Seminary Boys

Fr. Jim sat at his desk in his office at St. Stephen’s High School scrolling through emails, newsletters and other nonsense contained in his computer. A tall, classically handsome man with a salt-and-pepper beard, the 58-year-old priest was the chaplain and head of theology at the private high school. It was a sunny afternoon in late May and the school day had just ended, one of the last of that school year. He could’ve gone home, in fact, many of his colleagues already had but he wanted to take another pass at the benediction he would be giving at the next week’s graduation ceremony. The problem was that the heat of the coming summer flooded in through his window and distracted him from actually doing anything of value. So there he sat. Scrolling. 

Suddenly, there was a timid knock on the door that startled the priest and forced him to sit at attention. 

“Fr. Jim?” an inquisitive, shy voice called out from beyond the partially opened office door. 

“Yes, come in,” replied the priest, closing his computer and straightening himself so as to look presentable. 

The door opened slowly to reveal Geoffrey Roberts, one of the senior students, smart as a whip though somewhat small compared to his classmates. Sandy blond hair and a button nose, framed by clear plastic glasses, Geoff, as his friends called him, stood no taller than 5 '5 but packed an intense amount of beauty into such a tiny frame. Never a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his school uniform, Geoff put time into his appearance and it showed. But it also became a source of ridicule among his classmates. St. Stephen’s was a prestigious all-boy’s school, known for rigorous academic excellence and highly competitive sports teams. The high school held as many trophies for math and science as it did for soccer and baseball. Because of this highly competitive, often macho environment, there were present challenges for an eccentric, unathletic boy like Geoff. He was never tortured, from what his teachers could see, but he was often excluded or made the butt of an unkind “gay” joke. To his credit, he knew where he stood in the social order of the school and kept to himself, choosing to mingle with his few close friends, and to focus intently on his academics, which had been pristine since he started four years earlier. 

“Hey Geoff, why haven’t you gone home yet? Everything okay?” the priest asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed looking down at his feet. “I, uh, was hoping to ask you about something. Something private.”

“Well, sure. That’s what I’m here for.” Fr. Jim jumped to his feet and invited the boy further into the room. 

“Let’s take a seat,” he motioned for the meeting table on the other side of the room. First Fr. Jim and then Geoff settled into their chairs. 

“What’s going on, Geoff? You seem down.” The priest could tell that something was bothering the boy. Though he wasn’t the most popular kid in school, Geoff was always light and bouncy, excited to be at school and learning. But this Geoff was different. Solemn and mousy. 

Geoff squirmed in his chair and fumbled with his hands under the table. 

“I, uh, I…” He couldn’t seem to get any complete words out. 

The priest looked at him compassionately and let him collect himself.

“I, uh, I,” he continued. “I think I’m gay. And I’m scared. And I don’t know what to do.” 

Fr. Jim was a Catholic priest but he wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the “gay” teasing and had his own ideas about which students might be questioning. Geoff was near the top of that list. 

“It’s okay,” the priest broke the incredible silence and quickly organized his thoughts, deciding what to say next. He continued. “People are gay, Geoff, and that is okay. God still loves you all the same.”

The boy looked up with a confusion written across his face. It wasn’t the response he had expected. It wasn’t really what Fr. Jim had expected either. Not that he was homophobic, but this was the first time a student had come to him with this kind of announcement and he didn’t have any idea of what to say. Unsurprisingly, the collar of a Roman Catholic priest was a bit of a deterrent to people who wanted to open up about their sexuality for the first time. So, he tried his best to be kind and kept talking to fill the silence. 

“I’m not going to throw you out of this office or tell you you’re wrong or that you’re going to hell because it’s simply not true. I love my job and love our church, but even religions like ours are imperfect, and in their imperfection they hurt people. Do you understand?”

Geoff nodded and tried not to cry. He didn’t think that the priest would hate him or scream at him, that’s why he went to him, but the weight of telling someone was finally off his shoulders and for the first time in a long time he felt free. 

“So what makes you think you’re gay, Geoff? Did something happen?”

Again, he nodded. Looking up he spoke for the first time. “I, uh, think I have always known I was different but didn’t, uh, know what that meant. I never had a crush on a girl or wanted to kiss them and thought something might be wrong with me, especially when I started having those feelings for boys.” 

Fr. Jim sat quietly and listened. 

“Then a few months ago it happened.” He stopped. 

“What happened, Geoff?”

“You have to promise not to tell anyone. If anyone at school found out, I would be dead.” He was pleading. 

“I won’t say anything. I promise.” He patted the silver cross that hung around his neck.

“Well, you know I stay after school to tutor, right?” 

Fr. Jim nodded. 

“At the start of the school year, I was assigned to Scott Anderson, the soccer player. He needed help in math and Spanish so the guidance office thought I would be a good fit. At first I was really intimidated by him. He’s like 6’3 and an amazing athlete, and had no business talking to someone like me. But as I got to know him, I saw that there was a lot more to him. We were becoming friends, but I’m not sure he would call it that. During the day, he ignored me but in the afternoon we would laugh and talk like we were best friends. The best part was, his grades were actually improving. Anyway, I always thought he was handsome but just resigned myself to be his tutor. I could look all I wanted but that’s all I could do. Then one day after school, a day or two before spring break we were studying together after he finished training in the gym. He was wearing gym clothes and was sweaty but I didn’t mind. We were working on the subjunctive when his bare knee touched mine. I didn’t pull away, it was too magical even if it was an accident. But he didn’t pull away either. He actually started to kind of rub his leg up against mine. It… it wasn’t an accident. He was actually doing it on purpose. I looked at him and he stopped. I have no idea where this courage came from but I just whispered ‘don’t stop’ and he kissed me. Scott Anderson, star of the soccer team, kissed me.” 

