A Moment of Truth
The salt-kissed air was a soft blanket, the turquoise water a liquid dream. The sound of the ocean had lulled me to sleep in the lounge on the beach, lying next to Rob.
“Vodka cran.” Rob’s deep voice suddenly said over me, startling me awake. I looked up into the sun, seeing the tanned vision of my muscled fiancé standing over me, his handsome mature face smiling down at me holding a drink out for me.
He was a sight to see for 57 years old: his body still muscular and solid for a newly retired cop, his waist fairly trimmed and firm, his face still handsome. I looked at the dusting of hair covering his pecs and the meaty size of his forearms extending out to me as he held my drink to me, his light blue bathing suit looking exceptionally bright against his manly body. His sculpted legs were darkly tanned as we neared the end of our week in the Dominican, with only a few days left to go. He lifted his mirrored sunglasses and winked at me.
“You look good enough to fuck right here. My little cake by the ocean.” He leaned over me, meeting my lips in a kiss as I took my drink. I was on my front, my ass getting a sudden slap from him as the Bali bed shifted for the weight of his 240 pound 6’2” sized body. I felt the warmth of his skin touch mine and a flow of electricity still shot through me as I rested my face against his massive arm after a swig of my alcohol.
“Bit bright out to be fucking me out in the open.” I said groggily, slowly coming awake as I sucked back a sip of the strong drink, watching him take a swig of his rum and coke. He brought us an extra drink each, the spares now nestled into the sand below our heads as we faced the ocean, lying on our fronts.
“Well, seems to be the type of resort after the other night.” His sunglassed eyes looked at me with a grin, his one eyebrow raised above the shades.
I rested my chin on my hands and stared at him smiling. It was quite the show, watching our neighbours Jim and Kyle fuck in front of us, and then us mimicking their moves, ending with Rob power fucking me on the balcony. We spent the following day on our own, ordering room service for lunch after skipping breakfast. We hid out, maybe on purpose, and even had a late dinner yesterday after spending the day entangled in each other. This morning, we behaved and got up early ready to face the day. We drank mimosas in our room and had a massive buffet breakfast. We swam in the pool all morning, and here we were on the beach now as the afternoon drifted towards dinner time, enjoying the sounds of the ocean and slowly drinking away the remainder of the holidays before we headed home to face our families and friends and plan our wedding together.
Beside me, Rob’s hand was a solid, warm weight in mine, his thumb tracing idle circles on my skin. He was already darkly tanned, his body golden from the sun. But I was darker, which he pointed out by pulling my bathing suit down over my ass and giving it a slap. “Look at that fuckin’ tan line on my sexy little man!” He hooted as I reached behind me and pulled my suit back up.
“Stop it you perv.” I rolled onto my side, moving my ass away from his greedy hands as I watched him cross his big feet and look forward out at the ocean and take a long sip from his drink.
He let out a big breath and then smiled over at me. He was feeling just fine apparently: I could tell from the liquor today. He had a perma-smile on all afternoon and wouldn’t stop touching me whenever he could. Like right now, as he reached his big arm out and rested it on the side of my waist. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this alive and free. This is the perfect resort for us to test out what it feels like to be a couple.”
I snorted. “Yeah. You certainly are alive and free. I think everyone here wants you to fuck them.”
He gave me a scowl and then grunted. “Oh please.” He feigned rolling his eyes and smacked my ass playfully. “I’m serious. I never in a million years pictured that I would feel this happy. That I could be with another guy in public like this and not be scared about it. That I could hold his hand and not worry about being called a fag. That I could fuck someone with true passion and love.” He looked over at me briefly, before he turned back to the ocean.
“It doesn’t mean we won’t. Be called fags or be afraid you know.” I said quietly. Rob gave me a sad little nod and then looked back at the ocean. Rob never really opened up about anything, always focusing on me, and what my past was like. He didn’t talk much about his past experiences, or what it was like being on the force, hiding in his marriage like I did, living in a macho cop world where I’m sure it wasn’t easy. This was a different side, to see him actually contemplating things and admitting stuff.
