Realisation

It was now over a month since that glorious night.  My relations with Suzie had strengthened and married life was on the up.  Sex between us had taken a back seat but I was far more considerate and she more able to accept my limitations.  I had made no mention of that night so she was still unaware of my newly discovered interests.

On the negative side the gay demon that had been awakened  in me remained unsatisfied.  I craved the sex that I was missing but had been unable to do anything about it.  The internet scared me and I had no idea as to what else I could do in search of willing males.  The stress was terrible and I was having many sleepless nights as a consequence.

I knew I was going to be in trouble.  Having just got off the bus and walking towards home I suddenly remembered that Suzie had asked me this morning, before going to work, not to forget my mother in law’s birthday card.

My wife could have a fearsome temper and I did not fancy my chances of getting away with this one.

A petite blond with shoulder length hair and the most striking blue eyes framed by the sexiest dark plastic glasses, i had been captivated by her looks from the first day we met.  Two years older than me she had already been through two long term relationships.  The second had ended with her having a three year old daughter whom I adored.  

I never gave any thought as to why her previous relationships had all failed.  I now realised that her friends had in many occasions feigned surprise at the idea of us getting married and subtle hints of possible troubles ahead had all been ignored and set aside as harmless fun on their part.

Two years on and now twenty eight I had been the target of many of her tantrums.  Alcohol often resulted in total loss of control and her violent behaviour would quickly follow.  I have lost count of the number of times that she has embarrassed or abused me in front of friends and family.  She was always contrite and sorry  on the morning.  The problem was mine not hers.  She knew that I was totally dependant on her whereas she was in control whatever she did.

Hoping that she might have gone to bed early I quietly opened the door and walked into the living room.  Suzie was lying on the settee in her morning gown.  The top and bottom open exposing what seemed to be a lack of underwear.  

“Did you buy my mother’s birthday card?”

“I am so sorry but I was really busy at work and clean forgot to do so”

She did not take this at all well, and as she got up the morning gown fell open exposing her breasts and pubic hair.  

“I do not often ask you to do something for me but when I do you are totally useless.  I really do not know why I stay with you.  You are a useless piece of shit.”

I could see by the way she walked towards me that she was drunk.

“Have you been drinking?”

“What is it to you.  Jen’s dad came over this afternoon and we shared a bottle of whisky together.  What I do is none of your business.  If you were not so bloody busy interfering in my life you might remember to do what I ask you”.

I imagined that the whisky was not the only thing they shared given the state she was in.  But she seemed to anticipate what I might have said.  Slow to react I was unable to avoid the slap that came my way.  I only avoided further abuse because Jen must have been woken by the noise and started crying.

“I have not finished with you yet so make sure you stay here”.

This was one of Suzie’s worse days and I did not fancy staying to suffer the consequences.  As she disappeared upstairs I took the car keys and drove off.  I had no idea where I was driving to but almost an hour later I came across a pub in a village which I had never before visited.

Apart from a young couple and the landlady behind the bar it was empty.  I ordered a beer and sat on one of the many empty tables not expecting to be disturbed.  I must have been on my third drink when we were joined by a well dressed gentleman in his early fifties who was clearly known to the landlady.  He ordered a double whisky and stood by the bar talking to the landlady.  Slim built, good looking and tall, he was the kind of man that gets noticed.  Self assured and confident he was not one to keep his conversation private.  I heard him tell the landlady that his partner Frank was away in Amsterdam for three days and he had been abandoned to look after himself.  He would try his best to be faithful but an evening on his own in the flat seemed to be the least desirable option.  The landlady was amused and reassured him that he would have no trouble being good.

I have to confess at being interested in his conversation and listened carefully to his account of what his partner would be doing.  He had gone on business with his boss and our man had given him the blessing to enjoy himself.  It was very clear what kind of enjoyment was intended as the boss had made numerous suggestions to his partner.  Sadly he was pleased to say that his 23 year old partner was very naive and was most unlikely to take advantage of his temporary freedom.  He had a lot to learn and so far had ignored his good advice.

The conversation continued for a little while but he gave little away about himself.  I did learn a lot about his partner’s innocence which judging by the way it was said he considered to be s serious weakness in his character.  He very much regretted that he lacked the spirit of adventure and was very unwilling to try anything new and exciting. 

