This is Chapter 1 of a 5 Chapter smutty romance. This one is the set up. The next one starts the really good stuff...
This story is entirely true, except for the parts I made up, which is all of it.
"It's the end of an era," said my friend, Kate. It's one of those phrases that's often overused and almost always hyperbolic. It was certainly hyperbole in this case.
My roommate was moving out. That was the "era" that was ending. We weren't ending on bad terms or anything, far from it. He just wants to live on his own for the first time in his life, something I enthusiastically supported when he brought it up.
Carter and I had lived together for six years. Other than the occasional spat about cleaning and the epic two-month cold shoulder he gave me for talking badly about his insane girlfriend (only for him to apologize when they broke up because she was, in fact, insane), we were best friends. We did almost everything together. Bars, parties, gaming, chilling, you name it, he was my right-hand man, and I was his.
"Don't be so dramatic. It's not like we won't hang out every weekend." I had been telling myself this for weeks now. After the excitement I had for Carter when he first told me about his plans wore off, I started to get pretty sad about the prospect of him moving out. And now, the last party was here. And I was going to miss my best friend.
There were really only three major differences between us. First was our looks. Carter was tall, standing at around 6'5", but also quite skinny with slight but noticeable muscles. A typical swimmer's body, which made sense since he swam in college. Second, he was referred to as a golden retriever by almost everyone we met. Just a happy, somewhat clueless, absolutely harmless gem of a guy. Third, he was straight and had a ton of success with girls during the six years we lived together.
I, on the other hand, was a short, skinny guy that many would refer to as a nerd. My personality was somewhat prickly if you didn't know me, but once we were friends, you'd find those thorns were just a defense mechanism to protect me from assholes. Because I've met a lot of them as a gay man.
So yes, side-by-side, we were an unlikely pair, but once we interacted for more than a minute, you saw the chemistry. We just got each other, and I was as sad as I was excited to see him move into a new place.
We were having one final party, which he dubbed a "going away" party, even though he was moving less than 2 miles away. We had both invited our friends over for a fun night of drinking, games, and maybe an ending at the bars nearby. As soon as the beer started flowing, the joke started. The one joke that Carter and I got ALL the time, based on the rumored hook-up.
"How long before Carter and John sneak away for a quicky in the bathroom?" It wasn't even very funny, but my friends weren't the most sophisticated when it came to jokes.
Four years ago, during one of our particularly packed Halloween parties, Carter and I used our one bathroom at the same time to help move the bathroom line along. He used the toilet while I used the tub, because I'm a classy bitch. We may have forgotten the line of people immediately as Carter started telling me a story about something he read that morning, and what should have been a minute-long bio break turned into a five-minute gab fest.
Well, that's all it took for everyone to say we hooked up in the bathroom, because all gay men want to take advantage of their straight roommate, right? Sure, I wouldn't have MINDED that, but that wasn't the point.
It was a cliche, really. A nerdy, standoffish twink with an unrequited crush on his straight best friend. I often felt like one of those poorly written characters in the MM novels I love. But in those novels, the RUMOR of the sex actually ends up happening. But alas, Carter and I still haven't so much as kissed, let alone boned.
But that was ok. Because at least I had him in my life. That sweet, goofy, handsome face that I was seriously going to miss seeing every day.
"I should talk to more people," I thought, watching Carter laugh at something their mutual friend Derek had said. But my eyes kept drifting back to that laugh, the way Carter's whole face lit up when he was genuinely amused. The beer in my hand had grown warm while I’d been standing there, lost in thought.
"Earth to John." Kate waved a hand in front of my face. "You're doing that thing again."
"What thing?"
"The staring thing. The pining thing. The 'I'm totally not in love with my straight roommate' thing."
I took a long sip of my warm beer and grimaced. "I'm not pining. I'm just... observing. Scanning the crowd. Some other excuse that I can’t think of because I’m a little tipsy."
"Uh-huh." Kate shook her head slightly, a slight look of sympathy in her eyes, something I didn’t appreciate. I don’t need nor want pity. "You know what you need? A distraction.”
