Nightmare

NIGHTMARE!

Written by:  Bill Hudley

I woke again last night screaming Steven’s name. The nightmare never changes, it is always a replay of what happened on that horrible, fateful day.  Steven drops me off at work,  I kiss my forefinger and pressed it to his lips,  wave good-bye and watched him drive away.  Just as he enters the intersection a huge Semi truck runs through a stop light and T-bones Steven’s driver side door, both vehicles burst into flames and black smoke billowed up in an angry cloud, darkening  the sky overhead.  My Steven died instantly. One minute he was telling me where we were going for my birthday dinner tonight and the next minute he was dead.  

We were together six years before the accident that took Steven from me.  I first saw him at a birthday party for one of his friends, I was the plus one date of another of the birthday boy’s friends.  It wasn’t love at first sight for Steven but it was for me.  I made a fool of myself asking guests about him, I’m fear.   When my date introduced me to Steven I was so tongue-tied I barely managed to say hello.  He was a handsome man, not spectacular, looks wise but his personality and personal magnetism draws people to him.   All evening I watched as groups of friends gravitated to him, as for me, I just stood and watched him almost all of the evening.  I wanted to know everything about him.

By asking around later I found out which bars he liked to go to and made sure that I was there every weekend.  It was frustrating to never find him out alone.  He was always with a group or sometimes just one other person which I assumed was a date.  I always nodded hello when we saw each other and occasionally we would be in the same group at a party or a bar.  

One night when I was on a break from stalking Steven, I went to a dance club just to let loose and have a great time.  I drank two Southern Comforts on the rocks and headed out to the dance floor, standing at the edge dancing in place it wasn’t long before someone pulled me out to the dance floor and we danced for almost an hour.  When we left the dance floor we were both drenched in our sweat, using the tee-shirt I took off in the first five minutes of dancing, I wiped my face and eyes, the AC blowing on my wet skin chilled my sweat coated body quickly.

I went back for another drink and was turning to look at the crowd, glass to my lips when Steven walked by.  He did a double take and smiled at me, I choked on my drink!  The next thing I remember is Steven pounding my back as I tried to cough up the gulp that went down the wrong way.  Once I had regained a bit of my composure, Steven asked.

“Hey there!  Are you gonna be alright?”

He took my arm and guided us upstairs to the outdoor patio bar for fresh air.  He had a concerned look on his face as he led me to a bench and sat me down.

You’re Jacob, right?”

I nodded yes, I was thrilled that he knew my name.

“Yes Steven, I’m Jacob Broggi, thank you for getting me up here.  Somehow my drink went down the wrong way.  How are you this evening.”

“I’m doing great.  I was watching you dance earlier Jacob, you really dance well, the way your body moves to the music is a treat to watch.  I’ve heard that one can tell what a man will be like in bed by watching him dance.  You’re very sexual out on the dance floor.”

I was too stunned to even talk.  I was thrilled!  Steven Haile knows my name, and he likes the way I dance.  Steven Haile!  Wow!

“I’ve seen you often at parties and clubs Jacob, are you with anyone or dating someone special now.”  He asked.

I was very nervous, I couldn’t very well tell him I’ve been stalking him for years now.  I was afraid that I might do or say something to put him off but I managed to look directly at him.

“No, I’ve not been so lucky as yet.  I keep searching and hoping but he hasn’t found me yet.  What about you, I see you around with a lot of people, I’m guessing that they are mostly friends with the occasional date mixed in.  Somehow, I just don’t see you as the playboy type, I don’t know you well but you seem too nice a guy for the love them and leave them type.”  I say this because I seem to have cornered the market on the ‘love them and leave them type’.  I’ve been left more times than an ugly girl on a blind date.  

“You’re very observant Jacob, and you aren’t alone there, I’ve had more than my share of those guys as well.  I do date a good bit, but it’s been months since I’ve made love with anyone.  I need to care about the guy that I invite into my bed, I don’t do hook ups and mostly, I masturbate alone.  So sad but true.”

We talked for well over an hour that night, the booze loosened me up and I chattered like a magpie most of the time.  We genuinely enjoyed the other’s company.  Then one of his friends came up and said something close to his ear and he looked annoyed.  After a short conversation with the friend he told me he had to leave but he asked if he could have my phone number, which I quickly wrote down for him.  Steven apologised for having to leave and assured me he would give me a call, soon!

Disappointed just doesn’t cover the way I felt.  For me, back years ago when I first laid eyes on him at that birthday party...it was love at first sight.  I knew at once that he was the guy for me, The One!  Once the shock of having him here then him leaving wore away, I put aside my disappointment and was very happy that he asked for my number.

It was a Saturday night that Steven and I had talked for two hours, and he did call me on Monday evening.  We talked from more than an hour on the phone and I was completely giddy when we finally said good night.   Steven asked me to go to dinner with him the following night I became so excited I forgot to say yes to his invitation.

“Jacob!  Uh, did I say something wrong.”

“No, uh, oh Jeez!  Steven, this is gonna sound crazy and you’re gonna think I’m a wacko; first of all, yes I want to go to dinner you tomorrow night.  I’ve wanted to date you since the first time I saw you at a birthday party for someone I didn’t even know, back three years ago.”

He laughed and said he never knew that I had any interest in him.  He said he’d been watching me for several months now, and last Saturday night our chance meeting was just what he had hoped for.  I was thankful that he couldn’t see the blush that reddened my face and neck.  I needed to change the subject and fast, so I asked about our dinner date

“Where are we going Steven, do I need a tie?  Do we meet there?”

“Hmm...at first I was thinking about casual Italian, but when you asked about wearing a tie..I got this image of you dressed in a suit and tie and I think I want to see that side of you.  Yes, wear a tie, we’ll eat at PRICCI on Pharr Road tomorrow evening and I will come to your place and pick you up.  We’ll have a real first date, if that is okay with you Jacob?”

“Yes Steven, that sounds perfect.”

The rest is history!  After that dinner, we were together constantly, either spending an evening on the phone together or going out to the Symphony, a movie, a play, or just a walk around Atlantic Station where he lived.  Like I said earlier, It was love at first sight for me;  as for Steven, it took us 12 dates for him to ask me to live with him.  We  had six wonderful, very happy years together.

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It’s been three years now since Steven died, yet I still have the nightmare often.  It comes more frequently as my birthday nears.  Emotionally, I died with him that day, but my body is left here to relive the horror of seeing the one person I loved most in this world die a horrible, crushing, flaming death.  I’ve had psychotherapy, group therapy, meds of all kinds and nothing stops the terrible dreams.  I know my problem, but there are no medicines out there yet to mend a broken heart.  All the joy and happiness I had in my life went up in flames the day Steven died.  I function now, though there was a two month period where I lay in bed in a near catatonic state.

When I overheard the doctors talking of sending me to a Sanitarium I knew I would die if I was sent there.  Later I would decide that the fear of being sent to a Sanitarium was my turning point, finally I realized that I want to live.  I managed to rouse myself and put on a good front for the doctors, telling them what they wanted to hear, not what I was truly thinking and feeling.

