ZACH
I sat there in shock, trying to process everything that I had just heard. My mind raced with a million questions. I couldn’t bring myself to ask a single one.
Colin stared at me with nervous eyes, looking like a puppy who knew he’d done something wrong.
“Well?” he asked. “Please, Zachary, say something.”
He put his hand on mine, squeezing it softly. I took my hand away, unable to bring myself to look at him.
“I thought that the moment I realized I had been kidnapped was the worst moment of my life,” I said quietly. “When I woke up bound and gagged not knowing where I was… it was absolutely terrifying. I couldn’t see anything around me, couldn’t move my hands. I could just feel that the ground was moving underneath my feet. I knew that I was being taken somewhere, but I had no idea how I had gotten there, or where you were…”
I looked up at him, my jaw growing firm. Colin’s eyes were full of pain.
“The only thing that’s kept me going these last two days was the thought that you were out there somewhere, that you were looking for me. I wanted to see you again so badly. Now, to have you here…”
I stared at Colin. He was still so beautiful, even after all this. It was astonishing, really, that even now I found myself longing to reach out and touch his face. The man I had fantasized over for years, who I’d felt so lucky to meet, as though God himself had delivered him to me…
He looked so small to me in that moment.
“I was wrong,” I said, wiping away a tear. “THIS is the worst moment of my life. Now that I know that it was all a lie, that you never really cared about me-”
“I do care about you,” said Colin, reaching for me again.
“No you don’t!” I said angrily. He pulled his hand back, shocked.
“You say you love me but you don’t. You don’t have any idea what it means to love someone. Do you know why, Colin?” My face grew into a sneer. “Because you’re fucking crazy.”
Colin’s face fell. I could tell I was hurting him. I didn’t care.
“You’re fucking insane, are you aware of that?” I continued. “You joined a cult. You don’t just walk away from that.”
Colin screwed up his face in confusion. “It’s not a cult,” he said.
My eyes widened. “Are you kidding me? After all that, you really think Ecclesium is, what? A self-help group?”
“We ARE helping people, Zach. Just because Dominus turned out to be a liar doesn’t mean we aren’t doing good work-”
“Oh, please, spare me the R&R bullshit. I just listened to an hour of it, I’ll remind you.”
Colin was breathing heavily. I could tell his anger was wrestling with his own feelings of guilt. He worked hard to calm himself down.
“I do love you, Zach,” he said finally.
I scoffed. “You know, when you love someone, really love them, you don’t lie to them. You never do anything to them that would bring them harm or put them in danger. You put them before yourself, before your own needs and your own self-aggrandizing delusions of grandeur.”
Tears came to Colin’s eyes. “But… I- I did,” he stammered. “I tried to… I came here for you-”
“Out of your own guilt!” I shouted. “Because your face was all over the news and you knew you were going to spend the rest of your life in prison.”
“No!” Colin yelled. He got close to me, his face screwed up in anger. “I would gladly spend the rest of my life in prison if it would get you free. But I knew that I was the only one who would be able to find you. To rescue you!”
I laughed in his face. “Yeah, well look at how fucking great that turned out.”
Colin’s face crumpled. The tears were spilling out now. I could tell I was breaking him, that I was pushing him past the point that he could handle, but I was so angry in that moment that all I wanted to do was hurt him.
“You took advantage of me, you pretended to like me-”
“I DID like you-”
“PRETENDED to be attracted to me, when really you were disgusted by me every time I touched you. Admit it! You said as much yourself just now, how your skin crawled when I kissed you-”
“That’s not true,” said Colin. “Maybe… I wasn’t ready the first time, but I am attracted to you-”
“You’re fucking straight, Colin!” I yelled. “Hello, news flash!”
Colin grabbed me, holding me tightly by the waist.
“Get off of me!” I yelled, hitting his chest.
“I am attracted to you,” he growled. “Holding you in my arms… I feel safe and protected just knowing that you’re with me.”
I tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t loosen his grip. “Sure, Colin,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“When you kiss me, it’s like I can feel this warm glow underneath my skin,” he said, his breath hot on my face. “When I take your cock in my hands and stroke you, your pleasure gives me pleasure.”
He slid his hand down my pants and grabbed me. I moaned. Despite how angry I was, despite all the fear and the rage, I still moaned at his touch.
”When I taste you in my mouth, it’s like this hunger inside me awakens and tears right through me.”
He breathed in deeply, smelling my neck. His hand that had been stroking me slipped around to my ass. He slid his finger inside me, my hole still slick with his cum. My knees quivered.
“And when I’m inside you, my body feels so full of joy that every inch of my skin feels like it’s on fire. I have never been so attracted to someone in my entire life, and I have NEVER loved anyone the way I love you.”
He kissed me with such passion that I almost wanted him to take me again right then and there. I was so angry but I still couldn’t help it, I was so turned on. His thick finger invading me felt so good I could hardly resist. To be the man he wanted, the ONLY man he wanted…
It was too good to be true.
I shoved him away. “You lost your right to be inside me when you gave me away to that man.”
I walked away from him over to my cot in the corner.
“Zach-”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up a hand. “Just please, leave me alone. If you really love me, you’ll do me a favor and just leave me the fuck alone.”
I laid down on my cot and turned away from him to face the wall. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I bit the pillow as hard as I could, trying to stifle the sounds of my weeping as it all came crashing down on me. I was truly all alone now. The pain of seeing Colin and feeling that bright spot of hope, only to have it so cruelly taken from me was worse than if I had never seen him again at all.