Geoff was positively glowing, beaming as he recounted the story of his first kiss with his crush. It was like a movie to both Geoff and Fr. Jim, but they both knew there was more. 

“That all sounds like it was going well. So what happened?” Fr. Jim asked.

“Well I kissed him back and we stopped studying,” he laughed. “He told me that he really liked me and that he had started to fall for me after all these months of studying. I echoed his confession which made him smile. He didn’t have any plans for spring break and all of his friends were out of town on trips so we spent the whole week together. We went out to eat, biked through the park, walked around a couple of movies and…” he trailed off, not wanting to disclose more than he needed to to his confessor. “It was perfect. He was perfect, exactly what I wanted. He made me feel loved and safe and… special. But then the week ended and he got weird. We didn’t talk and our study sessions were awkward and cold. He was distant like we hadn’t just shared all of those memories together. Our tutoring sessions became fewer and fewer until they stopped all together. Now we graduate next week and I’ll never see him again. I have all of these feelings and I… I… just don’t know what to do.” 

Fr. Jim wasn’t prepared for this depth of confession. He thought the disclosure of his sexuality was the climax, but he was now dealing with a first love and a broken heart. He knew we would have to tread lightly with what he said next. 

“I’m sorry, Geoff,” was all he could muster. He scrambled for more words to say but all that popped into his head was a memory from 40 years ago that was locked away, far back in the recesses of his mind. He didn’t want to bring it up. He didn’t know if he could, but he sensed that sharing his own story was the only way to make this troubled young boy understand that he knew his pain. 

“I’m sorry, Father, I shouldn’t have told you all of that… I, uh…” 

“No,” Fr. Jim spoke up. “It was good of you to tell me. It must feel like a weight off of your shoulders.”

Geoff nodded. 

“Geoff, I want to tell you something.” The boy perked up. “I ask that you don’t share it because it’s very personal and may make people around here treat me differently.” 

Geoff nodded again “I won’t say anything, Father.”

“Back in 1980, when I was an 18-year-old seminarian, I wasn’t too dissimilar from you. Academic, skinny, different from the other boys my age. But it was during that year that I met someone and I fell in love.”

…

August 1980, a young, wide-eyed Jim Clarkson stepped out of his parents’ station wagon onto the campus of Sacred Heart Seminary for the first time. The red-brick building with spires pointed toward heaven looked more like a castle than a school. Ivy dangled from its windows and massive oak trees shaded its long promenades and grassy, manicured fields. It was a jewel in an otherwise forgotten plain of rural Iowa. It had taken him and his family several hours to drive there from Illinois. The beauty that surrounded this place, his home for the next several years, warmed Jim’s heart and assured him of his decision to join the priesthood. 

“Well, this is it, son,” Mr. Clarkson bellowed as he patted his son on the back. 

“We’re so proud of you, honey.” Mrs. Clarkson echoed with a characteristically hearty hug. 

Jim grew up in what he would describe as a very Catholic family. Church every week and on all the Holy Days of Obligation. Prayers of thanksgiving before each meal and prayers for protection before his father started the car. He crossed himself when walking past churches, and never cursed or used the Lord’s name in vain. His mom was a homemaker and his dad was the authority in the house. In the 60’s and 70’s when things were changing across the country, the Clarksons remained pious and vigilant in their faith. 

Growing up, Jim always admired the priests. He liked their fancy, ceremonial clothes and the way they helped people with little problems here and there. They were always outgoing and friendly, Jim noticed, and he wanted to be like that, even though he had the temperament of a shy boy. When he told his parents at the end of his junior year of high school that he wanted to join the priesthood, they were thrilled. After all, grandchildren weren’t a concern. His older brother was married to a good Catholic girl and had a kid on the way and his older sister was soon to be engaged. He was the last piece to the puzzle, a priest. His mother could die a happy Catholic woman. 

Although, Jim didn’t see becoming a priest as his Catholic duty as he saw it as his only option. Growing up, he was told you have two options as a man: get married or become a priest. Jim didn’t want to get married. He didn’t understand the obsession with girls his friends at school had. He liked girls as friends but that was just it, as friends. He didn’t want to kiss them or hold their hands. In fact, he’d rather be kissing and touching their boyfriends which was a thought so toxic to Jim that he physically shook his head “no” every time he fantasized about a boy or woke up soaking from another sexual dream about one of the football players at his high school. No, having, let alone acting on those feelings was out of the questions. Jim made the decision early to hide himself, his true self, away in the priesthood where sex of any kind was not on the table. 

Pleasantries and goodbyes behind them, Jim walked away from his parents and took his first few steps of what felt like freedom. Sure, he was going to the strict and regimented world of the Church but he was doing it on his own without his parents, without his family, without the baggage of the community he was leaving behind. That may not be freedom to all but it was freedom to Jim. 

With a final wave, Jim entered the main hall of the seminary. He walked past two young priests dressed in long black cassocks who greeted him and directed him where to go for registration. Tall wooden columns lined the ornate red carpets that plunged into the building’s deep halls.

“Welcome, brothers!” a sign written in black marker ushered Jim into a sitting room, paneled in rich red wood and peppered with paintings and statues of scenes from the bible. His suitcase was passed off to another young priest who snuck it away into an adjoining room. In the room sat about 20 men, boys really, all around his age of 18 looking as wide-eyed and unsure as he himself must’ve looked. He joined them, sitting in a middle row which he calculated was the safest place to show he was not disinterested but not too interested either. 

