Reppin'

“Is everybody ready?” LaMonte asked Me, LeRoi, and Jaquan. “I am about to go live in a second. Anybody that doesn’t want to do it now is the time. There is no turning back after that.”

“I am ready.” Said Jaquan.

“I’ve been ready.” I said

“I am scared.” Admitted LeRoi “I need to do this though, so yeah, I am ready.”

“Alright here goes in 3-2- What’s up Facebook; this is your boy LaMonte.’

“I am Daqwan.”

“I am Jaquan.”

“Hi. I am Leroi.”

“We’re up here today to have a serious conversation. The thing is. I am gay and so are all of my boys here.” Said Lamonte

“I didn’t wake up one day and decide this.” Said Jaquan. “I don’t fit any of the stereotypes: I wasn’t molested by my older male cousin or a church deacon, I wasn’t raised by a single mother, I wasn’t raised around gay people. I am this way because I am.”

“I am the son of a preacher.” Said LeRoi. “This isn’t easy for me, being the very thing that my faith tells me is wrong. I am sorry guys.” LeRoi got up from wedged between me and Jaquan on the love seat. He did his best not to cry in front of us but failed miserably, bursting into tears before he was able to retreat into the bedroom that he and I shared.

“Yawl this shit isn’t easy.” Said LaMonte. “We are four black men, just beginning to navigate this world as young adults and we are trying to live our lives as open and honest as possible.”

“We’re not asking for no parade or no shit like that. We don’t need you to be like this bitch that keeps coming on my boy’s timeline preaching about abomination and a goddamn gay agenda.” Said Jaquan. “Just let us live our lives.”

I had nothing to add. My mind was on my best friend whose sobs I could hear from the other side of the closed door.

“I’ve gotta go check on my boy.” I said excusing myself. LaMonte and Jaquan continued to entertain those who tuned in for the live. I felt liberated having said out loud something that I had wanted to say to the world since I was very young. I also felt worried that the coming out in such a way might have done more harm to LeRoi than good.

Chapter Two

“LeRoi; what’s going on man?” I asked. LeRoi was frantically throwing things into his suitcase.

“My father is coming to get me. He’s making me leave college.”

“Oh damn; I am so sorry.” I said attempting to embrace him. LeRoi struggled free.

“Please do not touch me. You did this to me. If you hadn’t …. If we hadn’t….”

“I am not the reason you are gay LeRoi; that’s ridiculous.”

“You are the reason I gave in and you are the reason I was stupid enough to think that telling the entire world on Facebook that I am gay was going to go well for me.”

As pitiful as he was in that moment, LeRoi was starting to piss me off. I can’t stand a person who doesn’t own his own shit. The multiple times that me and LeRoi had had sex he was a willing participate and that includes the first time I fucked him right in his parents’ home during a sleep over.

It happened early one Sunday morning. My dick was cock diesel from needing to urinate and the stimulation of LeRoi’s soft round ass pressed against it. I don’t know what got into LeRoi that morning, but he started grinding his ass against me. He slipped his briefs down just under his buttocks, then pulled the band of my boxers down exposing my cock. He pushed his naked ass against my naked dick until I was inside of him. I held him by the waist. He never turned around to look at me as I moved in and out of him, fighting the urge to piss. We could not scream or moan out loud because his parents were just across the hall. When I came, I buried my face deep in the pillow to stifle the scream that wanted to escape my throat. I kissed the back of his head before getting up to go to the bathroom to relieve myself. LeRoi never looked me in the face.

He wouldn’t look me in the face now.

“LeRoi, please look at me. Please listen to me.” I begged.

“Daqwan, please leave me alone. I have to pack, and I don’t want to forget anything.”

He finally looked at me. The hurt in my boy’s eyes was so deep, I couldn’t do anything in the world but turn around and head back into the living room.

Chapter Three

LeRoi’s father, Reverend Donovan Ashe arrived an hour later, drunk and belligerent.

“Where is my Goddamn son?!” He raged “Boy bring your ass out here!”

Poor LeRoi looked as if he was about to walk the green mile when he came out of our room clutching his backpack and dragging his suitcase behind him. Reverend Ashe was instantly on him pummeling his head and back with fist blows.

LaMonte and Jaquan pried Reverend Ashe off Leroi who didn’t even try to cover up and protect himself. I wanted to take him in my arms and love the hurt and shame away, but I knew that would only do more harm than good.

“Get the fuck off of me you nasty faggots!” Roared Reverend Ashe breaking free. “Boy bring your ass on. I told your Mama you needed to keep your ass at home.”

Defeated and deflated, LeRoi walked out the front door. His head and shoulders hang so low he looked as if he really was carrying the weight of the world.

“You boy!” Said Reverend Ashe turning his rage to me. “Don’t call my son, don’t text my son, don’t bring your sick ass to my house any more. Do you hear me?!”

