New Gear and an Echo from the Past
The idea comes to me the day after we leave Brendan’s dorm: Diamond Lake in the Indian Peaks Wilderness and a side trip afterwards to see the colors of Brainard Lake at the perfect time. It feels like something Hayden and Brendan both would be excited about. But no matter how much I try to focus on planning, my mind keeps circling back to the words Hayden whispered that night: “I love you, Joey.” Those were words I wasn’t expecting—at least not this soon. I convince myself it was just the heat of the moment, mixed with his inexperience with guys, but it still lingers.
So, I throw myself into the trip. Over the next two weeks, between shifts at the Outdoor Desk and classes, I dive headfirst into research. I plan our route, calculate distances, and even double-check the overnight parking situation. It’s a distraction, but at least it’s something I can control.
Hayden is fully on board. He invites me to lunch a couple of times, and when I bring it up, he lights up, asking about any additional gear they’ll both need or joking that I’m "turning him and Brendan into real Boy Scouts." I try not to read into the fact that he never mentions Ava again, not even once. I tell myself it’s none of my business, and I stop wondering how they’re dealing with it after he told me about that call.
About a week after our night at Libby, I’m halfway through packing away a gear return when my phone buzzes with a notification. Hi! Outdoorjoey26 ItsHaydenL just posted a new video. I hesitate before tapping it open.
The video starts simply with Hayden sitting on the edge of his neat bed, wearing a black Buffs hoodie. No flashy edits, no upbeat music in the background. Just him. His blonde hair’s a little messy, and there’s a tightness around his eyes I don’t usually see in his posts.
“Hey, guys uh…” He clears his throat, his voice fainter than usual. “I just—there’s something I wanna talk about.”
My stomach twists, and I freeze.
“I know there’s been… stuff going around,” he continues, his fingers fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. “And I usually don’t address rumors, but I think it’s only fair to be honest with you guys.” He pauses, taking a breath. “Ava and I… we’re taking some time apart. It’s nothing dramatic, I promise, no one did anything wrong. We just realized that with the distance and completely different schools, things have been harder than either of us expected.”
His jaw tightens for a second before he flashes a small, strained smile. “I care about her a lot. And I always will. But right now, we’re just figuring things out.”
I’m still staring at the screen long after the video loops, my heart pounding.
I should feel relieved. But if anything, this just makes things more complicated. The words echo in my mind. Is this a message for me? The vague mention of "rumors" gives me a fresh wave of unease. Had someone seen us on the staircase at Libby? Had Alex, despite his promise, let something slip?
A fragile bud of hope also begins to bloom in my chest, but it’s quickly tempered by guilt for Ava and the precariousness of my burgeoning connection with Hayden. The Diamond Lake Trail trip, now just a week away, suddenly feels like more than just a backpacking trip; it feels like a precipice that we both could fall off of if we’re not careful.
There’s a desire to reach out to Hayden and ask him if everything is ok, but before I can open up Snapchat, he sends me a message. Hey Joey.
Hey, just saw your post. You okay?
Yeah. Just wanted to be upfront with everyone about it.
Is that… really it between you and Ava? I ask.
Not really. I have to talk to her in person when I go back home in November. But right now, I kinda need the night to myself. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. Will you come with me to REI tomorrow, though? You said we needed to pick up food for the trip, and maybe we’ll grab whatever you can’t from work.
I lean back against some shelving and smile at my phone. REI is perhaps the only other indoor place where I’m in my element other than the REC. The one in Greenwood Village was the perfect place to spend an afternoon when I was still Venturing Crew Quartermaster. They’d let you try out all the sleeping bags, and I frequently did that until I saved up enough for the Cat’s Meow, just like Travis had. Seeing Hayden there in the morning grounds me in the reality that the backpacking trip is less than a week away.
Of course, I reply. 11 AM work? I type back.
Yeah, I’ll see you there👍, he replies.
Late Sunday morning, I meet Hayden in the REI parking lot down the street from campus; the fall breeze is cool against my face as I step out of my car. He waves at me from across the lot, leaning casually against the hood of his Hyundai, looking unfairly perfect in a gray Hollister hoodie and faded jeans.
“Ready to make me a backcountry expert?” he teases as I approach.
“Baby steps,” I reply, bumping his shoulder lightly as we head inside, thankful he didn’t invite Brendan to come with us today.