“Brothers,” a seminarian with bright red, curly hair spoke. “It looks like we’re all here now so we’ll get started in just a few minutes. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves until then.” 

Jim squirmed in his seat. He wasn’t late but also hated the fact that he was the last person to arrive. 

“I’m Edwin,” a voice interrupted his overthinking. 

Jim turned to see a small filipino boy with a bright small and a hand extended. 

“Uh, hi…” he stuttered in reply. “My name is Jim.” 

“Nice to meet you Jim,” Edwin smiled back. He was one of those people who you couldn’t imagine with a frown. A permanent smile must be on their face at all times which should be annoying but isn’t because it’s who they are and it’s comforting. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Jim replied. “Where are you coming from?” 

“Not too far actually. I’m from a town on the other side of the state. What about you?” 

“Springfield,” Jim replied. 

“Which one?” Edwin replied with a laugh. 

“Illinois,” he smiled back too. 

“Land of Lincoln!” Edwin postured. “My dad took me there when I was a kid. He’s the one who got me into history.”

“That’s great. It’s a cool place but being from there you take for granted all the important things that happened…”

“Brothers!” Jim’s thought was interrupted by the same excitable redhead as before. “Good morning and welcome to Sacred Heart!”

A round of applause followed his introduction. 

“We are so happy and blessed that your vocation to serve God called you here. We welcome you as brothers and can’t wait to grow closer with you in prayer and in spirit.”

More applause followed. 

“Shall we begin with a prayer?” the facilitator asked into the crowd. “Why don’t we have one of our new brothers lead us… How about you… Edwin.” 

Edwin nodded, rising to the occasion much more gracefully than I would have. 

“In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Heavenly Father, we thank you for convening us here today to serve you and each other. We pray that you bestow your grace upon us as we endeavor to serve you and the beautiful creation you have provided for us. May you watch over our loved ones as they travel home and may you comfort our brotherhood as we make our home within the walls of your beautiful house. In Jesus’s name we pray.” 

A chorus of Amens filled the room. 

“Beautiful. Now, onto logistics. This week is your formal orientation week to get acquainted with the grounds and your new way of life here before you begin your formal studies next week. This is not a traditional institution of higher education. Here we employ a strict dress code and schedule. This discipline is crucial to spiritual formation and deepening your connection with God. You will rise at 5 each day for morning prayers. Breakfast is small and taken in silence. Your classes begin at 7 and last until noon when you break for lunch, after which, you resume your course work until 4pm. You’re given a break from 4 to 5pm. Evening prayers begin at 5 followed by dinner at 6 and free time for homework, extracurriculars and socializing until 10 pm lights out. Your uniform will be in your room and you will be asked to wear it during class and on official school business. The only times you will be permitted to wear street clothes like the ones you brought from home will be during recreation hours as well as Friday evenings and Saturdays.”

When he finished the room was silent. It’s not as if they didn’t know what they signed up for but it sounded a lot more ominous when he said it outloud. 

“That said,” he continued. “We know this is a lot to take in so we are here to help.” He smiled like he had pulled a prank on all the new recruits. 

“Each of you will be assigned a roommate who will be with you for 7 of the 8 years of seminary so please be friendly with him and always pray for him. He will be your support system and you will come to rely when your faith and spirit are tested. 

Edwin and Jim looked at each other with apprehension. Secretly, Jim prayed that Edwin would be his roommate for no particular reason other than the fact that they had gotten awkward introductions out of the way. Plus, he seemed sane enough.

“In addition to your roommate,” the redhead continued, “you will be partnered with a second year who will serve as your first year guide. Having just gone through the transition of the first year, they will be best equipped to offer advice on how to remedy some of the most common challenges. Brothers, please enter.” 

The large wooden door toward the back of the room opened. A line of 20 or so young seminarians, one for each of the boys in the room, filed in and made their way to the front of the room. Like all of the brothers he had met up to this point, the brothers all had a dewey, almost cherub-like innocence to them like they had never cursed or seen themselves naked. Innocent, naive. Except one. He was different. Toward the back of the line stood a taller brother, about 6’2 to the rest of the line’s 5’7-5’10. He stood proudly with a bright smile and dark brown eyes that matched the bouncy curls of his shining hair. Strong, tanned forearms were covered in more curls of dark brown and were folded across his lean though broad chest that was tightly tucked into his black priestly uniform. 

Jim’s eyes immediately found his and their gazes locked. The brother’s smile grew bigger and caused a sudden pang in his chest. Jim fought off the urge to shake his head to break the trance as he had done when other pangs invaded his mind but he couldn’t. The mysterious brother would notice and think less of him, think he was odd and Jim didn’t want that. 

The stare was finally broken when the redhead started again. 

“We’ll start by assigning your roommates and then mentors who will escort both of you to your room and help you get settled in.”

He read the names slowly. It seemed like he’d never get to Jim or Edwin but then, “James Clarkson and Edwin Santos will be roommates in room 314.”

The two new friends looked at each other with both relief and happiness. Jim thought that Edwin probably had the same prayer going that they would be roommates.

“Alright now, for your mentors…”

He started reading again. Jim, who was used to being at the top of the alphabet was peeved that his name wasn’t being called faster. With each reading, another one of his classmates stood up and joined a brother who peeled off from the line. He both wanted and didn’t want the mysterious brother to be his mentor. He wanted to meet him and get to know him but the pangs he felt in his stomach had no place in his life, especially here. 

