Pas de Deux

Pas de Deux

He had just started to accomplish it all: he passed the auditions and survived the physical tests. He had finally arrived at his intermediate goal: he was on the Dance Academy!

From young age on he had dreamed of that and had worked hard to achieve it. When he was a toddler he already felt the irrepressible urge to translate music, which he didn’t even understand, into movement. His parents couldn’t understand it. Nobody else in the family had that. But they weren’t his real, biological parents, just his adoptive parents. He was the unexpected result of a one night stand his biological mother had while on holidays with a no doubt irresistible Bohemian. She had abandoned the new-born boy for adoption and he ended up with his present, legal parents. Merlin made it pretty clear in his appearance and face he was of Slavic decent: he had curly long black hair, high cheekbones, a slim, lightly tanned body and mysterious dark-brown eyes, that often had a dreamlike look in them.

His adoptive mother had regularly sighed:

“You know how kids are. It’s only a whim! It’ll blow over!!”

But it was no whim and it certainly didn’t blow over. Even worse: it became perfectly clear that Merlin only wanted to dance. Like other boys in the village went to football training twice a week, Merlin took the bus to the nearby big city trice a week to go to the ballet school. It was very clear to him that he might become a maverick this way, because which normal, healthy boy goes to a ballet studio? In the beginning he even was a curiosity for the girls at school, that studied him giggling, but in time they got accustomed to the lone boy in their midst…and to a certain extent fascinated by him. Merlin took it all in a stoic way: maverick, curiosity of whatever else, he just worked hard to achieve his intermediate goal: getting to the Dance Academy. At least he was no stereotype village boy. But while getting older he found out that he conformed to at least one prejudice, the widespread view that male ballet dancers must be homosexual by definition. Because Merlin didn’t fancy girls, but he was intrigued by other boys.

And yes, his three times a week trips to the big city gave him an opportunity to meet up with the younger people of the local gay scene and he seized it, but it didn’t get over some flirting, some occasional kissing, fumbling around in another boy’s jeans or some quick jerking. He couldn’t find his big love and he didn’t have time to search for him. He spent all his time on training his muscles, his condition, his balance and his dancing technique. Life of a ballet dancer looks pretty much the same as that of professional top sportsmen!

However, against his own expectations Merlin didn’t grow into the village’s loner. Actually, in the years to come he more and more developed into almost a local celebrity. This was mostly caused by his own doings. Because when he visited the only disco the village had, he wasn’t content with sitting at the bar, drinking one beer after another. He wanted to move, he wanted to experience the music with his body and he did! Especially when his technique and muscles grew better and stronger by the years he was able to really stunt. Soon after his first appearance the village youngsters voluntarily vacated the dancing floor the minute he came on it and looked on breathlessly how this lonely boy danced in complete symbiosis with the music and with neck breaking audacity. After a few times the onlookers started to reinforce the rhythm by clapping their hands, propelling him into a state of ecstasy, controlling each muscle in a completely improvised choreography. 

And when he and a girl from the ballet school worked out and rehearsed a choreography on the inciting music of “Kashmir” from Led Zeppelin and performed it in the disco, his star rose to the unapproachable level of the village-John Travolta. When they repeated the performance a week later a journalist of the regional newspaper was there and Merlin ended up with a photo on the next issue’s front page, the girl floating high above him, carried on his hands.   

OK, it stroked his ego and he clipped out the article but then he only shrugged: nice, but there was a goal waiting for him so he trained on, day after day.

But that was all behind him. The only thing left now was the way forward, the road to the final goal although it would take at least another four years: he would only be satisfied when he was dancing in Tsjaikovsky’s “Nutcracker”, not as one of the many mouses in the Mouse Army, but only as thé Nutcracker, that would become a beautiful prince so that he would be the one who was dancing the beautiful pas the deux with the Sugar Fairey in the second act. Only then he would be where he wanted to be.

Day after day he found out that this road would be long and grueling. The Academy was no school for weak eggs and it costed him all his energy, despite the fact that he had prepared for it for years. Every day there were endless technical exercises, when he was at his room in the evening there were other exercises, every morning he got up early for his required jogging rounds to improve his muscles and stamina. At some days he walked out of the building, not even feeling his muscles any longer. Everything was about discipline, discipline and discipline again. He had to keep a strict diet to avoid becoming too heavy but also to avoid to become underweight. And that for another long four years…plus his professional career years as well. But he kept going!

