My first pride had been a week in the making. Back home, my bedroom practically looked like an FBI conspiracy board dedicated to every gay bar, club, and drag brunch in Chicago.
Would I be able to make friends? Would I have my first drink? Get laid? Get shot at? What exactly is Pup Play?
You know, all the normal questions one asks going into the summer months.
Looking in the mirror one last time, I made sure every hair was perfectly in place and that my shorts were short enough to show off my nice legs. Just not too much to make people think I was easy. Well, that easy.
Walking toward the hotel door, my hand started shaking as I reached for the handle. The cold metallic handle did little to steady my nerves.
This is it, Jace. You can't be stuck in Peoria all your life.
Walking out onto the streets of Boystown, I couldn't get over the scale. Buildings for as far as you could see littered the skyline. The coldness of the city stopped at the water's edge of Lake Michigan, providing the perfect backdrop and giving the city life.
Everything back home felt minuscule compared to Chicago. Honestly, so did I.
Walking over to the first bar — a bar listed online with okay reviews and, better yet, a video bar that was "just outside the busy Boystown scene" — I had already decided it would be my home base.
It looked like a perfect place to get acclimated before being thrown in the ocean with the other gay fish. From the outside it was part of what looked like every other building on this side of town, minus a large sit-down patio on the side that was larger than our normal Chicago sidewalk bar and cafe.
I walked up to the window and pressed my head in. It looked busy, but far from the mob I expected to see on a Saturday of pride weekend. Inside I counted maybe 80 to 100 strangers and only needed to impress one or two.
I swallowed hard. Pulled the handle and felt a gust of air-conditioned air wash over my body, followed immediately by the sound of club music.
"In or out," I could barely hear from the doorman, who was sitting on a worn black leather stool.
I let the door close behind me and looked around the bar, not knowing where to go.
"First time?" he asked.
"I...uh..." My brain not processing what he asked.
"I.D." he said officially. He didn't smile and waited impatiently as I fished out my wallet. My I.D. slipped out of my shaking hand and onto the floor. I could hear him sigh as I reached down to pick it up.
Guantanamo Bay is more welcoming to first timers, I thought, as he looked at my I.D. and then checked me over.
I questioned whether I should just run back to my hotel room. Just tell my friends some elaborate story of a wild weekend but sit inside watching TV and hiding under a blanket.
"Give me your hands," he said, like he was processing me into federal custody.
I only stood there, not sure why he needed my hands.
"Kid, give me your hands."
"F-for what?" I asked.
"You're 19. I need to mark them," he said emotionlessly.
He grabbed a giant black marker, removed the cap, and put a wet X on the top of each hand.
"No drinking," he said.
"Thank you," I said politely. I had never had a drink but somehow craved one after that interaction.
I stared at my hands as I felt the black scarlet letters dry, then bumped into a large man four times my size.
"Watch it, kid."
Kid. I hated being called kid. I was younger but it's not like I showed up here in a Pokémon shirt, overalls, and a SpongeBob lunchbox. Though, judging by what I found on the internet, that could be desirable to some.
"Sorry," I said, avoiding calling him sir.
Walking in, the website did not do the bar justice. A massive cherrywood bar stretched through the center of the room. In the center was a large storage cabinet that had four TVs on each side, facing out with music videos playing. There was also a smell of smoke that had baked into cedar with fresh beer spilled on top of it. It looked and smelled historic. Like it had been here well before I was born.
I walked between all kinds of people. Large men, twinks like me, a drag queen, and a mix of others. I tried to find a place to set up shop. On my third pass around the bar I found nothing. Finding a space between the bar and a column, I leaned my back against it, waiting for some miracle to save me, clutching my hands and squeezing them. Mad at myself for being shy.
Maybe I should just go home.
My heart beat louder. Looking around, I started to feel dizzy as my breathing became heavier.
I needed a friend. What I got was Pinky.
"Sweetheart, if you clutch those hands any tighter you're gonna turn those little X's into diamonds," a husky feminine voice said behind me.
I turned around and saw nothing but dark, almost black hair that reached for the ceiling with rainbow bows scattered around like ornaments on a Christmas tree. Her velvet would make Jessica Rabbit blush and a butt bigger than Lake Michigan.
"Come here," she practically ordered, with a smile on her freshly caked face.
I walked over to her with the same energy as if my mother had called me over for a beating. My arms were tucked in and I looked around as I walked over to her.
"It's okay, sweetie, I don't bite."
I wasn't sure about that. I would need references.
"Do you talk?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Ma'am?! Do I look like a ma'am to you?!"
I could only blink.
"Yes, sir?" I said with the least confidence possible.
