The dirty phone call caper

By: J. "Butch" Raymond

The phone rang. "Raymond," I answered confidently.

"Butch, it's Chad Young, up in the canyon. You remember me, don't you?" He sounded nervous.

"Sure, Chad," I responded, trying to make it sound light and friendly. "What's up?" I like that question.

"I'm having a... er..." he hesitated, "...a problem."

"Want to tell me about it?" I asked soothingly.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" he asked politely. That was like Chad. He was unassuming, handsome, and very rich - a successful, young entertainer and songwriter, always thinking about the next guy before himself. We'd crossed paths before but only peripherally, when I was working a case. See, I'm a private dick. My colleagues and police buddies like to call me a rodless dick, because I never carry a gun, but they all know the Hollywood gay set favors my help because I'm known to keep my mouth shut.

"Not at all," I assured him. "I was just thinking I'd like to get out of these hot duds and go for a swim, to tell you the truth."

"Oh! I can call back later," he said quickly, sounding like he'd just as soon hang up as talk.

"No, no," I laughed, "the ocean ain't goin' nowhere. It'll wait. Com'on, tell we what troubling you."

"Well. I've been getting these phone calls..." he stopped.

"Umm Hmm," I hummed agreeably, letting him know I was listening.

"Uh... They started about three weeks ago."

"Yes," I said, again just to let him know I was with him. I let him take his own time.

"At first, they were, well, rather..." he paused, "...interesting."

"Interesting," I repeated, not inquisitively, simply repeating his word.

"Yes. I thought they were... uh... interesting." He repeated.

"In what way?" I asked softly, trying to encourage him.

"Well, it's sort of embarrassing," he said with a catch in his voice.

I just kept my mouth shut, hoping he'd find the nerve to continue. Anything I may say could be misinterpreted at this point, I figured, so I kept still.

"They were dirty phone calls," he said quietly, after taking a deep breath for courage.

"I see," I said calmly. "From a man or a woman?" We both knew we were both gay, it all had to do with that other case and some day I'll write about it, but I thought asking this question might settle him down.

"Oh, it was a man," he replied quickly, as if even the suggestion that it might have been a woman was out of the question.

"Did he give you his name?"

"He said it was Terry, but now I don't think even that was true. He never gave me a last name."

"You never met him, or saw him, I take it."

"No, I don't think so. We just talked on the phone," he said.

"Just talked," I repeated, with an edge to my voice, telling him in a way that I thought he was leaving something out.

"Well, no. It was much more than just talking, really. It was, well, damn, it was hot! Fuck it, Butch, he was hot!" he admitted excitedly. "What do you want me to say? He pushed all the right buttons for me and I jacked off while we talked." He was getting pissed off.

Hey, Chad, Baby, I jack off all the time," I said soothingly. "Ain't nothin' wrong with that. Don't get your balls in an uproar. Phone sex is not only safe sex, it's big business nowadays. You should just take a look at my phone bills sometime, if you want a real shocker." I chuckled.

He calmed down. "Okay. Sorry, Butch. This thing has me worried."

"Okay, but why the worry. Did he jack off with you?"

"At first, I thought so. But slowly, day by day, an offbeat element started creeping into his conversation. It became clear that he was angry about something, I don't know what, but he seemed to be blaming me for it. His calls became more and more frequent and then more and more threatening." Words were pouring out of him, now.

Oh, oh, I thought, but said calmly, "Threatening? In what way?" I was alarmed but tried to sound only interested.

"Well, he says he's going to kill me," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Chad, I'll be up there in less than an hour. Now, listen to me." I stopped for a response.

"Up here?"

"Yes. I'm coming there immediately. Do you understand?"

"Okay, but why?"

"Are you alone?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well, listen to me. I want you to lock all the doors and windows and secure the place. Open up to no one 'til I get there. Do you understand?" I was serious but tried to continue to speak calmly.

"Yes, I'll do that."

"When I'm outside your place, I'll call you on my car phone, but do not open the door unless you see me and see my car. Is that clear?" Sweat was breaking out on my upper lip. I gave him my car-phone number. "Use it if you have to. Got it?"

"Okay, I got it, but why? You don't think I'm in any real danger, do you?" He sounded disbelieving.

