It is late on a Friday night. Two older naked guys are already browsing the streets of Castro: shaved bodies, holding hands, cocks dangling in unison. Tourists gawk and locals do not pay attention anymore. It is the city where sex is in the air, where S&M street fair hardly raises any eyebrows and you can get laid every day of the year if you wanted to. Without passion. Without meaning. 'See you next time.' And he never calls back. Where a fuck buddy (or two) is as mandatory for some people as having a pet. And more convenient too. Where you really feel lonely among thousands of people indifferent to others.

I guess I am in my usual Friday mood: tired and a bit depressed. 'Boy watching', 'boy watching' comes in and out of my mind. I guess I'll go to my usual bar where younger crowd hangs out, I am into 18-30 boys after all. Not that I'd not date my age. I am 36 myself, professional, not adorably cute, not totally ugly, blond hair and gray eyes. Shallow after all because I like a certain type but do not we all?

Here it is - my usual spot. Right in the corner where I can look at boys passing by. No one ever picks me up or tries to talk to me, unless they are drunk and desperate for a fuck, so I am quite safe here. Music blasting out of black loudspeakers, how bartenders do not go deaf, I wonder? A little round dance floor separated from the rest of the room by rails fills quickly - some guys are already shirtless. The usual suspects who I see every time I come here are already in attendance.

It is their little world. What am I doing here? It is not my music, it is not my crowd. Just for a drink and some watching I guess. Cupids do not frequent this place. They fly past it scared by cigarette smoke and decibels.

Where is my boy? Does he exist? Am I going to be good enough for him if I ever meet him? What will I feel? I hope he likes smiling. Am I even made for a relationship? And maybe I am too old already for a twink as a boyfriend? And how many boys are into older?

Suddenly I startle. How could I not notice him? And how did he approach so close to me without me noticing? A wave of hot air hit me, for a second I thought I was going crazy, that a hole in the wall just opened and let a whiff of insanely humid air in but then I realized my face was blushing and hands turned sweaty.

He was perfect. Blond, 5'8, about 150 and boyish looking. Tight blue jeans and red t-shirt hugging his slender torso. Piercing blue eyes widely open in wonder and amazement. I thought I was hallucinating, that it was really one of those Cupids who just lost his way and ended up here looking for directions. But I was not dreaming, it was a real boy, flesh and blood and he was looking right into my eyes. Another wave hit me, it was not lust, it was a powerful typhoon that sweeps you off your feet and carries you away like a small leaf of grass and you feel you can do nothing except allowing it to carry you away. Interesting how you feel it has been centuries but in reality only the fraction of a second passed.

- Hi - he said - I am Justin, I've been watching you and I thought I am not going to lose anything if I come and talk to you.

Some people talk to you as if they are throwing stones at you, not even aggressively but claiming you and trying to possess. His voice was very different - he offered himself, he said: 'Take me, I cannot own anything or possess anything, I can only offer my love and myself. I know that if you do not like me there is nothing I can do but I want to express to you honestly and from the bottom of my heart what I am feeling right now. I know I can get hurt, but there is nothing I can do about it either. Do whatever you want with it.' With that voice he offered himself to me as if he were throwing himself into my arms.

I wanted to hold this boy right there, not really caring about what anyone would think, just hold his slender body next to mine and fly away with him to where only two of us would be alone in each others arms.

I took all his energy of caring and surrender and returned it to him by saying - No, you are definitely not going to lose anything, maybe, you are even going to gain a lot.

It was not even what I said but how I said it, with all tenderness, affection and gentleness I could muster. And I was scared shitless too, because at last something very real and mystical was happening and a real thing is always scary.

His face flowered. He smiled and cute little dimples formed on his cheeks.

- Oh yes, I know, he said. -,I do not talk to a lot of men here.

- Neither do I. I am Ryan.

His fingers wrapped around my wrist. I felt the exchange of energy between us - both sexual and emotional - to be almost intolerable. He seemed to be the boy who really wanted to connect, mate, to be with his tender loving man, not just give his body. Who wanted a real relationship. Who would not be afraid to open and be vulnerable, to give his body and heart and mind and soul to his man.

I think he was feeling the same way. He really felt and accepted all my warmth and energy, felt in his body that tenderness and affection are major driving forces in us both, make us seek healthy and sane stuff.

Suddenly all my fear evaporated. I felt extremely comfortable and safe with him as if I had known him for a long time. 'Hold your horses' said my ego, but the feeling of wanting to merge with this twink boy in love was too powerful. I suddenly had wild desire to know him, not just his body but his soul and how he thinks and what he wants and aspires for. To make him my boy.