The landlady looked over to me and leaning over the bar whispered something in his ear.  I did not hear his response but soon afterwards she placed two glasses on the counter and poured a double whisky in both.

My brain was working overtime.  I was getting very worried of his intentions.  My fears were confirmed when he approached me with the two glasses in his hands. How was I going to get out of this one?  

He politely asked my permission to join me and nervously I incoherently mumbled something which did nothing to stop him from sitting down next to me on my table.  Offering me the whisky he told me that he believed I needed this.

I was amazed by his forthrightness and most surprised by his opening remark.  He wanted to know what I was doing in the pub on my own and wondered why he had never seen me there before.  When I did not respond he rephrased the question by asking me if marital bliss had taken a knock that evening.

It was clear that he was not going to go away that easily and I opened by telling him that things would always work out.  He was an excellent listener and waited for me to continue.  I then gave him the history of our relation stressing that I dearly loved my wife and that falling out never lasted very long.  He made no judgements and suggested that there must be many positives in our relationship.  I welcomed the opportunity to talk about our wonderful daughter who although not mine I could not have loved her more had she been.

He was great company and made me feel very relaxed.  He was the type of person who asks questions and is genuinely interested in your answers.  He listened attentively as I continued to share my feelings with him.  My reasons for being in the pub on my own were all forgotten and I was enjoying the company.

A further double whisky was produced as he enquired if I had ever been unfaithful to my wife.  Not only had I not been with any other women my wife had been my one and only love.  Amazed that I had been able to resist the temptations of friends and colleagues he wanted to know the secret.  This was easy to answer I had always avoided situations which would compromise my marriage.  No late night drinks with friends and steer well away from emotional entanglements.

“Have you been unfaithful with other men?”

His question shocked me.  I had not been expecting it and I was caught out speechless for what seemed an eternity.

“No of course not!  You are beginning to sound like my wife”

I explained that life with Suzie was never boring.  She would often embarrass me and put me on the spot when I was least expecting it.  She also had the mistaken impression that I fancied other men.  We would be in a party or a pub and she would notice me glancing at another man.

“Handsome is’nt he?  I suppose you fancy him?”

My denials would be ignored even to the extent that on several occasions she had walked to the man concerned and spoken to him.  I could see her pointing me out and the man looking towards me, but I was unable to hear what she was saying.  She would come back several minutes later and tell me that she had told him that her husband was gay and really fancied him.  Nothing ever came of it of course as she remained well in control.  She had this wonderful ability of bringing surprise and excitement into our life.

On one occasion we were in a party with one of her girl friends and her husband.  They must have planned this as both herself and girl friend were agreed.  They dared us to kiss on the mouth if they did.  The excitement of seeing both women kissing in public was a great aphrodisiac and neither he or I thought it would go much further.  We dared them and there was no hesitation as both girls embraced and kissed with a passion that I had never seen them enjoy before.  I have to confess at having being excited by their actions and it was a thrill to see how others in the party had reacted to it.

We of course refused to complete our part of the bargain and had to endure the jibes of cowardice for the rest of that evening.

“That was such a shame you might have enjoyed it”

It seemed that I had been talking all the time and I knew very little of my drinking partner.

I was well over the limit and was on my fourth drink.  When he invited me to stay the night at his flat which was a short walk away I did not think I had any other option.

True to his word a ten minute walk brought us to an old country house which had been converted into luxury flats.  His was on the ground floor and had the entrance from the main hall.

The front door opened into an enormous and comfortable living room.  Two large leather settees and two sumptuous armchairs  were prominent as you went in.  A little closer inspection showed an extensive library of books and DVDs.  The room was wallpapered with Sanderson and above the fireplace was a very large mirror with an ornate guilded frame.  All around the room hung black and white and coloured photographs of nudes.  Mostly male but a few female examples as well.  I was impressed by the artistic quality of the photographs.  They represented a generous investment and an excellent taste.

The coffee table had one solitary photograph on its own frame, and I was attracted by the fresh face of the portrait of the young man.  I was offered a cup of coffee and invited to make myself comfortable.  I had a good look at the man in the photograph but it soon struck me that he appeared to be one of the main subjects of the male nudes on the wall.

“I see you have got acquainted with my partner.  He was a male model and that is how I met him”

“Are these your photographs?”