"I'll tell you what, Sweetheart, you're too sexy to be taking any chances. I don't want you hurt. Or alone. I don't want anything harming you, and I'm gonna see what can be done to stop what's happening. If, while I'm on my way, someone does try to break in, I want you to call 911, immediately. If they try to break in, call 911, not me. Got that?"

"Sure, Butch. I'll call 911, if someone comes. Geez, all of a sudden I feel scared."

"Com'on, Baby, you'll be okay. Just lock everything up tight and wait for me. Okay?"

"Oooh, Butch, this is exciting. I'm starting to get a hardon!"

"Not now, Chad. Not right now."

* * * * *

My cellular phone was in my hand when I pulled up to Chad's place on Golden Drive. I was about to punch in his number when I saw that a sliding glass door near the main entrance was standing open. Taking no chances, I dialed 911 as I got out of the car and headed for that open door.

Fuckin' recordings, I thought as I waited for a human being to come on the line. I went in stealthily, trying to keep one ear to the phone and one to catch noises in the house. The floor plan was typical of those big houses in the canyon, and I headed for what I figured was the master bedroom.

The door was half-opened and I saw two nude figures on the big bed. Two naked men. One seemed to be hovering over the other who was lying on his back. The top man held something black and menacing in his hand. A blackjack or maybe a big gun, I figured.

An operator came on the line, finally, and I whispered, "Attempted murder. Break-in. 1184 Golden Drive. Send help in a hurry. Got that?"

"We understand. Who are you and..." I placed the phone on a hallway table, not breaking the connection, when I knew they'd gotten my message. Then, I bolted into the room.

My flying tackles ain't the best, but I got that fucker around the chest while I was still in mid-air and we careened off that bed and hit the floor with a couple of big "Oomph's!" I watched the object in his hand roll safely away but immediately recognized it as a big dildoe, a big dildoe covered with a black condom. Just as I was readying a fist to knock the guy out, I heard Chad yell, "No, Butch, it's Eric. My lover!"

I raised up, aware of the nakedness of the nude body I was straddling, aware of the hardness I felt, and looked at Chad. His whopper of an erection was exposed and it took me a moment to refocus. I looked up in his eyes, saw sudden terror written in them as he looked behind me, and heard him yell, "Look out!" just as I felt something hit the back of my head. I was out cold before I hit the floor.

* * * * *

A groan. I heard it but didn't know where it was coming from. Something was slapping at my face. Another groan. It was coming out of me! Shit, I didn't feel good! My ears were ringing and my head felt like it would split, yet some fucker was hitting me in the face. I struggled to get my eyes opened.

I looked up and saw Police Detective Will Boyer hovering over me, patting my face.

I brushed his big paw away, showing my annoyance. I was confused. What was Will doing here? He's a police detective and my once in a while lover. Then, I remembered. I had called 911.

"You okay, Butch?" Will asked, a worried look on his face.

I was lying on the floor. I glanced around and saw the big dildoe was still where it had rolled. I looked back up at Will.

"Butch, are you okay?" he repeated.

"I... I..." I tried to speak, tried to clear my head of the pain. "Wha' happen'?" I managed to mumble.

"Seems like you're a hero, again, Butch." He grinned.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"Well, as we've pieced it together, it looks like you called 911, burst into this room, knocked down the wrong guy, and then got hit over the head by a murderous nut-case." Will seemed delighted with his little tale.

"Was anyone hurt?" I asked trying to concentrate. My whole head throbbed. I could hardly hear. I was grateful Will was speaking slowly and clearly. I was becoming aware that he was also rubbing my chest and belly in a comforting way. It was the only thing that felt good to me.

"Well, someone sure would have been if the police hadn't responded to your call so quickly. There is no doubt about that. The nut-case, we still don't know his name but Chad Young calls him 'Terry' for some reason, tied up both Chad and his boyfriend, Eric, back to back, told them he was first going to give them both a blowjob, and then was going to kill them."

"Shit!" I sighed.

"We don't know who he went down on first, but he was sucking on Eric's monster when the first group of police officers arrived. One of the officers, a good friend of mine, took me aside and told me Eric is hung like a fuckin' bull but, even so, the nut-case had him in all the way. Some talent, eh, Butch? Sound like anyone we know?" He grinned.

I knew he meant me. As he was talking, his hand was straying lower and lower on my body. I found it very arousing.