I could never forgive him, I was certain of that. I didn’t care how attracted I was to him, how much my body longed for his. Some things are just unforgivable.
But the part that killed me the most of all wasn’t even the betrayal, or the lies, or the fact that I was most likely going to be sent somewhere to die.
It was the way that Colin had described the night we met.
I remembered that night at the art gallery like it had been blazoned into my mind. I had been having an awful night. I had expected a piece of mine to be presented at the showcase but it had been pulled at the last minute without me being notified. I was so embarrassed I just wanted to say my hellos and get out of there.
I was just about to call it quits and head home when I saw Colin standing there in the crowd staring at me. I could not have been more shocked—for a moment I thought I’d simply imagined him there. But no, there he stood, looking way too interested in a painting of a horse before his eyes drifted back to mine.
I smiled at him out of sheer disbelief. When he smiled back and then turned to go into the other room, it was like the baton had been extended. I was more than willing to reach out and grab it.
Our conversation had been fun and flirtatious. I tried to be bold and ask him out to dinner, mostly because I always figured that you won’t get anything if you don’t ask for it. I was certain that he was going to turn me down, but to my surprise, he accepted.
I left feeling so on top of the world, giddy with anticipation of my date with THE Colin Baker.
And Colin left feeling sick to his stomach.
“My skin was crawling,” he had said. When I touched his arm for the first time, I made his fucking skin crawl.
“It was painfully clear you were romantically interested in me, which made me feel sick to my stomach…”
I bit down on the pillow even harder, tears spilling out onto the cot. How stupid was I to think that he was into me? That he could possibly want me the way that I wanted him, when in actual fact, the thought of being with me made him feel physically ill. He had only fucked me because a literal insane person had manipulated him into doing it.
Well, fuck him. Colin could rot in hell for all I cared—I was getting out of there.
I lay there quietly on the cot for the next few hours, trying not to replay what Colin had told me in my mind over and over again as I bided my time. I could feel the keys I’d swiped from the guard earlier digging into me from underneath the cot. Getting the keys had been the easy part—turns out a guy can only concentrate on so much at once when you’re trying to claw his eyes out. He hadn’t even noticed me stealing the key ring from his pocket.
I knew I had to wait until the dead of night before I left if I was to have any chance of actually escaping. I had seen the number of guards patrolling during the day when I had been brought upstairs to shower earlier but I was sure that there must be fewer of them at night. If anything, at least the cover of darkness would allow me to more easily slip into the jungle.
Once I was confident that enough time had passed, I pulled the covers off and got slowly to my feet, careful not to make any noise. I saw Colin lying on the ground in the other corner, huddled against the wall without a blanket. I felt a pang in my heart. I hadn’t even considered where he might sleep, and now it seemed as if he’d spent the night on the floor without me even realizing it.
Whatever. The bed would be all his once I got out of here. He could hang out with his little cult buddies all he liked. I crept over to the door, careful not to awaken him. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and slid them into the lock, turning it quietly.
“Zach?”
I cursed quietly. I turned to see Colin sitting up, his eyes foggy from sleep. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting out of here,” I said. I opened the door and turned to leave.
“You can’t!” he whispered. He got up and ran over to me, grabbing the door.
“You want me to just stay here and let him sell me to some rando terrorist?”
“It’s the middle of the night, Zach. You can’t go out there, you’ll get lost, or killed.”
“I have to go now. I took the keys from the guard this morning before you got here, now’s the perfect moment. If I wait, he’ll notice the keys are missing.”
“What are you going to do once you get outside?”
“I figured I’ll take my chances. We can’t be THAT far into the jungle. Once I make it to the main road I should be able to find someone who could help.”
“That’s a lot of ifs,” said Colin.
“What would you have me do instead, Jim Jones?” I said scathingly.
Colin considered for a moment. “Let me come up with a plan. Once I get a better lay of this place-”
“No. I don’t have the time, I’m sorry.” I pushed past him and out into the hallway. “You can do what you want. I’m leaving now.”
I could hear the sound of Colin groaning behind me as he closed the door and began to follow.
I crept up the stairs, which were pitch black in the darkness. Colin’s footsteps were right behind me. Once I got to the top of the stairs, I slowly opened the door and peered out.
The back hallway was empty. All of the indoor lights were off, although I could see the lights on outside illuminating the back porch. I slipped out of the door, creeping down the hallway.
I peered outside, looking for any signs of movement. After a few seconds, I saw a man walk past carrying a gun, slowly circling the house. He disappeared behind the left edge of the porch as he continued past.
I waited for a minute until I saw another man walking slowly past. Like the first guard, he was carrying a large rifle. He too disappeared behind the edge of the porch.
“We should go back downstairs,” said Colin. “They’re armed and they’ll shoot us if we try to run.”
“They won’t shoot me,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m the president’s son. They need me alive, remember?”
After another minute, I saw another guard walk past. I squinted. Yes, it was the same guard from before! That meant that there were only two guards patrolling outside tonight on a loop. With about a minute in between them, that should leave enough time for me to slip away.
I waited for him to disappear behind the edge of the porch, then quietly opened the door.
“Zach!” whispered Colin.
I ignored him, stealing out onto the porch. Colin followed me out, closing the door quietly behind him. I crawled over towards the edge of the porch, looking out into the jungle. I could see the first guard disappearing back behind the left corner of the house. I looked to the right, but didn’t see the second guard coming yet.