She just looked at me, practically squinting, before busting out in a harder laugh than any of my dad's buddies on a poker night.
"Aren't you just the cutest thing. Let me guess. First pride?"
Do I have a sign?
"Yeah. I just got into town."
"No shit, sweetie. I haven't seen eyes this wide since the poppers hit during Beyoncé's Renaissance tour," she said with a smile before spinning me over to the bar and into a seat next to her.
"What brings you here?" she asked, filling in for Judge Judy.
"I, uh. Just wanted to go to my first pride and...uh..."
"Get laid."
I just nodded, looking around the bar like she'd divulged some big secret.
Her laugh again filled the bar.
"Honey, you act like you are the first Anywhere, USA boy to walk through that door. We are ALL here to get laid. Either by our husbands, future husbands, or some booty call until we find our future husbands."
I started to actually smile. "What you need to watch out for is that an innocent thing like you won't make it far tonight unless you listen to Pinky."
"P-Pinky?"
"Boy, you really don't know anything," she said, pointing to her cleavage with both hands. "Pinky Ryyder."
"Nice to meet you, Ms. R..."
She put her finger up to my mouth, silencing me.
"Okay, if we are going to be friends you need to stop with that ma'am and ms. shit real fast," she said jokingly.
"Let me guess. Small town?" she asked, circling around me, inspecting every part of me. Practically waiting to inspect my teeth.
I nodded.
"Honey, have you ever been to a gay bar?" Pinky just ignored me and acted like she was on stage but with an audience of one.
"No, first time."
"I see," she said, tousling my hair and gently smacking my cheeks.
"And you decided to show up looking like that?"
I looked down at my outfit, wondering what she took offense to.
That outfit says I'm innocent but those shorts say I'm willing to negotiate.
"I'm not trying to..."
"Finn!" She called out, looking around.
But no one came.
"You have a name?"
"Ja-Jace."
"Ja-Jace will not do."
"Jace," I said, smiling.
"Better. Well, Jace," she said, still looking around the bar, "you went from having zero business to walking into one of the most intense gay nightlife scenes in the city. If you are going to survive, you need MY help."
Pinky likes to give three rules.
One. Never leave your drink unattended. Not for one moment.
Two. Never go home with someone you will regret the next morning.
I could see Pinky had found someone and waved them over, then looked exasperated.
"Four. Always let a friend know where you are."
But all my friends are back...
"FINN, GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OVER HERE BEFORE some emotionally unavailable man with a vape addiction adopts him for the evening."
From the other side of the bar I could see a guy with black, untamed hair coming toward Pinky at her command. He couldn't even be a year older than I was but walked with five years more experience and confidence. And then his smile. A smile that could make a politician blush.
"You rang," he bowed to Pinky sarcastically.
I could feel Finn look me up and give me a thorough inspection. My second of the day.
"Finn. This is Jace. He is from..." She looked at me. "Where did you say you were from?"
I hadn't.
"Peoria," I said.
"Wow," Finn said, leaning against the bar. "That somehow sounds both deeply Midwestern and mildly contagious."
"Now be nice to Jace," Pinky said, motherly, as she poured her martini into a plastic cup.
"It is his first time in the city," she continued, sliding a straw in the cup and stirring the drink around. "Can you be a dear and watch over him tonight? Show him everything Chicago has to offer," she said, reaching her hand into her cleavage.
"Everything?"
She handed him a wad of bills.
"Everything."
I looked at them both, trying to decipher what had just been transacted about my fate.
She thrust the drink cup into Finn's hands.
"Go with Finn to the bathroom. You are going to drink that. Maybe it will get more than four words out of you. Loosen you up," she said, swatting my bottom.
Finn started to usher me to the bathroom, but I stopped.
"But you said not to take drinks from a stranger..." I said, looking at her with practically doe eyes. Also showing her I can use more than four words from the English dictionary.
"Honey, I'm not a stranger. I am your mother-tucking Godmother of Pride for you tonight. Now go. Finn will be good at taking care of you," she said, cackling as Finn grabbed my hand and led me to my fate.
Finn led me down the corridor to the men's restroom, holding my hand tight as if he knew I had one foot in this adventure and one foot ready to sprint. His other hand held the drink. I noticed that for being my age, there were no marks of youth on his hands.
We darted into the bathroom like we were anticipating a police raid, ushering me into a large stall before locking it behind us.
I took a deep breath as he studied me, not saying a single word. I started to speak but before a word could escape he shoved the drink in my hand. "Drink," he said.
Not said. Ordered.
I brought the cup up to my lips. It smelled like turpentine fused with melon.