Steven and I were blessed with an abundance of very good friends.  It was their help and friendship that brought me back to living, functioning day to day and going back to work.  For the first few months our friends tag teamed me.  One or two of them would call and come by to check on me every day.  One of them, Eddie Davis, always took me to doctor’s appointments and made sure I had my meds, and he generally looked after me, making sure I ate well, paid my bills, and did his best to get me back to living again.  I’m certain that I without Eddie, I wouldn’t be here today.

I like my job as a pharmacist and getting back to work made my life less desolate.  With friends that wouldn’t let me stay alone more than one day without contact and getting back to work, I’ve learned that there are many things in my life I’m thankful for.  I’ve finally come to terms with Steven’s death.  It took a while but I know that in no way am I unique, I imagine thousands lose their soul mate every day.  Even sadder, more die every day without ever having met their soul mate, bad things happen to good people thousands of times every day.  

During the time after the accident Eddie was my closest friend, Eddie knew the pain of losing his partner to an auto accident.  He and his partner Drew, had been together eight years when the Drew was killed when a guy running from the cops T-boned his car on the passenger’s side at an intersection sending the car into the path of a bus that crushed the driver’s compartment.   As soon as he heard about Steven’s accident Eddie came to me immediately.  He’s been my constant companion and a source of great support in getting me back to living again.  We spent many, many nights holding each other and crying together for hours.

Eddie is always trying his best to get me interested in something or someone, neither idea held any fascination for me at all.  Some time into the sixth month of the third year after the accident, Eddie Decided that I needed to move.  His theory was that by staying here in the apartment where Steven and I lived, I’d never be able to tuck Steven into a corner of my heart and mind and move on with my life.  

I’ll be 29 this year; after months of badgering me, taking me to see new condos and apartments, I finally agreed that perhaps I should move.  I...uh I mean we,  because it was Eddie who found the perfect place for me, a duplex that is less than 2 miles from Eddie’s place.  The new place has a fenced back yard, a great room, newly updated kitchen, 3 bedrooms, one of which I’ll use as an office/study.  Each bedroom has it’s own bath, there’s a garage with a huge storage area, a screened back porch, an outdoor patio garden and a lovely landscaped backyard with flowers and shrubs neatly maintained, and best of all, the yard maintenance is included in the rental price.

For the first time since Steven died, I was excited.  Decorating the new place was a new adventure I could throw myself into and enjoy.  Eddie was right, this is what I had needed.  Steven’s still there in my Mind and my heart, but now I know it is time for me to live again, really live, not just exist like I’ve been these last 3 years..   

The first order of business for my new home was to get some color on these drab white walls.  Eddie helped me with the painting and even brought a friends along as we neared the finish of the painting.   After he introduced me to his new friend Tom, Eddie confessed privately that he hoped that Tom, would eventually become his boyfriend and partner.  I was so happy for Eddie I almost cried.  He deserves a good guy and a chance to find happiness again.  

Once the painting was finished, Eddie took me to IKEA, not so much for the furniture but to see vignettes of decorated rooms.   I found that I truly liked the Scandinavian simplicity and functionality in the furniture I saw there. I bought a few pieces to augment my existing furniture but I went overboard, furnishing my walk-in closet with enclosed, dust free wardrobes with see-thru glass doors and a new round dining table with two leafs to expand to seating for ten.

Eddie’s time with me began to decrease as he spent more and more time with his new main squeeze, Tom.  Eddie called at least once a day but now we went days without seeing each other.  I knew Eddie wanted to spend every possible minute he could with Tom.  I was only a little jealous, I remember how it felt falling in love, and who could begrudge their best bud those wonderful times.

Eventually the day arrived when Ed and Tom called and asked if they could come over, they needed to ask me something very important. I told them sure, come on over, not knowing what they wanted.  I put a bottle of wine in the freezer to chill a bit, mostly out of habit, Eddie and I do love our wine!  When they arrived both of them were glowing, it wasn’t at all hard to see that these two were a couple already.

Eddie’s first words were.

“Jacob, Tom and I are going to get married!  The ceremony will be in four weeks.  We want you there with us as our Best Man, not to mention helping us to plan the event. We wanted you to be the first to know.”

“How Wonderful!  I’m so happy for you guys!  Of course I’ll be there, and I’m honored that you would want me as your best man.  Jeez, let me open some wine!   We need to celebrate, this is big news!”

I made a toast to Eddie and Tom, and it wasn’t long before we needed another fresh bottle.  When Eddie and Tom left I puttered about a bit then realized that I’ve had enough wine to make me a touch sleepy.  I sat in my chair, feeling all warm and fuzzy from the wine and Eddie and Tom’s big news as well.  Sitting there it occurred to me that I had been in a happy mood all day. I determined right then that I would make the effort to change my ways.  I’ll not spend anymore days mourning what I’ve lost, I’ll always love and remember what Steven and I had; but from this day on, I’ll live in the present.  Steven himself, would be the first to tell me to get on with living if he could.

I made a few phone calls and managed to get reservations with a travel agency.   With money from I received from Steven’s accident settlement, I gave Eddie and Tom a 10 day Honeymoon on the island of Maui, at the Sunseeker Gay Resort in Hawaii.   They were both stunned by my gift and thrilled to be on their way to Hawaii. The day of their wedding finally arrived, and more than 150 guest attended the ceremony and reception at the MCC church.  

Wine flowed freely after the ceremony and it was at the reception that Eddie pulled me aside and introduced me to his first cousin Tyler Davis.  When Tyler smiled and shook my hand, my stomach did a flip-flop, an emotion that I thought I’d never experience again in this life.  It shook me up!  Over the years that I have known Eddie, I may have heard him mention his first cousin Tyler, but now as I stand here, my insides trembling I couldn’t remember ever hearing a word about this handsome man.  Tyler is a bit over six feet tall, he’s thin, about 150-160 pounds, dark blonde hair with lighter streaks, and with a smile guaranteed to make ones knees wobble when he chooses to flash his killer smile.  His entire face lights up when he laughs or smiles, and my heart pounded so hard I feared he could  hear it.

Tyler is naturally gregarious, able to walk up to strangers like they were long-lost friends and quickly engage them in conversation, in minutes he’s steered the talk to  

the strangers likes and favorite things.  Everyone seems to be enchanted by him, Today is no different, after our introduction a crowd formed rather quickly around us, with everyone, men and women, waiting eagerly to get their chance to talk with Tyler.

I would drift a bit away from him, as others crowded around him, Tyler would reach out and take my hand and pull me back to his side.  At first it confused me, the people around us obviously wanted to talk with him, I tried to slip away to let him concentrate on his friends.  It took a couple of times of him reaching out as I tried to slip away and pulling me back to his side for me to catch on.  He wants me with him!   

His keeping me near him excited me, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve been close enough to anyone for them to want me to be near them.  Each time he pulled me back to his side, he would turn to me and smile, sometimes he winked at me, and more than once his arm encircled my waist and he pulled us together, our bodies touching from shoulders to our knees.  It surprised me that he was so openly letting everyone know that it is me he's interested in.  When someone new would come up to chat , he never failed to introduce me as his friend,  I’m sure I blushed each time he did.

I watched their eyes as people talked with him, once the women caught on, they moved on, knowing they had little chance with this guy.  Even more surprising and astonishing to me, I popped a boner.  I was hard!  For years now the only time that has happened to me is when I wake in the mornings.  I actually popped a woodie while Tyler held me close against him as he talked with several of the guys gathered around him.  A spontaneous erection hasn’t happened to me since before Steven died, until today!

