach the cock dildo I will be sucking. I get a few sweet sucks in before I spray my throat with some numbing fluid (my training has a goal of being to take the dildo down to the base, like I want to be able to do with a real cock0. I lube my hole. I then start to stroke my cock. I stroke the cock dildo. I squat down to suck.

I love how it feels so good, how much it inflames to want cock, cock, cock. I love the feeling of the cock head and dream about having a cock right there pulsing, giving my cum. I rejoice in the advancing ability to take it deeper. One day. Balls to lips. One day. Balls to lips and cum, maybe piss.

Squatting, I feel my hole relaxing. It wants cock, a fist. I touch it to feel it, the lips, to be sure it is ready.

And while doing this, I move my hole above the dildo I have chosen to start with. Maybe it is the small fist. Maybe it is the 12 inches by 2.5 inches. I have two really big dildoes standing by.

So today it is the small fist… well not so small. It is clenched and I will feel the stretch. I want to feel it. I have to feel it. I have pre-lubed it and my ass. It is tightly held upright in my handy Stanley foldable work bench. I wonder if the people at Stanley had had this use in mind when they designed how it works. I hope they did, some horny guy, perhaps, but knowing it would be a use not to be described in the sales materials.

While keeping the cock dildo in my mouth, I squat down to feel the knuckles on my ass. I run my ass over them. I pause over my hole. I push back just a little. I feel them caress my hole, my hungry ass lips. At this point, I used to have take a huff of poppers to ready my hole. No more. Poppers can and will wait. Today, I squat more. The fist dildo opens me more. I stop to enjoy the early stages of the invasion. I lower down more. Exquisite. My hole opens more. I stop. I start. I lower down more. All the while me mouth is on the dildo. I stop. Now for a huff of poppers. One nostril. Deep hold. Feel it work. Feel my hole open and as I push down, feeling the fist dildo, its lifelike design, the knuckles, the wide part of the hand, clenched, feel my hole simply open to welcome what it wants in it, a fist. Exquisite. I rest. Then I rise up and feel the dildo slide out. Damn it wants to be back in. My pussy wants it back in. My pussy makes my decisions right now. I huff again. Hold. Lower. It is in. My mouth is back on the dildo. Mouth and ass filled – if only it could be two men…

Today. Another intense session. Maybe ten minutes. I ought to have put on the mask and finished my cunt on a big dildo. But I was not sure of the time. Maybe my three big dildos – ones that will take me past 4 inches in diameter… one – a new one – close to 5 inches.

The mask, the flood of poppers, the racing heart rate, desire pounding in my ears. The mask, deep, continuous breathing until my whole body is one pulsing cunt – perfect. Sometimes making me punch fuck my hole. Sometimes making me simply take the big clenched dildo and let it fill me, fully. The mask is a taste of heaven, the heaven of one aspect of gay sex. I would love to have it on, a fist deep in me. I have had that in real time. Then take it off. Take a cock in my mouth. Perhaps that cock cums in my hungry mouth. Perhaps it floods my mouth with the piss I so crave now.

But all there is now right now is training. Well the call is ending. So the writing has to end.

Perhaps it will be time to share some true experiences from the pre-Covid-19 days.