I started to sip slowly and gagged.
Is this poison? It tastes awful.
I wanted to tap out, but Finn's tanned skin and grey eyes forced another sip.
"Jesus," he said, matter-of-factly, before tilting the cup up and forcing more fluid down my throat.
Great. I came to make friends and here I am getting waterboarded with martinis.
I somehow took every drop and wiped my mouth of any excess.
"What the fuck was that for?" I asked with slight anger.
"Well, one, pride is only two days. And two, would you rather that or sip it for the next hour?"
I stood there blinking before finally saying, "Rather rip off the bandaid."
"Good," he said.
"Next time. Warn me first."
"Deal," he said, smiling. "Sorry, when Pinky gives an order...it's best to just do it," he said, rubbing his arm.
"Yeah, she can be a bit..."
"Much."
"Yeah," I said as we both chuckled.
He looked over at me. "Feel anything yet?"
"No," I responded.
"Good."
He leaned in and kissed me on the mouth. No warning. No subtlety. Just diving tongue-first into my mouth.
I could taste his tongue and he tasted like spearmint and something naturally sweet underneath.
I just stood there, not sure what to do. Yes, I had made out with a few boys. Slept with fewer. But making out in public, this was new.
His hand brushed up on my cheek as he pulled me deeper into our kiss, his tongue finding new areas of my mouth to explore.
A moan escaped my lips, echoing in the bathroom. Then he pulled away. I could feel my buzz starting to hit. My head felt lighter. Even my nose tingled. I looked at Finn, watching him just stare at me emotionlessly. This wasn't a date. Nor romance. Just two guys getting off. This is what I wanted.
I pulled him back onto me, leading our make-out session now, pushing him against the wall. He sighed when his back made contact against the tile, pushing out his hips and rubbing his hardness on mine.
A thought intruded on our kiss. Was this him or another one of Pinky's orders? Who cares. I'm making out with a cute guy at Pride.
He pushed me away and sank to his knees. Was this going to happen here? He pulled my shorts down, exposing me to the cold bathroom air, then quickly devoured my cock down his throat.
If this is what the city had to offer, I knew I wanted more.
I had received three blowjobs in my life. One from Peter Jensen, who had braces and was like shoving my dick down a garbage disposal. Jeremy Richards, who was decent, except he spat out even the slightest hint of semen, swearing he could get pregnant. And Josh Richards.
He was the best and, boy, I gave everything I could to him last summer. Still, he couldn't even get on the award stand with Finn.
This boy knew his way around a dick. He moved up and down as his tongue moved side to side. All the sensation made me squirm at his touch.
I stood there, shorts down, my hand pulling at his hair for dear life, moaning and forcing my other hand to cover my mouth to muffle my ecstasy.
He pulled off and gave me a wicked smile.
"You like?" he asked. I just nodded my head.
Then dove back down. As the alcohol took full effect, I could feel myself push in and out of his throat, sliding deeper the more his throat relaxed.
His hands grabbed my ass and pulled me into him faster.
I don't think I can last much longer, I thought. Should I warn him? My wall back home didn't have a plan for this.
As his tongue started to swirl around my head, I lost all control. No warning. Just shooting rope after rope of cum down his throat.
He struggled to swallow every last drop, choking on the contents I left in his mouth.
"You should probably warn someone before you shoot," he said, wiping his lips.
"Payback for the waterboarding," I said, patting his shoulder and leaving the stall.
There I was, a boy from Peoria who just got his first blowjob in the restroom of a bar. I knew one thing with certainty: I may never go back home. That, and always listen to Pinky.
I walked out of the bathroom and felt like everyone knew what we had just done. Maybe it was my tousled hair. Maybe Finn did that all the time. Or maybe it was just my overactive imagination.
Finn led me back to the bar area and I immediately looked for Pinky.
"Where?" I asked, looking around.
"She has a performance coming up. She probably had to get ready," he said, matter-of-factly, leaning up against the bar. He grabbed my hand. "Let's go to the patio."
He led me out to the patio area. For late June it was surprisingly cool. There was a cool breeze coming off the lake that shielded us from the sweltering heat we'd had all summer.
Finn sat down with a collected confidence that only comes with years of practice.
"You smoke?" he asked.
I shook my head no. I guess he'll put anything in his mouth.
He just nodded, like he knew I'd come around in time.
Taking his first cigarette, he put his foot on the chair and leaned back.
"So how do you like it?" he asked.
"The blowjob?" I asked.
"No, Chicago so far." He laughed.
"Oh. I mean, it is big and impressive. It's actually not my first time here. My parents brought me here several times."