“And finally, James Clarkson,” said the redhead, “you’ll be paired with Luca Zacchetti.” 

So he was Italian, Jim thought. That explained the olive complexion and thick, dark hair.

Luca, still smiling, approached Jim with a hand extended. Jim fumbled to get up but managed to meet his new mentor by the hand. 

“It’s so great to meet you James,” he professed. “I’m Luca.”  

“You too. And, uh, it’s Jim,” he replied. 

“Ah got it. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jim. Let’s get you settled in.”

Jim nodded and followed him to the back room where everyone was grabbing their suitcases. They didn’t speak much as they fumbled to gather his belongings. 

“Alrighy,” Luca said, gesturing to an open door. “Here is your new room.”

“Thanks,” Jim replied shyly. 

He looked into the small room to find it laid out in perfect symmetry. A twin bed on each side with a small wooden cross hung above them. A small writing desk and matching chair sat at the foot of the bed and a closet was tucked into the wall the door was on. 

“Looks like your roommate has already been here,” Luca pointed to the suitcase that looked to be hastily tucked away under the bed.

Jim looked over but said nothing. 

“So…” Luca continued. “What do you think?” 

“It...  It’s great,” Jim spoke. 

“The rooms are small but you’ll find that you don’t need much,” Luca tried to reassure him. “Plus, you won’t be spending too much time here anyway.”

Luca smiled at him. Those teeth. So white and perfect, Jim thought. He couldn’t help but to shoot a toothless smile back his way. 

Jim set his stuff down and looked over the room once over again when he heard Luca fumbling around for something in his pants. 

“Here,” he said. “I got you a little something.” 

He handed over a small box wrapped in newspaper. 

“Sorry it’s not pretty,” he awkwardly laughed. “ That was the only wrapping I could find.”

“No… no, it’s great,” Jim replied. “You really didn’t have to get me anything.” 

“It’s nothing big, don’t worry,” Luca offered as Jim peeled back the edges of the soft inky paper.

He revealed a small gift box and inside was a small silver statue of a male saint. 

“It’s St. Jude,” Luca said. “Patron saint of…”

“Lost causes,” Jim interrupted.

“When I started, I was a ball of nerves and had plenty of moments my first year when I didn’t know if this was my true calling but praying to St. Jude for support and guidance really helped so I thought he might help you too.”

“Thank you, Luca. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.” 

Their eyes met again like they had during the orientation. There was silence in the room, making their staring contest feel like a marathon, not a moment. 

“Well, it’s Saturday,” Luca said, breaking their gaze. “What would you like to do today? We have a couple of hours before lunch and then the whole afternoon is free.” 

“Umm…” 

“How about this,” Luca interrupted. “How about I take you on a tour of the grounds, we’ll have lunch and then see if some of the other brothers want to play a little soccer? Nothing like a little friendly competition to meet your new classmates!” 

“Sounds great!” Jim smiled. 

…  

“And over there is where you can access the river,” Luca pointed to a break in the densely wooded area. “There is an old tree swing and sand bar where you can swim out to. We’re not really supposed to go over there but they don’t mind so much when we have supervision and it’s really hot during the summer.” 

They padded along slowly as Jim took in the sights of the calm expanse of his surroundings. A light breeze tickled his nose as large fluffy clouds panned slowly across the bright blue sky. It was warm but comfortable. It’s hard to think that a place like this could ever be anything but comfortable. 

“What’s that over there?” Jim nodded toward another opening in the trees. 

“Oh that?” Luca replied. “That’s just the old cemetery where priests and brothers are buried. It’s really old and kinda creepy, want to see?” 

Jim nodded. 

The boys stood at the entrance of the cemetery looking over the rows of small gray headstones in varying states of decay. Some were covered in rich green moss while others were worn and weathered from years of exposure. A few were even cracked or missing edges, but a few along the edges were brand new, like they had just been placed there today. 

“Some of these are new,” said Jim as he approached one of the stones. 

“A. Michael Collins,” the stone red “1937-1979”

“He… he died last year,” Jim stuttered. “And he was only 42? W...what happened?”

“Fr. Mike,” Luca signed. “Car accident. He was delivering supplies to a shelter downtown when a drunk driver ran a red light and hit him. Mike died. The driver walked away without a scratch.” 

Jim could tell that Luca was still mourning over the loss of this man. 

“W...were you close?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah,” he said looking down. “He coached our soccer team and was a really good teacher too. Made learning scripture fun and relevant. He was like an older brother to me.” 

“I… I’m sorry, Luca,” Jim replied, reaching out with the intention of comforting him with a pat on the shoulder or back, but he recoiled. 

“It was part of God’s plan,” he shrugged. 

A bell from the tower started to ring in the distance.

“Lunchtime,” Luca said. “We should get back.” 

Jim nodded in agreement and they walked back in silence. 

…

The next few weeks went off without too much trouble. Jim was liking his classes and was getting very close with his roommate Edwin. They studied together and ate every meal together. They never spoke it outloud but both of them valued having a companion in the other.

Sitting at the collection of tables and chairs in the east garden of the main building, Jim and Edwin thumbed through heavy books and carelessly jotted down notations in silence.

“Hey,” Edwin broke the quiet. “How are things going with Luca by the way? I haven't heard you talk about him much…”

It was true. Jim hadn’t been talking about Luca but that’s because there wasn’t much to tell. They met a couple of times a week but the conversation was always very surface-level, very basic. “How are your classes?” “Do you like the meals?” “How are you adjusting to the early morning wake up calls?”