I stepped off the porch and walked as quickly and quietly as I could in the same direction as the first guard. As I approached the left corner of the house, I peered around it. I could see the guard off in the distance, about to pass round to the front of the house.
“Now!” I whispered. I ran in a perpendicular direction away from the house, headed straight for the treeline a few dozen yards away from me. I was running for my life now, and I could hear Colin’s footsteps running behind me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I neared the trees. If I could just make it behind their cover, I could escape without anyone coming after me.
“Stop!” I heard a voice yell behind me.
My heart froze in my chest, but I continued running with reckless abandon. I was only a few yards away from the trees at this point and I was certain that I could lose them in the dark forest. I had to try, at least.
I heard a gunshot ring out, hitting one of the trees in front of me. I ran even faster, my heart beating frantically. I had just a few more feet left when I heard another gunshot, then Colin cry out from behind me as he fell. I was running too quickly to look back.
I tore past the trees into the darkness, ducking behind one of their giant trunks for a second to catch my breath. I turned back to see Colin lying on the ground just a few yards back, his hands grabbing his leg as one of the guards ran over to him. The guard had his rifle pointed right at Colin’s head.
“Hands up!” he yelled.
“Please, don’t shoot,” cried Colin.
I felt like I was split in two. I wanted so desperately to run back to him, to help him. But I was so close to escaping.
The other guard came running up, carrying his rifle. “Where’s the target?” he said.
“He ran off into the jungle. Go after him!” yelled the guard.
I flattened myself against the back of the tree as the guard ran towards me, passing me by unnoticed as he disappeared into the forest. Now was the time. I could run off in the opposite direction, I could escape without them knowing which direction to go…
I heard Colin cry out as the guard hit him in the face with the butt of his rifle.
“I should fucking kill you, apostate,” said the man, spitting on Colin.
“Please, just take me back to my cell,” said Colin weakly.
He raised his rifle to his eye and pointed it right at Colin’s head.
“No!” I shouted out.
The guard turned towards me, aiming his rifle at me as I ran towards them.
“Stop right there!” he shouted.
“Zach, run!” yelled Colin.
I ignored them both, falling to my knees as I wrapped my arms around Colin.
“Don’t hurt him, please don’t hurt him!” I said. I grabbed Colin’s face and looked in his eyes. They were red with tears and his teeth were gritted.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I looked down at his leg to see a streak of red on his calf.
“I think it just grazed me-”
“Get on your feet,” said the guard. He pointed his rifle at Colin again. “Do it!” he shouted.
I helped Colin to his feet. The guard made us put our hands in the air and march back to the house. He led us through the house to the living room and ordered us down onto the couch.
“Don’t move,” he said.
We sat there in silence, the guard aiming the rifle at us the entire time. I wanted to reach over and grab Colin’s hand, but I was afraid that the guard would hurt him if I did.
After a few minutes, I heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned to see Dominus entering the room wearing a silk bathrobe and rubbing his forehead.
“You know, I bought blackout curtains specifically so that I could sleep through the night WITHOUT interruption.”
He kneeled in front of Colin, staring into his eyes. He shook his head. “I let you live so that you could keep him in line. This is exactly the kind of negative energy that I wanted to avoid. What were you thinking, brother?”
He slapped Colin, causing him to cry out. “Haven’t I been good to you, even after what you’ve done?”
“It wasn’t Colin’s idea,” I said. “It was mine. I’m the one who stole the guard’s keys.”
Dominus looked at me, then stood up. “Maybe so. But he’s the one who’s gonna pay for it.”
The guard with the rifle grabbed Colin and threw him on the ground.
“No!” I shouted as he started kicking him.
Colin put his hands up to protect his face, curling into a ball as the man kicked him again and again.
“Stop it!” I said, rushing over to the man to shove him away.
One of the other guards came up behind me and pulled me back, holding my arms behind me as the other man continued to kick Colin. I struggled against him, desperately trying to break free as I watched Colin take blow after blow.
“You see what happens when you don’t behave?” said Dominus. He pointed at Colin, who was groaning on the floor. “I can make it a lot worse.”
“Please, I’ll do whatever you want,” I said. “I’ll give you money, I’ll be a perfect prisoner... just please don’t hurt him.”
Dominus raised his eyebrows. “You really do love him, don’t you?”
I stared at Colin, who was curled up on the ground, shaking.
“Yes,” I said softly.
Dominus smiled. “There is something you can do for me, actually. A way you can help me move things along, as it were.”
“Anything, just don’t hurt Colin.”
Dominus turned to the man standing over Colin and nodded. The man grabbed Colin and pulled him to his feet.
“I have a buyer who’s interested. But he wants additional proof as to your identity. So I have a little video I want you to film for me in the morning.”
I glared at him. “You’re fucking sick.”
“Or I could just keep kicking him-”
“I’ll do it,” I said frantically.
Dominus nodded. “Get them cleaned up and take them back downstairs. Oh, and I’ll take those keys back.”
I pulled them out of my pocket and threw them at him. The man behind me yanked my arm, dragging me towards the back of the house. The two guards led Colin and me up the stairs to a small bathroom. The guards shoved us in, causing Colin to land on the ground, crying out.
“You’ve got ten minutes,” the guard said as he locked us in.
I knelt down to Colin, who was clutching his ribs in pain.
“Are you all right?” I asked. “Did they break anything?”
“I don’t know,” said Colin.