The store is buzzing with weekend shoppers, the smell of new gear and pine-scented displays wrapping around us. We weave through the aisles, picking out Mountain House dehydrated meals and Clif bars for the trip. Hayden holds up a bag of beef stroganoff like it’s a mystery item. “Is this edible?”
“Only if you like salty mush,” I laugh. “But it’ll keep you alive.”
After grabbing the essentials, Hayden veers toward the clothing section. “You said I’d need base layers, right? Help me pick something that’ll match my new outdoorsy aesthetic.”
“You could wear a trash bag and still look good,” I blurt before I can stop myself. Hayden grins, and my face burns as I shuffle through a rack of store-brand thermal shirts. “Here. This one’s warm and fits snug. Try it on.”
He hands me his phone and wallet, disappears into the fitting room, and emerges a few minutes later, wearing the charcoal gray thermal top. It clings to him in all the right ways, hugging the lines of his chest and the dip of his waist. I swallow hard, forcing my eyes to stay on his face.
“Well?” he prompts, doing a slow turn. “Do I pass the Eagle Scout review?”
“Yeah,” I manage, my voice catching slightly. “You’ll survive.”
Hayden steps closer, his voice softer. “You sure? You’re looking at me like you might need CPR.”
I roll my eyes, shoving a pair of matching thermal leggings into his arms. “Try these too, and don’t flatter yourself.”
His laugh follows him back into the fitting room, leaving me standing there, with my heart pounding, knowing I won’t be able to keep my hands off him once we’re alone inside that tent.
A minute later, Hayden steps out of the fitting room again, now wearing both the thermal top and the leggings with his black Nike Dri-Fit socks. My brain short-circuits.
The snug fabric outlines everything: long, lean muscles in his legs, the sharp taper of his waist, and a hint of definition in his thighs I hadn’t let myself fully appreciate before. The dark fabric leaves just enough to the imagination, which is dangerous because my imagination is already running wild.
Hayden tries to interrupt my thoughts. “Well? Am I ready for next weekend?”
I clear my throat, pretending to inspect the tag on the neck of his thermal. “Yeah, you’ll be cozy in that,” I manage.
He grins, stretching his arms overhead in an exaggerated motion, the hem of the shirt riding up just enough to flash a bit of skin. “Damn, these are comfy. I might just wear them out. Too bad they’re not Nike, so I can’t wear them to track.”
I let out a noise that’s supposed to be unimpressed but ends up sounding more like a laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m sure the cashier’s gonna love that outfit choice. Real crowd-pleaser.”
“You’re right,” Hayden chuckles, flexing his arms in the thermal. “Though it does feel pretty good.” He glances around. “So, what’s next on the list?”
“Well,” I say, a thought sparking in my mind, “since you’re all geared up in your base layers, maybe we should check out some of the nicer sleeping bags. You know, the warm, down-filled ones. See how they feel.” My eyes flick down his body, the thermal fabric still clinging to him.
Hayden raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t we renting the same one from the REC? What’s the difference?”
“Oh, there’s a huge difference,” I explain, walking him towards the camping gear section. “Some are lighter, some are warmer, some have different zipper enclosures. And the really high-end ones? They’re like sleeping in a cloud.” I guide him toward the sleeping bag rack, showcasing various sleeping bags ready to try out: down and synthetic.
“See these? These down bags are a step up from the Cat’s Meow we rented you. Warmer, lighter, and slightly more expensive.”
“Expensive, huh?” Hayden whistles, running his hand over the silky shell of one North Face bag called The Blue Kazoo. “What makes them so much better?”
“The fill power of the down, the materials… it all adds up to a better warmth-to-weight ratio,” I explain, trying to sound knowledgeable like I do at the REC. “But honestly, the best way to tell is to try them out.” I glance around and spot a tent display set up nearby. “Hey, look. They’ve got a tent set up. We could even hop inside and see how roomy these bags feel.”
My suggestion hangs in the air, and I can feel a familiar flutter of anticipation. The thought of finally being in the close quarters of a tent with Hayden, both of us in snug thermals and enveloped in a luxurious sleeping bag, sparks a vivid memory of being with Travis in his Cat’s Meow. The soft nylon of these bags always has a particular feel, a sensation I remember intimately.