“Ehhh...  It’s okay,” Jim replied. “I don’t think he likes being a mentor very much. Either that or he doesn’t really like me…” 

“Oh that can’t be true. Everybody likes you, Jim!”

Jim revealed a half-hearted smile.

“The truth is, I think I offended him.”

Edwin cocked his head like he had a question. 

“He took me down to the old brothers’ cemetery and I asked him about one of the new stones and it was a teacher who died last year. Apparently they were pretty close.” He set down his pen and looked down at his hands before continuing. “We were having such a nice time before that too. Talking and laughing. I really thought we were on the way to being good friends but then I ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Edwin assured him. “But you should talk to him. I’m sure you kicked up some feelings in him that he’d rather not feel. Grief is really hard, ya know?” 

Jim nodded. He knew that Edwin was right. He always was. 

“So you’ll talk to him?” Edwin pried. 

“Yes, sir,” Jim replied, rolling his eyes and they both laughed. 

…

The next day was Friday and after evening prayers and dinner, the brothers were free to do as they pleased.

Just before the 5 o’clock call to prayer, Jim walked up to the fourth floor where Luca’s room was, right next to the stairs.

A knot formed in his stomach as he approached the door. It was slightly ajar which meant that Luca was in there. The knot grew bigger when he realized he was actually going to have to talk to him. With a deep breath, he knocked. 

*tap, tap*

“Come in,” Luca’s deep voice called out from the nearly empty room. By some stroke of luck or misfortune, his roommate had decided to leave the seminary and left Luca with a room all to himself. 

Jim shyly entered. This was the first time he’d been in Luca’s room before. They had always met at Jim’s room or somewhere else on campus. 

The room was simple and gray like everyone else's. His bed was on the right side of the room and was very tidy, even with Luca sitting, ankles crossed on top of the blanket. The other side was empty. A mattress sat on a bed frame without any sheets or pillows, a constant reminder that he was completely alone in his room.  A small silver picture frame was the only decoration he had in his room. It sat proudly underneath the lamp on his desk. 

“Oh hey… Jim…” Luca sat up, setting his novel down. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting you...  Did I miss a meeting of ours?” 

“No, no,” Jim shook his head as he was accustomed to. Partly because he didn’t want Luca to think he wasn’t managing his schedule properly and partly because he didn’t like the ideas that crept into his head upon seeing Luca’s large frame so casually stretched across his bed. 

“We didn’t have a meeting. I, uh, just wanted to talk, to apologize to you,” he was stammering. 

Luca looked confused, “Apologize? For what?” 

“I don’t know,” Jim wasn’t making eye contact. “I feel like I offended you… In the cemetery.”

“Jim…“ Luca said, setting his book down. “You didn’t. Fr. Mike and I were very close and it’s still really hard for me. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I… I didn’t mean to be distant.”

“It’s okay. I, uh, just wanted to make sure we were still good,” Jim replied, finally looking up.

“Of course we are!” He stood up and walked toward Jim. “How about this? We have prayer and dinner in a few minutes but then we’re free for the night. Why don’t we meet up out front and we can ride into town and get ice cream or something?”

“Yeah, that would be great!” 

They both smiled. 

… 

A few hours later, Jim dressed in street clothes waiting impatiently outside the main hall. 

“Sorry I’m late!” Luca said. “I had to sign these out.”

He was pushing two bikes, one red and one blue. 

“Here, put this one on,” he offered Jim a helmet. “Safety first!” He winked, sending another all too familiar knot into Jim’s stomach. 

They rode down the main driveway and onto the road into town. 

“It’s about a 15 minute ride,” Luca called out back to Jim. 

Jim watched Luca intensely as he peddled down the dusty rural road toward a cluster of buildings that must have been the main street. Luca’s  tanned, full calves pumped into the pedals of the bike with a deliberateness that showed his physical strength. It must’ve been all of those years of playing soccer, Jim thought to himself. He wondered what they felt like. He wanted to run his hand along the coarse dark hair that covered Luca’s long legs. He wanted to squeeze the hard muscles of his calves and compare them with those of his sturdy, thick thighs. Would Luca enjoy that? Would he shiver in ticklishness or welcome the massage Jim wanted to give him.

“You good back there?” Luca called out behind him. 

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he panted in reply. “I guess I just don’t have the benefit of those soccer legs.” 

Jim’s stomach dropped. Why had he mentioned legs? Luca was going to know that he was looking at him.

“Hey,” Luca interrupted Jim’s internal monologue. “I’ve worked hard for these legs so thanks for noticing.” 

Jim swore he saw his companion wink but he wasn’t sure if that was his mind just playing tricks on him. 

…

“Here we are,” Luca exclaimed, dismounting his back in front of a brightly-lit ice cream shop that’s whimsy felt out of place in an otherwise ordinary Iowa town. 

Mint green and white striped window shades framed the large glass windows in the front of the store. A bright red set of french doors sat squarely in the middle of the display and featured large metallic gold letters that read “Mamie’s Ice Cream Est. 1948.”

“Mamie has the best ice cream I’ve ever had,” Luca smiled. “You’ll love it, I swear.” 

Inside, a large white marble counter lined with red-topped silver stools bolted into the ground stretched from the door all the way to the back of the shop. Jim’s senses were overwhelmed with the intensity of the sweetness from freshly baked waffle cones to hot fudge and scoops of strawberry ice cream. 