"So no one was hurt," I said, trying to confirm what he was saying.

"No. Only you," he said sympathetically. Then he smiled broadly and added, "Unless you want to count Eric. My friend, the cop, told me it looked like he and the other cops arrived in time to pull the guy off Eric's cock just at the point when Eric was preparing to blast off, man. Eric confirmed to my friend, who was really impressed with Eric's big cock, that it was "suckus interuptus" at the worst possible moment and it had left him with a bad case of blue balls. Eric and Chad were both made to stand around naked while the cops were trying to figure out what had happened, and why you were out cold here on the floor. My cop friend was really drooling over both of them, he told me, but, of course, he couldn't help poor Eric out of his predicament. Not right then, anyhow. Not with all those other cops around. They were both disappointed."

Even with my head swimming, and not really following his tale too well. I felt my cock swelling at the telling of Eric's problem and the young cop's interest in helping him out.

Will's roving hands found and fondled my growing rod. "Feeling any better, now, Butch," he whispered.

"Can I get up?"

"Looks like you can get IT up! But, no, you can't get up. We're gonna move you to an emergency room and get that nasty bump on the back of your head looked at." He was very solicitous. One gentle hand rubbed my chest while the other continued to fondle my growing rod. "But, I'll stay with ya, buddy, don't worry."

I felt comforted by my close friend's presence. I smiled up at him and saw great tenderness in the loving expression of this big detective. I closed my eyes. Then, I either fell asleep or passed out again.

Two days later, in the evening, my phone rang. "Raymond," I said, trying to sound confident. I was still a bit woozy. The docs had told me to spend the next few days in bed.

"Butch? It's Chad. Chad Young." He sounded hesitant and nervous. I half expected him to add, "Do you remember me?"

"Oh! Chad! Fuck, man, is it good to hear your voice!" I enthused.

"It is?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"Damn right! I've been real worried about you," I told him.

"About me? I'm the one who's been worried. I've been worried about you! You're the one who got hurt the other day."

"Oh, yeah," I said. "The other day," I repeated.

"You saved our lives," he said softly.

"Yeah, maybe, but I don't remember a fuckin' thing."

"Nothing at all?" he asked in that sexy, soft voice of his.

"Just that giant dick of yours, Baby." I said with equal softness.

"Oh! Butch!" he said, giggling. Then, thinking about it, he added, "Gee, you did see it, didn't you."

"It was worth getting knocked out to see, man!"

"Oh! Butch!" he said, again, through giggles. "You don't have to get knocked out to see it."

"Really?"

"No. I'd be happy to show it to you any time."

"I'd like that. Thanks," I said. "It sure is a nice one. I remember it clearly. Standing up so big and proud. Lookin' so good. So suckable."

"Oooh! Watch what you say, or it'll start gettin' big right now."

"Just like mine, then," I admitted quietly.

His breath was sucked in in surprise. "Yours is gettin' big?"

"I've been horny for two days, and they tell me to stay in bed. I've been thinking of chokin' the fucker," I told him.

"You mean..." he hesitated. "...jack off?"

"Got any better ideas?"

"Well, I wish I had called earlier. I'da come down for a visit."

"Hmmm. What would you do here?"

"I'd take care of you and take care of that big thing for you."

"Ummm, that sounds nice. Think you could handle it?"

"I'm good at handling big ones."

"Eric has a big one, doesn't he."

"Did you see it?"

"I think I felt it. I don't remember seeing it, though. A friend of mine, a cop, told me it was a big one."

"It is," Chad confirmed.

"Where is he now?" I asked.

"He's back out on the road with his group," he told me. Eric was lead singer for a popular rock band for which Chad wrote songs. "He was horny the other day and had sneaked over for a quick one. That's why he was in my house when you arrived. I was so surprised and pleased by his visit, and had missed him so much, that when I saw his erection, I forgot all about my problem or that you were on your way up here. I'm sorry." He hesitated. "But now Eric's gone." He sounded sad.

"Then we're in the same boat."

"What do you mean?"

"Our men are gone. Our meat's hard. Sounds like we should both do some chokin'. Together." Of course, since I knew he had been enjoying dirty phone calls, this didn't sound like a bad idea to me.

"Stroking," he said.