Hayden looks at the tent display, then back at me with a curious grin. “Inside a tent here in the store? Guess that’s why they have it set up.” He glances around again, seemingly considering the slightly public nature of the suggestion. “Okay,” he says finally, a playful spark in his eyes. “Lead the way, Joey. Let’s see if these fancy bags live up to the hype.”
As we walk towards the tent display, the familiar wave of nostalgia continues to wash over me, just like that first time with Hayden at the REC. I remember spending afternoons at my local REI and trying out all the sleeping bags on display. I’d unzip them, slide inside with my Venturing backpacking shorts, and imagine myself out at scout camp or on the trail, with Travis breathing down the back of my neck after losing my virginity.
Later, even after getting my Cat’s Meow, REI remained a familiar place, a haven for my outdoor interests and responsibilities as Quartermaster. Working at the REC, I regularly help students and staff choose the right sleeping bags for their rentals. I’ve unzipped countless bags, explaining temperature ratings and features, even having them lie down inside to check for the proper fit and length. I’ve advised on everything from basic synthetic bags to the very down-filled ones Hayden is now eyeing.
However, those interactions with REC customers were always transactional and focused on practical needs. There was a purpose, a task to be completed. Today is different. Here I am, leading Hayden, no longer just my customer, still clad in those form-fitting thermals that make my cock spring to life, inside a tent in the middle of a busy store. I get into the 3-person backpacking tent and lay out the Blue Kazoo on the foam pads lining the floor for him.
“Fancy,” he remarks, peering at the plush sleeping bag and me. He steps inside the tent, his eyes following me as I gesture towards the open Blue Kazoo. “Alright, Joey, show me what this cloud feels like.” He kneels beside the sleeping bag and runs his hand over its silky shell. “It feels fluffier than the rental.”
Hayden unzips the bag, then hesitates for a moment, glancing around the busy store before slipping inside. “Whoa,” he says, a surprised look on his face as he settles into the bag. “You weren’t kidding. This is way more comfortable than the Cat’s Meow.” He zips it up to his chest, sinking his head into the hood, a smile spreading across his face. “I could take a nap in this right now.”.
As I get comfortable next to Hayden, enveloped in the Blue Kazoo, a middle-aged REI staff member approaches the tent display and clears their throat.
"Excuse me," the staff member says, his tone friendly but professional as they peer into the tent. "Everything alright in here? Just making sure you guys don't need any assistance."
"Oh, hey there!" I say, quickly sitting up slightly. "Yeah, we're all good. Just checking out the feel of this sleeping bag and seeing how roomy it is in the tent." I try to sound relaxed, hoping the staff member doesn't suspect anything more.
Hayden, who is almost motionless in the Blue Kazoo, smiles at the staff member. "It's surprisingly comfortable," he remarks. "Joey, here is giving me the rundown on the different sleeping bag options for a backpacking trip we're planning."
The staff member nods understandingly. "Great! Just let me know if you have any questions about the bags or the tents. We have temperature ratings and other specs listed, or I can help you compare different models."
"Will do, thanks!" I reply, offering a reassuring smile.
Hayden then adds, "Actually, I was planning on grabbing these black thermal base layers I have on, too. They felt so comfy."
The staff member's face brightens. "Excellent! Let me know if you need help with anything else. Enjoy your trip!" They then move on to assist other customers nearby.
Hayden unzips the sleeping bag slightly and grins at me. "Smooth move, Quartermaster," he whispers. "That was a close one."
He then starts to unzip the Blue Kazoo completely. "Alright, cloud time is over. Time to get back to reality." He swings his legs out of the sleeping bag and sits up, still wearing the thermal base layers inside the tent.
"I should probably go back to the fitting room to change," Hayden says, getting out of the tent. "I left my clothes and car keys in there." As we climb out of the tent, the store’s lights fell too bright after the tent’s intimacy, but we both hear a shriek echo across the store.
“Oh my God, wait, no way!”
A girl, maybe a Senior in high school, stands across the aisle, wide-eyed with her phone clutched in her hands. She’s wearing leggings and a green Patagonia fleece, her brown hair pulled into a high ponytail.
“Sorry, sorry! I don’t mean to barge in, but are you Hayden Latimer?” Her voice pitches up with excitement, and she clasps her hands together like she’s barely containing another squeal.
