Taking a relationship further for non versatile couples

Are you in a typical top bottom gay male relationship but feel it stagnating in the bedroom or at times when you conflict outside the bedroom with who is steering the ship when two stubborn male energies runs up against each other in an unhealthy way for conflict resolution?

Have you considered evolving the relationship to a more Yin Yang energy, and embracing a different power structure to your life to help in both the bedroom as well as in the day to day? The power different structure can keep things sexually energized in and out of the bedroom, and the Yin Yang nature of the dynamic can solve many problems while providing balance as a team for the relationship. This will require some introduction to a power exchange relationship. This likely is new territory for both of you, but the end result can be one of beauty when it all works together. 

For this approach to work, the top introduces and trains the bottom and nudges him along a path of self discovery as a bottom. It is likely the bottom already feels many of these things, even if just subconsciously. You will just be helping him evolve further as well as you will also be evolving your own male top energy in the relationship. The key is the power dynamic coupled with the beautiful act of male male sexual intercourse (see my other writing on the beauty of that). You may need to leverage some other power you already likely have in the relationship, to introduce this new direction into your connection, be that financial or otherwise, to nudge the boy into some areas that may be a bit uncomfortbale for him, but the goal is to reach a more Yin Yang balance between the two of you, and it will be worth it in the end. 

You will be training your guy into being a more passive bottom, dependent on his hole for his orgasms and sexual pleasure. Your cock will become the symbol of your household's overall sexuality, and the boy will learn to worship it. He will be seeing you as the alpha in the relationship. You need to train him to think of his ass and his mouth as his sexual organs whereas your, and other real men's sexual organ is their penises. The advice below does not apply to versatile couples, only to those interested who may find a true Top man/bottom boy type arrangement will help further their overall relationship. 

To get him to learn to get all pleasure from his anus, and orgasm from it, you will need to do a few things to break down some lifelong habits in the boy, but the end result is one of beauty and will help the overall relationship work much better in the end and add a level of excitement and power to the relationship, not just your power over the boy, but you will also be receiving the boys admiration and power as well. 

These four areas are where you will need to work on:

1. Discourage use of his cock.  Every time he uses his cock he is experiencing pleasure as a Top man. He is neglecting his bottom and he is continuing to learning the wrong lesson and get off with his cock instead of his hole. This may be an uncomfortable to the boy (or you) if you haven't used toys before in your relationship, but you really should consider consistent (working toward permanent) chastity to help in this training. Even if it seems extreme to you, if you as the dad suggest it to the boy it likely will turn him on subconsciously. He may be hesitant due to the embarrassment of it, or it may feel weird to him, but if you say you really want him, or insist on him, to at least try it for a month or two initially (and work toward longer), it will jump start your evolution in this training. Discouraging the use of his cock sexually serves two functions, one is breaking the penile habits he has had his whole life, as those are very old and long held habits. Two, it helps establishes your control and power structure and keep the boys energy and focus on the you as the Top and feel your energy and control in a more day to day way. It is a constant reminder to him as it will be something he feels all the time. When you fuck him make sure he is focused on the sensations his bottom is giving him. Encourage the boy to feel naughty if he touches his dick, but reward him for playing with his bottom. Refer to his cock as a small boys dick, even if it isn't that small. Insist he keep his crotch hairless to help differentiate from your own to further the Yin Yang nature. If he is caught touching his dick, act disappointed, so he feels shame when he touches himself there. If you are in a BDSM relationship then there are many options available to you to reinforce this notion that boy touching his nubbin is bad, wether it be humbling, grounding, financial consequences, or spanking. The idea is to encourage negative feelings towards his cock as a source of stimulation and achieving orgasm in a conventionally ‘top male’ way. That's not to say as a dad you can't unlock your boy's chastity cage and play with his cock from time to time, all gay men and do enjoy that from time to time, but it shouldn't be too often and it definitely should only be at your discretion as the Top, not the boys.

2. Make him feel good about his bottom. All boys are naturally self conscious, almost all boys that are into daddy boy relationships also are pretty insecure and seek out stability and security and being reminded that their dad loves them. By telling him how beautiful and delicious his bottom is, and letting him know how much you love it as often as you can, he will gain confidence in his bottom and be much more comfortable in you showing it off and using it. Let him have toys to play with his hole, maybe make a clone a willy of your cock for him, or butt plugs, or dildos. Everyone masturbates even in long term relationships, so you want to make sure he's doing it in a way that reinforces the energies. Reinforce behavior which glorifies his bottom and puts it at the forefront of his sexual pleasure and identity. Much like you are trying to promote a feeling of the forbidden and negative towards his cock in the first step, here you are trying to promote feelings of desirability and positivity surrounding his bottom and being a bottom boy. He may resist this but it also is sometimes useful to show other men how good a bottom he is, and how proud that makes you, by showing pictures of him being topped by yourself or friends of yours. This reinforces and normalizes his role as a bottom and how proud you are of him for it and helps with his overall self acceptance in the new role for your relationship. It will help others see your boy as who he truly is. Touch his ass often, even if in public, a small discreet grab or pat goes a long way. If you are at a gay bar, go ahead and put your hand down the back of his pants often, others will see it and know a bit more about who is in charge, and it will be an affectionate feeling for the boy, even if somewhat embarrassing. Either way you are the one in control and the act is one of reassurance to the boy. Everyone loves and needs to feel sexually appreciated as well. Your boy will feel good when you see him as a sexual object at times, but also show your love too. Just as he will see your cock as a sexual object and also show you love. 

