One of those obstacles was a note to meet Sam behind the gym during sixth period. He was lucky that it was close to the end of the year, and therefore, exams. Our class year had sixth period as a study incentive. We were supposed to `study' and complete any homework that was due. It was basically a mess around period.
I snuck out and walked towards the gym. Sam was sitting in the exact spot we had kissed. I felt guilt watching him struggle with his pain.
I sat down beside him and waited for him to talk. The sun shone down on his head. It was getting hotter now that summer was almost here. Here in Australia, we had a hot Christmas. No white Christmas, just heat waves, and annoying blowflies.
We sat there, and I was surprised when Sam finally spoke. "What does Kevin have that I don't?"
"Sam, I've loved Kevin since I was twelve years old. Besides, I do care for you, just not in that way."
He turned his dark brown eyes towards me. "So that kiss meant nothing to you?"
I sighed. "Oh, Sam. What if these feelings you have for me are nothing more than hormones and experimentation?"
"Don't tell me what I feel, or don't feel." He said harshly. "You don't know what it's like to..." I watched as he choked on the words, and then lapsed into silence.
"I may not know what you are going through, but I didn't come by my love for Kevin easily. This year has been the most life altering experience in my life."
"I don't want to hear about you and Kevin, I want to know why you and I couldn't work!" he shouted.
I stared at him shocked. His hands trembled and he was breathing rapidly. I went to reach out and touch him. He pulled away and moved back a few inches. "Don't touch me."
I sat there confused, "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Sam, more than you know."
"Why did you come and get me from the Summer lands?" he asked.
His sudden questions were throwing me for a loop. "Because you were needed back here," I looked at him, confused.
A bitter smile crossed his lips before he stared hard at me. "What you didn't know is this. The guy who came to take me to the Summer lands had your face."
He moved closer to me watching my reaction. I was puzzled and wary.
"We fucked," he said. "For the first two times, we fucked, and then it changed, became...more. I lost count of how many times I came after that."
I watched his eyes change. They filled with such need that I knew this wasn't natural. "You said that I had only been an hour behind you. When I rescued you?"
He smiled at me. It was a dark smile. "I lied."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
His face became needy. "I need you," he said with gritted teeth. "I can't stop thinking about it and the harder I resist the greater the need gets."
Dawning realisation hit me. He was Sidhe struck. When you bedded with any of the Fae people, they could consume you. I had a horrible feeling about who the `impersonator' was. Sam was doomed to always crave the feel and taste of sidhe flesh.
"I'm so sorry," I said in horror.
"Help me stop it," he pleaded.
I tried sending my healing power into him, I used a meld of telepathy and empathy, but the best I could do was dull the desire. It still burned beneath the surface, but it was the best I could do. This was beyond my power to fix. My power didn't recognise it, and therefore there was nothing I could latch onto to heal.
"Pounamu," I called telepathically.
He appeared in front of me. "Is there anyway to cure Sidhe struck sickness?"
He glanced at the shivering Sam, and worry formed on his face. He shook his head. "He'll have to go cold turkey. It's the only way. If you take him back to fairy he will only need larger doses of skin contact with them. Too long, and he would become a vegetable.
"So why does he crave my touch?" I asked.
"He sees you as a substitute."
I looked at Sam and tentatively touched him. He grabbed onto my hand and put it against his face. His tongue came out and slid along my fingers. I pulled back as if I had been bitten.
He crawled after me; I pushed him against the wall, telekinetically. He wasn't going anywhere.
I turned and stared at Pounamu. "I can't do this to Kevin, or to Sam." Rubbing my shoulders, I shivered. The weather was warm yet I felt cold on the inside.
Pounamu nodded his head. "Then he will have to tough it out. Just be aware, he will probably be in physical pain for the next few days without release..." he shrugged his shoulders.
I heard Sam muttering to himself, struggling against my hold. Frowning, I created a nether-realm barrier around him. The air shimmered and then he disappeared as my power surrounded him completely. If he decided to get a little loud, at least no one would come running. In fact, no one would be able to see him, regardless.