"Pud pounding," I responded.

"Meat beating."

"Waxing the turtle."

"Spanking the monkey."

"I think you got the idea!" I exclaimed, delighted. "But let me ask you a question that's been on my mind. Okay?"

"Shoot," he said in a friendly tone.

"What was Eric going to do with that big thing in his hand?"

"His cock?" Chad asked.

"No, the dildoe."

"Oh? Oh, Yes! That dildoe!" He paused. It sounded like he left the phone for a moment. "Ah!" he sighed, "This dildoe!"

"Hmmm, you've got it in your hand, now?"

"Yeah. It's a big one!"

"Well, what was he doin' with it?" My voice was husky. "Was he goin' to..." I hesitated.

"He was just getting ready to put it in himself." His voice was strained with excitement.

"Oh? In himself?"

"Yeah. Then, he was going to fuck me. He likes having something in his ass when he fucks me. Says it makes him shoot harder. Better. More!"

"Hmmm. Does he ever fuck you with a real live cock up his ass?"

"Oooh! You mean a real live cock, like yours?"

"That sounds like a good idea to me!" I said. But thinking about it, I added, "Or that cute cop's, the cop that found you all bound up together."

"Oh, him! Yes. He was cute, wasn't he? Did you see him, Butch?"

"No, but I know who he is. My friend Will, the detective you met, introduced him to me a couple of month's ago. He's a hot one!"

"Hmmm. He does look hot!"

"He said you and Eric both looked good enough to eat!" I told him.

"Gee. Thinking about either you or that hot cop fuckin' Eric while he fucks me, is really getting me turned on."

"Or, maybe, both of us fuckin' Eric!" I added lasciviously. "Like, taking turns."

Chad groaned in a very sexual way.

"Whacha doin'?"

He only groaned, again.

"Where's that dildoe, now?" I asked.

"Uh! I thought I'd put it to good use, while we talked, but it's so big, it's breaking my concentration. It's hard to talk."

"Yeah, I'm hard, too," I said, playing with his words.

"Hard," he repeated, in obvious arousal. "I'm hard and leaking. This big thing feels so good inside me."

"I'd like this big thing inside you." My voice was strained with emotion.

"I'm imagining it IS your big thing, Butch. I used to jack off thinking about your big thing, ever since I saw it, that time."

"Ummm!" I sighed, enjoying this. He remembered. It was during our brief, sexy, encounter while I worked that case I mentioned.

"I used to think about sucking it," he whispered. "About having it slide into me. Into my mouth. Into my ass. Feeling it fill me up, just like this big thing is doing, now."

He was good on the phone. I could hear that he was enjoying this, too. I was leaking lube all over my belly. Rubbing it on my cockhead for pleasure as I pumped. Lying there, naked, as I talked with him on the phone. Pumping my big one. Really getting off on it. Relaxed and ready to shoot a load for the first time since I'd been hit on the head. It was great!

"Oh, Baby, you've got me hot! I'm pumpin' this big cock and I'm gettin' ready to shoot!" I sighed.

"Yeah! Pump that fucker, man." he sighed. "I'm pumping mine. I feel this big thing in my ass as I tighten my ass cheeks and cross my ankles. I feel it in me as I beat my meat. I wish it was you, here, with me. I see your cock coming towards my mouth. I want to suck it. I want you to cum in my mouth!"

"Oh! That did it! I'm cumming! I'm shooting all over the place! Uh!" And I came. Magnificently!

"Oh, God!" he cried at the same time. "I'm cumming, too! Oh, it's spitting in my face. Oh, lot's of cream! Oh! Ahh!" And I could hear the honesty of it in his voice. It was great! We moaned and groaned, together, as we got off.

Finally, after catching our breath, he sighed, "I'm coming down there, tomorrow, Butch. I won't take 'no' for an answer. You can use some real nursing, and I'm good at it."

"Well, tell you what," I said, pausing.

"What's that?"

"Bring that big dildoe with you. Maybe we can put it to good use, here, too."

"All right!"

"And I'll ask Will if he and that sexy cop can join us. What do you think?"

"I think it would be impossible to keep me away!"

"Great, then. See ya tomorrow."

"Till tomorrow." And he hung up.

I settled back, smiling, thinking about tomorrow. I fell into the best sleep I'd had in days.