'Do we have to record this?' Niko asks as I fiddle with the lights.
'Yes'
'Why?'
'So you can have your first couch interview experience. Now sit.'
He sits but is not yet done spoiling the mood, 'I don't know why you're fucking with all of this, these aren't even the right lights, it's going to look like shit.'
I snort out a laugh and Niko blushes a little. He's got the kind of complexion he can blush from a moderate gust of wind but it's still adorable. He's about to say something else but I don't let him.
'All right, on to business,' I say in my best performance voice. 'We have Niko here, a 2nd year biochemistry student from a small town somewhere in the midlands. Tell us, Niko, when was the last time you pooped?'
Niko is changing colours but starts playing along. 'Sunday.'
'And now it is...'
'Wednesday afternoon.'
'So you're quite full then?'
'I am. See that?' He lifts up his t-shirt and looks down at his stomach. His pants are unbuttoned and stretched over a tummy bulge.
'Bloated boy.'
'Very much.'
'And what have you eaten since Sunday?'
'Lasagna on two nights. Chinese yesterday. Pizza for lunch at the cafeteria on Monday, bean soup yesterday.'
'Great diet. And breakfast?'
'Just cereal and fruit, as usual.'
'That's high fibre intake, friend,' I say and Niko shrugs with a smile, he's getting into this. 'And what have you had an hour ago?'
'A glass of pickle juice,' he says in a slightly hurt tone. He hates pickle juice. I made him drink the pickle juice.
'I think you will be more comfortable without those pants,' I say and Niko stands up to pull down his jeans and shorts. He's also losing his t-shirt. Not the most sensual undressing spectacles but I'm getting hard anyway.
'How difficult has it been to keep it all in since Sunday?' I ask.
'Pretty difficult. Especially yesterday. And this morning.'
'There was a lot of rumbling this morning. I thought you were about to have a premature incident and ruin our date.'
'There's still a good chance. If you don't hurry up, I might shit on your porn couch.'
'Ok, more pickle juice for you for that comment!' I leave the phone recording and grab the pickle jar from the table. I wasn't joking. Niko lets out a little grunt and his stomach responds with almost the same noise. I pour him another glass of the murky green fluid and watch him drink it in two big gulps like it's medicine. The mix of spices, sugar, and vinegar always helps things go south in a hurry.
I drop down my sweatpants and throw them across the room. Best to keep all non-essentials out of the action zone. Then I drag Niko off the couch, put my hands on his stomach and start massaging along the narrow line of hair running from his belly button to his cock. He burps up a little pickle juice and I can see beads of sweat gathering under his hairline. Somebody needs to poop.
'How does it feel?' I ask.
'Awful.'
'Cramping?'
'Yeah...'
'You think you have problems, I had to deal with your farts for three days.'
I turn him around and make him kneel on the couch, legs spread wide, asshole to the camera. I lick my finger and start rubbing his pink ring. He's holding it so tight, it feels like I might need a crowbar to get in there. I circle and push against the hole with my thumb. Only a little at first to test his level of readiness. He takes in a deep breath, moans, and shuffles his knees. It is a moan of discomfort and I'm starting to leak. So I press a little harder on his asshole.
'Cassian, please...'
'Please what? Do you need to take a shit?'
Niko moans again and drops his head down. I keep going at his hole and reach around to apply pressure on his stomach. 'This wasn't a rhetorical question.'
'I need to take a shit,' it's almost a whimper.
'Good. I need to take a piss. Can you hold it a bit longer?'
'I don't know...'
This was a rhetorical question so I interrupt him. 'Get off the couch, crouch on the floor, and wait. Ass to the camera. I'll be right back.'
'If I crouch, I'm going to shit myself. And you're going to be angry,' he sounds pitiful now.
'I would be angry but you're not going to shit yourself. You're going to wait for me.'
I leave him on the floor and stroll to the toilet. I'm hard as pillars of the Earth so pissing is not happening. Also, I don't need to piss. I'm just fucking with Niko. And he's not thinking straight, otherwise he would have asked why I don't just use him like always when I need to piss.
When I come back, he's curled up on the floor in some sort of innovative yoga position which can be, with some dose of good will, described as crouching. No shit in sight. He's a good boy.
He looks up at me with the eyes of a scared puppy, 'Cassian...'
'Yes, I know. Shut up.'
I push the couch forward to get a better view for the camera since we're going to be changing scene. Then scoop Niko off the floor. He comes up with a long whistling fart.
'All right, enough flirting,' I say as I bring him around and bend him over the side of the couch. His body is clammy and shivery. This is so much fun, it should be illegal. Wait, is it? I don't think so.