“Let me get you into the shower.”
I pulled his shirt over his head, then reached over and turned on the faucet. The cold water streamed out of the showerhead into the tub as I took off my own shirt and unbuttoned my pants. I undressed quickly, then helped Colin take off his own pants and underwear.
“Here, sit down,” I said, helping him down onto the side of the tub to rest. I reached my hand out to test the water, waiting for it to heat up.
“You should have left me there,” Colin said quietly.
“I know,” I said. “Get in, the water’s hot.”
I helped Colin up and into the bathtub, aiming the showerhead over his body. I grabbed a bar of soap and began to wash away the dirt, grime, and blood from his body.
“Ah-” Colin winced as I ran my hands over his stomach. I could see deep, dark bruises around his ribs. He looked awful, but I didn’t think he had any internal bleeding.
“Did you mean what you said?” he asked me. “When you told him you loved me?”
I washed Colin’s back, kneading his dense muscle with my hands. “No. I just said that so he would stop hitting you.”
He turned and grabbed my wrist, causing the soap to fall out of my hands. The look in his eyes took my breath away.
“No you didn’t,” he said.
“No,” I said quietly. “I didn’t.”
He was still holding my wrist as the water rained down on us, washing the soap off of his body. He was staring so intently at me that I couldn’t help but look away. He grabbed me with his other hand, pulling my naked body against his. I could feel him growing hard against me as his hand slid down in between my cheeks.
Colin ran his fingers along my crevice, searching for my hole. I moaned as he found it, feeling his finger slip inside me and sending shivers along my spine.
“I know you, Zachary Nelson,” he said to me, kissing me softly on the neck. “I know how to touch you…”
He slid his finger in deeper, causing me to cry out.
“...how to kiss you…”
He put his lips on mine, his tongue fighting, insisting its way into my mouth. I put my hand on his chest, running my fingers down his abs.
God, those fucking abs. They were like kryptonite. How was I supposed to hold my ground when they were there, just staring me in the face?
Colin broke the kiss, leaving me wanting more. “And I know how to make you cum,” he said.
He reached down with his right hand and grabbed my cock, stroking it. I braced myself against the shower wall, my body responding to his touch. Colin leaned forward and began kissing my neck, pushing me up closer against the wall. He stroked me faster with his right hand, his left hand still fingering me from behind.
I put my hands on his head, holding him against me as he pleasured me. I was so mad at him, so angry, so hurt… but I didn’t want him to stop. His touch felt so good, especially after the past two days of being frightened and alone. As long as he was touching me, I didn’t care about what was going to happen to me. All I wanted was to be here with him and allow him to take me far, far away with his touch.
My breathing grew faster as I got close to cumming. Colin began sucking on my neck, thrusting his hard cock up against me like a horny dog and rubbing me up against the wall as the water streamed over us. His finger was hitting a spot in me that was so deep and so good that I felt like I was going to pass out.
I had never met a man so good at giving me pleasure as Colin. That was the thing that had surprised me the most from his confession. For a straight guy who was absolutely terrified of gay sex, Colin had been the most passionate lover I’d ever had. Sex with him was so intimate, so exciting… even just a kiss or a touch set my skin on fire.
Even now, bruised and dirty and trapped in this nightmarish compound in the Mexican jungle, Colin was able to bring me to orgasm in little more than a minute. My breathing came out in small, sharp bursts as I came all over Colin’s hand. He moved his lips up to kiss me on the mouth, still stroking me slowly as I came down from my orgasm.
I jumped as I heard a bang from the door. “Time’s up!”
Colin smiled at me, then kissed me softly on the lips. He reached over and turned off the faucet, cringing as he lifted his leg to step over the tub and onto the bathroom floor. He grabbed a towel and handed it to me to dry off.
“Zach?” he said as I was toweling myself off. “Can I ask you something?”
I turned to see him standing naked in front of me. The light of the rising sun streamed out of the small window behind him, making him look like a Greek god. Jesus, he was so goddamn beautiful.
“Do you think… you’ll be able to forgive me?”
I sighed. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I don’t want you dead, but… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget what you did.”
He gritted his teeth and nodded.
After we got dried off and put our clothes back on, the guard led us back down to the basement. As he shut the door behind us, Colin limped over to sit on the ground in the corner.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m gonna try and get some more sleep,” he said.
I sighed. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand.
“Don’t be stupid. Come share the cot with me.”
He smiled, then hobbled over to the cot. He laid down behind me, pulling the covers over us. I fought the urge to grab his arm and pull it around me.
Despite our entanglement in the shower, I couldn’t just forgive him for what he’d done. The pain still felt so deep inside me it felt like it would tear me apart. I knew I didn’t want Colin to get hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that I could ever trust him again.
“I love you too, Zach,” I thought I heard him say quietly as I slipped off to sleep.
____________________
I woke up to a stabbing sensation in my ribs.
“Get up. Dominus wants to see you,” said the man with the gun. He prodded me in the stomach again.
“All right, I’m coming. Jesus,” I said, climbing to my feet.
Colin sat up, glaring at the man. “Where are you taking us?”
“Not you. Just him,” he said.
“He’s not going anywhere without me.”
“It’s fine,” I said, pulling on my shirt. “He won’t do anything to me, will he?”
The man gripped his gun tighter, saying nothing.
“Lead the way,” I said.
