My Story From A Boy to a Man

The first time i saw a mans penis was when I was nine years old.  I was working with my uncle tearing down wallpaper with a steamer. When we finished my uncle said l'm going to the basement to take a shower, when I'm finished you can take your shower.  I waited about ten minutes and I went to the basement and when I walked in my uncle was drying off and I saw his huge cock.  I remember getting butterflies in my stomach.

My parents were very strict and my Mom was a devout catholic. There was no cussing or slang talk used in our home.  I had to get good grades or I would be punished.  My Dad didn't have an education and struggled to make ends meet.  At and early age I realized if I wanted money and material things I had to work.  I worked with my uncle who was a plumber on Saturdays and I had a paper route and also worked for my neighbors cutting grass and doing yard work.

When I was twelve my friend and I were working on a class project. He began talking to me about jerking off.  I can recall getting excited at his talking about cock and how to jerk off.

That night when I went to bed I started playing with my dick and couldn't believe how good it felt.  I was shocked when I had an orgasm and all the white stuff that came out.  I was so innocent.

From then on my dick became my new toy to play with.  I would play with it constantly two or three times a day   I can remember this so clearly.

Not long after my friend invited me to spend the night at his house. We were outside in the garage and he asked me if I wanted to jerk off with him.  We pulled our dicks out and started stroking.  He reached out and started playing with my dick and it felt good so I took his and did the same.  This became a regular routine with us.

We were now around fourteen or fifteen and we got caught smoking on school grounds.  We both received detention and we had to clean two storage rooms.  When we finished we went to the gym to take showers and we both had erections.  No one was around and my friend got on his knees and started giving me a blowjob.  I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  He got up and asked me to give him a blowjob which I did and I knew there and then that I loved cock.

When I was sixteen I worked on a project with another guy in biology. We became friends and I fell in love.  This guy was so hot.  I had my drivers license and a car so I offered to pick him up in the morning and take him home after school.  We became close and he invited me for a sleepover which really excited me because he had a double bed. That night as we laid in bed talking he started talking about sex and he really wanted to bang a girl.  He told me he was horny as hell and he reached over a grabbed my rock hard cock.  We jerked each other off and that was the extent of it.  He was definitely straight. He started dating one of the popular girls and we drifted apart.

I turned seventeen and I knew I was gay but I still dated girls for image purposes.  I knew that I had no interest in girls. I continued screwing around with different guys and it was jerking off and blowjobs.

As I approached eighteen I was horny and all I wanted was to suck cock and I became an expert.  I would go to the mall basket shopping and hook up with guys and go to the mens room and get a mouth full of cum.  At this time I lived around Boston so there was plenty of fresh meat to be had.

I graduated and went to college and boy there was plenty of cock there.  My roommate and I got it on and that was when I had my first anal experience.  I went crazy for man pussy and  couldn't get enough.

I graduated from college and came out to my parents.  My Mom went crazy and said she was taking me to see the priest at church because he could heal me. She said I was a sinner.  My Dad was totally disgusted with me and didn't talk to me for two years.  At this point in my life I started spiraling out of control.  I began drinking heavily, got a dui and started down the road to depression. My parents were no longer happy and I couldn't stand living in my house any longer.

At 23 I headed out and got my own apartment.  I sat down with my parents and told them if they couldn't accept me then they would not see me anymore.  They did mellow somewhat and my Dad began speaking to me, but our relationship was strained.

At twenty four I began my first relationship.  We didn't live together but we spent most weekends at my apartment.  It lasted about seven or eight months and then it started getting strained.  I was a total top and he was versatile and wanted to fuck me and I wanted no part of it.  It ended and we did end as friends.  It was at this time I realized that I wanted a committed relationship.

My next relationship was really exceptional. We both loved sports, loved the beach, and we traveled regularly.  We also loved to cook and eat healthy food.  We both took care of our bodies and worked out together.  After about a year and a half later things started to get stale and we began drifting apart.  It ended abruptly and I started to question myself.

For the next several years I just dated and played around.  Then at thirty four I met Tom, we were both runners and had entered a race. We instantly hit it off and became running buddies.  One thing led to another and we became intimate.  Tom was a power bottom and loved to get fucked and I loved giving it to him.  He would spend weekends at my apartment and we fucked like rabbits.  We fell deeply in love and after about a year he moved in with me.  I was so in love and worshipped the ground he walked on.  Tom always had a wandering eye and loved the sight of a hot man.  It didn't bother me because most gay men love looking at other men me included.  

He came home from work one day with another guy.  He privately asked me if we could have a three way.  I was shocked and asked him if I wasn't enough for him.  He said no, no its just variety and it spices things up.  I agreed and that night we had his three way.  I didn't like it and I didn't want to do it again.  Well, that didn't stop him he would bring guys home all the time.  We hardly had sex alone.  

One night he brought one of his toy boys home and we were in bed and he was really getting it on with this guy and they started kissing passionately.  I started getting sick to my stomach and got out of bed and went into the living room.  He didn't even ask where I was going. I sat in the living room and listened to there wild sex for about thirty minutes.  After the guy left he said he was sorry but it was what he enjoyed and that I was being ridiculous.  I said I wanted a monogamous relationship.  He said he would try but couldn't promise.

The cheating began and I caught him and that was the last straw.  My self esteem and my self worth were gone.  I could no longer trust anyone.  I got help and received counseling which helped but it didn't take away the pain or the lack of trust I had.

Its been a couple of years and I'm making baby steps but the trust issue I can't seem to shake.  Its a terrible feeling and I have so much love around me which keeps me sane. 

I know there are a lot of people that don't understand and say I should just move on but its not that easy for me.  I think part of my situation is that I love too deeply and give 100% of myself. and I don't get the same in return.  I guess I shouldn't put my expectations so high.

My parents came to terms with who I was and accepted me, but they never discussed any of my relationships and I could never bring a guy to their house. It was just the way they were and I held no bad feelings towards them.  I knew they loved me and it was enough for me I guess.  

My Mom died a year ago two days after Christmas and my Dad and I have become really close.  He cannot get over losing my Mom and is in poor health.  He is 71 and I take care of him as best I can.

I wrote this story because it is therapy for me not for pity.  I'm moving on slowly and I'm just waiting for the man of my dreams.