“Yea, like what?”
“Or WHO.” Kate said, wiggling her eyebrows.
Before I could ask what she meant, Kate was already scanning the room with predatory precision. I followed her gaze and spotted a guy I didn't recognize standing near the kitchen counter, dark hair and an easy smile as he talked to Derek's girlfriend.
"Kate, no."
"Kate, yes. He's cute, he's been checking you out for the past twenty minutes, and he's definitely not straight." She grabbed my arm. "Come on, I'll introduce you."
I planted my feet. "How do you even know who that is?"
"Derek's friend from work. Mark, I think? Or Matt? Something with an M." Kate tugged harder. "Does it matter? He's hot and available."
The rational part of my brain knew Kate was right. This was exactly what I needed - a distraction, maybe even something more. But my feet felt glued to the floor, and I couldn't.
“I know you think I’m stupid. And guess what, I know I’m stupid. But…” I trailed off.
“You’re just going to waste that hot bubble butt? Waiting for a straight guy to finally notice you?” Kate asked, rolling her eyes.
I just shrugged. I didn’t have a leg to stand on, because that’s exactly what was happening.
“Fine. I tried.” She turned quickly and walked to her boyfriend, Ryan, with a shake of her head. He frowned. They’ve both tried to get me to move on for years.
But I was in way too deep now. I knew in the end, Carter would marry some hot woman, have kids, and I would fade away in his life. And it would hurt like hell. But my heart was in this hard. I couldn’t help it.
I watched as the party swirled around me, a familiar ache settling in my chest. The apartment — their apartment — looked different tonight. Maybe it was the knowledge that soon it wouldn't be "theirs" anymore, just mine. The walls seemed to be paying attention, memorizing Carter's presence before he left.
I grabbed another beer from the cooler, the cold condensation a welcome distraction against my fingertips. As I popped the cap, I caught Carter's eye across the room. Carter grinned and gave me that stupid little salute he always did, one finger rubbing his nose like they do in the movie The Sting. I returned it automatically, the gesture as natural as breathing after six years.
Just as I was about to turn to take a break in my room, Carter was by my side.
"Hey, buddy, you okay?" Carter asked, leaning in close enough that I could smell the beer on his breath and that stupidly expensive cologne he always wore. "You've got that thousand-yard stare going on."
"I'm fine," I said, forcing a smile. "Just taking in the chaos of our last hurrah."
Carter slung his long arm around my shoulders, pulling him into a side hug that made my heart do the familiar little stutter it always did when they touched.
"Last hurrah? Come on, man. This is just the beginning of a new chapter. You're still stuck with me, just with more breathing room." Carter squeezed me tighter, his palm warm against my shoulder. "Besides, now you can bring guys home without me cramping your style."
I snorted. "Right. Because that's been the issue all these years."
Carter chuckled. “Remember…” he started, but I immediately cut him off.
“Yes, Carter. I remember the time you walked in on me and a Grindr hookup having sex in the shower.”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” he said, making a face that told me that’s exactly what he was going to say. They stared at each other with fondness for a few beats before Carter continued. “You gonna go out to the bars?”
Carter already knew the answer. I never went to the bars. House parties were my limit to the amount of people I can be around at one time. “I’m gonna pass. You should have fun though.”
Carter looked a little upset but recovered quickly. “I usually do.” He ruffled my hair, because of course, I’m just like a little pet to him, and wandered off to another group of people.
I finally made my retreat to my room to breathe. That was too much people-ing for me at once. I needed a bit of a break. I sat down on the couch in my room… because as I mentioned I’m a classy bitch… and started doom strolling all the social apps.
I didn’t realize how long I was there until I got a text from Kate.
We’re heading to the bars. Can’t find you. Call me tomorrow. Love you. Go get laid. By a gay man.
I heard the familiar herding of cattle outside my door, Carter ushering people out to the bars. I was tempted to peek my head out to say goodbye to everyone, but I decided an Irish exit fit my style better.