After all, my nether-barrier helped keep the two dimensions of Chaos and Order from melding. It was this power that Grams had died trying to maintain. Taking a deep breath, I pushed Grams sacrifice to the back of my mind. This was not the time for that.
Turning back to Pounamu, my lips firmed. "I can help ease the physical pain. I can do that much for Sam."
Pounamu shook his head sadly. "Your healing talent, as gifted as you are, will not be able to counter this."
"I can blunt his senses with empathy," I said confidently.
"This one you can't." he said, equally blunt. "The power of Fairy is wild magic, if you will. Your powers are based upon psychic talents. The two are completely different fields."
"But what is their power source?" I asked. "I derive my power from the universe and, to a degree, chaos. Universal energy is the foundation of all things made of matter. So I reiterate, what is their power source?"
"Their power source is derived from their own dimension. Just like you, they tap into the source that flows within their lands. They too have universal energy, but different from yours." I frowned at his answer. He continued, "Just like you can tap into the energy of this world, they tap into the energy of theirs. They would not be able to tap into your power source because it is alien to them, just as you couldn't tap theirs when you went to their world."
My mind raced with different theories. I wasn't going to give up just yet. I needed another alternative besides alleviating Sam's need for flesh on flesh. I would not cheat on Kevin by fucking Sam; that was a given.
That's when it hit me. I called on my warrior and pushed him outside my body, using astral projection. I shoved empathy, telepathy, and healing into him. He became solid, and looked like a wilder, muscular version of me.
I looked into my own eyes. "Help him, please." The warrior nodded his head. I turned to Pounamu. "Take them some place where they won't be disturbed." They all disappeared within the blink of an eye. I sank down and put my head in my hands.
I felt more than heard a presence beside me. I looked up and stared into Kevin's stormy green eyes. Had I taken that step with Sam, I don't think any platitudes would have stopped him from hurting Sam, or possibly even me. It was staring me in the eyes; I knew this to be as true as the sun rising every morning.
I held my hands out for him to help me up. He gripped my hands, firmer than necessary, and pulled me slowly to my feet. He cupped my face and pulled me in close. There was no gentleness in his grip.
"Had you taken that step and allowed Sam to fuck you, I would have killed him." The utter seriousness of his expression convinced me of his sincerity.
I raised my hand and traced the muscles along his jaw. I saw the tick on the side of his face clench and unclench. I moved my hands higher up, smoothing the tightness around his eyes, and along his brow.
"First," I said. "how did you know where to find me? And secondly, what makes you think that I would do that to you?"
"Wouldn't it be the perfect way to get back at me for cheating on you? After all, it would be a `legitimate' reason, right?"
I pulled out of his grasp, angry at his insinuation. "I thought we had already gone over this?"
"Yeah, it seems that I need you more than you need me." His face turned mocking. "You still have a father who loves you. Most of your friends are still around you. What do I have?"
My anger boiled over. "If I'm not enough for you, Kevin, just say so."
"For fucks sake, this isn't about you. Stop making this into something about you and listen to me for once!"
I recoiled, stung at his accusations. "Fine! I'm listening."
"There you go again. I hear your words, but your body language says fuck you, I'm only here tolerating you!"
"Don't take your frustrations out on me," I shouted. "I warned you before you decided to open Pandora's Box and tell everybody about yourself. I warned you, but did you listen? NO! So don't you dare blame me for your fucking problems right now because, if you haven't noticed, I have a half demon nephew or niece about to pop into this world any moment, Sam is Sidhe struck, and your acting like a pig!" I was very nearly in tears and he didn't deserve to see them.
"That's just it, James," he said with quiet but fierce rage. "With all these responsibilities, where am I in the scheme of things? When there is danger, off you go, and I'm left wondering if you'll ever come back to me. I very nearly lost everything, and it would kill me if I lost you too." He was breathing hard, and shaking as he stood there.
