One way or another (Part 1)

It all started on a Friday morning, 8:30 am, in a suburban, metropolitan area. I'm leaving my house to go to work. I decided to walk instead of taking the bus. While I was walking to work, I couldn't help but to take in the scenery; the autumn leaves, the trees along with calm, relaxing chill in the air. My mind starts to go into overdrive, thinking of so many things. While I was thinking, taking in the scenery and listening to some music, a romantic feeling came over me. Sometimes I think it's strange to feel that way since I'm a straight, black male in my 30's who hasn't been romantically involved with a woman in quite some time. Some women consider me as a handsome/cute kind of guy and my family, friends and peers describe me as being intelligent and reserved. Well, all that didn't really matter; I was just enjoying this feeling.

I arrived at work. I work at a small business firm as a technical advisor. As I walked into my office to sit down and turn on my computer, Harold, who is a co-worker and my black gay roommate, came in to tell me about a new, potential employee the manager was thinking about hiring. It was funny how Harold was going on about how fine this guy was and that he wanted him to be his personal assistant. By the way, Harold is a supervisor who interviewed this guy. While Harold was going on and on about this person, the manager and the guy who Harold is talking about came in. The manager introduced me to the guy, whose name is Steve, and told me he will be working in our department. I hate to admit it, as a straight guy, I thought Steve was a very handsome, nice looking guy, athletic build and looked like the models Rob Evans and Danielle Lazaro.

Steve and I shook hands and I notice how he was staring at me as if he was looking forward to meeting me. He had a pleasant tone to his voice when he said hello and had a firm handshake. I found myself staring at him while we were introducing ourselves to one another which I found kind of strange. The manager then told me to show Steve the server room upstairs and then bring him back down to the meeting our department was having about a new project we were going to be working on.

While Steve and I were walking to the server room, he was telling me about his experience and education in I.T. which I found very impressive. As we entered the server room, I was showing him around and explaining the configuration to the servers. Again, I noticed how Steve was looking at me, but I didn't think much of it. I then turned around to move a box I bumped into that was on the floor. As I turned back around, Steve grabs my arms, pushed me up against the wall, and kissed me gently on the lips. It only lasted a couple of seconds. My mind went blank and my head started spinning. I immediately pushed him away. Strangely enough, I wasn't mad at him. I didn't even yell at him, but I did look at him like dude, WTF?? Ok, Steve is gay, so what? I never had a problem with gay people before, why should this moment be any different? Steve had a look on his face as if he was embarrassed and disappointed in himself. He then apologized to me and told me he thought I was cute and couldn't help himself. At this point, I'm still stunned. I then told Steve that we should be heading back down to the meeting.

While we were in the meeting and the manager was explaining the details to us about the project, I drifted off into my own little world, so deep in thought. I was thinking to myself that I couldn't believe what had happened. Then I started thinking and wondering about how gay men find each other attractive and be romantically into each other. Do I find Steve attractive? Like I said before, I think he's a very handsome, nice looking guy, but I'm straight and I shouldn't be thinking like this. While all these thoughts were going through my mind, that romantic feeling came over me again. I guess because I haven't been romantically involved with someone in awhile made me feel this way.

While I was in deep thought and being overwhelmed with mixed emotions, I faintly heard a voice calling my name and asking me, "Who do you think would be the best person for the position?" I quickly snapped out of my daydream. The manager asked me if I was ok and if there was something wrong. He again asked me "Who do you think would be the best person for the team leader position for the project?" I completely missed the entire meeting. I had no idea what the meeting was about. I then looked over at Steve who still had that disappointing look on his face. I told the manager that I thought Steve would be great for the position. Steve's facial expression went from disappointing to surprise. The meeting was over and it has time to go home, but I wasn't going home. After what had happened to me today, I needed a drink. As I locked up my office and headed towards the door, Harold came from behind and asked me if I wanted a ride home. I told him that I was going to get a drink and that I would be home later. He then asked me if he could join me but I told him that I had a lot on my mind and wanted to be alone. As Harold and I were walking outside, Harold got in his car and left while I was walking towards the bus stop. While I was walking away from the building, Steve came out and called me. I turned around as he was walking towards me. Again he apologized and asked me if I was ok. I smiled at him and told him I was fine. He then offered me a ride home, but I turned the offer down. He told me he still felt bad about what happened in the server room and that we needed to talk. I said "Ok, but not today. I'll let you when would be a good time". He smiled and said "Ok, see you tomorrow". The bus had arrived. I got on and sat down. My mind started going into overdrive again. Welcome to confusion 101.

To be continued.......




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