Jim joined Luca at the counter and stared up at the elaborate shelves that contained seemingly limitless toppings and confections. He felt as if he were the children’s character Alice, having been transported to a wonderland of sugary delights. 

“What can I get you boys?” a soft older woman greeted them with a smile. Unnaturally ruby red curls sat under a white cap, concealing her hair that wanted to bounce around her wrinkled apple cheeks. 

“Ah, Luca, I almost didn’t recognize you with all that hair,” she reached out to grab and squeeze it with her hand. 

“I didn’t cut it all summer,” Luca laughed through a blush. 

“Well, it suits you,” she smiled back. “And who have you brought here?”

She looked at Jim with a discerning look that was both grandmotherly and cautious. 

“Miss Mamie, let me introduce you to your newest customer and one of my classmates, Jim.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Jim,” she extended a hand which Jim shook promptly. “My name is Mamie. No need to bother with all that Miss stuff like your friend over here,” she winked at a still-smiling Luca. 

“It is great to meet you too,” Jim responded. “Your store is incredible. I can see why Luca likes it so much.” 

“He is far too kind, but reserve your judgment until after you try the ice cream, okay? Any thoughts on what you’ll have?”

“Well, I was thinking that it might be fun to get the banana split?” Luca asked Jim. “I’ve always wanted to get it but it’s too big for one person so I thought if you were okay with sharing?”

“Ah that’s why you brought him here!” Mamie laughed. “You needed an ice cream accomplice!”

Luca nodded. 

“That sounds great. We’ll take a banana split with two spoons,” Jim said. 

“Coming right up!”

…

Jim and Luca quickly reached the bottom of their bowl, crossing their spoons as they fought for the last few bites. 

“That was… amazing,” Jim sighed, leaning backward on his stool. 

“I’m so glad you liked it!” Luca exclaimed. “My parents took me here the weekend I moved in to Sacred Heart and we had so much fun that I started to come back every time I was feeling a bit homesick. Not always for ice cream but sometimes just to chat with Mamie. She’s a really amazing lady,” Luca said, placing his spoon beside the dish in defeat. 

“You see that black and white picture up there?” Luca pointed just above the mirror near the center of the shelving fixture. “That’s Mamie’s son. He was killed during World War II.”

“That’s… really sad. Poor Mamie,” Jill responded. 

“Yeah. He was only 19, her only son. Apparently, when he was a kid, he used to talk about starting his own ice cream shop so he could have all the ice cream he wanted, whenever he wanted. Before he shipped off to Europe he made her promise him that whatever happened that they would start that ice cream shop after the war was over. He never came home but Mamie kept her promise and in 1948, a few years after he was killed, she opened this place.” 

Luca noticed the emotion that swept across Jim’s face as he told him Mamie’s story. Feeling a little bad for sullening the mood he gave Jim’s bare thigh a tight squeeze.

“Why don’t you say we get out of here?” 

Jim nodded and they headed out of the parlor onto the well-lit Main Street. 

Jim hadn’t noticed the town before on account of his exhaustion and preference for viewing Luca’s offerings. He was delighted by the small brick buildings placed along the tree-lined street. Carved signs hung from buildings advertising their wares. A butcher, a hardware store, a barber and even a chemist that hadn’t assumed the more modern moniker of pharmacy. The town was picturesque in its simplicity, sharing a piece of americana that many longed for but few knew existed. 

Luca led Jim along Main Street and pointed out various points of interest including a placard which commemorated the spot where some presidential candidate gave a campaign speech during the 1800s. As they walked, they continued their conversation that started in the ice cream parlor. Jim learned that Luca was an only child and his parents, despite being staunch Catholics, were only somewhat supportive of his choice to join the clergy. 

“I think they really wanted grandkids,” Luca laughed with a shrug that embodied a feeling of “oh well.”

He had never had a girlfriend or anyone special in his life. School was his priority, a sentiment that Jim shared. Luca liked science and math because he could understand them but wished he could be more artistic. He loved museums and listening to old opera tapes with his grandmother who had immigrated from Italy in the 1920s. 

“If you weren’t becoming a priest, what would you be,” Jim asked. 

“I don’t think there is anything else I’d rather be,” Luca replied. 

Jim nodded and they walked on. 

…

“Oh yes,” Luca shouted, looking up at the fluorescent marquee at the edge of town. “They are playing ‘Creature From The Black Lagoon.’ Have you ever seen it?”

Jim shook his head no. 

“It’s hilarious. A classic 50’s horror movie. Come on, looks like they are seating for the 8:00pm show now.” 

Luca grabbed Jim’s arm and pulled him toward the ticket counter. 

“Two for the 8:00pm show,” Luca said, handing over $2 in cash. 

Luca was so excited for the movie that Jim didn’t have the heart to tell him that he wasn’t into scary movies. Instead, he just followed him like a puppy to seats at the back of the nearly empty theater. 

“Thank you for the ticket,” Jim said. “I can pay you back when we get back to campus.” 

“Oh don’t worry about it. My treat.” Luca smiled and his white teeth shone in the dark room. 

“Uhh… Also,” Jim stammered. 

“Yeah?” Luca asked. 

“So I am kind of easily freaked out by horror movies.” 

“Oh shit,” Jim exclaimed. ‘I got so wrapped up that I didn’t even ask you if it was okay. We… We can go!”

He motioned to leave but Jim stopped him, gripping his firm foreman with his delicate hand. 

“No no… We can stay… We should stay. You are so excited.”

“I mean, I am, but not if it’s going to be miserable for you.”

