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The Balm of Love

The morning after I had been sacrificed to the god of sex on the stone alter in the garden I woke surprisingly bright and early. I was used to starting work in the early hours and I didn’t usually waste my day in bed even when I had the opportunity, but given the amount of energy both physical and mental we had used during our marathon fuck I had expected that I would sleep well into the morning. Dad lay next to me quietly snoring. He looked so peaceful and I thought again how beautiful he was. The air blowing in through the windows was cool and fresh and it prompted me to get up. I grabbed a pair of underpants not noticing that they were skimpy and showed more than they probably should and headed out into the garden to inspect the place where I had fully given myself to Dad for the first time. Or at least I thought I had.

The stone was one of three placed strategically in between the flower beds and when I looked properly and closely at each of them I could see that they all had fixing points for restraints and all had a hidden box that contained straps, ropes and other BDSM equipment. Apart from all holding similar straps the contents varied from whips and paddles to dildos, butt plugs, nipple clamps and several objects I couldn’t quite fathom a use for. The stone we had used the previous night was the only one laying down. It was jet black and highly polished although this morning it still showed evidence of the activity that had taken place on it a few hours previously. It stood approximately three foot tall at one end and rose to about four at the other. The top was also wider at the higher end by a good six to eight inches, which explained why I had been so comfortable and well supported as my ass had been vigorously ploughed. I couldn’t help smiling as I remembered the thorough fucking I had received and my dick thickened as I ran my hand across the smooth cum streaked top of the black stone.

The second stone stood upright and was a good seven feet tall. It was four sided and resembled the Egyptian stele I had seen in my history books at school. The fixings for this one were close to the top of each side and I worked out that it would be possible to secure up to four men at once with their arms tied above their heads. Alternatively one man could be bound to it facing the smooth surface with his hands tethered on the opposite side, stretching his arms around and up. I felt a chill of interest run down my back and my cock plumped up a little more. ‘You like the thought of that one I see,’ Dad had come outside to find me. Unlike me he wore no clothes at all and I was treated to the sight of his full naked splendour as he walked across the lawn to stand behind me. He wrapped his arms round me and kissed the side of my neck. ‘Morning sexy. Everything okay today?’

I twisted my head and shoulders round so that I could return his kiss. ‘Mmm, yes thanks. Bums a bit sore but other than that I’m fine.’

‘And how do you feel about what we did. Are you comfortable with it?’ I could hear the concern in his voice and it was evident that he was checking that more than my body was alright after our intense love making. I turned in his arms and stood face to face with him putting my arms over his shoulders and round his neck. I drew his head down for a long and tender kiss.

‘You really care don’t you? We’ve known each other for what, two days and here you are looking after and protecting me as though we’ve been together for a lifetime.’ I kissed him again. ‘I feel happier than I have in a very long time. I also feel safe when you’re around and that’s not something I’m used to. I have always had to look out for myself.’ I moved my arms to circle his chest and I lay my head on it. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by his show of affection and concern. ‘I can’t say it yet Dad, please don’t ask me to.’

‘But you feel it don’t you?’ He held me tighter to physically emphasise the emotion coursing through both of us.

‘Yes,’ I mumbled. Then again with more confidence, ‘yes I do, and it scares me.’

‘Scares you? Why? Love shouldn’t be frightening. ’

‘Well it frightens me okay? Oh I don’t know.’ I pushed against his chest and freed myself from his embrace. ‘I always fuck things up Andy.’ My anger was taking over. ‘I’ve been on my own all my life. I trusted no one with who I am. With what I am. Then you come along and everything gets turned upside down.’ The volume and pitch of my voice rose as I became more anxious and agitated. ‘I can’t tell you how much I want you because I can’t…….fuck, fuck, fuck. No ….don’t.’ Andy had moved to take me back into his arms. ‘What if you do what he did? What he does?’ I turned away from him and spoke to the stone, afraid to see his face. ‘Every fucking time I let him back in he shits on me. Every time I think I should let the past die and move on he says or does something that takes my legs from under me. I hate the old cunt, but he’s my dad and I should love him.’ I had no control of myself now. The emotions I had kept bottled inside were erupting and poor Andy was taking the brunt. ‘How can I know you won’t do the same? I mean I know you won’t, or at least I think you won’t, but what if you do? What if I let you right in? How do I protect myself then?’ I had turned back to face him but couldn’t look up into his eyes. I was afraid I had said too much and that our burgeoning friendship had just been blown out of the water by my childish tantrum. ‘I’m a fucking mess.’ I sank to my knees and sobbed.

Incredibly, unbelievably, I felt him kneel next to me and take me in his strong, comforting but above all reassuring arms. I understand now that I was testing him to see if I could trust him. Unfortunately back then my mind was so screwed up by the crap from my past that I wasn’t able to rationalise my emotions. I carried so much hurt and anger that when it escaped, boy did it escape. In my twisted, confused way I had just thrown him a challenge. His reaction would determine if we could have any sort of relationship. His response in that minute, the feel of his arms as he pulled me close, his smell and touch was all the reassurance I needed. My sobs ebbed as quickly as they had begun. ‘I’m so, so sorry Andy.’ He held me till I was ready to face him and when I did I saw a calm, smiling, beautiful man who hadn’t even flinched under the onslaught I had thrown at him.

‘I wonder what people would think if they saw us now? Two fully grown naked men sitting in the middle of a lawn, one of them sobbing his heart out the other trying to comfort him while at the same time attempting to hide his raging hard-on.’ I looked down at his crotch and sure enough his cock was massively hard. I started to laugh. He followed my lead, and before long we were laying on our backs holding hands trying to control ourselves. ‘I think I should take you indoors and feed you.’