He walked over to the door and unlocked it. Colin gave me a small smile goodbye before I followed the man out into the hallway. He led me up the stairs and into the living room, where two men were setting up a light stand and a camera facing towards the couch. It was silly, really, almost like they were prepping to film me for an Oprah interview or something.
“Come with me and get dressed,” said a voice behind me.
I turned to see a man holding a garment bag. I did a double-take when I realized I recognized him. Where had I seen him before?
I felt a nudge from behind me. “Get a move on,” said the guard.
I walked towards the man with the garment bag and followed him towards the front hallway. I suddenly realized where I had seen him before: it was at that weird event Colin took me to for his cult. This was Jeff, his friend who had done stand up that night. The one who Colin said had betrayed him.
Jeff opened the door of a small walk-in closet and beckoned me in. I took the garment bag from him and walked in.
He walked in after me and closed the door behind us.
“Uh, a little privacy?” I said.
“Dominus has said you’re not supposed to be left alone after that stunt you pulled last night,” said Jeff.
I rolled my eyes, then hung the garment bag up to unzip it.
“You just do whatever he says, don’t you? Kidnapping, murder-”
“I’ve never killed anyone,” said Jeff.
“No. You just betrayed one of your best friends,” I said.
“Just put the clothes on,” Jeff said, his face betraying no emotion.
I unzipped the garment bag to reveal a polo shirt and a pair of khakis. “I thought the point of this video was to prove to this guy that I’m actually me,” I said.
“Your point?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be caught dead in this. It’s so basic. Don’t you at least have anything with any color?”
“Put the clothes on now. Dominus is going to be downstairs any minute.”
I began unbuttoning my shirt, relieved to be given new clothes (even if they were as hideous as this).
“At least tell me something, Jeff,” I said, pulling off my shirt. “What is it that’s so great about Dominus, huh? You said you’d jump off a cliff for him, not that I can see why. He must have done something to inspire such loyalty in you.”
“Dominus is a great man,” said Jeff, staring blankly at me as I pulled on the polo shirt.
“Yeah, so I hear,” I said. “Yet I’m not hearing anything that’s overriding the whole “kidnapping and human trafficking thing”.
I unbuttoned my pants and started removing them.
“He saved my life,” said Jeff. “He brought me back.”
I raised an eyebrow. “From what?”
Jeff looked at me for a moment, as if debating whether or not to say any more. Finally he spoke again.
“My sister died. When I was 16 and she… she was only 10.”
I watched Jeff silently as he spoke softly.
“I had just gotten my license, and we were going for a ride to the store, I was gonna buy her something… Somebody hit us. She died.”
“Jesus,” I said. I stopped changing and listened to him as he continued.
“I blamed myself. For years. I told myself that it was my fault, that I should have been the one who died… but Dominus helped me see that I was wrong. It wasn’t my fault. That was just my guilt talking, limiting me. It was my own fucking internal limitations that were keeping me from living my life. I wasn’t a bad person.”
“No,” I said. “You weren’t.”
He stared at me, his face registering the first thing approximating an actual emotion that I’d seen today.
“But what about now?” I asked.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“What do you think she would think of you now? You think that she would be proud of you? Proud that her big brother sold out his best friend to be killed?”
Jeff swallowed, his face growing cold again. “Colin made his own decisions.”
“Yeah, and so did you,” I said. “I get that Dominus helped you and that makes you feel loyal to him. But you don’t owe him anything. You look at Dominus as this savior because of what he’s done for you, but ask yourself: is it worth it? Is it worth a human life?”
Jeff stared at me, his eyes darting back and forth between mine.
I put my hand gently on his. “Please, Jeff. You’re a good guy. You can still undo this. Just help me and Colin get out of here.”
He ripped his hand away from me. “Get dressed. NOW.”
My heart sank. Jeff was too far gone to be of any use to me or Colin. It suddenly made me feel grateful for Colin. At least he had recognized the insanity of what was going on here, even if he wasn’t quite convinced Ecclesium was a cult. And he had come back for me, even though he’d put his own life in danger.
I pulled the khakis on and tucked in my shirt. There was a comb in the garment bag, which I used to comb my hair into some semblance of a style. I chuckled at the absurdity of it all. What on earth was I trying to make myself look good for?
When I had finished, Jeff opened the door and followed me out. We walked back into the main room to find Dominus standing there talking to the man behind the camera.
“Make sure to get him nice and close. We want them to be able to verify it’s him through facial recognition software.”
He turned and opened his arms to beckon me over. “Zachary, you look wonderful. Very sharp. Go ahead and have a seat in front of the camera.”
I shot him the dirtiest look I could muster, then took a seat on the couch directly opposite the camera.
“Is there anything else I can do for you, Dominus?” asked Jeff.
I rolled my eyes. God, he was like a mindless puppy, eager to please.
“That’ll be all for now, Jeff. I’ll come and find you when we’re through here.”
Jeff nodded, then turned and left the room.
Dominus turned to me.
“You don’t get stage fright, right?”
“I’m a fucking public figure,” I said dryly. “Of course not.”
Dominus clapped his hands together. “Great! So, this is going to be super simple. You only have one line.”
“Let me guess: I’m Zach Nelson, son of the President. Who wants to start the bidding at a billion dollars?”
Dominus laughed. “That’s a good one! Oh, now I’m wishing we could have written that instead. No, it’s not quite that, I’m afraid.”
He nodded at the man standing next to the camera. The man picked up a cue card that read, “MY NAME IS ZACH NELSON. I’M THE SON OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. BUY ME AND YOU BUY YOURSELF THE EAR OF THE PRESIDENT.”