Tyler turned to me and smiled when he felt my hard cock against his hip.  While he was talking to the group around him, his hand left my waist and cupped a butt cheek and pulled me against his hip, enjoying my arousal.  I know I blushed as I leaned in and kissed his neck.  That started the crowd moving away.  Tyler makes me feel good, first about myself and then I feel good about him. It’s been three years now since Steven’s passing, it’s time I rejoined the living.  

Eddie and Tom were making their rounds, greeting and thanking everyone for coming.  A few minutes later I heard Eddie’s unmistakable laugh and he and Tom nearly ran up to Tyler and me.  Looking directly at Tyler Eddie said.

“I told you so, didn’t I!’

Tyler blushed and nodded his head yes.

I know I had a questioning look, not really knowing what they were talking about.  Eddie turned to me, his grin a mile wide.

“I’ve been telling Tyler about you for almost a year now, and he’s been avoiding me to keep me from setting you two up for drinks or dinner.”

Smiling at me Tyler spoke up.  “What can I say, you were right Eddie.  I started looking for him as soon as the ceremony was over.  I remembered you telling me to be sure to check out your Best Man.”

Now it was me that was blushing as Tyler pulled me against him with his arm around my waist.

“I was just about to ask Jake here to dinner this evening.  Once you guys are on the plane, would you have dinner with me tonight Jake?”

I know I was trembling all over.  Tyler stirred feelings in me that I thought were gone forever.  No one has called me Jake since high school, but now, when Tyler calls me Jake, I get little shivers running up and down my spine.  Somehow, even though we’ve never met before today, there’s a familiarity about him, like some how I know him, or know what he is like. It’s a very strange sensation, a touch of deJa vu, maybe.

I smiled at Tyler and said “Yes, I’ll be happy to have dinner with you.”

As if on cue, Tom started talking with Tyler and Eddie pulled me a few steps away from them.

“You look happy Jacob.”

“Of course I’m happy Eddie, my best friend in the entire world just married the man of his dreams, what’s not happy about that.”

“You know that isn’t what I mean,  Tyler, how do you like him calling you Jake?  I’ve never heard anyone call you Jake before today?”

“I like it really, it’s different and new and it kinda makes me tingly when he says it.  I know you’ve mentioned him before but I never had a clue that he could be like he is, it’s like he’s a force, there’s a presence about him that draws people in.  He’s almost overwhelming in some ways.”

“He’s really into to you Jacob.  I’ve seen him reach out and pull you back beside him a time or two already.  He’s not letting you get away from him.  Go to dinner with him, it’s no big deal.  Enjoy yourself Jacob, you deserve it.   Tom and I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for us.  Ta for now, we need to greet the rest of our guests.”

Eddie hugged me tightly, and whispered in my ear.

“Don’t be afraid, you’re long overdue for some happiness in your life again.  I love you Jacob, you’re my best friend and I desperately want you to be happy again!  You’ve so much love bottled up inside you.  My prayer for you is that you find the one to give all that pent up love to, and that you be loved in return.”

Eddie hugged Tyler, Tom hugged and thanked me again, then they were off greeting the rest of the guests.  The tidal wave of Eddie and Tom moving about the room, swept away the crowd that had been around Tyler and we were left standing alone.  Looking around, Tyler grinned, grabbed my hand and led me out to the garden area, grabbing two glasses of Champagne as we rushed by a server with a tray.

He led us to the far side of the huge circular fountain and we sat there and talked for well over an hour.  We discovered that we have a long list of things we both like and a short list of things we differ on.  The more we talked the more I liked Tyler Davis.  He never asked about my previous relationship and I felt like I needed to tell him that I had been in a long term one.  When I mentioned that I had been in an LTR, Tyler spoke up.

“Jake, I know about your relationship with Steven, and the accident.  Eddie has told me about it, about you, about Steven, and what happened.  I only mention that I know, in case you’d rather not go there just now.  I’ll be glad to listen to you tell me about it, but I don’t feel that now is the time.  We need to be where you are more comfortable and in familiar surroundings when you tell me about you and Steven.  I do want to hear about you and him together.  Your life with him is a great part of who you are now.  I think I may want to know everything there is to know about you Jake.”

I felt the blush rising again.

“Yes, you are right Tyler, now isn’t the time, but I am glad that you want to know about him, and you’re right about my life with Steven being a big part of who I am.  For a very long time, I forgot about me, and I almost got lost in my sorrow, but Eddie saved me.  Eddie was there for me when I needed him most, he’s saved my life many times in the past two and a half years.”

“You’re very lucky to have had a friend like Eddie during such an ordeal.  I’m glad you’ve told me about the part Eddie has played in getting you back to being your former self.  I’ve always known he’s a great guy but I didn’t know what a great friend he has been for you.  What you’ve told me makes me appreciate him even more.  He’s only two years older than me but I’ve always looked up to him.  I’ve always felt that he and I were closest among our brothers and cousins, and the fact that we’re both second sons and both of us gay has always made us closer.”

We heard a sudden commotion in the reception hall and Tyler guessed that Eddie and Tom were about to leave for the airport.  I jumped up and pulled Tyler along after me.  

“Come Tyler, I completely forgot!   I’m accompanying them them to the airport!  Come with us.”

I could see the hesitation in his face then I said.

“Come with me, Tyler.”

He gave me a shy, crooked little grin and took my outstretched hand.  I gave him a big smile and squeezed his hand.

“There you are!”  Eddie exclaimed, “I thought Tyler had taken you away already, now where’s Tom?”

Tom came rushing up from the restroom.  “I’m ready, let’s go to Hawaii!”

The guests gathered at each side of the walkway to the Limo and threw confetti as Ed and Tom made their way to the car.  Tyler and I followed and we were off.

The trip to the airport was a riot of laughs and remembering what a great day this has been.  Tyler and I had to leave them at the entrance to their flight concourse.  Eddie pulled me aside and hugged me tightly.  Tom and I can’t thank you enough for this trip you’ve given us.  We love you Jacob, I will always love you, my best and greatest friend.  Let it happen Jacob, I can see by the way he looks at you that Tyler is ready for you.  You can do this, and you know that of all people, Steven would be the first to wish you happiness again.  Let it happen Jacob, you need someone to love, more importantly you need to let someone love you.”

Tom was next, thanking me again and promising to love honor and take care of my best friend.  I saw that Eddie was talking while Tyler listened intently, then a huge smile broke over Tyler’s face as he wished his cousin happiness and joy.  Tyler and I watched until the moving slide walk took them out of sight.  For just a moment I felt a bit of panic.  For the first time in almost 3 years Eddie would not be there if I need him It was a disconcerting thought for a moment.  I shook it off and determined that I wouldn’t dwell on Eddie’s absence but on the love that he and Tom would have together.  If ever two guys were meant to be together it’s those two.

As we turned to go, Tyler put an arm across my shoulder and said to me.

“While Eddie’s away, I’ll do my best to stand in for him Jake, it you need anything at all, just call me and I’ll be there, and I do mean anything.  I’m here for you Jake, just call.”

