I woke up in a hospital bed, unclothed, in a hideous gown, and feeling alone. I felt as though as I was dreaming, but what I saw was nothing I ever planned on seeing. A few hours ago, I was having sex with the most important person in my life, my best friend, Ryan. And now, I have no clue what has become of him. He was a hero in my book, tall, blonde, dark, and more than handsome. I looked at myself barely able to maintain composure. He saved our friend, Grant's, life when he could not bear the pain of being gay. I felt the same way right now though. Upon examination of Ryan's body, they had to have noticed that he was having anal sex. There was probably large pools of semen near his tight muscular ass and down his pants leg. I felt vulnerable, ready to fall apart. My family had been trying to engage me in conversation, trying to learn what happened, but I could not utter a word to them. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I cared so deeply for Ryan. He was my pillar of strength and I have no clue what has happened to him.

"What happened James?" my mother had asked me.

"I... just... I just don't know," I managed to utter between my crying.

"Tell us what happened. The police need to understand," my father said to me kind of too harshly.

"I don't even fucking understand what happened! So how the hell do you expect me to tell them? I just know that Ryan was hit by a car. That's it. Now I'm going to find out where my best friend is," I said putting some real clothes on.

"James, please, you're supposed to rest," my mother said grabbing my hand.

"I don't care. I need to know how he's doing," I replied gently, moving her hand gently before I ran out.

I ran as fast as I could to the front desk asking where Ryan would be staying. She told me that he was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and I ran as fast as I could. I felt weak as I ran, my vision blurring and my heart racing beyond belief. I entered the room where I saw my friend, most of him wrapped in casts and bandages and hooked up to oxygen.

"What are you doing here?" one of the doctors asked.

"I had to see him," I said gasping for air.

"Are you family?" he asked again.

"No, I'm his best friend, but I might as well be his family."

"Unless you are family, you can't be in here right now."

"You can more than see that they are not here," I growled at the man.

I ran up to Ryan in tears and hugged him gently, my silent tears running down from my face to his.

"I will call security, whether you are his friend or not," the doctor said seriously to me.

"Fuck you. He's in a coma, isn't he?" I blurted out being distraught.

"Yes, now please leave, I don't want to call security. It's just protocol," he said showing a little kindness.

I walked out of the room and I saw the most a man standing right outside the room. His one foot was back against the wall and he stood relaxed with his arms folded. He looked about two years older than me, but he looked familiar. He had blonde hair, kept short and gelled in the front, a five o' clock shadow of blonde hair, and black glasses with thick rims. He was built, more than Ryan and I, and he had a serious expression on his face. He had on a tight green v-neck shirt and tight light-colored khakis. I gawked at him, he was a beautiful guy, and even his facial hair was hot, something that Ryan or I never thought was attractive. He was the perfect blend between a hipster and a jock. I walked by him, suspiciously and he said in a cool tone, "Hey, you must be James."

His voice was intoxicating. It wasn't too deep to where he sounded barbaric, but I was like a twelve year old. It was soothing to me and I couldn't quite pinpoint who this guy was. I have seen him around, but I couldn't think of how I knew him.

"Yeah..." I said with my voice trembling.

"I need to talk to you, in private."

"Why? What is this about?"

"I happen to know more than what you think."

"I still don't get what you are talking about." I had a clue. He must know about us. I was so fucked. People know about us.

"My name is Evan, it's been a long time, and I'm sorry it came to this for us to reunite, but I'm Ryan's cousin." he said as he grabbed me in for a tight embrace.

I couldn't help but start to bawl again, but this time, I actually felt comforted. He was a good head taller than me and my head rested between his beefy, muscular pectoral muscles. He stroked my hair as he held me in his arms, as I wet his shirt with my tears.

"I'm so sorry. I... I couldn't save him," I screamed into his chest.

"You couldn't do anything to change this. Seeing this again is not what I ever thought I would see," he said as I felt a tear land onto my face.

He pulled even closer to him, so close that I could smell the musk of his body with every breath I took.

"What... what do you mean?" I managed to say.

"Here let's go, I have a a story for you. You will understand then," he said as he brought me into the stairwell.

"Believe it or not, I faced the same thing you are not too long ago," he said as he put his arm around me.

I was completely intoxicated by his presence, he just reminded me an older Ryan, and I wanted to hear his story. As I looked at him, I remember us when we were smaller kids together, him playing football at Ryan's family gatherings with friends. And I felt a childhood bond I did not feel in a long time, a fire burned out by the cold winds of time.

"Two years ago, I lost someone who was just as important to me as Ryan was to you," he said seriously.

"It's hard, losing a best friend," I said quietly.

"He wasn't just my best friend. I... loved him and before you say anything else, Ryan... told me right before graduation," he said as he gazed into my eyes.

"Who was he?" was all I managed to asked, not even caring that he knew.

"Elliot Graham, do you remember what happened?"


"He... he... committed suicide, right in front of me, the first person I ever fell in love with," he said as tears flowed from his face.


"It's a really long story, actually," he said as he looked at me.

I could see the look in his eyes as he stared into me. I could feel his desire to tell his story, to let me know that he has been in my situation. I stared back into his bright blue sad eyes, full of loss, emotion, and wisdom. I wanted to hear his story and in a twisted way, I wanted to feel his pain too. I did not want to be the only one who was suffering.

"Please... if it takes forever, I'd listen," I said back to him.

He looked at me, then the ground, and heaved a large sigh.

