The reincarnation of a woman as a bottom

I remember being perhaps eight years old the first time I can remember having a sexual thought.  I was in the bathtub looking toward my toes as I lay in the water.  I remember thinking how unusual it was to have a penis within my view.  I felt like it didn’t belong there.  While I didn’t understand it then, I started to get an erection as I contemplated my gender.

I didn’t understand the images that came to mind as my penis grew hard.  I had memories of someone being with me in the bathtub and the guy was rubbing his body against mine.  I still remember seeing he had an erection and was trying to enter me.  It was years before I would learn of reincarnation and experiencing past lives as a woman could have on my sexual appetites in future lives.  I didn’t yet know what sex was, so I must have been tuning into my past lives as a woman while still having the same sexual urges in a male body.

As the years before puberty went by, I would revisit these thoughts when I took a bath.  I do not know why they only seem to occur there.  At puberty, I started taking showers, and my process was to get in and out quickly, so no fantasies followed me there.  In junior high showers was the first time I saw naked guys.  I had already identified as heterosexual (mostly in self-defense) and did not allow myself to react with lust to seeing all those penises.  And then I met Ed.

As drunk as I was that first night, I still remember Ed seducing me and showing me the wonders of homosexuality.  Then he wrapped my left hand around his incredibly hard cock.  Up until he did that, my first gay sexual encounter was surprisingly boring.  It wasn’t that he did anything wrong orally or manually.  I later discovered it was because I was not nearly as interested in cumming as I was in making him cum.  Unfortunately, I was too drunk and passed out before going further.

Oddly enough, I didn’t think I liked being with guys after Ed seduced me.  I hadn’t cum and it wasn’t that exciting…having drunkenly forgotten the brief moment when I held his rigid cock.  I went back to Ed’s apartment a couple of days later hoping that we could forget the whole thing ever happened.  Ed was older than me and loved to discuss metaphysics.  I learned a lot of Buddhist philosophy from him and truly enjoyed those conversations.

His apartment door was open and I was about to knock on the screen door when I saw him lying on his couch masturbating.  He looked up and panicked a little when he saw me.  He initially thought I had other people with me.  When he saw that I was alone, he quickly calmed down and invited me to come in.  He reclined on the couch and I watched his dick, which had gone soft in his panic, start throbbing to a full erection again as he lay back down.  The gay switch clicked on inside my head and there was little doubt about what I wanted to do to him.

While I don’t remember specifically, I’m pretty sure I was rock hard and Ed could see my erection through my pants as I stood inside his door.  He smiled and settled deeper into the couch knowing what was about to happen if he just patiently waited.  I walked over and knelt down on the floor next to him.  His pants were down around his ankles and his uncut cock glistened with precum.  I looked at Ed and he just nodded toward his throbbing penis as if assuring me he was okay with it.

I reached my right hand out and wrapped it around his manhood.  I started to slowly stroke him and soon reached out with my left hand to cup his balls.  He moaned and told me how good that felt.  I then bent over and hesitated just a second before opening my mouth and getting my first taste of his cock.  Doing that was an instinct so familiar that I felt like I had been giving blow jobs all my life.  Even with lifetimes in between, somethings you never forget.

Ed was not big, so it was no problem to deep throat him as I moved my right hand in synch with my head bobbing on his cock.  I took him into my throat deeper and deeper until I could feel the head of his uncut penis rubbing on the back of my throat.  He lasted about 30 seconds until his groans turned guttural, his hips began to shudder and he put his hands on top of my head pushing down on me for all he was worth.  He screamed something in Spanish when he came and rewarded me with an amazing gusher of semen and sperm.  I slowed my pace a bit to swallow his manly essence and even managed to consume most of his salty, sweet ejaculate.  I used my lips and tongue to clean what I had missed off of his pelvis and balls.

I let go of his manhood and pulled back to look at him.  Ed was uncircumcised and his pubic hair was closely trimmed.  I must have psychologically imprinted on my “first time” because that is the male look that I’ve been attracted to ever since.  Ed was still semi-hard and his cock glistened from the mixture of his cum and my saliva all over his shaft.  And then he started to talk to me.

“I’ve wanted to get together with you for a long time now.  I just knew you would like this.  You were great!  I could tell this is exactly what you wanted.  There’s nothing wrong with having all kinds of sex no matter who we do it with.  Any guy can have sex with a girl, another guy or even a vibrator and still get his rocks off.  If you don’t get hung up on thinking of yourself as a fag, this is just the beginning.”

What Ed was saying actually made sense to me.  It took some of the sting out of feeling ashamed.  Being a “faggot” was probably the worst thing that adolescents called each other when they’re angry.  But I sure didn’t feel like sucking Ed off had been the “worst thing.”  Honestly, once I got past the guilt, I was exhilarated.  I had really wanted to get him off.  Without shame, I felt proud, needed, and even before that encounter was over…I felt sexy in a very effeminate way.

After we talked for several minutes, Ed sat up and took me into his bedroom.  He started to undress me as he told me it was my turn.  When I was finally naked standing at the foot of his bed, he pushed me back until I willingly collapsed onto it.  Ed took all his own clothes off and I could see he was already hard again.  I had yet to lose my erection and I assumed Ed was about to give me a blowjob.  Instead, he pulled a box out from under his bed.  It contained sex lube, massage vibrators, dildos and gay porn.  He handed me one of the magazines and told me to look at the pictures.