I looked up into his face, I was surprised he was so serious when he mentioned being there if I needed anything.  I could see his eyes searching me for something, but I didn’t know what he wanted or expected.  Then I had that feeling again like my stomach had done a flip-flop, or a punch to my gut.  Besides today, I’ve only felt that once before, it was the night nearly ten years ago at the dance club when Steven asked me to go upstairs to chat and have a drink together.  Now at this moment, I knew that it wouldn’t be Eddies place in my life that I want Tyler to fill.

I had difficulty swallowing the lump in my throat , but after what seemed an eternity to me I managed to say that I would call him even if it was just to chat a bit.  Again his arm went around my shoulder and he pulled me closer as we walked to the car.  

“Good!”  He said.  I’d hate to be the guy following you around, stalking you, just to get a chance to say hello.  Being with you makes me happy Jake, it’s good times ahead!

We were quiet the rest of the way back to where the Limo was waiting for us. Once we were in the back seat of the car, he placed his hand on my thigh and said,.

“I don’t ever want you to feel that I’m rushing you, I meant what I said back at the reception about our having dinner together, but it is up to you.  All you have to say is “Tyler, slow down”, Patience is a virtue I’m still learning,  I tend to take a lot of things and even people for granted sometimes.  Please, Just tell me when I get to be too overbearing.  The last thing I would ever want is to mess up this thing we’re starting between you and I.”

My head snapped to the right to look at him and I knew that he is serious about us dating and getting to know each other.  

“I’m sorry Tyler, I suppose I’ve been alone too long.  Sometimes the things you say startle me.  I’m out of practice of relating to others, this thing between us is new to me too and I don’t want to mess us up either.”

He reached over and took my hand again and held it there on the seat between us.  We road like that back to his car at the Church parking lot.  

Once we were in his car, we drove to Tyler’s car he asked what I’d like for our dinner.

I thought it over for a moment and told him I wanted a good old-fashioned Filet Mignon Surf and Turf, Filet Mignon with a Lobster Tail, a salad and hot mini loaves of brown bread.  We wound up at Bones Restaurant and enjoyed our meal and had a wonderful time together.  I hated to ask him to take me home but it was either him or a Taxi.  

“Would you mind us going to my place before we go to dinner, I need to get out of this Tuxedo.  I rode to the church in Limo with Ed and Tom.”

Tyler flashed me the killer smile and my heart rate increased and the pounding in my ears grew louder.  His smile faded but he sat there staring at me, for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me.  I wanted him to kiss me, but then I knew that we shouldn’t just yet.  Not in the Limo here in the church parking lot.  I want us to be alone and behind closed doors when we share our first kiss.

“Jake, uh, JAKE!  Anybody home?”

“Oh damn, I’m sorry, I zoned out there for a few seconds, thinking about another first with you Tyler.”

Laughing he said.

“Yeah, I was thinking about kissing you too.”

Again my head snapped around to look at him.

“You read minds too!”  I sputtered.

He laughed.  “No I don’t read minds, but it is interesting that we both were thinking the same thing, don’t ya think?  We seem to be synced up to each other.  I definitely think we need to give this ‘thing’ between us time and space to develop, who knows what could happen.  I do know that I really do like you Jake Davis.  I really do.”

Back at my new place,  I asked Tyler if he’d be up for for a glass of wine and he accepted.  Tyler is devastatingly handsome in his Tux, I invited him to take off the jacket and be comfortable and I hung up his coat, when I turned from the closet and saw him standing there, smiling, his bowtie undone, the Pleated front Shirt with the winged tip collar, the top two buttons were undone and he had rolled up his sleeves.  For the second time today, I popped a boner!  Damn!  

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to lust after a very sexy man.  It has to be lust, we only met four hours ago.  Carnal Lust is another emotion I had thought gone from my life forever, I used the furniture to shield myself until my cock was flaccid again.  I could hardly take my eyes from him, everything thing about makes me want him.  The rolled up shirt cuffs exposed the blonde hair on his forearms, so thick and glistening in the light, the winged collar Tux shirt is even more appealing when it’s unbuttoned, showing blond curls at the neck of his tee shirt.  

Standing there looking and him, I fought to control myself, I felt a stirring in my groin and for just a moment, I feared I would ejaculate standing there looking at him;  I’ve never felt so vulnerable as I do at this minute.  I excused myself to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub with a cold washcloth, cooling my head and neck, gaining some control again.  I think I would have done anything Tyler asked just a few moments ago.  I know that it is a matter of my mind controlling my previously dormant libido, hells bells, I’d forgotten I had a libido.

We sat on the sofa and drank wine and  talked for hours, forgetting about our dinner date.  Without even noticing it happen, we wound up with Tyler leaning back into the corner of the sofa arm and the backrest, he had one leg stretched out on the sofa and I was between his legs, my back leaned against his chest, his right arm lay under my arm and hugged me to him.  When I was talking he nuzzled his face against my neck and hair, he nibbled at my ear and just being with him like this kept my cock hard for hours.  We were cuddled up, fully clothed.  Tears brimmed in my eyes when I thought about how intimate we already are together.   

I wasn’t the only one of us with a hard cock either.  I felt his at the small of my back, when he was nuzzling my neck and ear, his cock throbbed, as for me, my shorts had been damp for hours.  The time slipped away and before we knew it it was almost 11:00pm.  Tyler said he should be going and when he stood and moved to put on his jacket, he stumbled and had to sit back down.  I told him that he shouldn’t drive and took him to the spare bedroom and showed him the bath in his room and made him promise not to drive tonight, he should sleep here.

He thanked me and took my arm as I turned to leave.  He pulled me into a hug that almost melted any resolve I might have had.  I came very close to falling into bed with him at that moment.  When he pulled back, his eyes searched for any clue that I might be ready but I took a step back and turned him to the bath.  

“Get ready for bed Tyler.  I know, I feel it too, but not now, it’s too soon.  We’ll get there I’m sure.”

He and hugged me again, I felt his lips kiss my neck and he stood back smiling at me.

“It’s the wine, and it’s you too Jake, we’ll get there like you said.  Good night Jake, and thank you, sweet dreams babe.”

Back in my room my body trembled, I came so close to getting into his bed and now,  at this moment, more than anything, I wanted to go join him, to lie naked in bed with him.  I know it’s too soon, neither of us wants a quick roll in the hay so to speak.  In my head I repeated the words I’d said earlier.  ‘We’ll get there.’  That thought calmed me enough that the trembling stopped, for a few moments, anyway.  I finished my nightly routine and climbed into bed.  Warm and fuzzy from the wine I was trying to drift off to sleep, but images of Tyler kept running through my mind, and knowing he was in bed just across the hall.  After an hour, I got out of my bed, slipped  on a light robe and went to look in on Tyler.  I silently opened his door a bit and I saw him sitting on the side of the bed with his back to me.

‘Are you okay Tyler?”  I asked.

He turned, startled then he said.

“No, I’m not okay.  Every fiber in my body wants to be in your bed with you,  I want to hold you as we sleep.  Sex can wait, I just want to be connected to you, Jake.”

I held out my hand to him.

“Come with me Tyler, that’s why I’m here, it’s the same with me.   I lay down but knowing you were across the hall was too much.  Come with me, hold me, let me hold you, sleep wit me, I want you to hold me in you arms.  I need you to hold me, it’s been so long.  