“I think I’ll probably have to face scarier things than sea creatures as a priest so I’ll consider this part of my training,” Jim shot him an apprehensive smile. 

“Okay… If you’re sure,” Luca said, sitting back down in his seat. “I promise it’s hardly a horror movie, the effects are so bad you’ll probably laugh.”

“I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I got nightmares from Star Wars…” Jim admitted. 

“Oh… Well, I’m here to hold on to you if you get scared,” Luca replied, patting his companion on the thigh. 

… 

The film ended without consequence and both boys left the theater with smiles. 

“So what did you think?” Luca asked. 

“I mean it wasn’t very scary and the effects were worse than you mentioned but I liked it.”

“‘It wasn’t very scary?’ Then what was grabbing onto my arm during the movie?” Luca laughed. 

“Okay that was one time,” Jim huffed. “That thing freaked me out when he popped up on screen the first time.” 

Luca laughed as they reached the place where they tied up their bikes. 

“I don’t know,” Jim continued. “I kinda felt bad for the guy.”

“Which guy?”

“The creature. He just seemed really lonely. Sure, he came on too strong but you might too if you spent all that time without anyone to talk to.”

“Huh, that is the same thing I said the first time I saw the movie too,” Luca smiled back at a wide-eyed Jim. “Come on, we need to head back to school before lights out. 

They hopped onto their bikes and peddled toward the castle they called their home. 

…

“Where have you been all night,” Edwin asked Jim as he entered their room. “You barely made curfew.”

“I know I know. I was with Luca. We had ice cream and saw a movie in town.”

“So things have worked out between the two of you? That’s good.” 

“Yeah. I was overthinking things, as usual. He is actually a really nice guy. We surprisingly have a lot in common.”

“Jim, to be honest, you could find something in common with a rock,” Edwin laughed. 

“Ha ha,” Jim replied with a roll of his eyes. “But really, it feels like I’ve known him forever. He is really genuine and kind and deep.” 

"That's great! Maybe we can all hangout together sometime?" Edwin asked between yawns. "But not so close to curfew... You know I am a chronic rule follower." 

"That would be fun! Now go to sleep grandpa." But Edwin didn't reply because he was already sleeping.

...

After their night in town, Jim and Luca’s relationship began to change, rather intensify, over the next several weeks. They started to spend more and more time together, studying together, eating meals together. Luca even convinced Jim to join the soccer team, an acceptance on which depended on Edwin joining as well. Neither Jim nor Edwin were very good, but they had a good time. Edwin got to make more friends with older students and Jim got to spend more time with the only other student he wanted to spend time with, Luca. 

“Luca’s so good,” Edwin said, coming off the field after one of their games.

“Yeah, apparently he got a bunch of offers from colleges to play but he turned them down in favor of this,” Jim replied. 

“We really don’t need to be on the team but I’m glad we are,” Edwin smiled. “I am horribly uncoordinated but I am having so much fun.” 

“Ha… me too… I…” 

“Jim! Edwin!” Luca called from behind them, prompting them both to spin around. “Do you guys mind helping me clean up the supplies? Aaron and Jeff were supposed to help but they’re off dealing with Jeff’s twisted ankle.” 

“Sure happy to,” Jim exclaimed. He was beyond hiding his excitement at doing any with Luca. Jim looked toward a sour faced Edwin. 

“I…” Edwin started only to be cut off by his friend.

“But Edwin can’t, he’s got a standing phone date with his grandma that he cannot miss.” Jim interjected. 

“No worries, man,” Luca jovially replied, patting Edwin on the shoulder. “I think Jimmy and I can manage.” 

“Jimmy” was a new nickname that Luca had bestowed on him. Even though his uncles and aunts had called him that his whole life, it was more special when Luca did. He was the only one at Sacred Heart to do so and released butterflies in Jim’s stomach and caused him to blush on one or two occasions. 

“Say hi to Lola for me,” Jim said as Edwin walked away.

“Lola?” Luca asked. “That’s a cool name.” 

“I thought the same thing. Apparently it is a Filipino thing to call your grandmother Lola,” Jim replied.

“That is so cute.”

They both smiled. 

…

“Well, Jimmy, I think that is about it,” Luca said, closing the lock on the storage closet. “Thanks for helping!”

“No problem. I gotta pull my weight somehow on this team,” Jim replied. 

“Hey, you’ve gotten a lot better since the start of the season. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

“Thanks,” Jim replied, grabbing a bottle of water for the bench beside him, not realizing the cap was unscrewed.

“Oh shit,” he barked as tepid water poured down the front of his soccer kit. 

“Did you miss your mouth, buddy?” Luca laughed. 

“No, the cap wasn’t on.. ugh if I wear this back to the dorm I’ll freeze.

“Let me go see if they have any extra shirts in the backroom I can grab for ya,” Luca offered exiting the room. 

As Luca left, Jim quickly peeled the wet jersey off of his body. The cotton fabric clung to his taut stomach and nipples as they hardened in the cool room. 

“Here it might be a little musty but I found this old baseball jersey…” Luca stopped himself as he looked at Jim’s bare chested body.

He knew that Jim was lean and muscular but had never seen his friend’s body beyond the lines of his collar bone. 

Jim looked at Luca as he surveyed his body, both of them taking in the silence of the moment. 

“Here,” Luca broke the silence but not his gaze as he handed him the opened shirt.

“Thanks,” Jim replied, throwing the gray garment over his broad shoulders. 

Jim began to button the jersey as Luca intently watched but his now cold fingers anxiously fumbled with the plastic buttons. 

