A kind of rhythmic growl intruded in his still sleeping brain. Unconsciously he started to wonder what it was when he opened his eyes, that focused directly on to the source of light of the window, through which a clear morning sun shone into the room while a fresh early breeze rocked the curtains.
“What the hell is this sound?”, Martin whispered to himself. The regular growl just continued…”rrronkkkk…rrrronkkkk…..”. He shook his head clear to enable himself to think in some coherent way. Then he recognized it: it was the heavy diesel engine of a cargo ship, that struggled upstream over the river that passed below the hotel.
Somehow he felt relieved that he had been able to solve the riddle and both his brain and eyes started to focus upon other things. Like on the dazzling and breathtakingly beautiful young man that was beside him in the bed, who gave no indication at all that he had been disturbed by the ship’s engine and who remained peacefully in dreamland.
Martin sighed deep and asked himself how they got here in the first place. It caused him to smile. It was a dumb question: by car of course! But he meant the other meaning of the question: how did it get that far? And more important: where to go from here?
He met Jonathan about three months before on a wine growers convention in France where he was for his job. He happened to be a wine purchaser for a large supermarket chain. He was immediately under the spell of the enchanting boy with the mesmerizing eyes. Jonathan was both small and slim but he had the eyes in which a man could drown. They were in a finely sculptured face that was framed by dark blond curly hair. He behaved in a natural way, as someone who didn’t have the faintest idea of how beautiful and seducing he actually was. But by now Martin also knew that the boy had another side as well: he was what you call a gorgeous boy but at the same time a boy without opportunities for the future, who only had the sheer luck that an elderly wealthy gay fell in love with him head over heels. The old man had proposed to him within two weeks and as soon as the paperwork was squared away they married. Since that day Jonathan had nothing left to be desired, he had all he wanted: drivers license, sports car, credit card, just name it and he had it.
Martin knew very well that it was Jonathan, or actually the old man, who paid for the hotel. It was the kind of hotel he couldn’t afford. It was an old castle that was rebuilt as a luxurious resort with wooden floors, heavy oak furniture, swimming pools, saunas, a view over the river and the forests and an exuberance of luxury. In other words: it was the kind of hotel that overextended Martin’s budget by a long, long way. And even the fact that he was here for work didn’t help: it was the kind of invoice his employer would never accept.
And how about himself? Disheartened he shrugged mentally. No, he hadn’t been a socially weak boy without opportunities, but he had thrown all of the opportunities out of the window himself. And now he was totally stuck in a life he didn’t want..at least didn’t want any longer. He had married early. Coming from a middle-class decent family of white collar workers and civil servants he had to, since Sandra, his wife, was pregnant of the first child before they were married. After the marriage a second child was born but after that the intensity and warmth of their relationship had dropped to an arctic climate that would make an ice bear shiver. It resulted in a marriage in which his wife didn’t care a bit if he was at home or not and she wouldn’t shed a tear if he had been lying dead in the living room. Actually, she would only lament the fact that his corpse blocked her way at the top of her voice. And for the rest his life consisted of a standard little suburb house with a mortgage that was too high and a job without any prospect of advancement or development.
He stayed for the children….. and in a way for the dog. It made no sense to stay for the witch he had married. She had her own life that had nothing to do any more with his life. And so one sad day turned into another until his existence had become blare, loveless and monotonous, only made up of going to work in the morning and going home at night. The only little relief of this sad boredom were the business trips abroad to buy wine, but they were not too often.
Until that miraculous day he met Jonathan. He fell in love head over heels with the boy. At last he had butterflies in his belly again but he had no idea how to tame this little creatures. Because: Jonathan was male..did it really mean he himself was a gay? Despite this doubt the little flame of dawning love refused to be extinguished and turned into a wild bush fire.
“OK, then a gay”, his heart told him. But his mind said something totally different:
“No, you can’t leave the kids behind. You’ve got a responsibility. And God doesn’t allow loving another man!”
The heart won and the love was mutual. That same evening they made love passionately in Martin’s hotel room. What happened there was so intense and boisterous that compared to that the first night with his wife turned into a undercooled and clinical happening. Actually: it was that passionate that the other day other guests complained at the reception about the noise level. They both exchanged telephone numbers and vowed solemnly to remain in touch.
For Martin a period of dreaming started. How beautiful would it be to just disappear with Jonathan from his household, his marriage, his mortgage and his job? But without the almost searing physical presence of the boy his common sense always overruled and he remained where he was: with the kids, the dog and his employer.
But dreams have their own logic and keep returning. Besides, Jonathan kept his promise to keep in touch in secret phone calls on their mobile phones when they were in their respective cars. Both kept feeling the love for one another but both were also very aware of the limitations. Martin was a prisoner of his responsibilities. Jonathan was also a prisoner but he was incarcerated by an addiction to the wealth that coincidentally had come to him. It made it an impossible love, a lovely feeling of continuous dreaming that would never come true.
Then his employer sent Martin on a wine buying trip to the Neckar wine area in Germany. He mentioned it without thinking in one of the phone calls with Jonathan.
“Wow, great!!!”, was the reaction, “Then we can go together. The old man is on a business trip to the States that week so nobody will know. Give me some time, I’ll call you back”.
Within fifteen minutes Martin’s mobile phone rang again. It was Jonathan:
“I’ve booked the hotel…..hi hi, yes, a double room!” he said with excitement in his voice, “Call me two days up front so we can arrange where I will pick you up”.
“Pick me up?”, an astonished Martin asked.
“Yes, of course, we will go in my sports car. Now that is great fun!”