"I see," he said, taking a drag. "Tonight, if someone else asks you that, you say this is your first time and the big city is so impressive."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Why would I do that?"
"Makes you seem innocent. People will want to talk to you more."
"Any other tips?"
"No. Just a couple of questions. Are you always this nervous?"
I thought I was doing well after making a drag queen bestie and getting a blowjob 20 minutes after getting to the bar.
I sat there and took a deep breath. Just be yourself, Jace.
"Do you always give blowjobs to strangers?" I asked, feeling that one out.
I saw him smile from the right side of his mouth.
"No. Did you get a blowjob the minute you got to Chicago with your parents, or is that just for special occasions?"
We stood there looking at each other, eyes narrowing.
Before we both cracked, barely controlling our laughter.
"I like you," Finn said.
I looked at the box of cigarettes on the table. Camel Crush. At that point I was not as familiar with the brand as I would become.
My fingers inched closer to the box. I could see Finn studying me.
"Give me one," I said.
His eyebrow arched and he handed me a cigarette and helped me light it with a look of satisfaction. I placed the cigarette between my lips and sucked in for the first time.
We sat there for a couple of hours where he asked me about life in Peoria. My coming out story. All of the questions that would become routine later for me when meeting a new person. I really felt at home and at ease with Finn. He had that charm that just made you feel like you belonged.
"So, ready to go to Roscoe's and get our dance on?"
I smiled, heart beating loudly but my curiosity and body pushed my doubts to the back seat. Finn stood up, taking my hand as some kind of escort for tonight's debauchery.
A tall burly bear of a bouncer was there looking just as annoyed and exhausted as the one I had such success with earlier in the night. He looked at my hands then at Finn. Then back at me.
"Hey Daryl, he's with me," he said as he wrapped his arm around my neck.
Daryl broke a slight smile. "You're in good hands tonight, kid," he said and nodded us through.
Once we got inside he led me to a side bar where two guys were waiting. They were just as young as we were. One was blonde, wearing a tank top that barely covered his body and a look that said everything annoyed him. The other a dark-haired guy with natural auburn highlights that had these brown eyes that made your ass twitch when he looked at you right.
"About time, where have you been, Finn?"
"Got tied up a bit at Lucky's."
"Dude," Ricky laughed. "Not sure why you love that bar so much."
Finn just shrugged his shoulders.
Ricky looked over at me, another inspection head to toe. My third.
"Though I can see why you took your time coming over."
"Relax, just a friend," Finn said with a smile.
"How good of a friend?" Ricky asked, looking at me. Something told me he wanted to be a friend too.
I just stood there blushing. I could then feel Finn's hand on my shoulder massaging it as if to calm my nerves.
"Oh shit, Jace, I am being rude. This is Ricky and this is Decan." Okay, so Decan is the one with pretty eyes. Noted, I thought. I nodded at each of them.
Decan focused on my hands.
"Oh, so you brought a baby out with you tonight," he said teasingly.
"Yeah, so we are going to have to sneak him drinks."
Ricky rolled his eyes but Decan put his arm around my waist.
"We got you. Let's go top you off. Unless Finn already did that," Decan said as he dragged me to the bar.
They ordered drinks and it became a normal run throughout the night of us waiting in line for a bathroom, making idle chit chat and looking bored. Then waiting for a stall to open up to usher me in and sneak a drink.
Each time with Finn, I kept wanting to feel his mouth on me again. With Ricky, it felt like an annoyed older brother obligated to babysit me for the evening. Then there was Decan. When he would take me I would just get quiet, just looking at his eyes or the way his body looked in his tight shirt.
We made our way to the patio, starting to feel my drinks. Finn offered me my second cigarette and we just sat around enjoying the summer breeze refreshing our bodies.
"So how do you guys know Finn?" I said, taking a drag and still coughing as I got used to the smoke hitting my lungs.
Ricky smoked his cigarettes. Something called Parliaments. Menthol. I would later hate menthol.
"Grindr," he said, taking a puff and holding the cigarette like he was imitating Cruella de Vil. "What, two years ago?"
"Something like that," Finn responded, looking at his phone.
"We hooked up. After he came in me we became buddies for life."
I looked Ricky over. He was cute. But I thought Finn could do much better. Then looked at Decan waiting for his response.
"We worked together for like two months at Banana Republic about a year ago," Decan said, smoking his Marlboro Lights. "Had a bad breakup and Finn took me out and showed me a good time."
"I bet he did," said Ricky with an annoying confidence.
"No, we never..." He said, taking a drag. "Not like you two sluts."
Finn stuck his tongue out at Decan and his feigned judgment.