When the sound died down, I knew it was time for me to get to work. I opened my door and found an empty, and completely filthy apartment. I got the mop and the rest of the cleaning supplies and started to disinfect the place as best I could.
“Heathens,” I said out loud as I pour my 11th almost full beer down the drain. “I guess when you offer free beer, you don’t care if you misplace it and just open another.”
An hour later, the place was looking a little better, but not by much. I wasn’t in the mood to keep cleaning and headed to take a shower. As I was rounding the corner to my room, the front door opened, and Carter made his way back into the apartment.
“Oh fuck!” he screamed. “Jesus Christ, you scared me.”
“Boo, I guess?”
He just smiled. “Were you cleaning?”
“No…” I lied. “What are you doing back so early?”
“I told you we’d BOTH clean tomorrow.” He was still smiling, and seemed remarkably sober.
“Yea yea. We both knew that wasn’t going to happen. I ask again, what are you doing back so early?”
Carter flopped onto the couch, his long limbs sprawling across the cushions. "Wasn't feeling it. Everyone was getting too sloppy, and I didn't want to babysit tonight." He patted the space next to him. "Plus, I'd rather hang with my roomie while he’s still my roomie as much as I can."
I hesitated, then sat down, leaving a careful few inches between them. The proximity made my heart do that stupid flutter thing again. "That's... surprisingly sentimental of you."
"I can be sentimental." Carter put a hand over his heart, feigning offense. "I'm a complex individual with layers. Like an onion. Or a parfait."
"Did you just quote Shrek at me?"
"Maybe." Carter grinned, then his expression softened. "Seriously though, it’s going to be so fucking weird not seeing you every day.”
“I know. I keep thinking about that. Like, the first night you’re not here, I won’t be able to sleep, I know it.”
Carter's eyes were soft in the dim living room light, crinkled at the corners the way they always did when he was being sincere. "Yeah, me too. I'll probably end up calling you at 2 AM because I heard a weird noise."
"And I'll answer, because I'll be wide awake anyway," I admitted.
We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the kind that only comes after years of friendship. The party's aftermath surrounded them — a few stray cups, the lingering smell of beer and pizza, the faint echo of laughter still hanging in the air.
"Hey," Carter said suddenly, turning to face me more directly. "Do you think now that I’m moving out, the rumor joke will stop?”
I chuckled. "I don't know. Probably not. People like that joke way too much. Even though it’s not even funny."
"It's so stupid," Carter said, running a hand through his hair. "Like, we're just friends. Good friends. Best friends. But apparently guys can't just be close without everyone making it weird."
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, even though I'd heard variations of this speech before. Just friends. Best friends. Nothing more. I forced myself to nod, to keep my expression neutral, even though something inside me was crumbling.
"Yeah, it's ridiculous," I managed, my voice coming out steadier than I felt. "People see what they want to see."
Carter stretched, his shirt riding up slightly to reveal a strip of tanned skin. I immediately looked away.
"Besides," Carter continued, oblivious to my internal turmoil, "you'd tell me if you were into me, right? I mean, we tell each other everything."
The question hung in the air like a loaded gun. My mouth went dry, and I could feel my pulse hammering in my throat. Carter was looking at me with those earnest brown eyes, waiting for an answer that I couldn't possibly give.
"Of course," I heard himself say, the lie sliding out so smoothly it surprised me. "You know I don't have a filter."
"Exactly." Carter seemed satisfied with this response. "That's what I always tell people when they make those stupid jokes. Like, John would definitely have made a move by now if he was interested. The guy can't keep his mouth shut about anything."
I managed what I hoped was a laugh. "Thanks for the glowing character assessment."
"You know what I mean," Carter said, nudging me with his elbow. "You're brutally honest about everything else."
The casual touch sent electricity through my arm, and I had to resist the urge to lean into it. Instead, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them like armor. The position felt safer, more contained.
"Yeah, well," I said, staring at a water stain on the coffee table that I’d never noticed before. "Some things are easier to talk about than others."
I could see Carter look at me funny out of the corner of my eye. There was a long, much more uncomfortable pause this time before Carter asked, “Have you been keeping something from me?”
