Pizza Delivery Rant

Pizza Delivery Rant (a little touch of humor)

So I recently took a second job delivering pizzas in the Dallas area. yes I know I have a choice and I choose to work a second job to make ends meet for me and my family because frankly, despite what our Federal and State Governments tell us, I do not see the job market getting any better.

First of all I am NOT a change machine. We carry a minimal amount of cash for safety reasons. So please if your order costs $13.64, please don’t hand me a hundred dollar bill and expect exact change.  And it won’t do you any good to tell whoever takes your phone in order that you have a $100. That’s an old trick in the ghetto. Tell the order taker that you have a $100 bill. Then when the delivery guy shows up to deliever the pizza, It’s a phony address and he’s ambushed by two or three ghetto thugs and robbed of the change for a hundred dollars and the pizza. 

To other drivers who feel the need to ride my ass when I’m going ten over the speed limit…why? I’m willing to bet a Saturday night’s worth of tips that I need to be where I’m going faster than you need to be where you’re going, so quit being a jackass.

It's bad enough when someone doesn't tip, but it’s another thing if they want the driver to absorb some of the bill. You should know the amount when you place the order. There's no reason the driver should take a loss for driving to your home. It's really a double loss because there's no tip. At a restaurant, you don't expect the waiter to pitch in a few quarters to help you make the bill so why would you expect the driver to. Remember that I’m working a second job to make ends meet so I cannot afford to make up for your shortcomings.

I think part of the problem is the two dollar delivery charge. I think when taking the order it should be said that the two dollars charge doesn’t go to the driver but to cover insurance costs. Some people believe the driver receives the two dollars charge and tips accordingly. 

But it's disgusting when someone tips like that. I took a forty-two dollars and seventy-seven cent order to a house and all they gave me was forty-three dollars in cash and told me to keep the change…a whopping twenty-three cents. There was nothing wrong with the service to make them hate me. I know my service was excellent and far more valuable than twenty-three cents. What am I supposed to do with twenty-three cents? It is not appropriate, so I returned it to make the situation less insulting for me. 

If he couldn’t afford the tip, he should have offered to let me fuck his wife. At least I would have gotten something for my time. On two separate occasions I’ve had single ladies order pizza and then blow me. One in lieu of paying for the pizza and the other to cover my tip. Not a bad deal because my wife gave up sucking dicks the day she said, “‘I do.”

The next time the lady wanted to blow me for her pizza, I told her that tips had been slim that night so a blowjob wasn’t going to cut it. I fucked her on the couch with her legs curled back so her knees were practically buried in her own arm pits as I pounded her relentlessly. She was as hot as a fire cracker and her orgasmic screams of "Ohh, Ooohhhh god yesssss.  F-f-fuck me,” echoed off the walls as she came over and over and over again. I’ve never known a woman who cum as much or as hard she did. She even eagerly licked and sucked her own cream off my cock after she cummed.

I can hardly wait for her to order another pizza.

My wife is so selfish. She only thinks or cares about her own pleasure. I can only fucked her when she wants and she hasn't want any dick for two months ...hence I haven't gotten any pussy for two months…that she knows about. 

My wife doesn’t know it but I’m bi- sexual. So if the tip is big enough I might even give the man of the house a blowjob. Might hell…all he has to do is show me his cock and tell me to suck it and I will.  

I have one really good…’really good’ tipper who orders a pizza every Saturday night just like clock work. 

I remember the first time I delivered a pizza to him. He came to the door wearing sweats. I stepped inside and he closed the door behind me. 

Turning, he went to get his money. As he came back I could see the outline of his ejection through his sweat pants. 

When he held out my money, instead of taking it, I reached out and felt his cock through his sweats. Startled, his body jerked as my hand touched his cock. I pulled the sweats down exposing his cock. I wasn’t disappointed; it was at least eight-inches long, thick, big mushroom head and veins popping out.

I took hold of his cock and felt him quiver as I slowly stroked it a couple of times. I couldn’t wait to get it in my mouth. 

As he stood there with my money in his hand and his mouth open in surprise, I leaned over and licked the head.  He jerked again. I kept licking and worked my tongue into his pee-slit. 

He moaned, "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh," as I went to my knees and slowly sucked the head into my mouth. I continued to suck the head as he jerked and moaned, "Ooooooh yesssss." 

I took more cock into my mouth, going down as far as I could. His thick black kinky pubic hair tickled my nose as his cock hit the back of my throat. I gagged a little. I withdrew some and settled into a bobbing up and down motion, sucking his cock making sure not to go too far and cause me to gag. 

I loved sucking his hard cock and the feel of it throbbing in my mouth. I hadn’t sucked a cock since I’ve been in college. Now I was sucking a cock again for the first time in years and knew that now I’d started again I would suck this or some one else’s cock many more times. 