Hayden blinks, mid-stretch, before breaking into an easy grin. “Uh, yeah, you found me!”
The girl’s whole face lights up. “Oh my God, I follow you! You’re even hotter in real life,” she blurts out before covering her mouth like she can’t believe she said that aloud. “Sorry! That was, um, anyway, could I get a quick selfie?”
Hayden laughs, pulling down the thermal shirt. “Yeah, of course.”
I stand there, arms crossed, as she practically vibrates with excitement, holding up her phone. Hayden shifts and pulls up the bottoms, standing straight up, clad in his base layers with boxer briefs under them, and I see the way she notices. Her eyes dip, just for a second, before she looks back at her phone screen, grinning.
“This is so crazy,” she gushes. “I’ve been following you since, like, sophomore year of high school. Your running videos are so funny! Oh, and you’re an awesome dancer!”
Hayden chuckles, brushing a hand through his messy blonde hair. “Appreciate that. Do you run, too?”
“I’ve done track since middle school! Not, like, as fast as you, obviously, but yeah.” She shifts her weight, still beaming. “Okay, uh, selfie?”
Hayden nods, stepping next to her as she lifts her phone. Without thinking, I subtly step a little closer. Hayden, still without his shoes, in his Nike socks, leans in with his usual confident smile as she snaps a couple of pictures.
“Thank you so much! Oh, and the thermals? Totally working for you,” she adds with a giggle before waving. “Bye! Love your content!”
She practically bounces away, her phone already in her hands like she’s about to post the picture to Snapchat immediately.
Hayden exhales a laugh, shaking his head. “Well, that about sums up my life every time I go out in public.”
I mutter before I can stop myself. “She was thirsty.”
Hayden smirks, giving me a look. “Jealous?”
I roll my eyes, grabbing the sleeping bag from the tent floor a little too aggressively. “No.”
He hums, amused. “Mm-hmm.”
I don’t meet his eyes as I hang the bag back on its rack. “You gonna wear those thermals out of the store like you wanted, or should I give her a second to come back for round two?”
Hayden barks out a laugh. “Okay, okay, somebody’s starting to be a little possessive.” He grins as he nudges my arm. “Don’t worry, Joey. She wasn’t my type.”
I scowl at him, but my pulse kicks up anyway. “Oh yeah?”
Hayden leans in, voice low. “Yeah. I’m more into cute, jealous Eagle Scouts who know how to gluck gluck.”
My face burns. “Shut up.”
He just laughs, bumping my shoulder again as we finally walk toward the fitting rooms.
Once Hayden’s fully dressed, we head to the front of the store. As we walk, Hayden puts an arm around my shoulder. "Thanks for showing me the fancy sleeping bags, Joey. Maybe one day I'll get my own." At the checkout, Hayden insists on paying for everything despite my having an REI Mastercard.
We exit the store into the crisp autumn air, our shopping bags filled with our food and his clothes. “Less than a week now,” Hayden says, nudging me. “You ready?”
I nod, but the truth is, I’ve spent every day since he asked me after Game Night restless with anticipation. When I return to my apartment, the week starts to crawl by, my focus bouncing between school, shifts at the REC, and the countdown to Friday afternoon. I replay moments at REI together in my head: Hayden just outside the fitting room, the warmth in his eyes when he teased me while wearing the thermals, the way he leaned in just a little too close in the tent right in the middle of the store.
On Wednesday, I’m excited enough to share a picture I took at Brainard Lake two years ago on my Instagram Story with the caption that I can’t wait to get there this weekend. Alex even messages me as if he’s mad at me for not inviting him and Aisha, but thankfully, he loses interest when I say it’s not just a day trip. However, he gets back at me by making me feel bad about missing Terraforming Mars on weekend game night.
Then, Thursday night, as I’m packing my clothes for the weekend and considering if I should use my old Cat’s Meow this weekend, my phone buzzes.
TravisB_AFProud: Hey Joey, how you been, buddy?
I freeze, my stomach churning. I haven’t heard from him in months or even a year. Not since he told me he made E-3. Travis wasn’t an athlete like Hayden, but he did work out and kept himself fit when we were in Venturers. At a year older, he wasn’t bigger than me, but I always felt attracted to his strong, clean, square-shaped face, brown eyes, and brown hair, which he had kept in a military cut before enlisting. After Basic, he said he missed me and the crew, but he always knew he would join the Air Force. When I achieved Eagle Scout and got into CU, he noticed when I posted on my Instagram story and congratulated me, but interestingly, he did not do so when I came out of the closet.