I didn’t say anything. I don’t know what I was even doing. I was a little tired but completely sober at this point, and I was sitting here with Carter, with the words, “I really like you and want to date you and fuck a lot” on the tip of my tongue. But instead.
“Nothing. Like I said.”
“Don’t lie to me, Johnny.” I both loved and hated when he called me that. It made me feel like a kid, but only Carter ever called me that.
“I’m… not lying.” I still didn’t meet his eye.
“John,” Carter said softly. I finally turned to meet his gaze and his eyes were, as always, filled with so much warmth it was insane. “Talk, buddy.”
Buddy. Ugh, I hated that word. I guess my disgust was written on my face, because Carter, for once, looked a little hurt. “Sorry, are we not buddies?” he asked.
I stayed silent. I have to say something. I have to tell him something. But what? I was still thinking about what when my mouth opened…
“I sometimes wish the rumor was true.”
The words hung in the air between them like smoke, impossible to take back. My heart hammered against my ribs so hard I was sure Carter could hear it. The apartment suddenly felt too small, too quiet, too charged with the weight of what I’d just confessed.
Carter's face went through a series of micro-expressions that I couldn't quite read. Surprise, confusion, something that might have been understanding. The silence stretched on for what felt like hours but was probably only seconds.
"Oh," Carter said finally, his voice soft and careful. "Oh."
I wanted to disappear into the couch cushions. I wanted to rewind time, to stuff those words back into my mouth and swallow them whole. Instead, I sat frozen, watching Carter's face for any sign of disgust or anger or the kind of awkward pity that would end their friendship forever.
“And how long have you felt this way?” Carter asked.
"I don't know. Four years, maybe? I've tried not to keep track." I shrugged, aiming for casual but feeling like my entire body was made of glass, ready to shatter at the slightest touch.
Carter nodded slowly, his brow furrowed in that way it always did when he was processing something complicated. I had seen that expression countless times — when Carter was trying to understand a particularly dense article, or figuring out why his car was making that weird noise. Never had it been directed at me like this.
"Four years," Carter repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. "Since the rumor started, then?"
I let out a dry laugh. "Yeah. Ironic, right? Everyone made that stupid joke, and the whole time..." I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. The lump in his throat felt the size of a bowling ball.
Carter was still for a very long time. I didn’t know what to do. I was about to get up and apologize and run to my room and perhaps never leave it again, when Carter said, “Well this is pretty poor timing, huh?”
I stared at him. “What? What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m moving out, and you’re telling me we could have been fucking for four years?”
My mouth fell open. I stared at Carter, trying to process what he'd just said. My brain felt like it was short-circuiting, unable to compute the casual way he'd just dropped that bomb.
"What did you just say?" I finally managed, my voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.
Carter ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture I'd seen a thousand times before. "I said the timing sucks. And that we could have been fucking this entire time.”
I blinked rapidly, his heart skipping several beats. "I... what? Carter, that's not funny."
"I'm not joking." Carter shifted on the couch, turning his body to face me fully. "Look, I didn't say anything because I thought you weren't interested. You never made a move, and you're usually so direct about everything."
My mouth opened and closed several times, like a fish gasping for water. The room felt too hot suddenly, the air too thick to breathe properly.
"But you're straight," I finally managed to say, the words coming out slightly strangled. "You've only ever dated women. For six years, I've watched you bring home woman after woman."
Carter shrugged, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "I'm bi. Well, kind of bi. I like fucking women, but sometimes a guy will catch my eye. And well, you’re YOU. I trust you. You’re my best friend. I think we could have some fun together, without clothes on.”
The words hit me like a physical blow. I felt my chest tighten, my breath catching somewhere between my lungs and my throat. Carter's face was serious, no trace of the usual golden retriever goofiness that everyone loved so much. This wasn't one of his jokes.
"You're bi," I repeated slowly, testing the words on his tongue like they were in a foreign language. "You're bi, and you've been... what? Thinking about me?"