We stood in my bedroom, he in his undershorts and me naked under the robe.  Tyler  pushed the robe off my shoulders and stepped in and held our bodies together.  The warm touch of our skin together set me to trembling just as Tyler’s mouth closed on mine. We met with open lips as our passion swept us into a toe curling, cock straining embrace that ended with us collapsing across my bed.   We were both moaning and groaning at the others touch, true to his word, Tylers hands never went past my navel.  It was me that reached for his cock, surprising him and surprising myself as well.

“To hell with waiting Tyler, we both want this.  I want to make love with you.”

“You’re sure Jake?”

“Tyler I haven’t been with a man for more than three years.  YES I’M SURE!”

“In that case then, will you top me Jake, I want to give myself to you, to feel you inside me.  I want to lie on my back and watch as you make love to me.”  

I’ll never forget that first moment we lay together, face to face, our bodies entwined with arms and legs wrapped around the object of our desire.  His kisses thrilled me, his fantastic body promised me all the love and sexual healing I could possibly want.

It seemed that we lay together for hours before we began to prepare him for the actual act of making love.  

Tyler’s hand and lips were all over my  body, keeping me on edge and a constant flow of pre-cum pooled at my navel.  He would rise up and lap up the pool every so often, then returned to his kissy-feely trip over every inch of my body.  I began to sweat and wanted to get on with it.  sensing my need, Tyler lay back in the cushions, placed one pillow under his butt and opened his legs and arms to me.  I knee walked up to him, bent over and took his cock to the root as he moaned and gyrated his hips.  Reaching out for me he took my face in his hands and pulled me to him, this kiss was different, it was all about sex and lust.  We were ready to make love.  Tyler reached between us and place my cock and the entrance to his velvet like tunnel.  

I can’t remember the last time I had topped a man, Steven never allowed it, nor did he suck cock.  He fucked me and jacked my cock when we got near our climax.  Now, I’ve all kinds of butterflies in my stomach, looking down at Tyler lying there, ready to submit and give his beautiful body to me; it thrilled and scared me all at the same time.  I hope I can be good enough to satisfy him.  Just as I pushed to enter him, a thought flashed through my mind, this is all wrong, it should be me lying there and him entering my body.  He smiled at me, encouraging me with sweet lovers talk, pushing hard with his anal muscles and suddenly I was inside Tyler.  He moaned, and raised his arms to me, I leaned to him and he pulled me into a kiss, while we were kissing his legs wrapped around my hips and he pulled me into the depths of his heat.  Nothing in my entire life ever felt like this.  He raised his hips to grind against me and I almost ejaculated.  I pulled back until his sphincter stopped my retreat.  I shuddered from the feel of my cock inside him.  We broke from the kiss and he smiled again.

“Love me Jake, make love to me.  Your cock sends chills over me and through me Jake.  Make love to me, fuck me, love me.  Oh yeah, oh god baby, that’s it!  Oh yes take me Jake, make me yours,you feel so good in me, ride my ass baby...uunngghh!  YEAH!  OH FUCK YEAH!”

I felt his heat over all of my body, there’s a furnace deep in his butt.  Oh sweet Jeezus

there’s never been anything like this.  Jake became active, throwing his hips up to meet my downward penetration.  In just a few strokes I found my rhythm.  Making love to Tyler Davis is wonderful.  He pinched and pulled on my nipples, taking the sexual lust up a few notches.  I do not have a clue how it happened but one minute he’s lying there and I’m nailing his butt to the bed then bam! I’m on my back and he’s riding my hard cock.  His hips are moving so fast they’re just a blur.  He’s got an itch deep down that we gotta work on.  I raise my hips and meet his thrusts as best I can, he’s fucking my cock deeper and deeper into his butt with each stroke.  

His eyes are closed and he has just started jacking his cock, it won’t be long now. His hand moves as fast as his hips.  Suddenly he stops, his whole body tenses ridgid, his handsome face is contorted with orgasmic pleasure, he pumps out thick globs of semen, covering me from chin to my cock while my cum bathes the walls of his rectum.  He screamed out my name as he showered his semen over me.  When he collapsed atom me I felt that wonderful chest hair against me and pumped out more cum into him.  We slept.

When I woke I eased our from under Tyler’s arm and went to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth to clean up the mess.  I did myself while I was there then took the warm cloth to clean Tyler.  He woke while I was cleaning the semen off him, he smiled and opened his mouth but shut it before saying anything.  I almost asked what was he going to say then I didn’t.  There wasn’t a lot that could be said after what we had just experienced.  I’m sure he felt what I did.  The tremendous connection between us, the fantastic orgasm that happened both in the body and in the mind at the same time.  there’s a four letter word for it...but not just yet...I feel it, but it’s way too soon to say it.

We cuddled and kissed for a long time.  There wasn’t  any talk, the only things we wanted to say were things we knew we should wait a bit before saying.  Finally, I turned and Tyler spooned me, that chest hair clutched against me made me hard again.  I drifted off to sleep again thinking about how wonderful he makes me feel.

Suddenly my eyes flew open!  I’d just remembered something Tyler had said earlier.  When he was telling me that he’d take Eddies place while he was away, that if I needed anything to call him.  Tyler had said to me...

“Being with you makes me happy Jake, it’s good times ahead!”

Steven had said those exact words to me on our third date.  Then it all came to me in a flood of remembering.  They way that people gravitated to Tyler, it was the same with Steven, always a crowd around him.  Tyler and Steven shared a gregarious nature; something that attracted me to them.  I had felt a familiarity with both of then when we first met. in many ways Tyler and Steven were very much alike.  

“Oh shit” I said aloud, am I attracted to Tyler because he’s so similar to Steven?  Was the flip-flop in my gut when I see him caused by Tyler or by him reminding me so much of Steven?  I fell back onto the pillows flabbergasted, why didn’t I see all this right away...What should I do?  Damn it all, I really need Eddie here to help me work this out.  I tossed and turned and stayed awake most of the night.  It was after dawn that I finally fell asleep.

I woke around 10:00 AM  to the smell of fresh brewed coffee and made my way to the kitchen.  I wore baggy boxers and a tee shirt, my bed hair was a ‘unkempt look masterpiece’ plus I was barefoot.  Tyler was reading the morning paper and there was that lurch again in my stomach.  How many times had I come to the kitchen for coffee and found Steven reading the morning paper.

Tyler jumped up when he saw me and poured my cup of coffee, then asked it I needed cream or sugar.  

“No thanks, black and strong is fine with me.  Did you sleep well Tyler?”  

“I’m so sorry about getting too drunk to drive.   I woke earlier and had a pounding headache, took some aspirin I found in the vanity drawer.  I’ve been up now about a half hour and the headaches gone.  I’ll be getting out of your hair in a few minutes.  Would you like to go for breakfast, I’m really hungry.”

“I’ll have to pass on breakfast I have to leave for my Mom’s in a bit, I’ll be visiting her for a few days.”

Tyler drained his cup and as he passed my chair he put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze.  Then he said.

“Damn Jake...you’re even cute when you first wake up. You are adorable!”