And then it happened.
Being part of club culture later, it is still hard to explain. There is the moment the right song calls you and your friends to the dance floor. Tonight it was Abracadabra by Lady Gaga for us.
The patio door opened and we could hear the opening beats. It was practically like gay panic as Finn grabbed my hand and said "LET'S GO," leading me to the dance floor with the other guys following in tow.
The beat of the bass getting louder with each step as we moved closer to the center of the dance floor. I had never gone dancing before. I felt like everyone was watching me trying to jostle my body around to the beat.
All four of us were standing there facing each other. Ricky, drinking his drink and looking bored. The other two relaxing to the music. All dancing like they had made a career out of it.
I was just doing a step to the right. Moving my hands. Trying to mimic people around me.
I felt lame.
As the beat got to the chorus I could see Decan smirk watching me dance.
"You don't dance much," he said, leaning over.
I shook my head in defeat. Hating that I felt so new to all of this.
"Let me," he said, moving behind me.
Decan then placed his hands on my waist and moved his body against mine. I could feel his firm pecs on my shoulder blades digging into me. The belt from his jeans pressing to the back of my lower back. And a lump of him pushing against my ass. All I could do was not breathe and swallow harder than I could ever remember.
He pressed into me and used his hands and waist to guide me to the beat.
Ricky still looked unimpressed with everything. Finn had a brief, ever slight look for just a moment that said Decan had taken something away from him, before surrendering to the song.
I cannot forget how that one song made me feel that night. It wasn't just the beat or the warm body pressed against me. It was how I entered the song so awkward but by the end I was writhing my body like I had done this before.
Decan's hands were briefly feeling parts of me before lifting my shirt off my body and tucking it in the back of my jeans. I hadn't noticed that I was the only one by now that was not in this state of undress.
By the end of the next three songs, it was like I had done this for years. We danced harder, longer with each song. Moving our hips. Dropping it low and letting the sweat build and drop from our bodies.
Who was I? No matter what the answer was, I had this deep feeling that I wanted to see how far tonight would go.
The songs slowed down and Finn kept texting on his phone and Ricky brought me over a bottle of water and the first smile I'd seen in a bit.
"Stay hydrated. It's going to be a long night."
As I opened the bottle cap, which had for a moment been a struggle, I took a sip. Watching as Decan was talking to another group of boys. Dancing with them. Bringing out a tug in my chest that I couldn't quite name.
I saw another boy grab him by the hand. Taller. Possibly cuter than me and lead him away. Leaving the dance floor colder than it should have felt.
"Hey," Finn interrupted me with an impish smile on his face. "Mind if we go to a friend's real quick? It isn't far."
"Sure," I said, down for the ride.
"Ricky, you want to go to Nathan's?"
"No, I am meeting some friends here in a few minutes. I'll catch you a bit later."
Ricky came over and gave me a hug, me rigid in the abrupt change in disposition, as he rubbed my back. "Stay close to Finn. He's a good guy."
I nodded before hugging him back. "Thanks, see you around," I said, not thinking of something more clever.
Again, Finn's hand grabbed mine and he led us out of the club and down a side street lined with three-story brick three-flats. Moving down the street like he was bending the night to his will, I walked side by side trying to keep up with his quick pace.
It wasn't long at all until we stopped outside a house where you could see the blue LED lighting spilling out onto a front porch with a steady bass. Like the person had their own club inside.
Finn opened the door without hesitation and led us inside. There were a group of four or five people sitting around the living room. Looking relaxed, and there was a haze and strong scent of weed in the air.
Finn led us to the kitchen where a couple of people were waiting around. Everyone had a relaxed edge about them. He made us a drink as everyone talked to each other, just giving us a head nod as we made a drink and worked to keep our buzz going.
"Hey, wait here," Finn said, giving me a look not to follow. And then went up the stairs.
I was surrounded by strangers. All talking to each other except one person who looked out of it and half asleep on the couch.
I looked at my phone then back at my drink. Taking sips to pass the time and give me comfort.
Finn returned, after turning what was a few minutes into something that felt like hours. He pulled me to the side of the kitchen, which was now empty. He looked more alert than when he left.
He grabbed my hand, pulling me closer. His mouth again only inches away. Time stopped again but this time warmer, more attentive. He kissed me there softly, gentle and caressing my chest between breaths.
God, I could get used to this.
He pulled off of me, looking in my eyes. "Hope you are having fun," he said, looking for assurance.
"Me? Oh, of course," I said.
He smiled. His hand moving gingerly around my right nipple.
"Good," he said, biting his lip.
Just as he was about to give me another kiss I heard someone bounding down the stairs.