“Yes mostly but not all”

“I am impressed they are beautiful”  

“I am a professional photographer but I only work part time these days.  Other interest have taken more of my time”

He left my cup of coffee on the table and excusing himself went off again.  On his shelves gay books and films were prominent.  I noticed several copies of Mapplethorpe’s photographic books together with other artists that specialised in the male nudes.  He also had a good selection of males in leathers.

I went back to my coffee and from the settee admired the decor of the room.  Art deco lamps, hall tables and statuettes were spread around.  He clearly was very particular about the state of the room as everything was in perfect order with not a thing out of place.  This was a man who cared about the detail.

I heard him call me from one of the rooms.  He wanted my help with something.  I followed the sound of his voice and went in through one of the doors from the living room.  It was a well proportioned bedroom.  A large double bed covered in velvet material was prominent as were two bedside chairs.  On the bedside table stood another photograph of his partner.  There was nothing else that could spoil the symmetry of the look.  Radios and clocks were of no consequence to him.

Mirrors on all four walls gave a complete view all round the room.  The pictures in this bedroom were all pen and ink and pencil drawings.  Beautifully done they were the work of a master in his art.  The subjects intrigued me.  There were pictures of what could best be described as male orgies.  Large groups of men naked making love to one another in many different ways.  Males clad in leather straps, some secured by rings and chains to walls and other wooden structures.

I go to the gym several days a week and on every occasion I use the changing room and showers.  I have always avoided looking at other naked men for fear that it might offend somebody and get me into trouble.  I have never looked or had a man solicit me too look at him with no clothes on.   All my life I had been embarrassed by the idea that I might find the male body attractive and avoided ever looking, and had always modestly covered myself to prevent others from being similarly embarrassed.

I found the freedom of the men in the pictures to look and be seen refreshing and exciting.  These were men who had been able to overcome their fears and restrictions and totally able to give themselves and share with other men their mutual pleasure.  It seemed beautiful to me and I felt myself getting aroused.  

“I see you appreciate my drawings”

I had not realised he had come into the room through a side door.  He must have been having a shower as he was wearing a white towelling gown.  

“Did you draw them?  I love them.  I would not mind having one myself”

“Yes all my own work.  This is what I spend most of my time doing doing these days”

As he said this he turned his back and taking off the gown placed it on one of the chairs. He was completely naked.  He had the most beautiful body.  His back went down to a compact well trimmed bottom.  His legs not muscular were beautifully shaped.  He must have waxed his whole body as I was unable to spot any hairs from behind.

He turned round to face me and smiled.  This was the first time that anybody had stood in front of me inviting me to look at his totally naked body.  I was instantly aroused.  I had no idea that the simplicity of the situation could have had such an effect on me.  I was totally overcome and for a second thought my legs would give way.  I felt faint and unable to control my body that continued to react in a most uncontrollable way to the beautiful naked man in front of me.  I was unable to stop myself shivering and felt very embarrassed by my weakness.

“I think you need to undress and join me in bed so that I can warm you up”

Not shy at showing off his body he moved slowly and got himself onto the bed.  His cock hang down to well below the top of his leg.  He seemed big to me but this was a completely new experience and I was no judge.  I had never been able to examine a naked man,  let alone as close as this, and not one who so demanded  my attention.

I fumbled through taking my clothes off feeling more and more nervous as I did so.  All the time he watched me and I watched him.  I was getting aroused but this worried me as I had not expected to have this reaction.  I was having the strangest of urges, but very confused as to what I had to do about them.

All these years I had denied myself the liberty of believing that men could be attractive to me.  I could kid myself no longer this man had awoken something in me that I was unable to resist.  I knelt on the floor in front of the bed and holding his foot I started licking it all over.  He made to pull away but I held him fast and took his toes in my mouth.  My tongue exploring every one of his toes and delving into the space between them.  I could hear his pleasure.  I took his big toe and noisily sucked it as if I had discovered a surrogate cock.  He moaned and his legs moved further apart.

I moved to his other foot and as I did I glanced up towards his face.  His magnificent penis had grown several inches and was standing erect.  His chest was moving rapidly up and down keeping pace with his increasing heart beats.  The noises he was making confirmed that he was enjoying my actions.  Feeling more comfortable with what I was doing my hands slowly worked up his legs.