I felt a pit in my stomach. I could feel my hands beginning to shake with rage. The insanity of all of this finally felt like it was sinking in. I wasn’t even sure if I could do this anymore. My face turned red as I began to cry.
“Oh, come on,” said Dominus. “Stiff upper lip. You don’t want to look all puffy on camera.”
“Fuck you,” I spat out.
One of the guards stepped forward with his hand raised to strike me. Dominus lifted his hand to wave him off.
“We can’t have you in anything less than perfect condition for the buyer. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t bring your boyfriend up here to get the shit beat out of him. Is that what you want?”
I glared at him. I had never felt so much hatred for a human being before. If I had thought that I could kill him before one of the guards got to me, I would have done it right then and there.
I wiped the tears out of my eyes. “Just roll the cameras,” I said.
Dominus nodded at the man behind the camera. The man leaned down and looked into the camera, adjusting it to my height. I stared into the lens. I had given so many interviews, been on camera so many times since I was a kid that it felt completely natural. But it took everything in me not to let my face tremble.
“5, 4, 3…” said the man, putting up two fingers, then one. He pointed at me.
“My name is Zach Nelson,” I said, reading from the cue card in a neutral voice. I took a deep breath. “I’m the son of the President of the United States. Buy me and you buy the ear of the President.”
I stared at my reflection in the cold black lens. I had never looked so small and frightened before. I felt like a scared little boy again, back in high school with all the bullies and the bullshit. The kind of weak person I told myself I would never be again. The kind of person who would try to take his own life.
The only difference was that I didn’t want to die this time. I wanted to survive.
Dominus clapped loudly, startling me. “Wow, one-take wonder!” he said. “You did great, Zach. Once we send this off to the buyer it should only be a matter of days before you’re off on the next chapter of your journey.”
“Can you take me back downstairs, now?” I said quietly.
“Of course. But you will join me for dinner tonight.”
That wasn’t a question, I noticed as the guard stood me up and walked me out of the room towards the back hallway. With every step I took down the stairs, I could feel my composure beginning to break. By the time he unlocked the door and ushered me inside the room, I was in tears.
Colin stood up from the cot, staring at me with a look of fear on his face as the door slammed behind me. “Zach… are you okay?” he asked as I rushed towards him, tears streaming down my face.
I held him tightly, letting out huge, racking sobs into his chest. Colin rubbed my back, holding me against him as he gently swayed from side to side. I sobbed loudly, letting go of all of the fear and the anger and the emotion I’d felt over the last few days. I didn’t care about my composure, didn’t care about anything but letting everything out into the open.
Colin held me through all of it, rubbing my head softly, squeezing me in a hug, kissing the top of my head to try and comfort me. When I finally let go of him, my face was streaked with tears and my eyes were red and puffy.
“Did he… did he hurt you?” Colin asked me gravely.
I shook my head. “No,” I said.
“Then what is it?” Colin asked, putting his hand against my cheek.
My lower lip trembled. “I don’t wanna die,” I said.
His face began to shake, his eyes turning glassy. He clenched his jaw and put both hands on my face.
“You are not going to die,” he said. “I am going to get you out of here if it is the last thing I do.”
“But you’re the reason I’m here,” I said, my face crumpling. I didn’t want to say it, but I couldn’t help myself.
His face fell. He lowered his hands from my face but didn’t look away from me.
“How am I supposed to forget that?” I asked. “I want to forgive you, but I just can’t. You did this to me, Colin. I trusted you to hold my heart and you betrayed me. You brought me to him and now I’m going to die and it’s all because of this fucking cult.”
“Zach-”
“And don’t tell me it’s not a cult, Colin. It’s got all of the classic cult signs, for Christ’s sake! Telling you to doubt your own intuition, making you see everyone outside the group as an enemy, this bizarre loyalty to your leader…”
Colin stared at me as my words washed over him.
“I get that there’s good in your group,” I continued. “Of course there is, otherwise you wouldn’t have joined in the first place. But they used that goodness to manipulate you and to get you to do things you never would have done otherwise.”
Colin’s eyes darted back and forth as he considered what I said. I put my hand on his. He looked up at me, his eyes full of shame.
“There’s a lot that makes sense of what Dominus says,” I said softly. “He’s a very skilled man, Colin, very good at getting to the root of people’s issues and helping them move past it. But he manipulates them in the process, using them to achieve his own ends. And once you’ve bought into it, once you’ve credited him with being the savior who has all the answers, then you’ll do whatever he says, no matter how outlandish. But it’s all bullshit.”
I stared at him desperately, willing him to listen to sense. I had no idea if he was too far gone to truly see things for what they were. But I knew I had to try.
“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “I know that Dominus isn’t the man I thought he was. That much is obvious. It’s just…”
He put his head in his hands, his face screwing up in pain.
“it’s hard to accept that this was all a lie. That the last 5 years of my life, I’ve just been a mindless weapon for Dominus to use. I mean, Jesus, Zach…”
He looked up at me, his eyes brimming with tears.
“I think about all of the people that left, that I cut off completely because Dominus told me that they were apostates… And then I think about the people that I brought in, the ones who are still in there, who have no idea what Ecclesium is. I’m responsible for that!”
He stared at me sadly, his hand brushing my cheek. “And I’m responsible for you…”
“No,” I said, pulling his hand down. “You’re not responsible. Not really. I mean, yes, you did it, but you didn’t know what you were doing. You were being manipulated. I mean, hell, you were straight and yet Dominus managed to trick you into fucking me.”