"Oh, hey Finn," a low voice said. A guy in a black tank top with a dragon tattoo loudly displayed on his arm with a disarming smile.
"Is this the guy you were talking about?"
"Yeah. Nathan, meet Jace. Jace, meet Nathan," he said.
"You are right, he is cute," Nathan said, lingering around.
Again, I blushed.
Finn nodded, pulling me into a kiss that both confused me and woke up every part of my body. I could feel his warmth radiate. Then another warmth coming from beside me.
Where Finn pushed my head to the side, Nathan took over kissing me. Letting his tongue move into my mouth. He smelled like bath soap and incense mixed together. Beautifully.
Finn then started kissing my neck, holding my hand as a way to check in.
Nathan broke off his kiss with me.
"Fuck, you kiss as good as you look."
My head fell a little. Not sure how to take his comment.
"Finn, why don't you guys get started and I'll be up in a moment," Nathan paused. Kissed me again. "If that is okay with you, Jace."
Fuck, they can do whatever they want.
Finn led me up the stairs and down a hallway. I could hear the window unit rattling as we entered Nathan's bedroom. It had a large king-sized bed dominating the room and a tall antique dresser at the foot. We stopped at the foot of the bed. Finn caressing my cheek as he looked deep into my eyes.
"Jace. You don't have to ever do anything you don't want to."
I nodded.
"Do you..."
"Yes," I said, interrupting him.
He laughed and I laughed at how fast I responded.
"Question. Are you on anything for safety?"
I nodded again. "Yeah, my mom, when I came out, made sure to get me on PrEP."
Finn smiled as he kissed me on the forehead. Then on my mouth again. Then made his way down my neck and then lifted my shirt.
"Have you ever?"
I shook my head no.
"Then let's take it slow for you." He then kissed me softly again. Then kissed his way down my chest to my loins. There he stopped and slowly undid my shorts letting them fall to the floor and sliding my underwear off until I was standing in a stranger's room. Naked. Nowhere to go but to enjoy the moment.
"You're so sexy, Jace," he said as he took his clothes off and then closed the door but not all the way.
I smiled as we collapsed on the king-sized bed making out. Slow. Sensual. With the whole night ahead of us.
His tongue traced the outside of my torso until he buried his tongue and mouth into my armpits. Both savoring the smell and tasting me. Never thinking the spot could bring me to moan out loud.
He pushed himself on top of me, kissing my mouth and running his hands along my body. Looking down, I saw his dick. Nothing impressive, nothing not impressive. Just average. And somehow perfect. His cut cock looked like it had been crafted by an Italian artist. No flaws. A work of art.
I grabbed it, feeling how hard it was, forcing a sigh from deep inside his body. With his knees he spread my legs apart.
I needed this. I needed to see, just for tonight, how this felt.
He looked over for something. Stopping his focus before reaching over and grabbing a bottle of lube.
Seeing the bottle made me tense up. Was this the night?
Yes.
Yes it was.
I spread my legs for him and he looked at my exposed hole. Reaching for it quicker than he probably intended. I felt like my ass had this power over him. That it made him focus on nothing but us.
He lifted my legs up into the air and then dove tongue-first onto my hole.
The sensation of warm, wet flesh circling my hole made me grab the sheets and moan in pleasure.
I could hear the bass and laughter downstairs. Did they know, while talking about their plans for the weekend, that I was about to get fucked for the first time? No one cared about this moment except me.
For several minutes Finn's attention never left my hole as he circled and swirled around it. Then teasing me with the tip of his tongue.
When it slid in, it felt better than years of trying to please myself with a finger or cheap toy I bought online.
I held back a moan, trying to keep it between Finn and me. Not share this moment.
Spreading me open wider with his tongue, flooding every sense inside me. I couldn't think straight. I only knew that I needed more of him in me. Fast.
I pushed him off of me, a brief moment of panic showed on his face. Probably thinking I was stopping us. Maybe even afraid he pushed too far.
The way his body looked in the moonlight as it leaned between the blinds made me kiss him. No longer out of necessity but of raw desire.
"Please," I said, barely above a whisper. "Fuck me, Finn. I need you to."
All he could do was nod. His energy and mine both aligned for the first time before he raised my legs onto his shoulders before kissing me deeply. His cock starting to glide its shaft along my hole. I heard a bottle cap open. It should have sounded like nothing but to me it was like a car alarm in the dead of night.
The slick wet sound as he applied some to his dick, louder than a plane flying overhead.
Then nothing. Silence. Long silence before I felt the head push up against me.
Then my body started fighting what we were both doing. I wanted this more than anything but my body was not fully ready to accept something new.
