Taking Jeff’s hand, Nate led him to the house, but stopped on the porch. A slight breeze stirred the humid air around them. Between the sensation of cooling the sweat on their skin plus the heat of the sun, their nipples hardened, adding to the sexual nature of what just happened in the shop.
Making eye contact with Jeff, Nate said, “You should never wear clothes. You’re too beautiful to cover up.”
Nate tugged Jeff’s jeans all the way off, so he was naked too. The act of being naked with another man, outside in the open air, kept Jeff rock hard, even after cumming twice. Nate caught Jeff’s eye, trying to gauge his state of mind.
God, there are so many firsts for him. Everything is a first. He’s literally a thirty-two-year-old virgin, physically and emotionally. I have to make this special and not fuck it up. He’s fragile, and I’ve got to break him in without breaking him.
Cupping Jeff’s face firmly, wanting him to feel his touch, he smiled and said, “You’re fine, Jeff. You’re safe here, with me.”
Entering the house, Nate led Jeff into the bathroom and started the hot water. Jeff followed Nate’s lead in everything. When Nate slipped off his shoes, Jeff did the same. Once the water was hot, they stepped into the shower.
Nate was sure of the answer, but he asked Jeff, “Have you ever touched another man? Naked and intimately, like this?”
Jeff couldn’t answer but shook his head negatively, and his eyes started watering again.
With the water cascading over them, Nate gripped Jeff’s shoulders and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to touch you. I want to hug you… I want everything, but I don’t know how.”
Jeff’s sexual naivete touched Nate deeply, and he pulled Jeff against him. He wanted Jeff wrapped in his arms. Tentatively, Jeff’s arms moved around Nate. Slowly, they ran their hands over each other’s shoulders, arms, and backs. Neither of them wanted to let go.
Nate thought: His hands feel amazing. Better than anyone else's ever have.
Eventually, Nate opened a bottle of body wash, squirted some on Jeff’s chest, and started working up a lather with his hands. When his thumbs rubbed Jeff’s nipples, his whole body shuddered, and his cock flexed. Gasping, Jeff gripped Nate’s solid shoulders to keep himself from falling over.
Nate’s touch was blissful. Jeff never imagined that simply being touched by another man would bring such comfort. His heart was so dry and empty, Nate’s actions were filling him with something he didn’t know he needed so badly. His heart hungered for Nate’s touch as much as his body.
Nate chuckled at his reaction as he quietly said, “Fuck, Jeff, you feel so good. You have an incredible body, and you’re fucking unbelievably handsome. I hope you’ll learn to see yourself like I do.”
Nate continued spreading lather over more of Jeff, rubbing his back, arms, and shoulders. He had Jeff raise his arms to wash his pits, and then lowered his hands to wash Jeff’s cock. Nate could tell from Jeff’s reaction that he had almost come again. Leaning over, he washed Jeff’s legs and feet, and lastly his ass.
Nate smiled and said, “Get ready and don’t worry,” as he put a soaped-up finger in Jeff’s ass. At the same time, he cupped Jeff’s hefty ball sac, which hung loose from the hot water. After washing his balls, he stroked Jeff’s cock a few times.
When he finished, he handed Jeff the bottle and said, “Your turn. You said you wanted to touch me.”
Tentatively, Jeff repeated what Nate had done to him. His eyes were wide, like a deer in the headlights. Nate's strong, masculine body felt unbelievable under his hands. He was so solid in many ways, yet soft in others. The feel of his hard chest, hell, all of him... Jeff had fantasized so long about touching Nate, but the reality was far better than he ever dreamed.
When Jeff finished, Nate set the bottle down and pulled them together again, trapping their cocks between them, and letting the water flow over them. Jeff started crying again as Nate held him, needing to release his pent-up anxiety, fear, and guilt about being gay. It would happen gradually, but this was a start. He wanted whatever pleasure and comfort he could bring to Jeff to outweigh the negativity he knew would soon try to regain control.