“It feels good though doesn’t it?” I remember I had these feelings almost 20 years ago, and had been trying to allow them back in to my life ever since.
His hand rubbed my side and then moved over me to find my hand. He took it in his and just let it rest between us. “It sure does.”
I felt like this resort was a bubble, a paradise where we were just Brian-and-Rob, a unit, untouchable, with no past, no regrets, no worries. Or so I thought.
That’s when they appeared: Jim and Kyle. All sun-bleached hair for Kyle and confident smiles on the hot muscled older lawyer Jim, a true mirror of us really, but sharper, more polished. The flirtation was a light, practiced thing over cocktails in the pool a few days ago—a compliment on Rob’s laugh, a lingering look at me that was a little too knowing. I played along, the old script coming back to me as easily as breathing. It was a game, harmless. And then they realized they were in the room next to ours on the opposite balcony, and they put on quite the show for us, full of loud moans and grunts as Kyle fucked his older boyfriend. Even though we watched, and then enjoyed one another, Rob and I avoided the memory since.
The old Brian, the one who lived in shame and guilt for so long, had sparked to life. It was the thrill of the forbidden, the magnetic pull of new desire, the addictive chaos of it all and the heat of sex. My heart did a familiar, treacherous skip as I stared up at the beefy Jim, his sunglasses lifted up to his forehead as his blue eyes peered down at me. He was everything I would have followed before Rob.
“You guys wanna grab dinner together tonight?” His voice was calm and cool, exuded his power like he was in court, his eyes locked on me in a warm smile.
I turned to Rob, my voice a little too casual. "We might be free; hadn’t really made any plans yet for dinner." I heard the flirting sound in my voice. I even felt the thickening of my cock as I stared back up at those blue eyes of Jim’s.
Kyle smiled wider. “Great. Just let us know. We’re heading to the bar for drinks, you guys need a refill?” Kyle slowly licked his lips as he stared down at Rob.
“Nah we just stocked up.” Rob’s smile didn’t falter, but he lifted his sunglasses off his head and his eyes shifted, the warm brown deepening, becoming more focused. He looked at me, really looked, seeing right through the casual facade to the flicker of the old chaos inside me.
He squeezed my hand. "Excuse us for a moment, gentlemen, we were just going to take a quick dip," he said to Jim and Kyle, his voice calm and firm. He stood, and I followed, my legs feeling strangely weak, as they nodded and continued on their way, Jim putting his hand on Kyle’s muscular ass to lead him forward as he gave one last lingering look at me.
He didn't lead me towards the pool, but rather down the sandy beach to the water's edge, hand in hand, where the waves hushed against the sand, a sound so much quieter than the roaring in my ears.
"Talk to me, Bri," he said, his voice soft. He was still holding my hand, but now he faced me, directly, his eyes squinting from the sun, waiting for me to answer.
I hesitated, unsure of what he wanted me to say. "It was just... flirting," I started, the defense automatic.
"I know," he said. "I saw you. I saw the part of you that liked it. The part that’s always ready to run towards the fire, knowing it’s going to be hot."
I gave a defensive snort. “What are you a poet now?”
But I knew that his words landed not as an accusation, but as a perfect, gentle diagnosis. He saw me. Like he knows me better than I know myself.
“Tell me I’m wrong.” He wasn’t angry, nor demanding. He was just patient, waiting. Looking down at me, the warmth of his hand like a giant pillow around mine.
So I looked up at him, into those big eyes of his, the sun all around him making him look like a god standing in front of me. And I took a big breath. "My whole life," I began, the words tumbling out, raw and unfiltered. "I think it was always about the next thing, the next guy would be better, the next guy won’t hurt me. It started with my baseball coach Steve, then Rick rescued me, and Frank gave me a job, and Tom saw the smart intellectual young man. Sean and Stefan and Aaron and Mac…it was a game, or a test, I guess. I felt WANTED or needed. And I liked that. For me, it was more “see someone hot, go after it” to prove I could. Get the validation, prove I’m wanted, feel powerful. Then with Joe..."