It was as if my mind had been taken over by a stranger.  I had this belief that the longer I sustained his desires the greater the eventual release when he came.  I wanted him to be impressed by my efforts and he became the sole focus of my actions.  I was being driven strongly by something which seemed alien to me.  The fear was that I was unable to control where all this was heading. 

Slowly I worked my way up the insides of his legs.  Gently caressing the inside of his leg  with my tongue.  I could feel the way in which his whole body was reacting to my touch.  He was unable to keep himself steady for a second.  His body was reacting to my every touch. His hands moved to the finials at each end of the headboard.  Arms outstretched he cried out pulling himself upright.  His whole body stiffened.  I glanced at his penis and saw it twitching desperately for the need to be held.

I moved up to his balls and could see how they moved as if alive.  I had the strongest impulse to take them in my mouth and suck them.  I could taste the soap on his body. He moaned and I thought I heard him calling blaspheming.  It would have been too easy to bring him off.  I moved up to his chest and licked his nipples.  These seem to grow at my touch and his chest raised up from the bed.

“Bite them, for fuck sake bite them”

I bit him hard not worrying as to the pain I was inflicting on him.  I thought I saw his cock jerk rapidly in the corner of my eye.  

He continued to beg me to bite them and in my excitement I dug my teeth into his nipples until he screamed with pain.

“My poor darling.  I am so sorry”  

Strange how words come to your mouth in the throws of making love.  I could not believe what this possession was doing to me.  I was discovering lust, compulsion and abandoned sex all at the same time.  I had never been this close to an all consuming pleasure as I did then.  No one before had reacted with such pleasure and passion in response to my touches as he was doing.  I had never felt this good before.

I had the strongest of desires to kiss him.  Nobody to judge me or conventions to maintain.  I had to get close to this man and do what I had never done before.  My mouth on his my tongue probing desperately for his.  He responded, as our tongues played with each other I sucked in wanting as much of him as I could get.  I loved what I was tasting.  It was heavenly.  Oh God how good was this.

His was breathing heavily and his chest was beating so quickly.  I was overcome with the most incredible feeling throughout my body and especially my groin.  I had never felt this high when I kissed Suzie.  Kissing this man on the mouth seemed to imprison my senses.  If I did not stop soon I would not be able to stop myself ejaculating.

I moved to his clean shaven groin and slowly licked it, watching as the cock reacted to every lick.  I could see the clear sticky fluid slowly streaming from the his hole.  I held the head between my two fingers and with my tongue licked its wetness.  He was shaking at my touch.  He begged me to take it into my mouth and suck it.  I pretended not to understand as my tongue slid up and down his throbbing trunk.

For some reason better known to myself I felt that the longer I kept him in suspense the larger the load that he would deliver.  I wanted him to fill me with his seed.  

His moaning was getting louder all the time.  I took his cock in my mouth and pushing as far up as I could get it I compressed my lips around it.  My tongue was all over his cock there was no ridge left unexplored.  I started to go up and down along his throbbing stem.  I could taste his wonderful secretions.  I had never been as stiff before.  I was desperate to come off.

Worried that I might do so, I got up, and excusing myself by telling him that I had to go into the bathroom I left him on the bed craving for his own relief.  I waited in the bathroom giving myself and him time to get over the urgent need.   Desperately praying that he would not bring himself off.

It must have been five minutes later that I went into the room again.  I looked at him and could see the anger on his face.  Pretending not to notice my face went down on his and after saying sorry I enveloped his mouth with mine as my tongue pushed its way between his lips.  His mouth was dry and I tried as best as I could to share my wetness with him.  He responded to my kisses opening his mouth and sucking my tongue.  I loved the feel of his tongue and the ferocity with which he was trying to take me.  Why had I never thought that kissing a man could be so pleasurable.  Never had I experienced such sensuality and he was driving me mad again.  I could feel my cock getting wet..  

I pulled away and took his beautiful stiff cock into my mouth again.  It was all wet and I got the wonderful taste of him as I licked and sucked him.  I did not have the heart to keep him waiting any longer.  Squeezing it tight with my hand my tongue played around the head.  His breathing was getting deeper and I worried about his wellbeing.  I was too far gone to care I desperately needed him to fill my mouth with his load.  I sucked and licked as my head went up and down the engorged stem of his cock.  He was making a lot of noise now but I could not hear what he was saying.  It might have been bitch and maybe whore, but what ever it was I was getting as hot as hell.