"Sometimes." Carter's voice was softer now, almost vulnerable. "I mean, we live together. We're comfortable with each other. You've seen me at my worst, and I've seen you at yours. There's something to be said for that kind of intimacy."
My hands were shaking slightly. He pressed them against his thighs, trying to steady himself. Four years. Four years of pining, of watching Carter with other people. And we could have…
Carter put his hand on my thigh. “I’m sorry this is such a shock for you. And you can totally say no, but maybe it would help if we fooled around a little maybe? Take the edge off, so to speak?”
The world tilted sideways. My brain struggled to process what Carter had just said, the casual way he'd suggested they "fool around" like he was proposing they order pizza. The hand on my thigh felt like it was burning through the fabric of my jeans, each of Carter's fingers a point of searing contact.
"I..." my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "You want to fool around? Like, right now?"
Carter's thumb moved in a small circle against my leg, and I had to bite back a sound that would have been embarrassing. "Only if you want to. I mean, we're both adults. We're attracted to each other, at least I’m assuming that’s what this reaction is all about. And honestly?" Carter's voice dropped lower, more intimate. "I've been curious about what it would be like to kiss you."
My heart hammered so hard he was sure it would bruise his ribs from the force. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time.” I said it so softly, I’m surprised Carter heard me.
He smiled. “Well ok then.”
And with that, Carter leaned in. His hand moved from my thigh to cup my face, thumb brushing against my cheekbone with a gentleness that made my breath hitch. The space between us disappeared slowly, giving me time to process that this was actually happening, that Carter's face was inches from my own, that I could feel the warmth of Carter's breath against my lips.
When our mouths finally met, it was nothing like I had imagined during all those sleepless nights. It was softer, more tentative, like Carter was testing the waters. My eyes fluttered closed, and I leaned into the kiss, my hand finding Carter's chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath his palm.
Carter pulled back slightly, just enough to look into my eyes. "Is this okay?" he whispered, his voice rough in a way I had never heard before.
“You have no fucking idea how alright it is.”
Carter's lips curved into a smile against my mouth before he deepened the kiss, his hand sliding to cup the back of my neck. The sensation of Carter's fingers threading through my hair sent shivers down my spine. This was actually happening. After four years of pining, of watching Carter with other people, of imagining this exact scenario in the privacy of my bedroom — it was finally real.
My hand fisted in Carter's shirt, pulling him closer as the kiss grew more heated. Carter tasted like beer and mint gum, a combination that shouldn't have been appealing but somehow was. When Carter's tongue traced the seam of my lips, I opened for him without hesitation.
"Fuck," Carter murmured against my mouth. "Why didn't we do this sooner?"
The question sent a pang through my chest. Four years wasted because they were both too afraid to say anything. But it was too late for regret. What’s happened has already happened.
"I don't care," I whispered against Carter's lips, pulling him closer. "I don't care about the time we wasted. I just want this. Now."
Carter groaned, the sound vibrating through my chest as he pulled me into his lap with surprising strength. I found myself straddling Carter's thighs, looking down at that familiar face now transformed with desire. Carter's pupils were blown wide, his breathing ragged.
"You have no idea how many times I've thought about this," Carter said, his hands sliding up my sides, pushing under his t-shirt to touch bare skin. "About you."
I shivered at the contact, my skin hypersensitive under Carter's fingertips. It felt surreal, like one of my countless fantasies had somehow broken through into reality. Carter's hands were warm and slightly calloused, exploring the contours of my back.
“I have to… warn you, though,” Carter said. My heart dropped. This is where he says this is a one-time thing. Or that he was joking. But instead, he said, “I’m pretty dominant in bed.”
My mouth went dry. A jolt of electricity shot down my spine at Carter's words. The confident way he said it — not a question, not tentative — made my insides twist with anticipation.
"Oh," I managed to squeak out, suddenly very aware of the weight of my body on Carter's lap. I was also aware of something steadily growing in Carter’s pants. "That's... good to know."