I swallowed, the name still a tender bruise on my soul after almost 20 years since that first sight of him. I heard Rob breathe in deeply as well and his lips pursed. This is still raw for him too I figured.
"With Joe, he was it.” I looked up at Rob who was giving me that pursed lip look he does when he listens to me. “Joe made me feel wanted…and free and confident and safe. And then he was gone.” I held his hand a bit tighter then and Rob squeezed it back for a second before pulling me in to his big chest, smothering me in suntan lotion and his scent.
“Did you ever run to anyone else when you were with Joe?” He asked it simply, and his eyes narrowed at me, studying me, as if he was waiting for me to find the answers on my own.
“No.” I said quietly. “Not even tempted.”
Rob breathed in again, his big chest puffing out before he let it slowly out, looking out at the ocean. “And then you spent a life running from the hurt when Joe died, hiding all the pain, scared.” Rob kissed the top of my head and I wrapped my arms around him. Here we were, this muscular brute of an ex-cop, holding this messed up man on the edge of the water in the Dominican Republic and it all felt so natural.
It sunk in: I was scared. Scared of being alone, of being hurt again, of hiding myself, of trying to feel something, believing I didn’t deserve anything but heartache and loss, confirmed by Frank and Ben and Neil and Dennis and Dave and DARREN.
I pulled away from his solid frame and looked up at him, my eyes stinging. "I think I’m still scared."
Rob was silent for a long moment, just listening to the sea and to me. He kept his eyes on me and I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he took a long slow swallow.
“I know." he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. “I am too. But with you…I don’t want to be scared anymore. We did this together. We’ve both been on the edge, ready to pack it all in for good. And then you came along…and it stopped me from thinking that way. I believe in us. So how do I convince you to believe it too? And not be scared and running towards something you don’t need anymore?”
I looked down at his pecs, his flat stomach that rippled with the abs he recently won back, and I laid my head against his heart, hearing that pumping of his heart. "With you..." I said, my voice cracking. "With you, I feel safe again, just like I did with Joe. I think I’m just scared it’s going to end the same. That I’m going to lose you too."
He wrapped his arms right up around my neck and squeezed me even tighter, crushing me into the mountain of his pectorals and practically suffocated me as he let out a low soft growl before he released me.
"I am not going anywhere. That’s my promise. But if the universe has other plans, well then I expect you to keep on going my man. But it won’t be because I’m going to make a choice and leave.” He bent his scruffy chin downwards and lifted my shaved chin up to meet his eyes that were sparkling in the sun. “But Bri, I will do my best to outlive you," his eyes widened at me with a grin, “but you have to promise me the same.” He gave me that sexy grin, that lopsided one that accompanied the raised eyebrow, when he tried to look all sweet and sexy. And it worked.
I held him tighter, the truth of his words washing over me, cleaner and more powerful than any ocean wave. The old Brian, the boy who was a disaster in his younger years, and a horrible husband the first time around to Allie who didn’t deserve it.
Standing there I knew that Rob was all heat and the only fire I wanted. He saw the endless, calm horizon that was possible with me, and he knew, with a certainty that settled deep in his bones, that this love would not lead to loss. So I had to take a leap and be honest.
“I will do the same. I promise.” I could see the tension in his body relax, and his grin widened. “You are it for me old man! So when I do stupid things like flirt, it’s the old me so just kick my ass.” I looked down at the sand, at his feet buried in it as the waves lapped at our ankles.
Rob grabbed my hand and turned to walk back to our lounge. “Deal you little flirt. I’ll definitely kick this little ass.” His one big hand suddenly grabbed my ass, practically covering my entire butt and gave it a hard squeeze.
I punched him in the arm and looked towards our Bali bed, but Rob kept walking the other way, towards the pool, where I saw Kyle and Jim near the stairs watching us. Rob simply walked over, lifted his other hand up at them and then gave them a winning smile.