As I continued to suck his cock he started thrusting his cock up into my mouth. This was a forewarning that he was going to cum. I remembered someone telling me to let the cock go as deep as I could take it so the cum would hardly be tasted when let loose. That way any bad taste would be minimized.

I’d told myself that since this was the first time I probably wouldn’t let him cum in my mouth. But as he kept thrusting into my mouth and I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull off. 

Then he moaned, “OOHHHHH shit, OOHHHHH shit,” and then even louder, “OOHHHHHH God I’m cumming” I’m cumming, I’m cumming." Suddenly he went rigid and his cum gushed out, splashing the back of my throat with a hot, salty flood. Several large blasts followed by several smaller blasts. I slurped and sucked as hard as I could, gulping down his load and siphoning every drop of cum from his quaking body. 

I kept swallowing as he stopped thrusting and relaxed. His cock slowly slipped from my mouth sliding through my lips. 

The he looked down and saw that he still had my money in his hand. Legs shaking from the released tension, he pulling two tens from his pocket and added to the money before he gave it to me.

Now he always answers the door in a robe. As I walk in, shutting the door behind me, he lets his robe fall open, showing me that he’s not wearing underwear. I set his pizza on the hall table and drop to my knees in front of him. My tip afterwards is always $20 plus the change for a $20 to pay for the pizza.

I just delivered a pizza to one of the hottest asses that I've ever seen on a female. Side view, flat stomach with a perfect half-circle derriere. Rear view, not too small, not too big, perfectly symmetrical handfuls on top of long legs, pants clinging just enough to get the idea of what lies beneath.

Probably only eighteen, but damn she was hot and I could see her public hair in the V-of her unzipped Daisy-Duke cut-offs. It’s gonna take a while for that image to fade.

Last Friday nigh, when this guy was paying me he accidently dropped my money, while I was kneeling down picking it up he unzipped his fly and took his cock out.

When I looked up I was face-to-face with a very large and very hard cock. It was standing straight up, giving me a view that made me dizzy: his large low-hanging balls, leading to his glistening shaft, veins bulging in every direction. His dark plum-shaped head had a droplet of pre-cum dripping ever so slowly off the head. As he looked down at me with pure lust on his face, I slowly licked his silky head all around and nibbled at his foreskin. Moving lower, I took his ballsac in my mouth and rolled his jewels together with my tongue. You can pretty well figure out the rest for yourself.    

I generally only worked Friday and Saturday nights. As I’ve became better known in my deliever area I’ve develop a small clientele of regulars that are willing to tip twenty dollars to get a to completion blowjob

I’d sucked a little dick in college but gave it up when I got married. I’d forgotten how much fun it was. But now that I’ve started sucking dicks again I'm here to tell you...you have NEVER had a sexual experience like the one when you let another man shoot his load of cum in your mouth and you feel each burst of cum hitting the back of your throat.

I do love women and don't really have any attraction to a man, but show me a hard cock standing tall and it makes my mouth water. I started early in life so I’ve fucked more women than I can count on all my digits. Eating pussy was my forte but nothing has turned me on as much as sucking a cock to completion. My mind will go euphoric as it receives the tactile signals that another man is cumming in my mouth. It's a mind bending experience counting the number of shots as I swallow each and every drop of his cum. If you ever experience it you’ll then understand why women give men blowjobs. 

Of course you will have to put aside all the negative homophobic rhetoric the religious community has put on same gender sex. I find it curious the Catholic Church made up of people that do not have sex, make the sexuality do's and don't rules for the people who do have sex. Now how fucked up is that? Maybe that's why so many priests have to turn to pedophile to "get off"?

If given the opportunity, I say go for it man. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying another man. It's better than joining a bowling league. 

I'm in the camp that same sex is a generic trait that goes back to our ancestors. When we where hunter gather's, during the week long male hunts, sleeping in caves on cold snowing nights, the cave man so horny the sheep got nervous a nice big hard hot cock standing tall would be too much to ignore. So the men who sucked cock would sure be on the must go on the hunt list. 

There are just TOO many long time married men coming out and enjoying sucking off another man for it to be ‘unnatural.

And lastly, you know I’m coming to deliver a pizza so why do you need to dig in your purse ten minutes for money? You had twenty-five minutes to find it before I got there. Time is money for me because the more deliveries I make the more tips I make so please have your money ready when I get to your door. If you’re a cheep fuck and are going to let your wife fuck me to cover the bill, have her naked when I get there. 

Sex is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s VERY GOOD and when it’s bad, it’s STILL PRETTY damn good.

And folks…give your delivery men a thrill…answer the door naked.