Alex’s Secret
Alex was Matthew’s best friend. They had known each other since they were young. They shared everything, and their personalities even complimented one another.
Trust was the basis of their friendship. This is why it was so difficult for Matthew to tell Alex about Sara. They were finally on good terms, and he didn't want to ruin it. But secrets have a way of getting out.
Alex found out about what Matthew did to his younger sister and he came over to confront the person that he trusted the most. As a result, Matthew opened the door to an angry friend.
"You fucking asshole! How could you do that to my baby sister!"
Alex stormed in. One fist after the other landed squarely on Matthew’s face, jaw, and cheek. Alex took his enemy down and the two wrestled to the floor.
Hurtful words spewed out of Alex's mouth. Matthew had gotten involved with Sara, and that was inexcusable. After an explosive fight, both were out of breath and panting.
"I'm sorry, Alex. It’s my fault. I was gonna tell you about Sara."
Matthew should have been upfront with Alex. He should have refused Sara. How could his best friend ever trust him again?
"Sara's had the biggest crush on you since grade school. I know it wasn't your fault. I just wished it was me …."
Matthew: “...”
“I’m sorry I hit you."
"It's okay. I deserved it."
Alex went to retrieve a cold compress. As he treated Matthew’s wound, he noticed the pair of sad eyes staring back at him. He tried to say something, but leaned in instead and covered Matthew’s mouth with his.
Alex had been his best friend since they were young, and never once had the thought of making out with Alex crossed Matthew’s mind. Yet here they were kissing.
Matthew struggled to understand what was happening. The other person wasn't a hot girl with big boobs, but his best friend who was a guy. The moment he realized this, Matthew pushed Alex away.
"Matt … I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry about your sister. Don't be upset with her."
"I know she cares about me. I won't hold a grudge against her."
"Alex … what happened after I left for London?"
This wasn’t a question that Alex was prepared for. A startled, but grim look flashed across his face.
"I thought I was straight. I thought I was normal. I guess, deep down, I've always known I wasn't ….
When you left, I was lonely. I didn't know who I was anymore, so I experimented to find out.
The first place I went to was a gay bar. I met an older married man. He bought me a few drinks and got me drunk. That night, we ended up at his place.
I told him I had never been with another guy before. He laughed and told me not to worry, that he would take care of it. I guess I should have known better, but I didn't. My first time with him was not gentle. To him, I was just another piece of meat.
I was such a fool to come back the next day. He was surprised himself, but that didn't stop him from taking advantage of me.
He made me do things I didn't wanna do, slapping me whenever I did something he didn’t like, insulting me, seeing how I would react. That was how he liked it, rough. Seeing fear in my eyes got him off, and he made sure I understood he was the boss.
I was afraid of him and I didn't know who to confide in, who I could trust. Every time I came to see him, he became more violent and controlling.
Then he started blaming me for being gay. According to him, it was my fault he was led astray. He would tie me up and abuse me.
One day, his wife walked in on us. They argued and she packed up her things and left. When he got back, he beat me until I lost consciousness. Then he beat me again until I blacked out a second time. I barely got away that night.
Even though I had gone through hell, I thought I deserved it. So I continued to look for anonymous sex. Abandoned buildings, stairways, any place would do as long as it was with strangers, as long as they could give me purpose. That was when I became the town slut.
Then I was caught red-handed at a public rest stop. A truck driver I had just met was fucking me when a highway patrol officer walked in on us. It was the worst thing that could have happened to me. My dad had to come and get me, and the whole town found out.
If my life hadn't been bad, it only got worse. My mom didn't blame me. Instead, she defended me. The night my dad left, I heard the yells and screams. I heard him say he was ashamed of me. Better to have left me in jail with the other faggots, than to have me live under the same roof.
My dad wanted to kick me out, but my mom refused, so he abandoned the whole family. He never even said goodbye.
Even my sister was affected. Sara was one of the most popular girls, and then I fucked up and she had to pay the price. Boys stopped calling her. The kids at school spray-painted "queer" on her locker. She was just a teenager. I was her big brother, yet I wasn’t able to protect her!
There were other things they did to us. Rocks thrown through the windows in the middle of the night. People avoided us on the street and at church. I was the man of the house yet I couldn’t even protect my own family!
I had no one on my side. I had no one to go to, so I did what I thought was best for my family. I tried to commit suicide by overdosing. I was so stupid. I couldn't even kill myself properly!"
Up until now, Matthew had listened without interrupting. He was weighed down by a mix of emotions, anger, sorrow, and tremendous guilt.
"Why didn't you call, Alex? Why didn't you let me know!"
"I couldn't! I was ashamed."
"What about Cathy, Jimmy, Robby, Johnny, all our friends?"
"After they found out, they avoided me. Matt, I don't deserve you."
"Don't say that! Don't you ever fucking say that! I can't believe anyone would wanna hurt you! I can't believe those bastards I thought were our friends didn't have your back when you needed them. I can't believe your dad did that to you and your family."
"But I deserved it! It's because of me that he left my mom and sister. It was my fault."
"No! Alex, listen to me. Your dad leaving you and your family have nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your dad and his own insecurities."
"Matt, how can I believe that? How can I fucking believe that!"
Alex tried to avoid his friend's look, but Matthew held his face, preventing him from looking away.
"Because … it's true."
Tears ran down Alex’s face, taking with it the heavy weight that he had carried with him for the past six months.
Just before Alex looked away, Matthew leaned in and pressed his lips to Alex. Slower than before, more gentle than before, their mouths began to explore one another. Then the tip of Matthew’s tongue broke Alex’s concentration. Like two doves outdoing one another in the sky, the two make out for the second time that day.
Eventually, Matthew broke the kiss and pulled away. Although he was genuinely concerned about his best friend, he didn't think it was wise to be around Alex either.
"I think you should go," suggested Matthew.
“Okay.”
"Alex … you’re my best friend and I love you."
"I love you too, Matt."
Matthew regretted the kiss. He should have done it out of love, not pity. Matthew was ashamed of misleading Alex, the most important person in his life.
At the same time, Matthew was angry. He wanted to find the married bastard that had abused Alex, to give him a taste of his own medicine! And his so-called friends! Where were they when Alex needed them? Friends don't abandon friends over someone’s sexual orientation. He was livid.
* * * * *
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