When I heard his shower start I remembered that he was wearing a Tux last night.  I rummaged through my closet and found a pair of board shorts that I had worn before Steven’s accident that were too large for me now.  I put the shorts and a tee shirt on his bed and a spare pair of flip flops on the floor.  Back in my room, I put on a similar outfit with the exception of shoes, I can’t tolerate flip flops, I wore a pair of denim canvas OP casuals.

After dressing in the shorts, Tyler came into the kitchen,

“Thanks for the clothes Jakey, I didn’t want to be seen in my Tux the morning after.”

Tyler gathered his things and told me he’d get the clothes back to me as soon as he had them washed.  When he asked I was reluctant to give him my phone number,   I stuck out my hand to shake just as he reached an arm around to hug me.  Neither of us said a word about what we had shared together last night, it was an awkward moment.  He looked confused then hurt.  I apologized and hugged him but I could see disappointment in Tyler’s eyes.

Why am I giving him the brush off?  Because he’s too much like Steven?  Something in me was shutting him out, and I’m not at all sure why.  It’s nothing he’s done, he’s just been himself and I’m being a shithead for some reason.  I’ve even managed to confuse myself, after recognizing that both Tyler and Steven shared some traits, mannerisms and Tyler said the exact same words to me that Steven once when he told me ‘being with you makes me happy Jake, it’s good times ahead!”  I need Eddie, he hasn’t been gone 24 hours and already I’ve fucked things up with Tyler.  At this rate, by the time Eddie returns Tyler won’t even be speaking to me.  I think I’ll go crawl back into my hole and forget about ‘living’.  I may be too messed up to ever have another relationship.

I tried to forget about everything that had happened these past few days,  I should know better than to think that anyone could ever be interested in me once they discover all the emotional baggage that comes with me.  I went so far as to unplug the landline phone at my place and I turned off my cell, sending every call to my messages.  I should have recognized the signs, I’ve been through this before, I knew I was heading full steam into a another deep, clinical depression.  It’s happened twice since Steven’s death.  I was cutting myself off from everything familiar.  Tyler called my cell three times the first day, two on the second and none on the third day.  He must have called Eddie, I hadn’t given him my cell number yet. The last message from him was angry.

“Unless you are ill, I’m really pissed Jacob, if you’re not ill then Fuck it Jake, I won’t play your games.  Goodbye!  I cried after hearing the anger in his voice, my only chance for happiness in the past few years and I’ve screwed everything up.  He’s better off without the likes of me.

On the eighth day there was a message from Eddie, he told me Tyler had called and was upset and angry with me.  Eddie wanted to know what the hell I had done.  I didn’t call him back either.  It’s like I’ve crawled out on a flimsy limb that I know will break and I’ll fall before anyone can get me down.  I convinced myself that I’ve let Steven down, daring to meet someone new and dishonoring what Steven and I had.  I know that Eddie will be very angry with me, Tyler’s pissed off and likely will never see or speak to me again.  I’m just no good to anyone anymore.

For the first time since right after Steven’s death, thoughts of ending my life came back to me, again.  I have the gun, I bought it six weeks after Stephen died.  I’ve held it to my temple, put the barrel in my mouth but I’ve never been able to pull the trigger.  I’m miserable and too much of a coward to end my misery.  Tyler’s pissed off and done with me I’m sure, I can find no reason to continue this miserable existence I lead.

Getting more desperate and despondent by the hour, around 10:30 pm I called my psychotherapist, she recognized the signs and knew something major had gone wrong in my life.  By the time she arrived at my place, I was in a near catatonic state, unresponsive when she arrived.  I suppose that she gave me a tranquilizing shot because I woke up, strapped to a bed in a hospital.

Slowly, I began to climb out of the hole I had dug to bury myself in, With Dr. Angel’s help (what an appropriate name for a psychotherapist!) I started on the road back to being Jake Davis (pathetic I know, all my life I was Jacob until Tyler, he called me Jake), I want to be the Jake he had liked again, If I could only go back and redo that Sunday and put my arms around his neck and kiss him like I had wanted to do since our first meeting.  I asked Dr. Angel how long I had been at this hospital and she told me that this was the 10th day.  She didn’t know yet how long I’d be here.  

On the twelfth day I was lying in bed staring out my window when I heard a familiar voice.

“I can’t leave you even for my honeymoon without you wreaking havoc all about you.”

I started sobbing and held out my arms for Eddie.  I cried, heavy sobbing wracked my body, it was several minutes before my crying subsided enough to talk.

“Where’s Tom?  Did you guys have a good time?”

“Yes, our trip was wonderful and we thank you, but the last couple of days were very stressful when I couldn’t find you.  I’ve called every hospital and sanitarium in three states trying to find Jacob Broggi, finally I ran across a Jake Brogan here and I came to see if it could be you as soon as I could.  What did you do to poor Tyler?  The man is almost as bad off as you are.”

I told him how great things were going with Tyler and how I bolted upright in bed when I realized that he was so much like Steven in mannerisms and that verbatim bit about liking me and good times were ahead.  I told him how I had decided that it was his likenesses to Steven that had attracted me and I knew that we wouldn’t work together with that as the basis of our friendship.  I told him how I had hurt Tyler when he wanted to hug me and I tried to shake hands.  I talked about how I cut off all communication with everyone, and finally the last ditch, desperate call to Dr. Angel.  

Eddie pulled up a chair and sat beside my bed, he was facing me so we could talk easily.  I have to admit that Eddie did not try to smooth things over.  

“The only bright spot in this whole affair is that you called your therapist for help.  That says you want to get better, you want to live.  That’s the good news Jacob. Eddie said.

Then he really lit into me, telling me I was selfish, a self centered twit, inconsiderate of those who care for me the most, and he ranted on for more than an hour.  He ended by telling me that I was a big boy now and although he loves me and I’m his best friend, he is married to a wonderful man who is crazy for him.  He told me he wouldn’t be at my beck and call now that he and Tom are together.  

“You have to know and accept this Jacob, Tom is my first priority now.  If you know what’s good for you, you’ll pick up that phone, call Tyler and beg him for another chance.  He cares a great deal for your sorry butt for some reason Jacob.  Call him, now!  I have to leave, we’re due at Tom’s parents in two hours.  I love you Jacob, you’re the dearest friend I’ve ever had but you have to do this yourself.  CALL TYLER, NOW!

With that, Eddie hugged me and said goodbye.  I knew that everything he had said was true, I’ve behaved very badly to those who matter.  I just don’t know how I can manage to talk with Tyler, I’m so ashamed of how I treated him.

I looked over to the clock on my bedside table, it was 8:15pm, visiting hours will be over in 15 minutes and when my nightly Meds are delivered,  then I’ll go to sleep.  I turned facing the window and watched the lights across the city.  I tried and tried to think of what I could say to Tyler, some way to apologise for being such an ass,  I was certain that once I made my apology to him, I would never see or hear from him again.  That thought brought tears to my eyes again.  I lay there, weeping silently for what had never been nor would ever be.

“Jake?”

The voice was almost a whisper, did I dream it?  Oh fuck!  now I’m dreaming about Tyler, just what I don’t need.

“Jake.”  The voice was louder this time, I turned my head and saw Tyler standing by my door.

He held a bouquet of yellow roses in his hand.

“Tyler?  You’re in my dream, not standing in the doorway.  You’re here?  How, why?”