- It is too noisy here, do you want to find a quiet place to talk? I asked.

He just nodded and then led me out of the club still grabbing my arm. Outside I had another look at him. Someone I already knew I would want to hug hold and kiss forever. He stood in front of me and smiled again: where shall we go? He asked.

We found a coffee shop and talked for several hours. He was 21, lived outside of San Francisco but not too far, dreamed about finding a loving man and getting married to him, living together and sharing deepest feelings and aspirations with him too. He did not sleep with anyone on the first date, neither did I. I wanted a boy but had no desire for a boy toy or slave. He only liked older men, finding his peers shallow, spoilt and materialistic. We parted with a hug.

How do I rewind two months into the future and describe our dating? It is not really possible to describe what I felt when he was next to me, even if we did not discuss anything sexual. Just to be in his company was magical and every time he took my hand or touched my leg playfully in a restaurant under the table I shivered as if hit by powerful electrical current. As time went on I wanted to be closer and closer to him, not just because he has become my close friend by now and we shared many interests but physically as well. How can I describe how his face looked when I brought him flowers on one of our dates and told him red roses go great with his blond hair? Or when I called him 'my little puppy' for the first time?

Cuddling and kissing was amazing. Just holding my boy in my arms was some sort of magic, his skinny body pressed against mine, his arms wrapped around my chest. It is all I could dream of. One day we were kissing at my place and he asked: Are you ready? I did not have to think, Yes I said, I am. - So am I. His voice was loving and playful, giving himself to me, just like on that first day when we met.

- I want you to know that I am into making love, not fucking, I said,

- Yes, I know. he said - You told me so many times. And I love it. Make love to me.

I stood on my knees in front of him and looked up into his face. He was looking down at me and smiling.

- Our lovemaking is going to be a celebration, he said. - A feast.

- Yes - is all I could say.

He was still fully dressed. I put my hands on his buttocks and hugged him. My face pressed against his hardon in his jeans. The feeling of the boys cock, its hardness against your face was intoxicating. His hands were playing with my hair.

I took his hands and kissed them, slender beautiful fingers. He giggled. I kissed them again and then stood up and wrapped his slim body in my arms.

His body instantly relaxed and went almost limp. He said: I want to be your boy.

- I want to be your man, puppy. I want you to feel safe and secure with me, in my arms. I want you to know that there is a man who loves you, cares about you and wants to make love to you. And cares not just about your body.

My hands in his blond hair, kissing his lips, forehead, cheeks , eyes, chin, neck. His breathing has become heavier, his hands searching all over my back. Soon his body will become mine, and this is what he wants.

Every button reveals more and more of his smooth body. Hairless chest, perfectly shaped nipples, abs and finally he is standing shirtless in front of me. I have a fetish for smooth skin and he is perfect again. Only tiny treasure trail, the rest is completely smooth. He is excited and a little bit sweaty. I kiss his chest and take off my own shirt. -'Wow, he says, I love hairy mans chest.' Yes, my chest is hairy but not too much, just right for him to bury his face in. That is what he does.- Love it, he says.

On my knees in front of him again. The buckle is easy job. There is some magic in the act of pulling down boys jeans revealing his underwear. He is wearing Aussiebum Scorpion red briefs, a small stain of precum already there. I sniff it. He steps out of his jeans. Now he is almost naked. He is rubbing his bulge on my face.

- Like it? he asks.

- -Of course.

He giggles again. In one swift motion he pulls down his briefs and his cock jumps out proudly out of its confines. It is cut and beautiful, about 7 inches but looks bigger on his slim body. The tip almost hits my face. The balls are medium size and hang low in the sack. I know I ll enjoy rolling them in my mouth. The cock emanates heat and horniness.

-Take me, he says. -All of me, make me yours forever. I want to give all of myself to you, every part of me.

I hug his totally smooth buttocks again and kiss his cock. It jumps when my lips are touching it. Justin moans.

- I want you to do it again, he says.

I dutifully kiss his cock again then look up into his face and say: Wow. Is it all for me?

He laughs.

- Of course. All my body belongs to you now. My cock, my balls, wait you have not seen my hole yet.

I laugh too.

He is standing in front of me, totally naked and completely vulnerable, my beautiful boy ready for lovemaking.

- I know - he says - I know what you must do! Shave my pubes, it will be a symbol of me giving myself to you.

I only nod. Then I take him into my arms and carry into the bathroom, his hands wrapped around my neck. He kisses my neck.


SF Man


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