I had seen Playboys, but I had never seen gay porn.  Seeing well-hung guys with hard-ons having sex with each other was a new experience for me and I was fascinated.  I was most surprised by the pictures of anal sex.  I had always thought of being “butt fucked” as the ultimate insult.  The guys in the pictures did not look insulted.  They looked like there was nothing better in the world than what they were sharing.  In just a few pictures, I understood why Ed was lubing up a dildo and inserting it into himself.  I was about to lose my virginity to him.

The magazine taught me that guys could have anal sex in several positions.  Ed climbed onto the bed and straddled my hips with his legs.  He lifted himself higher and grabbed my pulsing erection to guide it home.  I was surprised when his sphincter gave way and I watched my cock slowly enter him.  He started to move up and down on me, slowly at first, and then his speed increased.  I had never felt anything like it.  I had often masturbated before, but even with lube, it didn’t feel like this.  I was mesmerized watching Ed’s hard cock slowly bouncing up and down on my stomach.  I started to gasp out loud in synch with Ed’s sexy encouragement that matched the pace of his movements. It didn’t take long before I felt a familiar lustful stirring in my loins.

I was both in shock and in ecstasy over what was happening.  I had gone from a naïve young adult to full on gay in less than 30 minutes.  As my orgasm began to build, I really didn’t care.  Ed started yelling, “Let me have it you stud!  I can tell how much you love this!”  And I really let go.  I filled him with so much semen that I could feel it dripping down my balls and crotch.  I was too turned on to feel ashamed.  In fact, I was already wondering when we could do it again.  I also knew that I would never look at a hard cock the same way again.

I kind of laughed at myself thinking about the “birds and the bees” talk I received years before at home.  My parents hadn’t covered the subject of anal sex, let alone with another guy.  I actually felt a little pride that I had stepped out on my own to do something I knew they would hate.  This was, in fact, a step toward becoming my own person…even becoming an adult.

And so my gay lifestyle persisted (actually improved) with Ed and his friends over the next six months.  At that point in my life, I hadn’t done more with a girl than second base.  I liked girls well enough, but it was difficult to find the ones who were willing to make me cum.  Ed was always bringing new guys over that were ready to experiment.  With each new willing cock, I grew bolder, and perhaps gayer.

Ed sensed correctly that I preferred an audience when I sucked a guy off.  I realized that was because I liked guys lusting after me.  I liked opening their eyes to the pleasures of gay sex, just as Ed had done for me.  Occasionally, they even wanted me to fuck them, which I gladly did.  I really enjoyed everything that made my sexual partners cum.  The only exception was I wouldn’t do anal sex where I was the catcher or bottom.  It hurt too much, even with someone as small as Ed.  And so my ass remained a virgin despite my chosen homosexual lifestyle.

Then that changed too.  I had just put on a show in Ed’s living room and had left my sexual conquest (another young guy) naked and thoroughly spent sprawled across in a chair in the center of the room.  He had cum in my hair (which was long at that point) and I wanted to shower before rejoining the party.

In the bathroom, I found I had to take a number 2, and did so while the shower water heated up.  Then I was adjusting the cold water when the bathroom door opened and a guy from the party entered.  I thought he just needed to use the bathroom and I initially ignored him.  It wasn’t a minute later that the shower door opened and the guy entered completely naked with an erection as hard as glass.  I was shocked but I was willing to blow him. I started to drop to my knees.  He grabbed me by the armpits and raised me up to a standing position as he turned me around.  I started to panic as I realized what he wanted.

He pushed my hands against the wall just above the hot and cold handles.  He then positioned his feet inside of mine and pushed my legs apart as far as the shower walls would let him.  As scared as I was, I couldn’t help being sexually excited.  This man wanted to fuck me.  I knew I was the one who had made him so hard.  He chose me and I guess I felt honored to be that desired.

He grabbed the soap and lubed my ass up quickly.  Then I felt the end of his cock pushing against my anus.  Since I had just gone #2, I was amazed at the success (e.g. not much pain) that he had getting his cock to go inside me.  As long as it didn’t hurt, I was very much his willing partner.  As he inched his way into me, I kept saying to myself, “I’m being fucked like a girl.”  I couldn’t believe how turned on I was over feeling his manhood inside me.  I didn’t have a vagina, but I was his woman in every sense of the word right then.

He finally got balls deep inside me and started thrusting his cock in and out.  I felt his balls slapping against my crotch as he maintained a steel grip on my hips with his hands.  In my mind, I experienced the entire event as a girl.  I’m sure I had an erection, but I wasn’t thinking about it at all.  I was feeling how much this guy wanted to fuck me.  There was a pornographic lust between us as he made me his bitch.  I was basking in the glow of my newfound femininity.  Nothing about me felt like a guy.  I could only think of his cock sliding in and out of me, making me submit to his manhood.  I loved every second of his desperate grunts of ecstasy as he kept pushing himself into me.  My awkward position kept me from moving for fear I’d slip, but he was a powerful guy and kept thrusting as he held me up.

I knew all the derogatory homosexual terms by then, but I was just discovering which ones really applied to me.  I was a sissy.  I was a pillow biter.  I was a guy who wanted nothing more than to let other guys fuck me and fill me with their seed.  I would let them cum first and then finish myself off afterward having already experienced the height of what I really wanted.

As the man withdrew and rinsed himself off in the shower, I sat down and watched his cum create a slow moving path from my ass to the drain.  He left and I just sat there letting the water pour over me.  Instead of jerking off, I inserted my finger inside my ass and found my prostate.  I came bucket loads in seconds as I relived in my mind what had just occurred.  I was a bottom and my sex life had just begun.  I had apparently been a woman in my past lives, but I was glad that I could be both this time around.