I spit on my hand and start stroking my cock. Another spit on his asshole, I lean in close for this and hope he doesn't blast in my face. Lubrication shouldn't be a problem anyway. Slowly, I start rubbing my cock head against his ring, not too much pressure. Niko lets out a sigh and his voice sound high and urgent when he says, 'Cassian, I'm going to shit.'
'I know.'
'No, I mean now. Now!'
He does this something, the little drama queen, makes it sound more imminent than it is. But it's best not to risk it and I'm too horny to take this build-up any longer. I push in, slow but hard, a short assertive thrust. My cock head breaks through his defenses and suddenly I'm in a thick, warm goo. Niko yelps and clenches. Not from me, he's trying to reconcile the feeling of an opening asshole with the ongoing task of keeping shit at bay.
I push in deeper, very slowly, enjoying the sensation. It's like hot wet sands, the fine kind you get at the best beaches. And it's tight in there, I'm not being given space, I'm taking space, conquering new land, reshuffling the mound of compacted shit that's filling my friend to the brim. Niko starts panting in between long moans escaping his mouth. By the time my hips reach his ass, he's groaning.
It feels like something is bubbling in there, a thick mass churning around my cock. His insides are pushing against me, the slow but inevitable peristalsis coming to meet the intruder. He's grunting now, short intense noises. His butt and thighs tense up, then ease off and tense up again. He's actively shitting (well, trying to) while I'm plugged into his hole and blocking the way. His sphincter tightens around my cock in pulsing waves. He doesn't have to hold it any longer but his efforts lead to no sweet release of evacuation.
I pull out slowly, my cock comes out dipped in sticky spread. The smell is earthy and dirty. What even is an earthy smell? Dumb word. It smells like ripe shit and the smell makes me twitch with pleasure. This is not going to last long.
Niko's noises grow louder as I grab his hips and start pumping. I'm not even going hard but his moans and grunts are now full of pain. It's not me though, his ass has taken this cock before without much complaint, it's the waste matter stretching his guts. It's his body trying to take a long overdue shit while some bastard is ramming his ass.
He's mumbling my name but not much else, then I hear, 'Cassian, I'm going to burst.' His legs are shaking now, his hands grabbing the couch, nearly ready to tear chunks out, knuckles white.
'Not before I do,' I reply and speed up the rhythm. It feels like his shit is sucking on my cock in there, like it doesn't want it to leave and also doesn't want it there. Pull and resistance. It sounds like a party of drunk hippies padding through mud barefoot. It sounds like a bulldog eating a taffy.
The noises emanating from his asshole are as loud as his moans now. Mud noises joined by long bubbling farts. His ass is blowing bubbles. Bits of shit violently pulled out of his hole are falling off my cock and splattering down his legs. More shit is caking my balls.
My breathing is getting faster. I need to hit the breaks before it's too late. One more thrust and I pull out. Niko gives out a short scream and an outflow of shit breaks out of his ass, a long smooth turd drops to the floor followed by an explosion of droplets and a salvo of popping farts.
'Hey, pinch it up, I'm not done!' I yell and push his ass cheeks together.
'I can't,' he's almost weeping. Bad time to take a break so I curse, spread him back up and drive my cock in against the tide. My hands are brown and slippery. My feet are sliding in shit.
I grab his hair. It's soaked in sweat and now there's shit in it. I start fucking again. 'What happens if I tell you to pinch it and you don't pinch it?'
Niko squeals feebly. I tighten my grip on his hair and reach out with my left hand to rub it on his face. 'What happens?'
'We move on to a blowie...' he mumbles through my fingers.
'We move on to a blowie. Do you want that?'
Indiscriminate noises are the only response. He probably does want that, the filthy pig. But it's too late for me. I won't make it through the change of configuration and him fussing about swallowing a shitty cock. The only way is forward.
I push him down, plant my hands on his shoulders and pick up pace, riding his ass with full force. A new chain of farts blows around my pounding cock. It's like a brass quartet falling down the stairs. Shit is squirting merrily everywhere. The couch starts to move in short jerking motions as I blast ropes into his messy hole.
Niko slides down to his knees and releases a shit fountain out of his hole. It's a sludge pipe with a sprinkle of cream. It stops and goes as he moans with pleasure. His feet get the full blast and his toes curl. I watch the show as I squeeze my throbbing cock.
He's letting the last squirts out, thin and yellowish. They plop on the shit pile with a sad and embarrassed afterthought of defeat.
I flip the shit off my hands onto his sweaty back. 'And who's going to clean all that up?'
Niko breaths in and out deep a few times, 'I am.'
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