“Sorry guys but Brian and I are having dinner alone together tonight. A little romantic one on one to celebrate our upcoming nuptials. We can’t pass up this romantic view am I right?”
They both agreed and nodded and raised their glasses at us, wishing us the best and congratulations as the big man on my side smiled down at me. He gave me a wink and steered me back to our bed.
“See. Easy. Now you’re all fuckin’ mine mister.” He said under his breath.
We walked back to our bed where our second drinks were still waiting for us in the sand. “Well…,” he said, letting go of my hand and raising his sandy drink up with mine, “here’s to not being afraid now, and trusting each other.”
I took my glass of vodka and cranberry and clinked with him, watching his eyes as I drank. Then he leaned over and kissed me with a huge smile on his face.
“And here’s to being able to kiss you in public.” He grinned at me, pecking my lips once more before I sat down on the bed beside him, my hand still in his.
“Keep that up mister and you’ll be fucking me in public soon.”
It was meant as a joke but Rob’s face suddenly tensed and he sort of frowned at me. I saw it – the pause, and I knew he was holding something back. “What?”
He let out a slow sigh and put his sunglasses down, turning over on his side to look at me. “I want to say this carefully, because I think I’ve been giving you the gears a lot here…but I want you to know that I will fuck you anywhere, anytime, anyhow…” He stopped for a moment before he smiled at me, “because we are a couple and I find you unbelievably and incredible sexy as hell and I seriously cannot believe how much I want to…” he stopped again, putting his hand on mine, “but you don’t have to prove anything with me. I’m not marrying you because of the sex – though trust me, I can’t see us ever stopping!” He gave a laugh that shook his shoulders, and he lowered his face to mine. “I am marrying you because I love you, for who you are, for that brain and that smile, and those fucking eyes of yours…because you’re a good dad and a good friend and I just love being with you. Even without the sex, I want to be your best friend, and just sit and talk and laugh. You make me feel alive and normal and…safe.” He waited, seeing my eyes well up. “Sex is only a part of it okay? Sex isn’t love. It’s a sign of it sure, but love it love. And I, am in love with you. You’ve got nothing to prove anymore. I’m here.” He winked at me and then raised his eyebrows. “But I must admit, I really enjoyed nailing you while Jim and Kyle watched.” He teased, staring straight ahead.
“Well, maybe we’ll put a show on for them later,” I moved in closer to him, right up against his body and lifted his arm to move around my neck, holding his hand dangling over my pec. “And I Officer Hughes, am in love with you. I get it. But seriously…have you looked in a mirror? I mean come on, I wanna ride you all the time!”
He laughed again and cuddled up closer to me. “I love you Brian.” He glanced down at me. “I really do. You saved my life little buddy. And I will take you over to those bushes and drill that sweet little ass hard but not because you need to prove anything, but just because I’m yours and I know what a fuckin’ little sex addict you really are!” He gave me a little shove with his shoulder, knocking me slightly sideways as his arm grabbed at my pec, kissing the top of my hair with his scruffy face. “And you make me so goddamned horny. I can’t believe that at this age I’m having the best sex of my life.” He pulled me backwards with him, trapping me against his bare body as we laid down backwards, staring up at the thin linen trying to block out the sun above us. We snuggled together, oblivious to the people walking by. We didn’t care. We were tipsy and in love.
“The best huh?” I mumbled into his chest. He was like a solid slab of granite, my hand resting on his pec as I listened to his heart beating. His big hand patted my lower back as he giggled.
“Oh you know it.”
“Alright then. You’re mine. And I’m all yours. So finish your drink big guy and come fuck me in the bushes!” I pushed myself up off the bed and watched as Rob downed his drink and moved pretty quickly for a man of his size, tugging at his bathing suit to hide his obvious excitement. Who needed Jim and Kyle? Who needed anyone? Rob knew me. He understood me. This was my future and I was not going to fuck it up. Rob WAS my fire after all!
