My Dad: Growing Up

Scheming?

My brother increasingly caught me jerking off, as did my dad.  My brother was curious enough to want me to suck him off, but I wasn't really interested, although I was somehow flattered.  My dad seemed to notice my interest in his boyfriend, but he seemed to think it was as cute as his boyfriend did.  So I just kept getting hornier and hornier.

I was losing more and more interest in girls, almost especially as more of them seemed to learn how well hung I was.  My guy friends wanted to do the things guy friends do, until it was clear how better endowed I was than them.  Increasingly I turned to black guy friends, who seemed more impressed than jealous of the size of my dick.  In retrospect I may well have done that because that was the easiest way to feel close to my dad's boyfriend.  Every once in a while we'd jerk off together.  I'd watch intently as we'd shoot, but I didn't seem all that interested in doing much more, although every once in a while guys would be guys.  Plus I continued to do well in the size area:  one guy was thicker than me, another two were just a bit longer.  Otherwise, I was the king.  Except when it came to my dad's boyfried.

My sexual attention went more and more to my dad's boyfriend.  I'd dream about him, almost every night.  The dreams seemed to be getting more and more intense.  I'd dedicate my athletic matches to him, which seemed to make me compete even better.  I even started praying to him at night.  I'd try so hard to be nonchalant as he came by to see my dad, but I'd go hard almost the second he gave me even the tiniest kiss, which I increasingly tried to make go even a second or two longer.  I even started missing his cheek on purpose and kiss his lips.  The first time I acted like it was a mistake.  Did he also know it wasn't?

Of course my dad noticed, and even talked to me a bit about it.  From his side though, it almost seemed to make him happy, since I guess he was still worried about where my loyalties might lie after his affair and all.  And he probably thought of his own growing up, so he even encouraged me to spend even more time with his boyfriend.  He even seemed to want to talk to me about being gay.  But I was convinced this had nothing to do with being gay.  I was just in love with this one guy.

My dad's decision to encourage me seemed to be the dumbest one I could imagine.  Did my dad really want me to compete with him?   Plus it almost tortured me.  I wanted more and more to be close to this man.  I begged him to let me call him dad, and he even agreed, even if he did tell me to tone it down a bit at first.  In my mind, I increasingly wished he really were my dad, for real. And he even joked once and threw out the idea that I better watch it, since he might actually become my dad.

Fuck.  Another restless night.

Who knows why he seemed to think that was cute?  I increasingly tried to see more and more of him.  If he were visiting and had to pee, I would find some excuse to need to interrupt him.  If he were using the shower, I would do everything I could to see whatever part of him I could see.  I would even try to interrupt him and dad in the bedroom... Failures would make me fantasize more; successes got to the point where I'd have to shoot three or more loads just in order to calm down.

I continued to throw as much energy as I could into other things:  sports, work, studies.  But even there I seemed to be dedicating almost everything to him.  And my dreams were increasingly almost ridiculous.  I even dreamt I was his girlfriend, and even imagined carrying his baby.

I had to do something.  So one evening I actually told him about that very dream.  I tried so hard to see what he thought, whether it affected him in some way, almost whether he had some advice to give me.  He smiled.  I asked if I could kiss him.  He let me.  And I at least imagined his dick was getting a bit hard.

Nothing calmed me down.  My brother gave me more and more grief, especially as he seemed to guess what I seemed to be in heat about.  And my dad still encouraged me to be close to him.

And then my dad and him decided to get married.

My dad was excited about the future.  I tried to hide mine.  Can you imagine having him around all the time?  I was afraid I was going to wear myself out jerking off the day I learned that.  I slipped and called my dad Michael.  He eyed me a bit funny, but he was cool with it.  He even threw out the idea of my getting adopted.  And then he laughed about his "incestuous son".  

Damn.  You know I wasn't laughing about it...