I lay back in my box. Caked to the high heavens in shit. It stunk the Shit Shack out to something rotten.
The birthday boy had left. An hour ago. I tried to piece together everything. But the pieces wouldn’t fit. My thoughts dived. Deep in the trenches.
What person could tell you they once had to smother SHIT on every single inch of their body! It was immeasurable. A terrible notion of a twisted reality of life as a human toilet.
Yet, after some time of contemplating it all, the door swung open to the Shit Shack. My manager was there. I could hear the keys of my incarceration jangle about on his belt.
As he walked over to my box, I could see he had some rope wound round his hand. Cowboy style. Gazing down at me, his eyes nearly burst from their sockets.
"WHAT IN THE NAME?"
He tightened the rope around his knuckles.
"Seems my son had a very good time with you.”
He ordered me out of the box. Standing upright, I presented the full scale of my new look to him.
“Oh, sweet Jesus! You look wonderful. It’s like finger painting all over again. When you were back in pre-school.” He said, snickering.
I looked in his eyes and felt completely defeated. Humiliated beyond words.
He coughed, the smell was overpowering. “Only this time with shit!”
“I think I need a hosing down.” I said, in dishevelment.
“You had your weekly hosing yesterday. You have 5 more days until the ministry allows it again. I can’t go against the rules.”
Failure. Failure. Failure. If I was getting closer to breaking down, it was now.
I heard laughter outside. Shit! Who are they? Men, women. I heard a dog bark. It was raucous.
“You have coated yourself excellently in shit. From head to toe. But it is still sloppy.”
He took a minute to take it all in. Thinking of his plan of action. Suddenly his eyes widened, and it appeared an idea had sprung to his mind.
“We normally wouldn’t let you out of this Shit Shack. But this is different! I can’t have customers shitting in your mouth like this. Especially with your new hairstyle! It certainly is a funky brown alright! I don’t want bad press again. I’ve already got to send another of our Shackers away on a new work detail. So I can’t lose another because of an inability to work.”
I hung my head. What was he planning? An anxiousness permeated through me. I felt butterflies in my stomach, a horde of them.
“I think you need to dry out in the sunshine. It’s a warm one. That way, the shit will dry properly and flake. It will crack and fall off in the baking heat.”
My heart beat gained momentum. I felt tingly. All over my skin. I could feel the cracking of shit on my face. And also the sticky shit which hadn’t set. Oh hell!
“Stand tall now whilst I don my gloves. I don’t want your shit on my hands. Or my son’s for that matter!”
After putting them on, he made a noose around my neck. It wasn’t too tight. I could still breathe okay. He’d prepared it so it was loose enough to dangle an inch away from my skin. Taking the end of the rope, he pulled it taut from behind. He signalled for me to walk forward to the entrance of the Shit Shack.
I could hear the people outside. It didn’t sound like customers. More of a rabble of bypassers. Locals in the community.
I felt a frog in my throat. Scratching on me. It thrust me into anxious overdrive. Trepidation of exposure to what was to come. Oh fuck!
“Now listen up. I am going to lead you outside and tie the end of this rope to a tree. Just on the other side of the Shacks. There is a little pasture with benches and a pond. It’s in direct sunlight, so I think a good number of hours will benefit you.”
I gulped. Heavily. It was now a bullfrog in my throat. It was getting bigger. Like it had consumed so many bugs that it wouldn’t stop growing. Its tongue snapping out of its mouth in bursts, like I was dinner, teasing me into a fraught oblivion.
He opened the shack door. The sun beamed its orange glow onto my shit strewn face. I had my hands by my side, as I walked out in shame, completely naked with my entire body, face and hair matted in shit.
He held the rope tightly. There was about 2 meters between us both. He tugged on it, jolting my neck to keep my face firmly upright, and forward. I could feel the tension it created. Like I was being led as a dog on a leash.
Then it got worse! As he marched me over to the pasture, I heard voices. Suddenly people! They turned and gasped in shock.
“Golly gosh.” One woman said, turning to her husband. “It’s one of them.”
The husband, with grey hair and weathered facial features, mouth fell open. Aghast.
“Deary me, my love. I have seen nothing like it! It looks to be covered in shit.”
A horde of other people had seen me too, and began rushing over to marvel at the spectacle.
“Keep walking. Nice and slow. Hands by your sides. Let the nice people see your shame.”