I went to him, ready to open my arms. He moved away. That hurt more than anything he had said or done so far. "So what do you want from me, Kevin?"
"I don't know," he said, frustration plain in his voice. "But I can't handle you doing what you're doing."
My heart felt like lead and I nearly collapsed to the ground. "Are you breaking up with me?" I asked tremulously.
"NO!" he shouted. He raised his hands to his head squeezing it. "I don't know what I really want, but I can't live like this either." My heart was pounding hard against my chest. Kevin slumped down against the wall. "I miss my dad. You know?"
My heart went from one hundred beats per second to only fifty. I sat down beside him and drew my knees close. I remembered my dream the night before and cursed. I had completely forgotten. "Your dad will come to." I answered quietly.
Kevin looked at me. "You know this how?"
"I, I saw it last night in a vision; you were not beside me this morning so I completely forgot."
He had an eager look upon his face, "You promise!"
Such pleading from him had me wanting to hug and hold him. I don't think he was ready for it just yet. "Yeah," I said, "Just don't expect him to come around straight away."
I had seen the date, and I was ready to tell him, but something deep inside, a premonition if you will, warned me not to. "I, I'm not sure." I finished lamely. I turned away so he wouldn't see my face.
"What aren't you telling me?"
I was annoyed at myself. I hated lying to Kevin and I couldn't see the reason why I should over something as small as this. I started to tell him, and once more that sense of impending doom warned me not to saying anything. "I can't tell you."
I heard him laugh harshly. "So you are keeping secrets from me."
I turned and stared at him. There was so much anger and pain directed at me, it took my breath away. He stood up, towering over me, with his fists clenched. The sun was behind him and his shadow loomed over me. Yet, those tumultuous green eyes burned from his face. I was struck speechless. He turned abruptly and stormed away from me. For a split second I thought he was going to hit me. I could almost see the intent to do so in his eyes. My chest was burning from the encounter.
I stood up feeling a little shaky, and I could feel my eyes tearing. I wasn't quite sure what had just happened and I was feeling a little fragile from the encounter. Wiping my eyes and calling myself a sissy for crying. I stood straighter and moved in the opposite direction Kevin had stomped off to. For the first time since my change into the person I was today, I felt the insecurities of the `old me' resurface. Before I died, and came back a changed person, my life was dull and so very lonely. I had been a nobody once upon a time. I had no friends at school and my siblings picked on me. It was as if I could feel that other life pulling me back down once more.
I dug my fingers into my palms. My hands shook as I repeated over and over in my head. "I will not be that weak person anymore! I will not be that weak person anymore!"
Dad found me in my room, studying. I had my books sprawled around me on the floor. There was a large desk that had been recently brought for me, with a laptop and even a wireless internet connection, but I was more comfortable where I was.
Dad sat on my bed watching me. "I won't allow Kevin to sleep in this room with you."
"Okay." I replied.
"I have pulled out the spare bed and he will be staying in the rumpus room...wait, you're okay with this?"
I stopped writing to stare up at dad. Lying on my stomach as I was, it was uncomfortable to stare at him in that position for too long, so I swivelled around and folded my legs beneath me. "I think it's wise that he has his own room. I like my own space. I like things neat and orderly." I shrugged. "Kevin is a typical guy. His idea of tidy, and mine, are two different things."
Dad blinked for a second. It was his sign that he was thinking furiously before his lawyer face returned. "Well, I'm glad you're acting mature about this."
"Um, have you spoken to his dad?" I asked tentatively.
Dad sighed. "The man just needs a little time to adjust, is all. Kevin is his only child. He'll come around eventually. After all, he offered to pay for Kevin living here. That's a start."
I snorted at that, thinking bitterly about how Kevin and I had ended our last conversation. "I told Kevin something similar today." Dad looked at me questioningly. "I had a precognition and said that his father would come around to our house to see him." I rubbed my face, reliving the look on Kevin's face as he turned away from me. I felt like crying again and clamped my jaws down. "He thinks I'm keeping secrets," I whispered, looking down as I heard my voice wobble, trying to prevent the tears from falling.