Carter's hands tightened on my hips, his thumbs pressing into the soft flesh just above my hipbones. "Is that okay with you?" he asked, his voice lower than I'd ever heard it. "Because if it's not, we can—"
"It's more than okay," I interrupted, surprised by the eagerness in my own voice. "It's... preferred, actually."
A slow smile spread across Carter's face, transforming his features into something almost predatory. This was a side of him I'd never seen before. I loved it more than words can say.
“Well alright then,” Carter said. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and gave it a slight pull. “Does that mean you’re submissive?” The glint in his eyes was wicked and breathtaking.
"Very," I managed to say through the sensation of his fingers in my hair.
Carter's expression shifted, his eyes darkening as he tightened his grip. In one smooth motion, he lifted me up and flipped our positions, pressing me into the couch cushions with his weight. The sudden movement knocked the breath from my lungs, but before I could recover, Carter's mouth was on mine again, more demanding this time.
His hand slid down my side, fingers digging into my hip. "I've always wondered what you'd look like under me," he murmured against my lips.
I couldn't help the small whimper that escaped. This was Carter — my roommate, my best friend — pinning me to the couch with his body, saying things I'd only ever dreamed about hearing. It felt impossible, like I'd fallen asleep and would wake up alone in my bedroom at any moment.
“Fuck, Johnny,” Carter moaned. “I’m so happy this rumor is about to become a reality.”
"Yes," I breathed out. "God, yes."
Carter's lips curved into a satisfied smile before he captured my mouth again, his kiss deeper and more urgent now. His hands slid under my shirt, fingertips tracing the contours of my ribs, exploring territory that had been forbidden for so long.
When Carter broke away to tug my shirt over my head, I felt suddenly vulnerable, exposed in a way I’d never been with Carter before. The cool air of the apartment raised goosebumps across my skin, but Carter's gaze was hotter than any physical touch.
"Fuck, you're gorgeous," Carter murmured, his eyes traveling slowly down my chest with an intensity that made me want to squirm. "I've always thought so. But now that I get to do this,” he said as he bent down to kiss my chest, “and this,” he said as he trailed down to my stomach, “it’s even better.”
FUCK. “You can do whatever you want to me. I trust you.” I was panting. I was on fire. It was the hottest thing to ever happen to anyone, probably.
“Oh Johnny, that’s a very big promise. I wouldn’t want you promising something like that unless you really knew what you were getting into.”
My breath caught at the warning in Carter's voice, the promise of something more intense than I’d imagined. The weight of Carter's body above me, the heat radiating from my skin, made it hard to think clearly.
"I know what I'm saying," I whispered, my voice barely audible. I reached up to touch Carter's face, fingers tracing the familiar jawline that looked so different from this angle. "I've wanted this for so long."
Carter caught my wrist, pinning it against the couch cushion beside my head. The gesture was firm but not painful, and I felt something deep in my chest unravel at the control Carter was taking.
"You sure about that?" Carter's free hand traced down my chest, fingers following the path his lips had taken moments before. "Because once we start, I'm not going to want to stop."
I nodded frantically. “Never been more sure of anything ever.”
Carter smiled. “I would never hurt you, Johnny. But I do enjoy driving people wild. Do you want to be driven wild?”
The question hung in the air between them, and I felt my entire body flush with heat. Carter's hand was still tracing lazy patterns on my chest, and each touch sent sparks through my nervous system. The apartment felt too small, too quiet except for the sound of their breathing.
"Yes," I whispered, my voice barely recognizable. "God, yes."
Carter's smile was slow and devastating. "Good boy."
The words hit me like a tidal wave, and I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped my lips. Carter's eyes lit up at the sound, and I realized he'd just given something important away.
"Oh, you like that," Carter murmured, his thumb brushing over my nipple. "I'm going to remember that."
My back arched involuntarily at the touch, my hands reaching for Carter's shoulders. But Carter caught both his wrists and quickly stood up. “Ok, goodnight.”
My heart stopped for a second when Carter started to laugh. “You fucker!” I screamed, laughing as I got up to hit him.
He was cackling. “I couldn’t resist.” He kissed me again quickly. “My bedroom. Now.”