3. The most important rule. Give him pleasure through his bottom. If you want him to be a true bottom and love it, you need to make sure he is feeling satisfied enough anally to forget about his dick. Casually grab his ass cheeks, rub his hole when kissing, play with it during foreplay and ignore his cock completely. Rub his ass. Play with his hole. If he's sucking you off put a toy in his ass. Try to avoid his cock as much as possible. Give him pleasure through his ass, finger him often, and when you do come round to fucking it, make sure you drive him wild through the fuck and aim to give him an anal orgasm if possible. When he does have an anal orgasm, kiss him, congratulate him and tell him what a good boy he is, make him feel proud for being a good bottom and how much you love to feel his body contract in orgasm around your cock. Getting a boy to cum regularly from anal alone isn't easy. That means that as a Top you need to be up to the task of giving him the satisfaction necessary for him to feel that it is worth all the trouble and denial he is going through. After a few months of this training, you will get to a point where you often will literally fuck the cum out of him through his prostate being hit or just the psychology and power of the act of male male sex. It will get easier in time and the longer the boy is kept in consistent chastity.

4. Combat his shame. A lot of bottom boys may feel shame for many reasons. They may feel shame for being gay, or that they are not very masculine compared to other boys/Men. They may worry about what people think about them. Even if they come to terms with being gay and being less masculine, they may still feel bad about being exclusively passive bottom boys because let’s face it, Tops get a lot more respect than bottoms both from gays and straights. In order for your boy to truly feel comfortable in his own skin and identity as a fully 100% passive bottom boy and completely give himself to you, and by extension accept you as his 100% active long-term partner, you need to not only encourage that behavior, but let him know that being a bottom boy is OK and anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves. An important way to do this is to reinforce the message that you are his Man/Daddy and you will keep him safe and protect him from what any haters may say or think. Show him your love and affection as well as your dominance. This gets a bit into healthy humbling versus degredation. Never do that latter, but the former can be useful and normalizing. Letting other men know he is a bottom with a smaller cock in chastity, and that that is ok and something to be celebrated not ashamed of. How proud you are of him for his bottoming and accepting that role, and how his cock is not that of a mans but that is ok. Refer to him as a boy often, especially in the bedroom, but also in public. In public a "my boy" here and there can soften the sound of it if you are worried about others, while still helping him see himself in the light you are trying to illuminate him in. The public reinforcement and acceptance is key and will help him accept it in himself and help him view himself truly as a boy and you as his man/dad/top. He likely will resist the humbling, due to societal prejudice about being a total bottom which may be a bit embarassing to him, but you have to be the one in charge and get him to accept this part of him more fully. He needs to accept that he actually thrives with guidance of an older top dad, and that takes some discomfort socially to drag him, sometimes unwillingly a bit, out of that "second closet". Your cock will become a symbol of your household's sexuality. Celebrate it. Make sure to take lots of photos of your boy servicing your cock orally and anally and keep them on your phone along with pictures of your boys ass and his cock in chastity. Showing these to other tops and dads at a gay bar from time to time will have a huge impact on the boy's learning to accept that part of himself more fully, reinforce a bit of the power structure, and help you stay in that driver seat. Again, as the top you are helping him by nudging him or dragging him a bit out of the second closet.

If you follow the above with a boy who is willing to try, and wants to be trained then you may well end up in the Yin and Yang type relationship so many people idolize. When things are truely wroking in this manner, it often solves a lot of problems when two men (stubborn as we are) are sometimes both vying for control on an issue that doesn't really need two cooks in the kitchen. This power structure also is a lot cheaper, and I would argue a lot more effective, than relationship counseling and therapy. As problem resolution is quicker since the dad can simply put his foot down. You will be a coach, but both of you will still part of the same team. You will become opposites which fit together perfectly to make a whole. A true team. A relationship where both are getting different and wonderful things from each other, and the bond that clicks may even extend itself outside the bedroom when the relationship is more realized and actualized. You may find other things will start working better in other areas of the relationship and life.