Once the water began to cool Nate turned it off, toweled Jeff dry, and let Jeff do the same for him. Then he took Jeff's hand and led him to bed. Nate lay down first and pulled Jeff next to him so they faced each other. Their dicks were still hard.
Nate asked, “Are you okay?”
Jeff sniffled, saying, “I don’t know. Fuck… I never thought this could happen.”
“So you’ve never been with another man?”
“Not like this. I was with guys in the showers in camp or the barracks, but I was constantly terrified I’d get hard. Hell, I’ve barely been with Jess. Sometimes I got hard enough to satisfy her, but I was never able to cum with her. I had to fantasize about porn to get hard enough just to do that.”
“You never have to worry about that again, Jeff. When it’s just us, or some friends I’ll introduce you to, you never have to be afraid of that happening.”
Taking one of Jeff’s hands, Nate put it on his cock. Its rubbery hardness, covered with velvet soft skin, pulsed in his hand. It was hot, and alive, reacting to his touch. Jeff watched a large drop of precum ooze out of the head and drip down to his hand.
Nate grinned, “Now you have. You can hold it all you want, as often as you want. Whatever you’ve ever wanted to try or do with another man, I’m here, Jeff. Fuck, I feel so privileged to introduce you to all of this. It’s a fucking honor.”
Jeff rolled onto his back and put his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling. He stayed quiet for a minute before he took a deep breath and said, “It’s so embarrassing. I’m thirty-two and I have no experience. I don’t know how to touch you, Nate.”
Nate rested a hand on Jeff’s chest, rubbing it gently through his chest hair. Leaning over, he kissed Jeff’s neck and nibbled his way down to a nipple. His other hand snaked down and gripped Jeff’s cock, smearing the precum over his head and shaft. Jeff instinctively widened his thighs, making his cock accessible to be pleasured.
Jeff gasped and tightened his entire body as cum spurted across his abs and chest, and Nate took in the sight of the beautiful stud in his bed. The room was warm, and Jeff was already sweating slightly from his reaction. Nate continued to hold his dick, fondling him until he lost some of his rigidity, and then he rubbed most of the cum into Jeff’s chest and stomach hair before licking the rest off his hand with a grin.
“Fuck you taste good. There’s not a manual for this, Jeff. Well, I’m sure some asshole sells one on Amazon, but it’s probably based on porn shit that isn’t real. There are no rules, as long as you and whoever you’re with consent to what happens. I know this is new to you, so ask me if you’re unsure. You’ll learn quickly enough what turns me on. I’ll let you know if something hurts or if I’m not into it. Promise me you’ll do the same.”
Jeff stammered, but managed to say, “I don’t think you understand how fucked up I am, Nate. Not only the war stuff, but this. Just being naked with you, something you take for granted, makes me hard. Holding your cock makes me hard. Touching you, your muscles, smelling you… Everything is new to me. I’ve buried every desire for so long; it’s all trying to come out at once.”
Nate reached over and turned Jeff’s handsome face towards him. Looking directly into his eyes, he said, “I understand more than you know, but even if I don’t get all of it, I want to open this door in you and help you walk through it. You’re going to be hypersensitive for a while. I get that, too. If you feel yourself slipping back to a dark place, come get me, and I’ll help you through it. I’m here for you every step, and hopefully longer. While Jessica is at her mom’s, stay here with me. You’ve never slept with another man, so we’ll stay in my bed. I want you to fall asleep with me rubbing your back, and then wake in the morning from a blow job. We can cuddle on the couch while we watch TV, or just talk. We can be naked by the firepit.”
Jeff grinned and said, “Well, one thing I’ve fantasized about was how your cock tastes. And your cum.”
Nate winked and pointed to his cock, saying, “Hope to it, soldier.”
Jeff’s face expressed the conflict between fear and eagerness, but Nate’s cock in his hand overcame his trepidation, and he leaned down and took the head into his mouth.