He applied pressure slowly, popping inside my ring finally as I cried out in pain.
Finn stopped. Held me there.
"Tell me if you need me to pull out."
Never.
I just looked at him, my lips between my teeth.
This was why I was here.
I grabbed his waist and pulled him in. Feeling myself being stretched open for the first time.
What the hell, this looks so much easier in porn.
Thinking he was halfway in, I felt he was only half in at best. I threw my head back in frustration.
Is this even possible? Maybe I'm not a bottom.
Then he kissed me. Holding steady while exploring my neck.
His mouth rested against my ear as he said, "I have wanted to be inside you since we met."
That validation relaxed my body, letting him all the way inside in one final push. Both of us moaning together.
Him glad to be all the way in. Me glad he was my first.
As he held his spot I felt myself adjust to him. Widening its restraint as he started to thrust in and out. I could feel every nerve ending around my entrance go into sensory overload. He was hitting spots in me that I never knew could be activated as he slid in and out.
It is crazy to think now but I could feel every inch of him in me touching every wall inside me. As another moan escaped, my hands grabbed his back. I wanted more of this.
I wanted to tell Finn in that moment thank you for the night. Thank him for taking his time.
"Fuck me" was all I could say.
My legs firm on his shoulders he started to move all the way in and out. My dick, that had been soft while he was trying to get in, now rock hard. Leaking pre-cum like crazy. I felt a warm shock radiate from inside me as his angle changed.
That's the prostate, I thought. Fuck, how does this even feel better?
My fingers dug into his back. I tried to move, adjusting my position to feel more of this. Not wanting him to stop.
"Fuck, I'm close," he said. The words I didn't want to hear.
I nodded my head. Wanting him to enjoy this.
"Cum in me...please, Finn. I need you to."
All I could hear was a loud groan and felt his body go rigid. I swore I could feel each spurt erupt from him as it flooded my insides. A mix of warmth and satisfaction.
He lowered my legs, watching as sweat fell from his forehead down to his chest. It snaked its way down to a small bit of hair he had between his pecs.
So hot.
While we caught our breaths the door opened and Nathan came in. Holding a beer and a wicked smile.
"Looks like I missed the fun," he said.
I could see a lump growing in his pants.
Finn's mouth whispered into my ear. "Only if you want to."
I answered Nathan with a nod, almost ignoring Finn's words. He smiled, removing his tank top and approaching the bed.
Should I really keep going? This is what a slut is, right? Then I felt his lump and a long hard cock hiding under his pants. I looked up at his eyes and his desire.
Let me be a slut.
I quickly grabbed at his cock like a man possessed but not sure what I wanted. Was it him? No. Was it his body and cock? Yes.
I pulled down his pants releasing a cock that dwarfed Finn's not by millimeters but by inches. All my planning and Excel sheets did not prepare me for this.
I felt scared. I wanted Finn because we had shared something and wanted him to be my first. But looking at Nathan, I never craved to just be used before. Nathan was never and would never be my type but in that moment I craved him. This wasn't on the Excel sheet but needed to be. Size 48 font. Bold. Red.
I wasn't sure what to do, just lying at the end of the bed pawing at his dick. I was still new to this, wanting to follow his lead. He took a swig of his Dos Equis before moving toward me, pulling me by my legs to the end of the bed before diving his mouth onto my hole.
I could feel a mix of Finn's cum and Nathan's beer-soaked mouth covering my hole. It started off cold from his drink then getting warmer as he explored. Tasting Finn inside me, digging more out with his tongue.
I could feel as he worked me over, Finn getting up and moving off the bed. I heard him sitting down. Watching over me. Being a voyeur and protector all in one. All while his friend stood at the end of the bed, lining up his cock ready to take his turn.
I could feel his head pushing into me. The head was easy. The problem was about an inch down as his meaty cock started to get its thickest. He tried to push in, much faster than Finn. I pulled my head back in pain.
"Easy, Nathan. He's new," Finn said.
Nathan nodded. Slowing down. Kissing my calf as he did. Surprisingly he slid in easier than I thought. His pubes resting on my ass. Holding it there.
While it didn't hurt going in, the fullness was another thing. Where I could feel Finn hit every spot while thrusting, Nathan did it just by being inside. Every inch felt like it was expanding. Setting off my neural network like it was July 4th. And not even one thrust yet.
He reached to kiss me. Where Finn felt warm and exciting, Nathan burrowed into me with all the tenderness of a Gazelle being torn apart by a Hyena in heat.
Would my ass even be the same after this? Hopefully not.