Colin looked at me, taken aback. “That’s not true,” he said. “He didn’t make me fuck you.”
I rolled my eyes. “You literally just told me an hourlong story last night about how he forced you to seduce me.”
Colin shook his head, which made me start to grow angry.
“Don’t shake your head at me! That is what happened, he made you go out with me and told you to have sex with me. You told me that, don’t deny it now.”
“Yes, but I… that’s not what was happening in my brain at the time,” said Colin.
I scoffed. “Colin-”
“No, let me say this,” said Colin. He was looking at me with those puppy dog eyes again.
“You have to understand, when I kissed you… it was because I wanted to. Because I was attracted to you. I told you, I kissed you before I even knew what I was doing. Something inside me just clicked. I never did anything physical with you that I didn’t 100% want to do.”
He reached out his hand and grabbed mine.
“The lying I did because Dominus told me to. And I did it with a pit in my stomach, with something deep inside screaming out at me that deceiving you was wrong. But when I was with you, in that way… that was all me, Zach.”
I stared at him, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. “What if this is all just a fluke?” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what if you don’t really love me like you think you do? What if this is just a delusion, and you just don’t realize it yet because you’re still under his spell?”
He stared at me with such a profound look of sadness, his head shaking ever so slightly.
“I mean, you said it yourself,” I continued, my fears pouring out like word vomit. “You were sick to your stomach when you realized I was attracted to you that night at the gallery. I made your skin crawl.”
Colin shook his head. “You’re wrong,” he said adamantly. “Didn’t you hear what I said last night? I wasn’t sick to my stomach because I knew you liked me. I felt that way because I knew that I was lying to you. It was the lying that made me feel that way, not you. You never made me feel anything but good and warm and loved. Oh Zach…”
Colin reached out and put his hand on my neck, rubbing just underneath my ear.
“Don’t you know how much I love you by now? I can understand you not forgiving me, I can understand you hating me… Lord knows I hate myself for what I’ve done. But don’t you ever tell me that I’m not in love with you. Because that’s the one thing I know without a doubt. I love you, Zachary Nelson.”
I put my hand on his, closing my eyes as I rested my head against his hand. He felt so good against my skin. I wanted so badly to allow myself to go back to that place with him, that place of love and warmth. But I was afraid that if I let myself go there again, if I put my heart back into his hands and he dropped it… then I would never be okay again.
“Look at me,” he said.
I opened my eyes to see him staring back at me. He reached his hand out and ran his fingers softly through my beard.
“I’m going to get you out of here. I promise you.”
His dark brown eyes were fixed on mine. I looked deep into his eyes, and in that moment, I believed him.
We went for the kiss at the same time, our mouths opening as we met in the middle. He slid his hand around to the back of my neck to pull me into him, his tongue moving in my mouth as he tasted me.
He kissed me gently, but I wanted more. I was still so angry. I wanted to punish him, to consume him, to take him. I wanted to make him mine, the way he had made me his.
I pushed him back on the cot, ripped my polo shirt off, then climbed on top of him. He looked up at me, wild excitement in his eyes as I covered his mouth with mine again. My tongue was probing his mouth now as my hands yanked up his shirt to run along his abs. I twisted his shirt in my hand, pulling him closer to me as I kissed him passionately.
He reached back and grabbed my ass through my pants, squeezing my cheeks through the khakis. I gyrated my hips, grinding my ass into his hard cock. I could feel Colin’s moans inside my mouth, feel his hot breath on mine as he gave into the feeling my ass was giving him.
I loved feeling his hardness against my ass, growing harder with every second. It reminded me of the very first time when we were on the couch together at my beach house. I had been so surprised by the sudden turn of events, especially since I was still getting the vibe that Colin wasn’t really interested. But then he asked me to kiss him, and before I knew it I had that glorious cock I’d been dreaming about for 4 years in my hand and on its way to my mouth.
As I kissed Colin now, grinding my hips on top of his erection, I was overcome with that same desire to taste him again. I pulled his shirt up over his head and kneeled in front of him. He started to sit up but I pushed him back, leaving him leaning on his forearms against the cot.
I reached for his cock and rubbed it through his pants, feeling the hardness in my hand. I slowly began to unbutton and unzip his pants, still massaging his cock as I did. I slowly pulled his pants down over his underwear, revealing his hard cock tenting out through his boxers.
God, of course he wore boxers. He really was straight.
I kissed his dick through his boxers, then yanked them down underneath his balls, letting his erection spring out. It lay flat against his stomach, resting against his soft pubic hair. I leaned down and took the head into my mouth, savoring the taste of his precum. He was leaking like a faucet into my mouth, his cock throbbing against my tongue.
I took him all the way into my mouth, his balls resting against my chin. I reached up and massaged them gently in my hand as I bobbed up and down on his cock. I lifted my other hand to his abs and ran my fingers over them as I blew him. I wanted to make him feel like a God, to get him right where I wanted him.
“Oh fuck, baby,” he moaned. He threw his head back, his eyes closing as he succumbed to my mouth.
After a minute I pulled my mouth off of his cock. I squeezed it in my hand and stared him in the eyes. He looked at me in a daze, his eyes hazy with lust and confusion.
“You listen to me, Colin Baker,” I said, my hand still tightly gripping his cock. “You will not get me out of here. I’M going to get YOU out of here.”