Nate moaned, “Oh yeah, Jeff, that feels so good.”
Jeff kept his efforts slow, savoring the experience. The slight saltiness was periodically injected with the sweetness of Nate’s precum. Jeff sucked with the eagerness that all new cocksuckers exhibited. Nate had broken in a few young men in his past, and their first blowjobs were always fantastic.
One of Nate’s hands ran through Jeff’s short, wet hair, and the other roamed over his powerful shoulders and back as he sucked. Feeling Jeff and seeing his handsome face, eyes closed and lost in the moment, elevated Nate’s own excitement, and he didn’t last long. He held off as long as he could, trying to give Jeff time, but he came after a few minutes.
The reality of Nate’s hard cock in his mouth wasn’t what Jeff expected; it was even better. He always heard guys in porn ask, “You like the taste of my cock?” but it didn’t really have a strong flavor. Just the fact that it was a man’s cock, and Nate’s in particular, made it wonderful, and he lost himself in the act, just like he did when he chopped wood. He put everything he had into it and was blessed with Nate’s load in only a few minutes. He felt Nate’s cock harden and pulse a few times before his salty cum filled his mouth. It was a little bitter, but it was from Nate, and he swallowed most of it.
When Jeff opened his eyes, Nate looked at him and smiled. Jeff smiled back, and some cum dribbled from the corner of his mouth and down his chin. That moment, the image of Jeff’s extraordinarily handsome face, wide-eyed with cum on his chin, burned forever in Nate’s memory.
“Fuck, Jeff, thank you. That was amazing.”
Nate pulled them together for another hug, but this time he kissed Jeff, his tongue forcing its way into Jeff’s mouth, and he tasted his own cum. The kiss was another first for Jeff. Nate’s strong arms holding him, their mouths together like their bodies, brought about another strong reaction. The two men, hard-bodied Marines, both warriors, expressed a tenderness towards each other that seemed paradoxical. Their rough exteriors belied the caring nature of their desire to pleasure and protect one another.
Breaking the kiss, Nate adjusted them so he spooned Jeff. Quietly, they talked. Nate assured Jeff there was nothing to fear or be guilty about, reinforcing his words with his arms and soothing hands. Jeff explained his upbringing and how he came to be the person he was.
At one point, Nate said, “I have to confess something. I asked a buddy, the one who called a while ago, to look into your service record. I wanted to figure out more about you, so I could try to help you. He told me everything.”
Jeff started to cry again and said, “I had a death wish, Nate. I felt so trapped by keeping my secret, and deep down, I had no self-worth. Everything I am was sinful, at least that’s what I was taught. When I didn’t die, I pushed harder. Some called it bravery, but it was cowardly. I wanted an easy way out to atone for what I was.”
Quietly, Nate asked him, “How do you feel now?”
Jeff rolled over to face Nate, wanting to look him in his eyes. Nate’s caressing touches still caused a strong reaction in Jeff. With his eyes still misty, Jeff said, “Fuck, Nate… I don’t know. On one hand, I feel free. This incredible weight I’ve carried my entire adult life is gone. It’s like I can breathe after suffocating for so long. But the guilt is still there. Being with you, like this, pushes it back, but when I go back across the street, I’m afraid of what I’ll feel. A lifetime of guilt won’t just vanish in a few hours.”
It was Nate’s turn to cry. He cried for the beautiful, naked man in his bed, and the life he had. Nate had to come to his own terms with being gay, and had friends who had helped him. He could do no less for Jeff, but he already felt that Jeff was far more than a friend. In the short time Jeff had been in his life, he had found his way into Nate’s heart.
Touching Jeff’s face with his fingertips, Nate said, “Stay here until Jess comes back, but when she does, what are you gonna do?”
Jeff widened his eyes and exhaled. “I have to tell her. She isn’t going to take it well. She never makes anything easy, but this… I’m really not sure what she’ll do.”