Fuck! I so didn't need my dad seeing my cry. But the harder I tried to stop them, the closer they came to the surface. Why is it that those you love can hurt you the most?
"Are you keeping secrets?" Dad asked gently.
I nodded my head. "My intuition warned me not to tell him the rest of what I saw in my vision."
"Do you think you can tell me?"
I looked up at dad and felt a tear slip down my cheek. I sighed, frustrated at the tear, and wiped it away. I searched deep inside myself to see if telling dad would feel wrong. No spark of warning came to the surface and I nodded gratefully. "I don't know why I couldn't tell him, but I saw the date that his father comes around to our house. It will be January." I sighed once more, pissed off at myself. "It was such a little thing; I couldn't see any reason why I couldn't tell him?"
"Your power is unusual. Even your Grams said so. But, has your intuitive side failed you yet?" I shook my head. "Then trust that there was a reason why you were not allowed to tell Kevin, and leave it at that."
In the hallway I heard Leon laughing boisterously, followed by Kevin's chuckle. "Is there anything else that's bothering you son?"
I so was not going to have a deep heart to heart with dad. I had been a loner for too long to just open up completely. I shook my head as I heard Leon moving toward the rumpus room. It was just down the hall, opposite my own room. I heard the door shut, and Leon's muffled laughter behind the closed door. I guess dad had already told Kevin, and therefore Leon, where his best friend was going to sleep.
Dad looked slightly disappointed as he left me to complete the rest of my homework. Leon and Kevin were listening to some metal rock song. It was so loud my walls were thrumming to the beat. I gritted my teeth and attempted to concentrate, but the noise was getting to me. Closing my eyes, I pushed my telekinesis outwards. It hugged against my walls like a second wall. With a twist of my mind I hardened the shield and with my inner sight saw the vibration and sounds reflect off my shield but not penetrate it. I sighed at the blessed silence.
The link that I had with my warrior thrummed, and I felt him race back toward me. I gasped as I picked up all the things he had done with Sam. He was almost purring in his voice as he settled comfortably within me. My body felt as if a flash flood of heat had seared through my soul. I stood straighter and more confident. A small smile curved my lips and I felt the sexual satisfaction as if it were my own.
I understood now why I had been feeling shaky and fragile. My warrior was the part of me that gave me the confidence to stand against overwhelming odds and keep on going. He was my backbone, the part of my personality that would stand and defend and never give in. When I had sent him off to help Sam I had left my heart open and very vulnerable. My empathy was reacting to that, and it had projected that out.
With insight came understanding. I realised what Kevin was trying to do. He was searching for a safe harbour and my empathy had shown him someone who couldn't provide it. He was in pain and, without the calm centre that my warrior gave me, it was hard for him to open up more.
Nevertheless, I was not going to allow him to walk all over me because his pain wanted to lash out. In the past, I know he saw me as a person needing constant protection. In some ways he liked that about me. As I grew into my power I became more independent and I think he felt he was losing me because of it. Again, that was an issue he needed to sort out for himself. In saying all of that, I knew he loved me. For all of my stubborn, and oh so finicky ways, he loved me for who I was and, more importantly, who I was becoming.
I came to one more conclusion. He needed a goal, something that would help him fit into my world a little more. I knew he hated being on the sidelines as I went into danger time and time again. In his earlier argument he had a valid point. He needed to know that he was included in the scheme of things for both my lives: the fighting demons aspect and the `real' one. In saying that, it would hurt something inside me if he were beside me under the same danger as I was in. He would be a distraction and, as unpleasant as it sounded, a hazard. I closed my eyes and wished for a solution.
I felt my empathy pulse deep inside. I gasped as it ricocheted and spread out from me. I could almost feel it travel around the globe like ripples in a pond. In one part of the world something old responded. It left me feeling decidedly cold and nervous. I wasn't sure what I had put in motion but some...thing had responded to my call for help.