“Here, let me,” Luca reached forward without Jim’s reply. He took one button into his hand and gently fastened it into its proper hole. 

“Uhh…” Jim let out a small breath when Luca’s knuckles grazed his torso reaching for the next button. 

“Jimmy… You have a really great body,” Luca said, once again breaking the silence. 

“You… uh… you can touch it if you want…” Jim responded, shocking himself with his forwardness. 

Without replying, Luca laid his broad hand flat against the quiver skin of Jim’s abs. Luca increased the pressure of his touch as he explored the various parts of Jim’s explore body. Jim let out a quick moan as Luca continued. He felt his cock begin to expand under the tight fabric of his shorts, pulsing with his inch of Luca’s touch. Luca turned his hand and ran the back of his hand across Jim’s chest. The coarse, dark hair felt like sandpaper on Jim’s soft, virgin skin, but the sting wasn’t painful. Luca’s hand turned into large, tight fists and started to massage Jim’s defined chest. 

Releasing another moan with each subtle touch to his nipples, Luca kneaded his muscle like bread. Reaching toward Jim’s shoulders he pushed the unopened jersey to the floor at Jim’s feet. His large hands traced the curves of Jim’s arm, every muscle, every vein pulsated with every second of human connection.

“You are so beautiful,” Luca huffed. 

“You are…” Jim said breathlessly before lunging toward his adorer with his lips. 

Their mouths connected sweetly and softly at first, before smashing into each other ferociously. Their moans echoed each other between kisses. Luca’s warm tongue penetrated his mouth and Jim gently sucked deeper and deeper inside of him. Their hands grinded into each other, Luca’s nails digging deliberately into Jim’s firm back.

“Off,” Jim moaned, tugging at Luca’s shirt. Luca replied wordlessly by pulling off his shirt in one fluid motion. 

Their warm, sweat covered bodies collapsed into each other as they continued to kiss. Luca moved first, breaking their kiss to explore further. He showered kisses in a trail from Jim’s mouth to his cheek, from his cheek to his neck up to his ear and down to the crook of his neck. 

“I need you,” Luca pantted between kisses. 

In the same graceful motion he removed his shirt, he covered Jim’s hard nipple with his full lips. 

Jim let out a yelp like a banshee. He had never experienced such a sensation before. His eyes began to roll in the back of his head as Luca’s tongue seemed to dribble the sensitive flesh. 

“Luca… I uhhh…” Jim pleaded. Luca replied by taking Jim’s other nipple into his mouth. 

Jim moaned more quickly, keeping pace with the throbbing of his full, pulsating member. In another act of directness, Jim took Luca’s solid hand and guided it to his pronounced bulge. Luca reacted with a firm squeeze of the package and a moan on Jim’s nipple. 

Luca broke his concentration on Jim’s nipple and rose to meet his lips again. touching foreheads, their laborer breath synchronized. 

“Can I?” Luca asked, giving Jim’s bulge another tug. 

Jim nodded, not totally sure what he agreed to but knowing that at this moment, he would let Luca do anything and everything to him. 

Luca dropped to his knees and nuzzled his curls into Jim’s manhood.

“You smell so good,” Luca moaned, rubbing his entire face into Jim’s shorts.

His hands explored the soft fabric of the shorts, finding the elastic band with intentional urgency. He pulled the shorts down, allowing Jim’s trapped cock to slap his stubbled face upon release. 

“Ahh,” Jim gasped, but Luca didn’t allow him to settle into the new sensation of the cool air on his exposed cock. With speed, Luca’s mouth swallowed the entirety of Jim’s cut cock. Jim didn’t even know if he made a sound because he could only focus on the electricity that was surging through every part of his body. 

Luca swallowed the member in consistent strokes, only changing the pressure and motion of his talented tongue. Drops of precum filled his own shorts as he sucked every inch of Jim’s hard cock. Pretty soon, Jim’s breath quickened to match the quickening of Luca’s movements. 

“Luca… I don’t…” Jim tried to speak as he ran his hands through the hair of the man servicing him. Like turning off a light switch, Jim’s sensations of pleasure turned to urgency. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold off longer. 

Grabbing the sides of Luca’s hand tightly, Jim tried to pull Luca off of his cock, but Luca resisted. He pushed harder onto Jim’s shaft all the way to the hilt. The coarse hairs that framed the base of Jim’s member tickled Luca’s nose and lips, but took that as a sign he was giving Jim the ultimate abilities of his mouth and throat. 

Jim’s breath quickened once again and Luca knew that it was time for his reward. He sucked harder, and faster while Jim massaged his scalp with his beautiful hands. As Jim got closer to his climax, he held Luca’s skull more tightly until his grip intensified and Jim shoved his cock all the way to the back of Luca’s throat. 

Luca moaned in pleasure as volley after volley of thick, hot, seed cascaded down his throat. He gulped each morsel down like it was the sweetest nectar he had ever tasted. With the final swallow, Jim released his hold of Luca’s head, his beautiful, talented head. Jim collapsed onto the bench behind him, trying to finally catch his breath. Luca, fatigued and satisfied, fell into Jim’s lap and they sat in silence. 

“Luca…” Jim started. “That was…” 

“I… uh… have never done that before…” Luca replied. 

“Me either…” 

“But you enjoyed it… right?” Luca asked with a sincere sweetness. 

“Yes… I did but…” Jim hesitated. 

“No buts…” Luca stopped him. “Just come to my room later and we can talk, okay?” 

“Yeah okay…” 

…  

TO BE CONTINUED