"It all started our senior year of high school. We had been best friends for our entire life. But, he decided he was going to be a Marine. That was his goal. His family didn't have any money to pay for school and this was his way out. We trained every single day after school, to get him ready for the Marines. I was always their to support him and make sure he stayed on track. We did some pretty rough things, just so he could excel, he always wanted to be the best of everything. He was tall, dark hair, green eyes, and a body built for sin. But, he was gay, and that was something I didn't expect from him. The one day, after we had worked out together, we went back to his house to go swimming and have a few drinks, he made his first move on me. He was my best friend, so when he had decided he was going to kiss me, I couldn't say no. As much I had wanted to say no, to say that I was straight, I couldn't deny the amount of love I felt for him. He was entrancing, his lips, softer than a cloud, his smell, more enticing than scent imaginable. His body, godly, perfectly built, a full out machine, sculpted from pure beauty and innocence. He was not one to express love to anyone he liked, and I guess that alcohol was his way of telling me that he liked me. His kiss was full of passion and it was more than obvious that he had been hiding his feelings from me for so long. And I hid it from him too, I had just been in a relationship and his kiss made me feel something I had never felt in my entire life. He told me right after the first kiss that he loved me and he scooped me up from the pool and into his bedroom. That night, I had received anal. He knew how to make me feel over the top and for that first time I had ever been with a guy sexually, he made sure that I got off first and made sure that I was comfortable. He made love to me, in a way that I knew would never be able to replace it again with a woman. And as he readied for the Marines as we neared graduation, we continued our relationship, all in secrecy. All in a way, that we could be in love, but hide it from those around us. One night though, it all changed. We were invited to our friend's bonfire after graduation. There was alcohol there, so we decided we would go. Everybody there was a little tipsy, and we decided we had to go take a piss. We did and Elliot started sucking my dick in the middle of the woods and one of our football teammates saw us in the woods. He told everybody and within just a night, the entire community knew about us. The "teammate" told everyone at the party and they had kicked our asses, calling us fags and then telling the military. Remember, this was before Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed. Elliot's dreams were crushed and he kept getting letters in the mail about his sexuality, his parents kicking him out, and then he lived at my house for a while, until my parents couldn't deal with the harassment anymore. We moved out to a campsite and lived in the tent for a summer, sometimes with random people threatening us and we lived with a gun, ready for someone to try and end it. One day, that same player who found us in the woods, found us in our tent with a bunch of our former friends, tied us up, and threw us in the back of his van. They all took turns, fucking him, raping him bareback, and cumming inside of him, and then beating the shit out of him. They would then line him up in front of me and through their sheer body force, force him to chain fuck me too. I could feel his tears as he went through this pain. And then, they would whip him until his entire back would be covered in blood. After they had their way with us, they threw me out of the van tied up and gave him a rope, miles away from our campsite. We were both completely naked, covered in nothing but blood and cum. He looked at me and immediately, I saw that the person that I loved was gone and nothing but a vessel that longed for death stood before me. He gave me the tightest hug and said that he was sorry. He went up to a tree with a low lying branch, tied a knot around his neck, and hung himself in front of me. I screamed and screamed for help, but it took three days for someone to find us. I was in love, but that was all taken away by people who were too ignorant to understand what love is. And all I wanted to do was join him," Evan said to me.

"I'm so sorry Evan," I said as he began to cry into my shoulder.

"Don't be. I'm worried about you," he said as he wiped away his tears.

"Soon, they'll know. You're in quite a similar situation I was in, living with the guilt in this kind of place. I'm here to take you away until you go to school. Ryan told me you, him, and Grant were on full scholarships," he said as he stared into my eyes.

I stared back, seeing who I loved as well within those eyes. I was drawn into them, not only because he looked just like who I loved, but because he was hiding me from the place I have come to loathe. I closed my eyes, parted my lips and kissed Evan right on the mouth.

"Let's go get your things," he said as he looked at me in shock as he put a finger between our lips.

We ran back to my house in his Corvette and grabbed everything that I owned. My parents said that my moving out was okay, because they didn't want to drive me to school in the first place. They had not yet known what had happened the night before on graduation. We drove back to his nice apartment in the outlying city and put my things in a corner. We had both done quite a few shots of liquor and we were pretty drunk He then pushed me into a corner, and said, "About earlier..." before he was interrupted again by my lips.

"Nobody... nobody, should ever live in your pain," I said as I gave him my tongue.

He returned the favor, however, he was hesitant. It was obvious that it has been quite a while for him and my energy had quickly returned. He then started taking off my clothes and then the sexual animal that lied within him came forth. He explored and licked every inch of my body with fervor and I couldn't even keep up. He was in full control of me and then he did the unexpected. He put his ten inch dick inside of me and fucked me feverishly. He had been quite more experienced and it gave me a new thrill that Ryan had ever given me, just because of his sheer strength. I could do nothing except take it, as he pumped me faster and stronger than anything I had ever felt. I quickly felt like his bitch as he poured his years of sexual frustration into me. I felt overtaken, in a new world, just an ecstasy unparalleled to that of anything that I knew.

"Oh god, James! No wonder why Ryan loved you! I'm about to burst!" he screamed as he grasped me.

I could do nothing but moan. He had made me feel so submissive, so complacent. He was my Prince Charming. He took me away from that evil place. I was now in hiding, free from the oppressive place that I had finally escaped. I felt his balls tighten, and then the flood of hot, creamy cum, that was unleashed upon my asshole. It was more than I have ever felt. It must have been built up from the long time since he had sex. And I came immediately He then sucked my neck and that was the last thing I remembered about that night. I woke up, clenched within his arms and clenched him back, realizing what I had done. I snuggled deep within his masculine chest and slightly scruffy chin and fell back asleep, dreaming that both of the men I cared about were in my arms.

I wonder, "Would Ryan want this?"


James Knoll

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