He had exposed me. Not only my naked flesh, but my naked flesh covered in stinking brown shit. It was a double-whammy of humiliation! It couldn’t get any worse.
“Grandma. Grandma, don’t look. It will burn your eyes.” said her worried grandson.
“He jus’ one o’ them toilets. He is a bad man. They stuck him up in there to teach him a lesson.”
She refuted his statement. A strong, moral woman of the collective, who had seen everything in her life, was not one bit perturbed.
Her grandson was in shock at what he saw. Sure, he had used the Shit Shacks twice, but he had never seen one of them marched outside.
“He’s got shit all over himself, Grandma.”
“They always got shit all over themselves. They eat it too and they love it.”
A rabble of curious onlookers tailed behind. And as my manager lead me, the grandma picked up the pace.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwackthwack!
She was raining down on my ass. Striking her walking stick from the side. Hitting me as hard as she could.
“Ahh–! Argh–! Please!”
She carried on. Vehemently. Rasping into my shitty ass.
“Arghhh– stop! Ahh! Argh! Ahh!”
I was being whacked with a walking stick. By a grandma. Completely naked, covered from head to toe in shit. You could not make it up. In a million years.
“HUMAN TOILET SCUM!” shouted another hoarse voice.
The crowd was getting larger. My manager, with his stiff upper lip, gave no pity. He had set out to make me pay for my wrong doings. Which ones, though, I didn’t know. In his eyes, it was all to suffer.
I didn’t ask his son to do what he had demanded. Ordering me to cover my entire body in shit. And now the flies were buzzing around me.
“YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO SOCIETY.”
Came another loud voice. But it wasn’t just anger in the hearts of the upstanding people. Laughter too. A bunch of workers from the steel factories had heard the commotion and were covering their mouths in comic-shock!
Suddenly, I felt a showering of liquid on my back. A young man of about 20 had thrown the contents of his beer at me. He then, without warning, threw the half-empty can at my head. It hit me hard, and I nearly fell over.
He was drunk and slurring his words. He said, “I’m goin'g fucks you up. I’d bea’ts shit out’ta you fir’st but looks like you cover’ed yourself with shit already.”
Oh my fucking God! I felt humiliated beyond sense.
As we approached the tree, there must have been up to 20 people all circled around me! A dog was barking relentlessly. I couldn’t process anything.
My manager then faced me toward the crowd. Gripping tightly the rope.
“Look forward and smile! Let the people see your shitty face.”
He then began a speech. And it all went quiet. Still, laughter and banter emitted from some of them, but the voices died down. In the distance, I could see more and more folks hurry themselves to see what the commotion was all about.
“This ‘Human toilet’ stationed in our towns, Shit Shacks, was today made to cover himself in shit.
A burst of amusement erupted around me! Uproars of the stuff. It was the purest cringe. They hooted, they wolf whistled; they howled.
“Hey baby. Let me come and see you in the Shit Shacks tonight. We can have spaghetti and meatballs together. You can then slurp my warm shit down your throat for dessert.” One pudgy, acne infected young man said.
“Oh my God. Fucking hell. What have they done to it.” came the wide-eyed response from a jock college student.
Some bros had joined up in front of me to see the party too. With one saying to his friend, in earshot,
“Have you seen that tramp?”
“Yea man, it a shit freak.”
Both of them snorted, laughter rippling through them. It was a moment to remember. I was sure of it.
“It’s absolutely gross.”
“I know, bruh.”
Then came more of the speech. “I want to say thank you to my son. It’s his 18th birthday today. He is the reason this human toilet is up here.”
"Awww. How sweet.” One large woman said, who was riding on a mobility scooter with an ice cream in her hand.
“Yes. I am very proud of him. If it wasn’t for the youth of this country creating the backbone of our futures in the collective, I wouldn’t know what to do. He is a testament to our nation. He upholds the moral anchor one would expect.”
“Not like that shit guzzler next to you.” shouted a man right in front of me. I had opened my eyes as the shit was stinging my eyelids. The humiliation was unbearable!
“I will tie him to this tree until sundown. I would like everybody to watch for as long as you feel comfortable.”
“We feel comfortable all right. We know what they are. Human toilets who eat shit.” A cocky guy screamed.
Howls of glee roared. I could see one guy crying. But he wasn’t crying tears of sadness, he was crying tears of hilarity. He couldn’t catch his breath.
“Look at you. So pretty and shitty! Wanna eat mine later?” Somebody yelled from the crowd, but I couldn’t see them. It was all a blur.