His whole body tensed up and his screaming said to me that he was seconds from coming off.  I held him in my mouth my lips forming a tight seal so that his wonderful white juices would not be lost to me.  This seemed to excite him even more and with the last gasp of a desperate man that had been finally relieved he shot his warm nectar into my mouth.  It kept coming as the throbbing and moaning continued.  I could feel the warm silky liquid going to the back of my throat.  I used my tongue to taste his juice having no idea what I expected.  It was a very subtle taste which felt silky and sticky.  It was warm almost hot  but It fed my mind with the wonderful thoughts that I had his living seeds and I needed to retain him within me.  I coated my mouth with his fluid leaving no part untouched.  It is the closest I have been to absolute pleasure and heaven.

As I held him inside me he continue to seep more and more of himself.  I did not want to let go.  I savoured his every drop and slowly swallowed it down not wanting to miss any of the pleasure it gave me.  I loved the taste of this man and treasured the seed he had produced for me.

It must have been twenty minutes before I considered letting him loose.  Holding his cock in my mouth until it had lost all its stiffness it lay their flaccid in my mouth.  I did try to excite him but he was too far gone to respond.  

I let him go and looked up at him.  His face was covered by his arm almost as he had fallen asleep in that position.  He must have been exhausted.  I let him fall asleep but I was far from finished with him.

I had been so busy trying to please him that I had paid little attention to my own needs.  I badly needed an orgasm to relax the stress in my own body.  Careful not to wake him up I went off to the bathroom to relieve myself.  I noticed the glass on the worktop and keen to explore the taste of my own semen I came off into it and drank what were my own juices.  I found the experience exciting but I was not able to discern much difference.  This was more about the sexual high of having a man’s prick in your mouth and the sheer pleasure of having him come off in your mouth than any other consideration.  This was yet another revelation which left me wondering about my own sexuality.  I loved the whole experience and could not wait to repeat it. 

That night I hardly slept.  I sucked that man off on a further four occasions, each time it got harder to illicit an response. On the fourth occasion he had little of his juice left to give me.  I would have continued had it not been for him telling me that he needed to rest as he had a tough week ahead of him, and then pushing me away.

I could not believe how beautiful my whole experience had been.  It had been the most exhilarating experience of my life.  Almost an addiction.  Taking his cock into my mouth and using my tongue and lips to bring him to peaks of such ecstasy, had given me the greatest pleasure I had ever hoped to experience.  I was hooked.  I loved the way in which he burst his seed into my mouth and the warm smooth silky stickiness of his cum which I held in for a long time before swallowing  and allowing it to penetrate my body.  The unique subtle taste of his cum excited me, and his screams of pleasure as he shared it with me gave me a high which I would never be able to forget.  I loved the vision that it was very much alive and becoming very much a part of me.  I loved that I had something of his inside me, alive and flowering.

Unable to calm my excitement I lay in bed unable to sleep.  I would never be able to put this behind me.  I was scared that I might not be able to take advantage of my newly found sexuality.  On this occasion it was I that was approached but what would I have to do in future.  I lacked the confidence to pursue it by myself.  The thought depressed me.  I was totally naive to this world into which I had been introduced.  One thing I did know was that I would need to have more or die.

In a strange thought I wondered if somehow Suzie had recognised this in me long before this moment.  This might have been the reason for many of her concerns and disappointments.  I was still very much in love with her and needed to preserve our relationship.  I promised myself that I would be far more considerate with her.  I did not feel that I needed a permanent boyfriend but I was not so sure that I could live without the male sex that had left me craving for so much more.

It was already getting light when I fell asleep.  When eventually I woke up the noise from the kitchen gave me a good clue as to where he was.

Over breakfast he was brutal.  He told me that he was very happy with his current relationship and was not looking for any further sex with me.  What he added was that he belonged to a club that met every month in which he felt sure that I could get as much sex as I desired.  His partner refused to go with him to these meetings but accepted that as a long time member he could not refuse him the freedom to do so.  The catch he explained was that I would have to accept him controlling  any sex which was on offer and that I would make no attempt to contact him at home.

Upset by his attitude I refused his offer and asked him for a lift to my car.  When we got there he gave me a slip of paper with a phone number and suggested that I phone it if I changed my mind.  With that he was gone.