He started pumping in and out. I could feel my already greased-up hole lubing him up. Spreading Finn's presence onto him and making him easier to take with each thrust. My head looked back and Finn was watching. A face like a hawk, with a mix of emotions, all while stroking his cock.
Where Finn was gentle, Nathan went hard. Where Finn tried to enjoy, Nathan just wanted to get off.
For me, I just wanted to be used.
Nathan was pounding away. No more kisses. No gentleness. Just raw hard pounding.
I could hear his flesh slap against mine. The feel of his pubic bone digging at me. I started stroking my cock. Not needing lube with all the pre-cum.
I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. Finn started the fire. But now there was a powder keg inside me ready to go off.
Nathan's face had a determined, almost scary look as he dove in deeper. Not of violence, just in the way it contorted as he tried to get his nut off.
I leaned up on my elbows. Watching his hot muscular body just stretch me out. He didn't care. I didn't care that he didn't either.
Cum in me, Nathan. Show me my body is getting you off.
Nathan didn't warn me. He just grunted, dove deep, and pushed his load inside, adding it to Finn's. The thought of their cum swimming side by side set me over the edge and rope after rope shot from my cock, covering an area from my navel to my sternum.
Then the sound from behind me of Finn blowing his nut one more time.
Nathan slid out, catching his breath and putting his shirt on like nothing had happened.
"That was hot. Def hit me up sometime," he said, without giving me a number.
I laid there for a moment. My fingers inched toward my hole, not sure what it would feel like. As the tip of my finger felt the cum-messy entrance I felt satisfied.
Pushing the cum leaking out back into me. I knew two things. I was glad I didn't stay in my hotel room. And that I was one happy slut.
We got dressed and before we left Finn gave me one final kiss. Pulling my hand as we went and found club after club. Friend after friend. Drink after drink.
Until on a patio outside a bar I'm not even sure where, lighting our cigarettes.
When I sat down after getting a light, the hard seat did no favors for my backside.
"Still sore?" Finn said, half laughing.
"Yeah," I laughed. "Nathan was not the best for my first time."
Finn had a brief look of insult before he laughed. "Yeah, not bad for your first pride."
We sat there in silence enjoying a bit of quiet after the long night.
He took a long drag of his cigarette before looking at me.
"Well, you better suck it up. We have one more spot to go to."
The way he said that made the night into a QVC commercial. But wait, there's more.
I was tired but I would be lying to say I wanted to go home. This is what freedom felt like.
"Okay," I said. "Where?"
Steamworks. It was a name I had heard casually brought up in conversations throughout the night like it was a code name for something. Some people wanted to end there, some said it with judgment. So I definitely needed to see this for myself.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's a bathhouse," he said. Honestly, I didn't know what that meant.
"A bath..."
"Like a gay sauna...where people have sex."
We were having more sex? This seemed like excess.
"Sure. Why not!" I said. Not sure where the words came from.
"How does it work?"
Finn sat there smoking his cigarette, amused one last time at my newness. Something told me he enjoyed this role.
"You get a locker. Don't worry about money. I know Jeff and he won't bat an eye about letting us in for free."
I sat back smoking and taking his tutelage in.
"You grab a towel, wrap it around your waist, and make sure to take your lock key with you. I usually attach it to my arm."
"Okay, that seems easy. How does..."
"You're just going to need to figure that out yourself. If someone is interested or you are, just let nature take its course."
The instructions seemed simple enough but getting inside Steamworks it was like another universe had opened up. More than every bar and house we went to combined.
There were all types of guys walking around. Young. Old. Thin. Not so thin. Bears. Leather daddies. It was like every scene thrown into one debaucherous melting pot.
Every sin you could imagine was around you and available to you. Wall to wall sex.
Finn stayed at my side as I started exploring each room and level. I stopped at one door where a guy my age was playing with his ass. He gave me a nod which I took as an invitation. I started to step forward but then as I reached the door I saw the X on my hand. Stopping myself. I turned to Finn for guidance and he was gone. No words. Just separated and on my own.
I kept walking, listless. Seeing a door open with guys fucking. Groups of guys standing around a guy in a sling. The smell of poppers. Sounds of sex. There was a certain warmth and smell that dug into your skin. Like bleach and sex with a hint of poppers.
The sounds of moans felt like they were getting louder and a chorus that drowned out every rational thought. My heart was beating against my chest, I swore I could hear it over the bass of the club music blasting around us.
I needed to sit. Regroup.
I finally made my way to a couch, with TVs around it playing porn. The cold leather touching my thighs pulled me from my haze.
Looking over, there was only one other guy.
He looked like he was in far worse shape than I was.
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