“Eddie called me and told me you were here.  I had to come as soon as I heard, we left things between us in pretty sad shape the last time we were together.  I don’t want that to be the last memory I have of you and me.  At the very least I want to be your friend Jake.”

I turned my body and lay on my back while I raised the bed so that we could see each other as we talked.  I asked him to pull up the chair, as he put the roses in a water pitcher.  I told him about my history with clinical depression since Steven’s death.  I told him about my revelation that night at my house when I remembered how similar he and Steven were, that he had even said the exact same words as Steven has once told me. I told him how I had convinced myself that it was the similarities between him and Steven that I was attracted too.  That was the reason I didn’t hug him, in my twisted mind it wasn’t him that I was attracted to. How strange is is that we never once mentioned the best sexual experience I’ve ever had.  He seemed to have enjoyed it too.

“I’m so sorry for the way I behaved Tyler, if I had a do over, I would put my arms around your neck and kiss you like I had wanted to do that next morning.  I’ve never felt anything near to what I felt with you when we made love.

Tyler’s somber face broke into a huge smile when I said the part about wanting to kiss him.

“Once you’re out of here and a free man again, we can arrange for a do over anytime you would like Jake.  I’ve wanted that too.”

I reached out and he took my hand and we talked more.  I told him everything about me I could think of, I talked about Steven and our life together, my life after the accident.  How I had just recently begun to think of the future and my decision to live my life to the fullest possible. We were interrupted when the duty nurse brought my medications.

“Oh! Sir, I’m sorry but visiting hours ended at 8:30, it’s 9:45 pm now, you’ll have to leave sir.”

Tyler rose, still holding my hand, the duty nurse stood waiting, holding a glass of water and the little paper cup with four pills.  Tyler leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips and said goodnight.  I heard the duty nurse’s sharp intake of breath as she said...

“Oh my goodness!”

At the door, Tyler turned, gave me that killer smile and waved goodbye. I learned that night that it’s impossible to swallow pills and water while smiling.  Looking up at the nurse I said.

“He’s something special, don’t you think?”

She stuttered and mumbled about,then made a hasty exit while I lay there in bed smiling and thankful that I’d might get a second chance with Tyler Davis.  

“YES!”  I said as I pumped my fist in the air!

Dr, Angel was amazed when she came to see me the next morning.

“What’s changed Jacob, what snapped you out of your depression?”

“I had two visitors last evening Doctor, the first was my friend Eddie who pulled up a chair to my bedside and proceeded to read me the riot act. He told me off good, ranting on about how inconsiderate I’ve been to those who matter in my life.  He ended telling me that I was on my own this time.  Eddie and his partner are now back home from their honeymoon in Hawaii.  He told me that he wouldn’t be dropping everything to come hold my hand anymore.  Every word he said about me was true.  I’ve been inconsiderate and taken advantage of the best friend I have in the entire world.  I’m deeply ashamed.

Then later Tyler, came by.  I had been insensitive and selfish toward him earlier and I was very sorry about that.  He came to visit and we were able to resolve our problems.  To put it plainly, he forgave me for being such a shit.

The doctor ran all her tests, had the staff physician check me over and all systems seemed to be a go and I was released the following day.  I took a cab to my apartment instead of calling Eddie to take me there. (Already I’m taking his advice to man up and grow a pair. I’m Learning to take care of myself.)   Hungry, I checked the pantry and came away with a can of Tomato soup, two slices of cheese and half a sleeve of saltines.  I was still a bit weak and after eating and I lay down on the sofa for a nap.  I woke after about an hour to the call of nature and I got up and relieved myself.

Back at the kitchen island I noticed that the wall phone base unit had been removed and unplugged.  No one had been able to even leave a message for almost two weeks.  I replugged the phone and was hanging it on the wall when there was a knock at my door.  I went to open it and there stood Tyler with a potted plant this time.

“The hospital said you had been discharged so I came here.”

I ushered him in, shut the door and put my arms around his neck and kissed him.  He was still cradling the potted plant in one arm.

“Let me put this plant down and let’s do that again with both of us participating one hundred percent!”

Tyler wrapped me in his arms, one hand cradling my head the other pulling us close together.  His kiss was magic, I knew there had to be steam coming out of my ears.  I melted against him.  To my delight there was absolutely nothing about our kissing that reminded me of Steven.  Tyler is the most sensual man I’ve ever met.  He kept on kissing me until I could no longer stand on my own, we moved over to the sofa without breaking apart.  

I wasn’t expecting such an erotic reaction to Tyler’s kisses.  I tongued and probed every centimeter of his tongue and mouth.  The speed of my erection had caused some discomfort some pubic hair was caught up and pulled with my rapidly growing erection. I pulled and tugged trying to get comfortable to no avail.

“Hmm. looks like everything is playing into my hands.  You’ll need to take those pants off to get yourself rearranged.  You will not be putting them back on anytime soon.  I want you Jake.  Just tell me to slow down NOW if you need more time, will we wait Jake?”

“No Tyler, no more waiting for me, for us.  But there is something I must do first.  Make yourself a drink, I won’t be long, but this is something I have to do for me and for us.  I went to the bath in my bedroom and sat down on the edge of the tub.  I took a deep breath and I said my goodbye to Steven, he will always have a corner in my heart and in my mind, I’ll never forget him nor the love we shared.  I told him I had to live now, no more mourning the loss of him.  I told him about Tyler and that there’s a good chance that Tyler could be the man to bring me back into the real world of living, loving and sharing our lives together.  I kissed my finger and made the motion of pressing it to Steven’s lips, like I used to do.

I stood, wiped my tears with a tissue and looked in the mirror, a few drops of ‘Bright Eyes’ cleared the redness, and with a big sigh and a shaky voiced “Goodbye Steven”, I turned out the vanity light and went back to Tyler, waiting in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry to break our mood from earlier, but I had to say goodbye to Steven.  I don’t want my life before we met coming between you and I. Steven is a part of my past.  Now I want to work on you and I, hoping that maybe we can have a future together. Let’s do that kiss again and get on with Tyler and Jake.”

“You’re really ready then,for us?  You’re ready to see what we can become?”

“Oh god yes, I’m ready at last Tyler.  I want to make love with you Tyler, I want you so very much,  Ohmigod this feels so good.  Now Tyler, now.!”

We made our way to my bed, lips locked, hands groping each other, tearing off our clothes.  I was a little nervous at first, hoping that I can be as good for him as he was the other night. it’s been a long time since I’ve had a cock inside me.

Tyler’s naked body is a vision to behold, he swears his only exercise is running.  He has slightly bulging biceps, nice firm, squared off pecs a visible six-pack though not sharply cut as a gym rat’s would be.   He’s slender with a ridiculous 30 inch waist, but his body is toned to perfection.  He’s muscled but not heavily so, built more like a diver on a college swim team, his body is proportioned perfectly, and his golden furred little butt is to die for.   Visualize the prototypical California surfer boy’s body and that’s Tyler. His legs are tanned and golden from the curls of blond hair covering him that are almost white from the sun.  I feel so inadequate lying beside him, I’m slim but not ripped or toned like Tyler.  I suppose my body would be described best as lean and smooth, Eddie would say I’m emaciated, he remembers how I looked before the accident.  Looking at Tyler, I’ll have to be in the gym sweating out the weakness and build myself back to be at least in decent shape.