“Don’t let her hurt you. If she does, I’ll go over there and put an end to that nonsense.”
The warmth Jeff experienced over Nate’s protective nature was another indescribable emotion. Raw and vulnerable from everything that had transpired in the last few hours, he buried his face against Nate’s neck and let himself be held. Nate’s warm, strong body and his powerful arms holding him made Jeff feel, at least at the moment, that everything was going to be alright.
<><>
Jess stayed with her mother for a week. Whenever she got mad and left, she stayed gone a week, like clockwork. As much as he didn’t look forward to seeing his wife, Jeff returned to his trailer on the morning of the seventh day. He had the AC turned down so it would be comfortable, he washed the dishes, the laundry, and tidied up the trailer.
As soon as he heard the roar of a custom truck, Jeff knew she was back. Jess had four brothers who lived in the area. They hunted at a deer camp south of Moultrie, but Jeff never joined them. He got along with them because he didn’t hang out with them. They were stereotypical southern rednecks; the chew, the spit cups, the cut off sleeveless shirts, the gun racks in the windows of their trucks… they managed to exhibit every possible cliché.
Ready for a confrontation, Jeff waited in the small living room, but he was relieved when he heard a door shut and the truck roar off, throwing dirt and pebbles all over his truck.
Chest beating, macho bravado.
In only a week, Jeff’s mindset had improved immensely. When he slept with Nate, his mind stayed quieter. Not completely, but he made it through a few nights without any nightmares. It seemed like his secret had festered under everything else, pushing it to the forefront of Jeff’s mind. With it gone, it relieved some of the pressure above it.
Falling asleep to Nate rubbing his back after they got each other off, and then waking to morning sex gave him a false sense of comfort. He knew it couldn’t last, and dreaded seeing Jess again. He planned to tell her he was gay, but he couldn’t just blurt it out. He wanted to try to make her understand and apologize for hurting her.
When Jess came in, he said, “Hey. I’m glad you’re back.” His voice stayed calm and even, like his expression.
Jess didn’t say hello or mention everything he had done to make the place as nice as possible.
“Momma says she can get me a job at the Piggly Wiggly. A cashier.”
“That’s great. Do you want to do it?”
“Not really, but she says if I’m ever gonna get outta this shithole, I need to work.”
Ignoring her jibe, Jeff said, “My VA check came in. You want to go out for dinner tonight? Pick someplace nice.”
“Shoney’s has their buffet on Friday nights, salad bar included.”
“If that’s where you want to go, then Shoney’s it is.”
With an exaggerated sigh, she said, “I’ve got to wash my hair and do my nails. It’s going to take me all afternoon to get ready.”
Jess tapped her phone to check the time and said, “Shit, my shows already started. You made me late.”
Turning on the television, she plopped on the couch to watch “Days of Our Lives.”
Jeff got up and went outside. Interrupting her when she was watching TV was a sure way to set her off, and Jeff wanted her in the best mood possible. He planned to tell her his secret when they got home after dinner.
<><>
Jeff made an honest effort to hold a conversation with Jess, but she spewed negativity, not only towards him, but life in general.
How did she become this person? Did I cause this?
As he suspected, she picked the most expensive buffet option that included steak and seafood and then complained to the server that the fish wasn’t cooked properly. The server tried to explain that it was sushi, but Jess didn’t listen. Thinking of Nate’s arms around him, of his big hands rubbing his back as he fell asleep, helped him stay calm. He stopped talking halfway through the meal and let her ramble, venting her dissatisfaction with some reality-based TV show she followed.
When it came time to go, Jeff paid the bill and opened the truck door for her. When it shut, he took a deep breath, nervous over what was about to transpire. On the drive home, she continued rambling, but Jeff tuned her out.
When they got home, Jeff said, “Let’s get on the couch. I need to tell you something.”
Opening her purse, Jess pulled out a joint and lit up, taking a long drag.
“Fuck, Jess, when did you start smoking that shit? If I test positive at the VA, I lose everything!”