I’m good Trav. Are you still in Florida? I type back.
Yeh, still at Elgin. Just got my E-4. Senior Airman now!
I stare at the message, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Senior Airman. It suits him. Travis was always the kind of guy who looked forward, always chasing the next goal. It was natural for him to be Venturing Crew President. I hesitate, unsure of how to respond. I could congratulate him and ask how he’s been, but something about his timing is throwing me off. Why now, after all this time?
Instead of overthinking it, I just reply: That’s awesome! Congratulations, man. Hope your family is doing well.
His response comes almost immediately. Yeah, they’re alright. How’s Boulder? Still doing the REC thing?
It’s good. Yeah, I still work there. Just getting ready for a personal backpacking trip this weekend, too.
There’s a pause. Then: Damn, miss those mountains, Florida is just a pancake. Haven’t been on a real hiking trip since before Basic.
Another pause. Then: Do you miss those trips together too?
I stare at my phone, the words "Do you miss those trips together too?" hanging in the digital air. A wave of complex emotions rushes back over me, a mix of nostalgia for our Venturing days, surprise at Travis's unexpected vulnerability, and a sudden unease about the present. The memory of sharing Travis's sleeping bag and losing my virginity to him flashes vividly in my mind once again. It was a pivotal moment for me, a first awakening, and one I’ve carried with me, even projecting some of that onto my burgeoning relationship with Hayden and my cherished Cat's Meow.
A sigh escapes my lips. How do I even begin to answer that? Do I admit how much those trips and that first night still mean to me? Do I reveal the impact it had on my understanding of myself? Or do I keep up the casual facade I’ve maintained for years?
Before I can formulate a response, another message pops up from Travis: Remember you got a new sleeping bag after that, the same one I had? Always regretted losing mine after I moved out; it was so warm when we were in it.
My eyes widen slightly. It’s almost eerie how he’s bringing up such specific details that I thought only I remembered, things we haven’t discussed in years. A shiver runs down my spine. Why is he bringing this up right now? Did that Instagram story trigger this?
I quickly type back: Yeah, I still have it. I’m wondering if I should pack it or get a new one from work.
Travis’s reply is instantaneous: Crazy how a sleeping bag can be imbued with so many memories together, right?
My heart pounds a little faster. Travis remembers. He remembers the shared tent, the closeness, the feeling of the soft nylon against our skin as I took him inside me. For a fleeting moment, the years melt away, and I’m back at McNeil Scout Ranch, a nervous teenager discovering a new part of myself.
But the image of Hayden, his infectious smile, and the warmth of his hand in mine quickly pulls me back to the present. I think of the upcoming backpacking trip, the anticipation building within me all week. The prospect of sharing another brand-new Cat’s Meow with Hayden, creating new memories under the Colorado stars, has been consuming my thoughts. Now, Travis’s unexpected reappearance and his nostalgic messages cast a shadow of uncertainty over my excitement.
I hesitate, unsure of how much to reveal to Travis and how it might complicate things. I decide on a carefully worded response: Yeah. Some of those memories stick with you forever.
A beat passes before Travis writes back: Joey, maybe we should catch up properly sometime. Grab a beer if I ever get back to Colorado.
Sounds good, Trav, I reply, trying to keep my tone neutral. I’m not sure how I feel about that prospect. A part of me is curious, wanting to revisit the past and understand Travis’s perspective and what he wants from me now. But another part is wary, concerned about how it might affect my present and my growing feelings for Hayden.
I set my phone down on my bedside table, my mind racing. He just replies with a 👍. Travis's messages have stirred up a lot of wistful memories and emotions again. I look at the pile of clothes I’ve packed for the backpacking trip, Hayden’s borrowed blue Nike shorts lying on top. The excitement is still there, but it’s now tinged with a sense of the past resurfacing at an unexpected moment.
I fold Hayden’s shorts into my pack, wondering if this trip will stitch new memories over the old. The upcoming trip feels significant, a chance to deepen my connection with Hayden and to explore the "something real" I feel between us that is starting to blossom.