“Look, look, look! It’s on his dick too. Ha ha ha.”
My heart sank. The frog had almost stopped me from breathing through angst and shame. I thought I might keel over and faint.
My manager then tied the end of the rope around a tree branch and pulled it taut so I couldn’t move my face away.
“You will now let the people do as they please. Maybe they will throw rotten fruit or vegetables at you. Maybe they will punch and kick you. Frankly, I don’t care.”
He then waved at them with a big smile. It appeared almost 50 people were now amassed in front of me. To them, it was absolutely hilarious. Utterly so.
I couldn’t believe it. I was a human toilet. I ate shit. In a wooden hut. Alongside 9 other shit houses, called Shit Shacks.
I had just covered myself with my shit and my manager’s son’s shit. And to top it all off, he had marched me to a tree, tied up, in front of gawking members of the local community. Teasing me, trashing me, howling at me in tandem, as the laughingstock I had become.
"Oh my God, it’s the one and only, Poop Sandwich! Ha ha ha.”
And now, stood at the front of the rabble of horrible people, was the birthday boy who had just done it.
All around me, giggles, snickers and smiles of happiness on the faces of the audience painted my view.
As I stood there, tied to a tree, waiting for my shit stained body to dry in the sun.
“Ewww. It’s all in its hair.” One girl shouted.
“Looks like he enjoys shampooing his hair with fresh shit.” came another voice.
I was a stationary, frozen, ‘POOPSICLE.’ The giant pig had eaten me up, regurgitated me back out, and then put me out to melt.
For every gawking person to witness. It was the most humiliating day of my life. And with 6 or 7 hours till sundown - it was going to get a lot worse.
Meanwhile, a plan was being hatched.
“Hey man, I got an idea.” said a tall guy in farmer's clothing. “You brought that dog shit with you to take to the compost heap?”
His friend smiled wickedly. “I got a whole barrel of it in my truck.”
“Then go get it so we can pelt this guy with it.”
“Right.”
The crowd grew and grew. People were snapping pictures of me to their hearts galore. They even did selfies. I’m not fucking joking.
“Say Shittt.” said a young, sassy girl as she pouted her lips next to me, clicking away with her phone, taking multiple clips as she went.
I kept looking up at the sun as it frazzled my body. It didn’t appear to be drying up at all. In fact, if anything, I think it was freshening up. It felt stickier and stickier. And the smell was atrocious. It was an eternal nightmare.
A guy came close to me, comically wafting his nose with his fingers.
"Ahhh man, you fuckin STINK.”
His other friend piped up,
“Yea, of course he does. He stinks of shit! Ha ha ha.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could suddenly see a group of young men headed toward me. They had a big container. It was blue. With a lid on it.
They set it down about 3 metres away from me. One of the bigger guys pulled a big scooper out and after removing the lid, they all seemed to be very excited.
"You eat shit.”
“You cover yourself with shit.”
"How’d you feel about dog shit?"
Oh fuck! What the hell. Humans at their worst really had ingenious ways to make you suffer.
But, oh, hang-on, let’s wait a minute now. Who is this talking? The very man who took utmost pleasure in shitting directly into his ex-shags asshole. The very man who took a shit in his mouth and laughed as he swallowed it. The very man who had little to no care for his welfare when he said he was worried that if he didn’t eat the shit left on his face that I had deposited on him, his manager would be furious. Yes, that’s right, the only man that did all that was me.
And now. I was getting the biggest dose of comeuppances that a guy could get. I had been well and truly screwed over. I had fucked myself in the ass. And now, all I had become was a sad sack of self pity.
They began hurtling the dog shit at me. There must have been gallons and gallons of the stuff in the drum.
It had, of course, alerted the attention of more people who swarmed to the spectacle. They took turns. Splattering my shit coated body.
More and more and more. It hit my face. They were going for the bullseye. I thought I would pass out. And the stench, was like, well, DOG SHIT!
“Open your mouth shit-breath.” One guy said.
“Here, let me try to flick some dog shit inside of it, buddy.”
“Ha ha ha. Yeah let’s do it.”
The attack lasted some 20 minutes. Until all the drum was empty. Dog shit all over me. It was literally splattered everywhere.
It was the most humiliating day of my entire life. And in a space of time not long after, they would throw me smack-bang, right back into the Shit Shacks. Wolfing down shit from men’s assholes as a human toilet. In pleasure of the State's Collective.
Just great.
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