Grabbing it out of her hand, he took it to the sink, ran water over it, and threw it in the trash. She followed, and her balled fist hit his muscled back. It hurt her far more than Jeff, but he spun around, and as she raised a hand to slap him, he caught her wrist, “No more, Jess. You won’t touch me again. Do you hear me?”
His steely tone got her attention, bringing back the night a week before when he snapped.
“Fuck, you, Jeff!”
“Get on the couch, so we can talk.”
Stomping over like a petulant child, she sat.
“There’s something I need to tell you. I wanted us to be calm after a nice dinner, but here we are again, fighting.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“I’ll take the blame when it is my fault, Jess, but not tonight. When did you turn into… whatever you are?”
“If you were a man, you’d know how to make me happy.”
Her words stung because she was right, but not in the way she intended.
“I’m responsible for not being able to love you the way you want. It’s been weighing on me, too, Jess. I’m troubled. I still have nightmares, and I know I have issues. But you haven’t even tried to help. You berate me at every chance and started abusing me.”
Jeff paused, giving her a chance to respond, but when she stayed quiet, glaring at him, he continued, “I figured out what the problem is, Jess, and it isn’t you. It is me, but not what you think. I’m gay, Jess. I like men.”
Loudly, Jess asked, “You’re a faggot? I’m married to a queer?”
“I’m sorry, Jess, but yeah, you are.”
Jess started to cry, stunned at first, but her expression turned to panic, and one hand covered her mouth.
“What am I gonna tell Momma? My family?”
Once again, her response was only about her.
Quietly, Jeff said, “I think we should get divorced. It’s probably best. You’ll find someone who can love you the way you deserve. I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
Through her tears, she asked, “How long have you known?”
“I’ve known most of my life, but I only admitted it to myself recently. I hid the truth, even from myself.”
Comprehension dawned, and she spat, “It was him, wasn’t it? Nate? While I was gone, he fucked you, didn’t he?”
“We haven’t fucked, but Nate helped me understand who I am.”
Laughing, she spat out, “So our landlord is a cocksucker faggot. Just like my husband.”
“Don’t you say a word about him, Jess! You can say anything you want about me, but leave him out of it.”
“You’re gonna pay for humiliating me. All my friends will laugh at me!”
“You don’t have to tell anyone. We can get divorced without making any of this public. You can blame my PTSD, say you couldn’t handle it, or that I’m too difficult to be around. Say whatever you want.”
Jess refused to look at Jeff and never noticed the pained expression on his face while they talked. He was genuinely sorry for everything. He realized from her reaction how self-centered she was, and felt relief that he wasn’t entirely to blame.
Getting up, she said, “I’m going to bed. Sleep on the couch. I’ll call Momma in the morning and have her come get me.”
Jeff didn’t say anything; he just nodded. She slammed the bedroom door, and he heard her crying. Later, he heard her whispering to someone on her phone, but couldn’t make out the conversation. Emotionally exhausted, Jeff lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling and wishing he were naked and in bed with Nate. He got hard, but couldn’t bring himself to jack off with Jess in the other room. Eventually, he fell asleep.
<><>
At 3:08 am, Nate started awake. Rolling over, he reached out to the other side of the bed, but it was empty, and he remembered Jeff was across the street in his trailer. In the stillness of the night, the air conditioner sounded loud. A nervous twinge in his stomach told him he had heard something. Padding down the hall naked, he turned up the thermostat a few degrees and waited for the air conditioner to shut off. When it did, he heard voices. Going to the living room, he peeked through the curtains and saw a car he didn’t recognize. He heard raised voices, one was Jeff, and then a gunshot. Jessica screamed. By the time Nate got to his front door, he heard a car door slam shut and tires spinning as the car rushed away.
Jeff lay on the ground, unmoving, and Nate shouted, “Jeff!” as he took off running. He saw blood on Jeff’s head and feared the worst.
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