And so that’s how they ended up here, together in this oversized four-poster bed with the beautifully decorated wooden ceiling with a mirror in the middle and the velvet red curtains besides them. The night had passed in a furious rush of love and lust. Until the growling ship’s engine threw them back into reality. Which was that it had been a night never to forget but also a night that wouldn’t be repeated very often…if it would be repeated in the first place.
“One chance left to do it”, Martin whispered, “the last chance!”
His hand reached out and the tips of his fingers started stroking the naked skin of the still sleeping boy’s shoulder. Slowly and tenderly they followed the outlines of the body, over the scapula downward over the back. It called forth a soft voluptuous moaning. His finger tips continued their journey under the blankets and via the hips they ended up at the boy’s buttocks. They were not satisfied yet, they went between the buttocks, searching for, finding and stroking the small sensual crevasse.
“Mmmmmmmmm….”, the boy uttered softly.
Martin gave a soft kiss in his neck, while his fingertips felt how the crevasse went more and more damp.
“You horny little stallion”, Jonathan whispered barely audible, “You want another time? It’s the fifth time since we came here yesterday evening”.
“I can’t get enough of you, sweetie”, Martin panted.
In one flashing and fluid move the boy got upright and pushed Martin back on the bed, ending up on top of him, one of his legs on each side of Martin’s body. Slowly and looking incredibly horny, making his eyes even more mesmerizing, he started riding Martin’s dick that ended up exactly under the soft, warm skin of Jonathan’s crotch. The only thing that Martin was able to do was to look into the mirror above him, where he saw the delicious buttocks going back and forth with his almost purple dickhead sticking out so every now and then. He was certain now he was gay. Never before in his life he had been so horny as in this night and he never had managed to get five erections in one night. But this boy drove him out of his mind.
Still riding on him with closed eyes Jonathan managed to utter a panting and moaning:
“Take me another time!”
Martin saw in the mirror how the boy grabbed behind him, took the overexcited dick in his hand and pushed it into his hole. Lubricant was not necessary: Martin had already cum four times in it so he knew that the inner side was soaked wet of his sperm and of Jonathan’s horny juices.
Savagely he began to thrust. At every move he yelled out:
“I love you! I love you!”.
It was a passionate declaration of love and a lament of despair at the same time. Because while surrendering to his lust a small mean voice in his head said:
“ Do you really believe this is going to work out? Come on, dumbo, it can’t be!”
But again he held his breath….closed his eyes and again the hot blots of fluid love disappeared into Jonathan’s inner parts who received them with panting breath and with a soft scream of pleasure.
After Martin had expended his last reserves of sperm into the boy the last one more or less fell upon him and kissed him vigorously. Martin felt tears coming in his eyes.
“Why are you crying, sweetheart of mine?”, Jonathan asked in a whisper.
“Because this was it! We have to go back today. We don’t know when the next time will be…no, if there is a next time. Although I would love to stay with you for the rest of my life”.
Jonathan kissed each moist eye tenderly and said:
“Sweetheart, the old man is 74. He is going to die some day. And then we can stay together”.
He stopped talking for a few seconds, but then he continued:
“At least, if you can make your mind up that you will leave that refrigerator on legs”.
An acid smile came on Martin’s face. He liked the comparison.
“It is not about that refrigerator. I would have dumped her a long time ago if it wasn’t for the kids. She doesn’t care about me. But I can’t leave the kids just like that”.
“Then take the kids with you”, Jonathan exclaimed excited.
“No..that will make things even worse. She would really start a fight on life and death. I assume she will do that anyway. She will try to keep the house and leave me with the mortgage. If I take the kids with me it will only become worse. I can’t do that to the kids if I can avoid it”.
The enchanting look in Jonathan’s eyes disappeared and was replaced by an incredible sadness. It shocked Martin in some way. It meant that he was more than a little adventure on the sidewalk and that the boy really loved him.
Jonathan rolled on his back and started studying the decorations on the bed roof. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. Martin hadn’t a clue what to say. He took the boy in his arms and just stroked his back.
After showering and breakfast they checked out. Martin avoided frantically to look at the invoice but Jonathan just took his credit card with a huge smile and it was all settled just like that.
The way back was driven in almost absolute silence. Both were immersed in their thoughts and both tried to find ways to continue their love, just to skip the ideas again as being impossible.
After a long drive they entered the parking house where Martin had left his car and where he had changed to Jonathan’s sports car. They just sat there for a long time, not saying a word.
After a long while Martin broke the silence with a
“Guess I’ll be going then!”
Jonathan just nodded in silence and swept a tear with the back of his hand.
“You really love me, don’t you?”, Martin asked.
The reply was just a silent nod.
“I love you too. Actually: I love you more than anything else in the world. But it seems to be unattainable or inappropriate, I don’t know. I’m afraid we both want something that is impossible or cannot be achieved”.
Again a silent nod was the only reply.
“But you gave me something unforgettable this night, sweetheart. Something I will always remember”.
Jonathan looked up with a sad smile in his eyes.
“I wanted to do it often, as often as we could”, he whispered.
“So do I”, Martin said with a deep sigh of sadness.
He gave Jonathan the last tender kiss and the last loving and caressing stroke. Then he stepped out of the car, took his bag and walked to his own car a short distance away.
No, he didn’t look back. He was afraid he might get doubts again, that he would start inventing unfeasible solutions to keep their love intact. He felt like Romeo, the man with the impossible love. And he was certain he had left another Romeo, there in that sports car.
He stuck the car key in the door while the tears started welling to his eyes.