His dream was not the only thing that fed his stubbornness. The school had to offer another spark of light, a spark that was named Devon.

As Slavic as Merlin looked, as Scandinavian Devon’s appearances were. He was pretty big, had a lightly muscled but well-formed body and wild, long light-blond hair. His steel-blue eyes seemed to lighten with an eternal smile, as was his mouth, showing pearl white teeth. It was as if the hard training regime had no detrimental effect on his good spirits at all.

They were the only male students in the first year group. And because boys are boys they always challenged one another and made an unspoken game out of it by scoring off against each other during the creative improvisation lectures.

During one of these lessons Devon was trying to copy one of Merlin’s new movements but he lost his balance and landed flat on his face on the floor. With a grin he looked to Merlin and only said:

“Man, you gotta teach me this movement”

“Anytime you want”, Merlin smiled back, “Just say when”.

To save face he kept his mouth shut about the fact, that this movement was at his own limit of possibilities as well and might have gone wrong during his own performance. He knew very well that the balance was extremely tricky and that he had landed on the floor several times during his rehearsals at home. But that thoughts would only spoil victory at this point.

Devon had another effect on him as well: for the first time he experienced the feeling of being in love. Not before had he felt the butterflies in his belly, that fluttered around there in a most untethered and cheerful way, but there was no denying that he felt them now, since he had met Devon. He didn’t have a clou if Devon could be an exception to the ballet dancer prejudice. Apart from that: he also noticed he was far too shy to take the first steps and just find out if Devon was the “typical” ballet dancer. So he confined himself to dreaming about the boy, especially when he was in bed at night, despite being bone tired.

Being the only two boys had an unexpected advantage. When all students struggled to get a shower after a long, tiring and sweaty day the big group of girls had to take turns in the limited shower space available. Merlin and Devon had the luxury of a same space for the two of them and mostly they showered together. It offered Merlin the opportunity to study the naked body of the boy, who became more and more the pivot of his dreams, thoughts, emotions and desires, a body so beautiful it could have been chiseled out of stone by a classical sculptor.

On a Thursday afternoon, after another tiring day, something peculiar happened. It looked as if Devon had finished showering sooner than Merlin and he walked past. But despite the huge amount of walking space he passed within an inch with the skin of his hip slightly touching Merlin’s haunches. It might be by accident but yes…it could also be done on purpose. No matter what it was: Merlin’s heart skipped a few beats and instantly he felt warm inside all over his body.

Next he felt Devon’s hand stroking slightly over his shoulder and he heard the boy softly say:

“You were going to teach me that new movement of yours, remember?” 

Totally head over heels Merlin was only able to nod.

“Where and when?” the soft voice continued.

Almost stammering and with a red head Merlin answered:

“Tomorrow? At my place? I’ve got room for it!”

“OK!” he heard a soft confirmation.

Merlin gave him his address and saw him leave the showers as if nothing had happened. He stayed a little longer: almost breathless of excitement he wanted to cool down and was trying to figure out if he was awake or dreaming.

Almost exactly on the minute Devon rang the door bell that Friday evening and soon they were having coffee in Merlin’s room.

“Cool, man!”, Devon exclaimed in admiration, “Your room is much bigger than mine”.

“Yeah, I had luck”, Merlin smiled, “At least in this way I’ve got room for rehearsing. Hey, it is not a complete ballet studio, but it’ll do”.

Indeed: by placing his little furniture all along the walls Merlin had been able to create a pretty large square in the middle where he could exercise his techniques. He was even able to observe himself in a large mirror, that was attached to one of the walls.

When they had finished their coffee Devon suggested:

“Show me that movement again, but very slowly so that I can observe it very well”.

“Oh shit!”, Merlin grumbled, “If you want it slowly than balance is really becoming a problem”.

He knew full well, that it was only a partial reason why it would be difficult to execute the movement. He felt tensed and had a belly ache, the typical belly ache belonging to a herd of butterflies, stampeding and careening through his belly. But he rose, went in the middle of the empty square and tried to concentrate himself. He started the move by swinging the left leg to the left and from there to a fully upright position with the foot far above his head, at the same time trying to pirouette on his right heel for a half circle….and ended face down on the floor!

Devon burst into roaring laughter, which irritated Merlin somewhat.

“No, sorry”, the boy exclaimed, “I’m not laughing at you. But you fell exactly the same way as I did at school!”