Tyler lay down beside me, with half his body on me, his touch is electric, I feel myself buzzing.  When he leaned in to kiss me, the moment our tongues touched I felt my orgasm start.  I moaned in my throat but we didn’t break the kiss.  Unbidden, driven only by him kissing me and our bodies touching, I ejaculated, covering both of us in my semen.

Looking directly into my eyes Tylers tongue darted out and lapped up the semen on  my chest.  He continued carressing and kissing until he had covered my body completely.  The entire time from ejaculation to his raising my legs to my chest, my cock remained hard.  His hands manipulated me, lubing me, loosening me up to accept his entry.  Once I was ready he leaned forward and started a long, sensuous kiss that only fanned the flames of my desire for him.  Finally, I reached down and place his cock at my opening.  

“I want you inside me Tyler, it’s been so long.  You don’t have to be careful, I’ve used a dildo for years now, but now I want the real thing.  I want Tyler Davis inside me.”

His entry was almost painless, and I'm overwhelmed by the joyous feelings of our shared intimacy.  In seconds he was balls deep inside me, grinding against me.  Without any thought at all, I locked my ankles and pulled him deeper with each thrust.

What started as intimate, sweet lovemaking quickly evolved into toe curling man lust.

His hard cock lie a piston thrusting inside me, was my whole world.

Now I know that this is what I’ve missed the most, sharing my body with someone who cares for me.  Once the intimacy between us is established, there are no limits to the emotions we can share.  After his third thrust into me, I caught fire.  His cock grinding against me set off my long pent-up lust.  I fucked back at him, I raised my hips to meet his down thrust, we ground together, I dug my heels into his butt, pulling him deeper inside me.  We were moaning, grunting, flesh slapping against flesh.  Our tongues battling for possession of the other’s mouth, while his hard cock pounding inside me took possession of my body. Sweat poured off both of us, we knew that something magical was happening between us.  We're connected in our minds as well as our bodies.  

Each time I thought we were getting close to orgasm, Tyler would ease up, letting the passion subside.  On the third time it happened I realized that he was Edging!  I had read about, in some magazine and had dismissed it as just another sex game people play.   By the fourth time we made it to the very edge and he backed off, I became very vocal letting him know I had to cum, I could wait no longer.  This man inside me was making me crazy with desire for him and to finish our orgasm.  I want his cum in me.  It didn’t take long, I started begging Tyler to let me cum, let us have our orgasm.

I lost count of the times his cock sent goose-flesh scampering wildly across my body, Tyler Davis is a master at making love with me. Instinctively he knew what was right for me this first time together,(I topped him the night of the Wedding but tonight, it me getting my ass nailed to the mattress,  he’s hit all the right buttons first time out.  

Oh yeah, this is gonna work out just time.  We were so into each other and what we were doing, it surprised me when Tyler’s body went rigid. His legs knotted, flexed taut with muscles as his semen rushed into my body.  I felt my own tingle and with my legs wide and in the air, my toes curled tightly, Tyler brought me to another no-touch orgasm from my body.  Two times he’s made me cum without either of us touching my cock.  Magical.

The feel of his perfect body against me is like Nirvana, there is a stillness in my mind following our moment of desire and passion, the only thing in my mind now is Tyler.  He fills the void that I’ve run from for years, at last I’m free.  I snuggle up against him, my lips at his neck, an arm across his chest clutching him to me.  He moves and tilts my chin up and kisses me so tenderly an involuntary sob escapes my throat.  Tyler looks at me and smiles.

“See,  Jake, he said softly, I told you there were good times ahead.  This is just the beginning baby, we’re just getting started.”

We dozed for a few hours.  I woke before Tyler and I propped up on an elbow and just lay there looking at him.  When the light is right, there’s a golden aura that surrounds him.  His golden blondness catches the sun and illuminates him.  Like everything else about him seems, it’s magical. Everything about him since our first meeting at the wedding has been magical.  I’m so very lucky that I didn’t drive him away when I went into depression.  It takes a special person to want to develop a relationship with a known nutcase like me.  Once he knew the facts, he understood and he has helped me bounce back.  I’ve been given another chance and I know I’ll do all in my power to make things work out right with him.

When Tyler opened his sleepy eyes, I was there looking down at him.  He smiled at me but it turned into a yawn.  Laughing he pulled me to his chest and gave me a light peck on the lips.  

“WOW!  If we get any better than that, my heart may not be able to take it.  I’ve never, ever felt so loved as I did when we were in the throes of  our orgasm.  I think we’re gonna be just fine Jakey.”

We were silent for a moment. just looking at each other.  My heart was soaring.  I knew that this was it.  We’re together now...no matter what life throws at us, we’ll face it together.  I know I’m in love...but’s it’s too soon to say it.  I said a silent little prayer of thanks, to Him for letting me be happy again.

Later after we had recovered from our initial love making, I was  surprised when Tyler asked that I top him.  I suppose it is his looks, so handsome and virile, it’s hard to imagine him being submissive.  The thought of him on his back with legs held wide in the air just doesn’t come to mind easily.  I always imagined him as a complete top, just an impression I had formed not knowing anything about him other than the way he looks.  Did I mention that he is a freaking stud of a man?  It’s  only that it is new to me.  It’s been nearly 10 years since I topped anyone, Steven never allowed it.   If Tyler wants me to top him then that is what I will gladly do.   It is my intent to give him pleasure however, whenever I can.

We roused from bed and Tyler went to the bathroom and I went to the kitchen.  I glanced at the clock, it was 2:30 am.  When Tyler came in from the bathroom I asked if he was hungry and his wicked little smile made me add.

‘“For food, you horn dog!  We have to eat to be able to do what we do in the bedroom.  It’s my time at bat next and I need to eat first.  How about you?”

“I got all the protein I need off your stomach, but a plate full of carbs ought to be what the doctor ordered.  There’s an all night diner about a mile or so away, let’s get dressed and head out.  I need you strong for our next session.  I can hardly wait for that.”  Tyler said wiggling his eyebrows at me and wearing a wicked little grin.

As we headed to the door he put an arm around me and we stopped and kissed again, acting like it would be our last.  I put all I had into it.  I know all too well that  it could very well be our last kiss.  Anything can happen,  

 “Your are amazing Jake.  I’ve never felt such an emotional orgasm before.  the physical one was spectacular but the mind fuck was off the charts.  I’m not letting you get away from me.  You are so much more that I could have ever imagined.” Tyler said.

After a moment of staring intently into each others eyes, I lay my head on his chest, and hugged him to me.

“I’m not going anywhere Tyer,  I’ll always want you in my bed.”

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It’s been six months now and Tyler and I are a couple.  We’ve both professed our love and we now wear heavy gold bands to signify that we are together.  Eddie and Tom have become our social friends now, being the ones we call when we’re going out to try a new restaurant, a movie or to come for dinner when I’ve a new dish to try.  They’re happy together, Tyler and I are happy together and we do so enjoy their company.  Tyler’s love has healed me, I’m no longer the weak, submissive, neurotic basket case I was when I first met Tyler.  Dr. Angel has released me and I no longer go for those hourly therapy sessions.  I’ve an age-old therapy treatment now that has healed me.  I’m in love and I am loved.  

The End