I heard the low growl of him as he followed me. I already knew the spot: it was off a secluded path from the beach to the walkway, around the back of the beach bar, far inwards. I had scoped it out earlier, thinking this could be fun. Rob made me feel alive and free, and in the late afternoon, after our heartfelt talk, I wanted him. Not because I had to prove something, but just because I loved him and felt adventurous.
And as I glanced over my shoulder at the hulking man that was MINE, I let out a low growl of my own.
I heard the bushes behind me as I went deeper into the area, all sandy beach with thick bushes covering us. We were off the path now, maneuvering inwards, Rob’s giant strides catching up. I giggled over my shoulder as he opened the fly of his swimsuit and pulled that big thick cock out, showing me he was already hard, his big fist wrapped around it stroking it for me.
His grin was devilish, so I gave him a show of my tan lines along my whiter ass which elicited a hungry sound from him.
“Right there.” He said in a loud whisper. I looked to see where he was pointing, to the large coconut tree in the sun, hidden from everything. I simply walked to it, and grabbed the trunk and wiggled my ass for him.
He spit on his cock as he stepped up near me, me lowering my trunks a bit more as the smell of coconut suntan lotion and whiskey and him surrounded me. His mouth came to my ear as I felt his dick dig in between my ass.
“You really are one naughty little man you know.” His breath was hot, his cock was hotter, and I was on fire.
“You’re one to talk. Now fuck me fast before we get caught big guy.”
He slid a hand around my front to hold me still as he slid himself into me, that familiar pressure eliciting a groan from my throat as his scruffy beard scratched my neck. My hand found his, lacing my fingers around him as he sunk into me.
“You’re going to remember this one tonight at dinner.” He kissed and sucked at my ear as he started to hump into my ass, his free hand grabbing my shoulder. “Hold onto something.”
I tried. I arched into him and found his neck as he started to powerfuck me like a mad man in the jungle, his mouth hungrily eating my ear lobe and tonguing it as he moaned into me. He snaked his other arm around me and pulled me backwards into him, really drilling my ass like he promised.
“Oh my god Rob.” I moaned, my own cock bouncing off my abs as he rocked my world in the sunlight.
He lowered himself slightly, working against the confines of our bathing suits, until he pulled out quickly and stepped out of his own suit, and then yanked mine down my legs and made me step out of them. Like lighting he was back inside me in a quick deep thrust that made me gasp. We were naked. In the bushes. Fucking like animals.
“That’s better.” He said in my ear and found new freedom with his legs no longer trapped. I was off the ground at one point as he fucked up into me, and when his hand wrapped around my cock, my mouth found his behind me and we kissed.
I broke it first, announcing that I was close. Like a man possessed, he fucked me harder and jerked my cock in his hand, sending torrents of my cum flying, hitting the coconut tree, the leaves around it, and the sand in front of me. My ass must have clamped down around him because he suddenly gripped my cock so tight along with my body against his and moaned loudly in my ear and exploded directly into my hole.
We stood there locked in each other for a moment, his breath hot and ragged in my ear as he caught his breath. I was impaled and imprisoned still by him, his cock still throbbing in my ass and his big strong arms around me.
Then his forehead drifted to my shoulder and his breath took in one long inhalation. “Jesus Christ Brian. What you do to me!”
He stepped back and flicked his own cock, expelling any lingering drops of semen onto the ground before giving my ass a playful smack.
“Good think I’m not a cop anymore or I’d be arresting us both.” He tossed my bathing suit to me and stepped into his, trying his best to tuck his still hard dick into it. He looked down as he tried to do up the string to conceal it. “Do you think anyone’ll notice?”
We both laughed as I shook the sand off mine. “I think we need to get into the ocean pronto.”
He put his hands on his hips and let out another long sigh and looked at me with a big grin. But it was me that grinning at him, my man looking like Hercules after a battle. Holy hell, just look at him in the sunlight.
And I thought to myself, yeah, he’s all I need.
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