Still lying on the ground Merlin supported his head with his arm and said:

“Then give it a try yourself!”

 Devon got out of his chair, entered the same square and concentrated. He swung his left leg fully out in a subtle, delightful movement, moving it also right up and started the pirouette on his right heel.

“Fuck!” he suddenly exclaimed, also landing on the floor, directly beside Merlin.

Merlin giggled a little, partly in good humored gloating. But this gloating disappeared very fast when he looked into Devon’s eyes.

These were still smiling, but it was not the usual cheeky smile they had at school. Now they were soft, sweet and inviting. The head with the wild blond hair came nearer and nearer until two pairs of lips touched each other in a careful and exploring way.

“It seems to be my lucky movement!” Devon softly whispered.

After this first tentative reconnaissance the kissing got fiercer and fiercer and pretty soon clothes were thrown all over the place and they lied naked and entangled in one another on the floor.

While finger- and tongue tips enjoyed the other’s warm skin and aroused javelin there was only one thought dominating Merlin’s thinking:

“If someone does it, it has to be him! But…do I have the courage to ask him?”

So every now and then the tip of a dick disappeared between soft and caressing lips and again the question popped into Merlin’s mind:

“I want it so badly! I’m craving for it! And I want him to do it! But maybe he’ll run away if I ask….I don’t have the courage to ask him!”

But when the unshackled desires grew more and more in intensity he heard, to his own astonishment, himself saying recklessly:

“Take me! Take me completely and never leave me again!”

“Are you sure?” Devon asked softly.

Merlin just nodded but added, somewhat in shame:

“But do it careful. I’m still…eeeuhh…well, you know”.

Devon put his lips close to Merlin’s ear and whispered very softly:

“Me too!”

No doubt every reader will remember his first time! Some of them will think of it in shame but most will feel a fond memory for that moment somewhere in their lives, the moment of the totally clumsy fumbling around to get it done and they will relive the relief and the exhilaration when it finally went the way as was so fiercely desired.

The two dancers weren’t any better. It took some time of awkward attempts, driving Devon almost into despair, but finally he managed to get his aroused pedigree into Merlin, who received it with a deep sigh of joy, his eyes in some kind of dreamlike cloud nine-look.

There was no need to rehearse this pas de deux. By means of evolution nature itself had developed an exquisite choreography for this lovely mating dance, expressing the deep love both boys felt for one another in a perfect way.

When their zenith came Merlin felt the profound love in the way the hot fluids were propelled into him and Devon couldn’t get enough of the lovely feeling of the warm, soft and damp tissues, that clamped around his shaft in a caressing pent-up rage, only grudgingly releasing him.  

They snugged up against each other, legs over legs, arms around shoulders and necks and in this way they fell asleep pretty soon. They awoke both early in the night and relived their experience another time with the same fiery intensity. And when the first golden sunlight of dawn poured through the windows, directly on them, they had another go at their dance. Because that is what ballet is all about: rehearsing, rehearsing and rehearsing again until the ultimate perfection in movement is achieved.

They became inseparable. They graduated together from the Dance Academy after four years. Initially tough times started after their graduation. They had to find sufficient odd jobs and work to scrape a living together. But they tackled the problem with youthful enthusiasm and founded their own ballet company under the name “Merlin Ballet & Dance Company”. No, it had nothing to do with discriminating Devon, whose artistic impact was as important as was Merlin’s, but didn’t Merlin happen to be the sorcerer in the old legend of King Arthur?

They specialized in youth ballet and travelled to schools all over the country with their first production, “The Duck Pond”, danced on the music of the “Swan Lake” but starring a little duckling, that could never become a beautiful white swan, since it had crawled out of its egg as merely a duckling. As so many ducks it ended up in the hunting bag of an evil hunter, leaving many a child in the audience behind in tears.

Their second project could be considered a bit too over-ambitious, but they just started working and rehearsing on it with the recklessness and determination of young dogs. Although only planned as another youth ballet it was received that well, that it ended up in the big theatres. Merlin finally made his childhood dream come true: he danced the pas de deux with the Sugar Fairey from the second act as the beautiful prince who had started out as a simple wooden nutcracker. Every performance he was closely observed by the choreographer, whose head with wild, blonde hair could be seen nodding in approval regularly, while his ever-smiling, steel-blue eyes followed the movements of the love of his life on stage gleaming with satisfaction.