I squeezed his cock again, leaning over him until my face was an inch away from his.
“And when we get out of here, you will NEVER lie to me again. Or so help me God, I will rip your dick off. Do you understand me?”
He stared at me, his eyes wide with fear. He nodded.
“Good,” I said, loosening my hold on his cock. I stood up and undid my belt, letting my pants fall to the floor as I stepped out of them.
“Now fuck me, you asshole.”
He stood and scooped me up in his arms, kissing me as I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me back until he had me pinned against the wall, his body crushing me in a way that only made me want more.
Colin held me by my ass cheeks, squeezing and kneading them as we made out. His fingers crept in between my cheeks and spread me apart, opening me up for his assault. I ran my fingers through his hair, content to let him ravish me.
I could feel his dick leaving a streak of precum and my own saliva against my lower back. His fingers wiggled their way into me, the middle one slipping in and making me moan.
“Show me how much you want it, baby,” Colin whispered into my ear before kissing me on the neck.
I moaned louder, holding his head against my neck. I reached my left hand down to his back and ran my nails over his skin, scratching him. He pulled my legs wider apart, pressing harder into me as he pinned me against the wall. I could feel my hole completely exposed, his hard cock rubbing up against it as he thrust against me.
“Tell me what you want,” he said gruffly.
“You know what I want,” I groaned, reaching my hand down to slip him inside me.
He grabbed my wrist with his hand and leaned in to whisper in my ear.
“I wanna hear you say it,” he said.
I knew from his story how much he loved hearing me say those words. And I had to admit, I loved to say them. After all, they would always be true, no matter how mad I was at him.
“I want you inside me, Colin.”
He grinned, then kissed me on the lips. I could feel his hand reach down towards his cock, pressing the head of it up against my hole. He slipped in so easily it was like he was coming home.
My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I adjusted to his thickness. God, I thought the thing was going to destroy me the first time he fucked. But my body was so turned on that it stretched to accommodate him, making way for him to take his rightful place inside me.
It was even more natural now, the way my hole widened to allow the invasion. I had always thought of myself as a pretty good bottom, but Colin made me feel like it was my fucking calling. There was no pain with him, and very little discomfort. I took him with ease and with the desperate hope that he would never leave.
He pushed deeper into me as I slid further down his cock. He was still holding me up against the wall, his hands on my ass as I held on with my hands wrapped around the back of my neck. Finally I found my ass resting fully on his pelvis. My own dick was rock hard, leaking against Colin’s abs. He lifted his hand to his mouth and licked it, then reached down to stroke me.
“Fuck, baby that feels so good,” I said as he stroked me. He was thrusting his cock up into me in slow, short movements that matched his strokes perfectly. He handled me like a fine-tuned machine. It was like he knew exactly what buttons to press, exactly how to make me feel good.
Every time I got too close to the edge he would ease up—kissing my neck, rubbing my nipples with his thumb, stifling my moans by shoving his fingers in my mouth. I rolled my eyes into the back of my head, completely content to give myself over to his edging.
“Look at me,” he said in a low growl.
I opened my eyes to see a look of pure unadulterated desire on his face. I could see the sweat beading on his forehead, dripping down into those thick black eyebrows. His eyes were piercing me just as deeply as his cock, looking through into my soul. He slammed his hips up against my ass, causing me to cry out.
“I want you looking in my eyes when I cum inside you,” Colin said.
That was enough to do it for me. My breathing got heavier as he stroked me faster and faster, bringing me to the boiling point.
“I’m… gonna cum…” I whimpered as his hand flew up and down my leaking cock.
I cried out as I began to shoot, my cock spurting out all over Colin’s chest. He grinned, not breaking eye contact with me as he rubbed my sensitive cock.
“That’s it, baby, cum for me!” he shouted as I coated us both in my sperm. “Oh fuck, oh baby… I’m gonna…”
His jaw dropped as he began to shoot inside me. I could feel each spurt of his cock, throbbing as he buried it deep inside my hole. We stared at each other the whole time, not daring to look away.
It was always such an intimate act, being bred by Colin. But to do it while looking into each other’s eyes was on a whole other level. We were claiming each other. It was like he had described it in his version of our first time together: we were changing each other in a way that we could never go back from.
He staggered backward, still holding me as he brought us back over to the cot. He laid me down on the bed, his body on top of mine and his cock still buried inside me. He kissed me deeply as I ran my hands along his back. I put my hands on his ass cheeks and pushed against them, pulling him deeper into me. I didn’t want him to leave.
He broke the kiss and put his forehead against mine, his hand brushing my cheek.
“I’m serious, you know,” he said. “I’m going to get you out of here.”
I smiled. “I know,” I said, rubbing his back.
“And I need you to promise me something. If you get a chance to escape again, without me, then I need you to take it. Don’t come back for me. I need to know that you’re safe.”
I smiled sadly, reaching up and brushing back his hair with my hand.
“I’m sorry, Colin,” I said. “But I can’t promise you that.”
“Zach-”
“I’m not going to leave you here,” I said firmly. “We are both going to get out of here. And then you are going to spend the rest of your life making all of this up to me.”
I grinned. Colin’s face melted into a goofy smile until he started kissing me all around my face, making me laugh. Finally he rested his head against my shoulder, squeezing me tightly.
“I hope you’re right,” he said.
I held him in my arms, staring up at the ceiling.
“Of course I am,” I said, sounding a whole lot surer than I felt.
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