“Yes sir.” I said just wanting him to leave as soon as possible.

“All of you mother fuckers are going to hell if you don’t stop this demonic shit. I can’t beat yawl asses and make you change, but I’m going to save my son.” He slammed the door behind him.

“A fucken maniac.” Raged Jaquan. “That’s why I don’t go to church.”

“Are you alright Daqwan?” asked LaMonte. “I know you care about him but____”

“I don’t just care about him; I love him.” This time I was the one rushing out of the room crying like a baby.

Chapter Four

Coming out did not negatively impact me, LaMonte or Jaquan. We still had our friends, we still had our families. Our employers, colleagues, and professors treated us the same. Our lives were damn normal.

To bring in some extra money the three of us created a YouTube channel called Reppin’. In a short amount of time our videos that ranged from serious commentary to us taking on silly social media challenges amassed us a following of 20,000 subscribers.

For as good as things were going for me on the outside, inwardly, I was a mess. Most nights I cried until my eyes were sore. I hated being by myself and having down time. Those were the times when my mind was on LeRoi non-stop. He had me blocked on every social media platform. He was no longer enrolled in the University and I didn’t run into him anywhere in town.

Morbid as it was, I checked the obituaries twice a week. LeRoi’s spirit was so drained the last time that I saw him, I worried that he would take his own life. I was grateful to once again scroll through and not see his name.

I am going to chop this up to me missing LeRoi. I fucked Jaquan. We both had the day off work and no classes. LaMonte, who I knew was in a relationship with Jaquan, borrowed my car to go and do his laundry and run some errands.

I honestly don’t know what got into us. One minute we were playing Fortnite, the next I had him bent over an arm of the sofa trying my damnest to push my way into his stomach. We both came, showered and went about life as if it never happened. It never happened again.

LeRoi! I almost burst into tears when I saw him in the parking lot of our local Walmart passing out flyers. He’d cut his high-top fade since I’d seen him last and I thought the close fade suited him much better. He looked so damn cute in his green Polo shirt and Khaki cargo shorts.

As Much as I wanted to run up to him and just say, “Hi”, I knew it was for the best that I did not. A group of young men, I assumed from his church, came out of Walmart and met up with him. I could hear their idle chatter as they walked through the parking lot in search of their car. One of them placed a flyer on my windshield as they walked by.

Once again, LeRoi, didn’t even bother to look at me.

Chapter Five

“Where are you headed looking all sharp?” Asked LaMonte adjusting my tie for me.

“Church. Zion’s Temple is having a revival.”

“Wait; ain’t that LeRoi’s daddy’s church?”

“Yep.”

“Daqwan, come on Bruh, I know you miss him, but I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“I am just going to serve the Lord.” I lied

“So, when did God start calling himself LeRoi?”

“Don’t judge me, man. I love him. You gotta understand; imagine if you lost Jaquan.”

“I am not in love with that nigga.” Said LaMonte lowering his voice. “Don’t get me wrong that’s my homie, but as far as what we do with each other; I am in house dick and he is in house ass. Shit, you might as well hit that when you get horny. I ain’t got no cuffs on it.”

“I will keep that in mind.” I smiled as I pulled on my Newsboy cap. For the first time since I was a very little boy, I was anxious to get to church.

Reverend Donovan Ashe’s eyes shot daggers of pure hate through my very soul as he screamed his sermon condemning homosexuality and the Devil’s perversion of young black men from the top of his lungs.

I saw a lot of young men in my age group and younger, who like LeRoi lived in purgatory out of fear of going to hell. I was sickened at how much hatred could be spread in a place that was supposed to be the house of God.

I refused to hang my head or be shamed into leaving. I came to see LeRoi, no; I came to get LeRoi.

He wore a pair of charcoal grey slacks with a mint green dress shirt and black silk tie. My dick was being mad disrespectful in the house of the Lord, getting all hard. I had to force my mind to picture every unattractive mother fucker in the church, which was hard because there were quite a few pretty boys in all shades of black and brown in attendance. Luckily, I glanced the church’s bass player. The pumpkin shaped, squash colored brother looked like one big fat oozing zit. My cock lost its diesel fast.

At one point during one of the many romping, stomping choir performances that had the entire congregation up shouting, dancing and acting a goddamn fool, LeRoi and I looked eyes. He quickly looked away, but that short glance was telling. I quietly tipped toed out of the church amid the spiritual ruckus. If my intuition was right, LeRoi wouldn’t be too far behind me.

Chapter Six

I waited in the parking lot for thirty minutes. Every time a person came outside to get some air and it wasn’t LeRoi, a bit of me died.

Oh God, I love him so much but if I must let him go….

It was only by the grace and mercy of God that I made it home safely, my eyes were so blurry from crying.

