The Blood: A Denouement

“Do you know the truth of who you are?” Augustus asked flatly.

Seth said nothing, but he touched Jim’s hand.

“Yes,” Jim said. “And… you do too?”

Augustus nodded, and said, “Your mother was born here. I never knew she died. Not until your Uncle Nathan came.”

“Then… he did come here.”

“But you knew that. He came for answers.”

“And what happened?”

“Answers are not enough,” Augustus said. “I could tell him about the past, but he needed more than answers. He needed peace.”

“I wonder if he’s found it.”

“Why wonder,” Augustus said, turning to Seth. “Ask your lover.”

Before Jim could turn to him, Seth said, “He is at peace. He wasn’t, but he is.”

“If he had reconciled himself to his gift he might have known peace,” Augustus said. “You are the grandson of Friederich, the youngest one. And you are the only grandchild of Pamela. You are the only one descended from Friederich’s mating with the wolf. No, do no look at this as distasteful. You have the greatest link to the old blood. You must make use of that power.”

“What?”

“To put yourself into the body of an animal,” Seth said, “see through their eyes, move in their flesh.”

Jim frowned.

“Can that even be done?”

“It can be done,” Augustus said. “And it can be done by you.”

“I… I don’t think I’d like it.”

“You mean you would be afraid,” Augustus said.

Jim thought of protesting, but before he could, Augustus said, “You would be a fool not to fear. But fear is no excuse to not do all you can.

“Warg. Take someone you trust, your cousins. Warg with them, and find a witch who will lead you.”

Jim looked to Seth who said, “If you’re looking for a witch, you’ve come to the right place.”

Augustus stood up and he opened the great bureau behind him.

“Your grandmother came to me in her last days. Did you know that she traveled? She learned a great deal as she grew older, went back to her home. She went back, in fact, to the home of Friederich, your most interesting great grandfather.”

While Augustus spoke he placed on the table before Jim and Seth an old wooden chest.

“Open it.”

Jim’s fingers fumbled over the clasp. His nerves had made him less steady than he might normally have been. He lifted the heavy lid. Over a bed of tissue paper, there was a small, old slip of folded paper, and when Jim opened it, he read:

Wie am Anfang, so am Ende, an die Königin und ihren goldhaarigen Bruder, den König.

Oma

“It’s in German,” Jim said.

“That it is,” Augustus said.

When Jim continued to look at him, Augustus quoted, “As in the beginning, so in the end, to the Queen and her golden haired brother, the King.”

“And Oma means grandma,” Jim murmured.

Then he said, “But….”

“Why don’t you see what she left.”

Jim removed the tissue paper and delicately placed it on the table.

He ran his hand over what he found and Seth asked, “A coat.”

“No,” Jim shook his head and slowly lifted up the heavy pelt, head included, of a white wolf.

“Good God.”

“There is another one,” Seth said.

“One for you,” Augustus said, “and one for Marabeth.”

While Jim stood with the heavy pelt, repulsed by the face with its eye holes, but unable to put down this thing of arms and legs and tail, he said, “That note says the Queen and her brother. Marabeth I will buy as the Queen, but Kris is her brother.”

“Does Kristian have golden hair?”

“No, but it says—”

“Does Kristian have the dreams you have? Is Kristian in anyway what you would call golden?”

“Jim’s the most golden man I’ve ever known,” Seth said lightly, but neither Augustus or Jim replied.

“Lastly,” Augustus continued, “is Kristian Pamela’s grandson? Would she call herself Oma in addressing him? I did not give this to Marabeth because Pamela had something else for her, and she is busy with it, but also I did not give it because I knew it was meant for you, and for you to give it to her.”

“But…” Jim thought, “maybe she was being metaphorical… like since we’re family I’m the brother.”

“Even I could not see into Pamela Strauss’s mind,” Augustus said. “All that I know is this was left to you, and it is yours.”

Jim blew out his cheeks.

“Will I… will I turn if I put this on?”

It was Seth who said, “There’s only one way to find out.”

Today I am fourteen and no. Let’s start out with, My name is Nathan B Strauss, and this is the year 1970. I want to be a good person, but I’m not, and that’s why I think I’m starting this.I had told my mom that I want to be a priest, but I don’t think I will, and I don’t think it’s even possible. Things happen to me. Things have been happening to me since I was eleven. The first time it happened to me, my grandfather died. I’m not explaining this very well. I can’t. I know if I write it down it’s safe. But I’m afraid to write it down. When it’s in my head it’s not real, when it’s in my head it’s just a sickness, but if I write it down it’s real.

I am a werewolf, and so was my dad. So is my brother, but he just turned. He’s very, very weak and Mom thinks he’s going to die. My family comes from Germany. My Grandfather was a werewolf. The night I became one for the first time I was eleven and my grandfather tried to kill me. He turned into one and tried to fight with me. I always hated him. The only thing I remember about that night was my mom killing him and then speaking to me. That’s all I remembered. My Grandfather is dead. He’s been dead for three years. I hated him so much. Everyone did. I hope he goes to hell. I hope he’s burning there right now. My mom killed him. I love her.

Today I committed a sin. I pray all the time. I feel Jesus I want to be good. Maybe I don’t want to be a priest. But I want to be holy.

I’m only fourteen and I almost lost my virginity in the carriage house.

I don’t want to talk about it, but I can write about it. I feel like I have to. It’s only safe right here, and it keeps going through my mind. I think I wouldn’t write about it, but I’m afraid it’s going to happen again, that I can’t control myself. It happened in the upstairs. It was supposed to happen in Aunt Pam’s place, the carriage house, but I said no to that, and we went upstairs to the third floor where no one ever goes. My body felt so strange and I almost didn’t understand what happened. I felt weird and I felt sinful. But it felt good too. I’m so afraid I’m going to sin again like this. My cousin Mary Anne is real holy and goes to Mass all the time. She was just sitting around in the house smiling one day, and I asked her what she was smiling about. She says, “Can I tell you a secret, Nathan?”

I think to myself her secrets have got to be better than my secrets, so I say, yeah. She says, “I really love Jesus. I just love him so much.”

It happened again and this is how it happened. The first time I mean, not this last time.

Steiger is my uncle, only he’s not really my uncle, and sometimes he’s here but sometimes he’s not. He was my dad’s best friend, almost like a brother, and my aunt Pam loves him. My grandfather did too, and he didn’t love anybody! Anyway, Steiger’s daughter, Delia lives with Pam in the carriage house. She has red hair, really pale, almost orange, and really pale skin, and anyway, we’re in the carriage house, and she always wears dresses, never pants, and says that’s how girls used to dress, and so she is sitting across from me and she opens her legs and she doesn’t have any underwear and she says, “Do it to me, Nate.” And my head starts to hurt and my mouth is dry and I’m shaking and feeling weird, but I’m hard too. And then she says it again, and she gets on the floor.

“Pam’s not coming back all day. Do it to me.”

I tell her I’m not doing it to her in this house. We can do it upstairs. Part of me is thinking maybe I won’t have such a boner if we walk back to the house and up the steps. It won’t throb and hurt the way it does and want to do what it wants to do if we get some time to think about it. But when we get upstairs I put her on the floor and just start doing it to her and she keeps telling me to do it do her harder, and then the feeling comes, I’ve never had it before. It makes me so dizzy. It’s like the Change, but it’s better, and I’m panting and she’s saying, “You did, it Nathan. Thank you, Nate.”