I spent the next week in my room crying and begging God to please just let me get LeRoi out of my mind and out of my heart. The pep talks from LaMonte and offers to appease me with sexual favors from Jaquan fell on deaf ears the way God had turned a deaf ear to my prayers to remove LeRoi from my spirit.

I made the decision to do a solo live chat on Reppin’ since I hadn’t contributed to the channel all week.

“I think people think that gay men can just deal with break ups better than anybody. I think because yawl see niggers out here screwing willy nillly then it’s easy to fall into thinking that all gay men only care about fucking and as soon as one mother fucker leaves, they have another one in the closet or under the goddamn bed ready to suck and fuck the memory of the last mother fucker away.”

“I hate to surprise you people but many of us believe in being in loving and stable relationships. A lot of us fall in love and ……. A couple of months ago me and three of my friends came out of the closet on Facebook Live. To those of you who have been following us since then, you might have noticed that the fourth friend hasn’t been in any more of our videos. You ever wonder why or what even happened to him?? That fourth young man was my best friend since preschool and though we kept it from our families and friends, he was my boyfriend from the age of 18 until a couple of months ago.” Tears began to roll down my face.

“Which is why I am really starting to regret the fact that we came out publicly or at all. It’s unfortunate that in 2019 anyone would even have to fathom being in the closet but coming out cost me the love of my life. I have literally known him all of my life and for the past four years he has been the center of my world.”

“I saw him the other day for the first time since we outed ourselves on social media. I hoped and I prayed that he would run away with me but that didn’t happen. For the past week I have hoped and prayed that I could just forget him but that didn’t happen. I am a fucken mess. Here I am young, gay, in good health, about to earn my degree in the summer and I am not excited about any of it because I don’t have him.”

“I wish it could be as easy as fucking another nigga. I wish I could just ram heavy dick up in a mother fucker and skeet all this pain I am feeling out of me but that shit ain’t going to happen. So yeah come out. You deserve to live your life in the open but be prepared to lose something: It might be family, it might be friends, and it might be the person you dreamt you’d spend the rest of your life with.”

“I just miss him so bad.” I sobbed. “I Love you, LeRoi. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Came a voice from over by the front door. I silently prayed that the image I was seeing wasn’t a mirage. My prayers were finally answered when LeRoi ran and threw himself into my arms. I didn’t know how long he had been there by the door listening and I didn’t care. He smelled like baby powder and Sean John cologne.

I didn’t just kiss him, I damn near devoured him sucking his tongue and lips between passionate kisses.

We threw our clothes to the wind and became entangled right there on the very couch I had bent Jaquan across days earlier. That wasn’t meaningless fucking, this was partaking of the one I loved.

Heavy dick was an understatement for how hard I was. My baby took every inch of it like a champ. He went from crying and begging me not to stop when I was giving him that slow dick down to calling me every big dick strong back mother fucker under the sun when I put that serious beat down on that ass.

UHH Nigga! That’s for letting your bitch ass daddy talk you into leaving.

Uhh! That’s for blocking me on social media!

Two time now; Uhh! UHH! That’s for not looking at me when I saw your ass in the parking lot.

Fuck that, you’re getting four for this one: Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! That’s for all these days and nights I’ve been wanting to die missing your ass. Nah, fuck that nigga, you getting more than four. Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

We both made a milky white mess on the couch shooting our crotch rockets like two male cats in heat. Thank God the couch was pleather and easy to wipe off.

Chapter Seven

LeRoi and I each chipped in $60 to buy a new living room couch from the local thrift store. LaMonte made such a fuss about it having been covered in our DNA. We simply pulled the pleather couch into our bedroom.

It felt good to have my baby back. Though his father had pretty much vowed to never speak to him again, LeRoi’s mother and siblings called him regularly.

We were blocked from sharing anything on our channel for a month because I forgot all about the fact that I was doing a live video chat when me and LeRoi had sex. Oops. I let LaMonte and Jaquan have my share of our first YouTube royalty to make up for my mistake.

The day our suspension ended LaMonte was chomping at the bit to do a live featuring all four of us.

“Hello everybody and welcome to Reppin’, as you know we have been on a bit of a hiatus.” Said LaMonte.

“Let me apologize to all of our subscribers who might have been offended by the actions of me and my boyfriend a few weeks back.” I said. “We got carried away and I forgot I was on streaming with you guys. We are not on some exhibitionist shit. That’s not how we rep ourselves as gay men.”

“That’s not how any of us do.” Said Jaquan.

“Now with that out the way please hit the like button. If you are new here please subscribe. Said LaMonte. “Welcome to Reppin’ where we’re putting black in the rainbow. Roy G. BIV, meet Daqwan, LaMonte, LeRoi and, Jaquan.”

The End

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