‘I think you should take me indoors and fuck me first.’ It was suddenly very important to me that he restate his claim on me by filling me with his hot seed.  

He took me by the hand and led me back in to the house. We went straight to the bedroom and he lay me in the centre of the bed on my back. He produced a bottle of lube from the bedside cabinet, knelt between my legs and put a thick pillow under my bum. Everything was done with calm and precision and the look of love and reassurance he had shown me in the garden never left his face. I felt the spray of lube on my fuck hole and watched as he applied some to his beautiful hard dick. He paused. ‘Ask me son. Tell me what you want from me.’ I clearly remember that at that moment it felt like a big tight knot inside me broke and left me feeling freer somehow. The love in my new Dad’s eyes was wonderful to see and I realised that I had never seen anyone look at me like that before. The contrast with my old dad was so marked I chose there and then to never go back.

‘Make love to me Daddy. Make me your special boy.’

The sex we had that morning was beautiful. Dad was slow and gentle taking me to heights of desire and passion I thought you only read about in books. He entered me slowly and whilst I wasn’t watching the clock it seemed like long lazy incredible minutes that took forever as I felt inch after glorious inch slide lovingly into my welcoming gut. There was no discomfort, no pain as he pushed through my inner sphincter. I felt his balls nestle against my bum and a contented sigh left my lips. Dad leaned forward and once again took me in his protective arms. My legs wrapped round his waist and as we rocked gently back and forward we kissed with a gentle tenderness. ‘Is this what you wanted son? Is this what you need from your Dad?’

I know it sounds ridiculous but I found myself crying as I answered. They were not sad tears this time they were tears resulting from the love I could feel quite literally boring into me. ‘Yes please Dad. I need you to love me. I need to be loved.’

‘I can do that son. I can love my best boy. Loving you will be a pleasure son. You just relax and let me show you.’ Dad proceeded to take total control of our love making. As instructed I lay back, relaxed and watched as he paid attention to every part of me he could reach either with his lips and tongue or his hands and fingers. He gradually stroked, pinched, kissed, licked and stimulated me until I was no longer aware of anything but the pleasure he was giving. My skin became super sensitive and he merely had to brush against nipple or run his tongue along my armpit for me to arch my back and drive my increasingly demanding cunt onto his steadily pumping cock all the while begging him to fuck me harder and faster. His timing was impeccable and he increased the force with which he was skewering me along with his pace as my cock began producing copious amounts of precum. I scooped it up from out of my navel and held my spunk covered fingers to his mouth. He groaned and sucked them in licking all my juice off and swallowing it with relish. ‘More, give me more of you.’

This time I collected as much as I could and sucked it into my own mouth then held my arms out to invite him in for a cum filled kiss. He fell forward and mashed his lips to mine. We passed my spunk mixed with saliva back and forth as our tongues fought a playful duel. All the while, his big fuck rod was pistoning in and out of my open cunt with increasing speed and ferocity. My cock was crushed between our grinding stomachs and I could feel my climax fast approaching. ‘I gonna cum Dad. Can’t stop it.’

‘That’s okay son. Cum with me. Cum with your Daddy.’ I pulled his head down and we kissed and sucked as though our lives depended on it as I shot my load between us. Dad, with one last ferocious thrust, smashed into the deepest recesses of my spasming love tunnel and let loose his hot, seed filled juice. The cords on his neck stood stark and proud as his orgasm wracked his body. ‘I love my boy,’ was shouted for the world to hear as he bred me and made me his. We slowly came back to earth as we bucked and shuddered against each other. Dad kissed each of my eyes, my nose, my chin, my soft pliant lips. I so wanted to say what he wanted to hear but the fear of rejection held me back. He must have seen the conflicting emotions I was feeling on my face and in my eyes. ‘It’s alright son. When you’re ready.’ He kissed me tenderly again, ‘when you’re ready.’

* * *

It’s strange how fate plays it’s hand sometimes. My difficult childhood was probably the furthest thing from my mind the afternoon I had been speeding down the M11 in my new car. Being stopped by a hot looking policeman and the thought of losing my licence had been a nightmare and allowing the said policeman to use my arse as a way to avoid prosecution had been a means to an end. I was now joined to that beautiful policeman body and soul. I had told him things about myself that had lain locked away for too long. His love and understanding was a balm to my troubled mind. The ‘Dad’ thing had been another unexpected development, a good one as it turned out, and the resulting change in my behaviour was noticed by many people. I was aware that I was calmer, less volatile and as the weeks passed more and more accepting of who and what I was. Being gay had always been a fight for me, a struggle against the world. At school I had been bullied, beaten up and ostracised because I was different. At home I had been mentally and physically beaten and abused by the man I was supposed to use as a role model, a man who should have been my shield and protector was instead my greatest tormenter. To turn around one day and find myself being loved by a strong, caring, sensitive and trust worthy father figure who wanted to protect and shield me was akin to the earth’s tectonic plates shifting and reshaping the continents. It took time but as my self confidence grew so my real personality began to shine. I reached a point where I was no longer ashamed of myself. I started to accept that I was actually quite good at a lot of things and more than competent in many others. I found friends where I thought there had been merely acquaintances. People liked the real me and if someone was offended by my sexuality then fuck ‘em. Who needs bigots anyway?

That Andy became Dad was a natural progression. At first I had been uncomfortable with the idea and had gone along with it as a sort of role-play. But once I had begun to open my heart to him I found I actually wanted to subjugate myself to him, and the more pain and upset he helped me face the more I came to rely on his advice and support. Soon we were almost inseparable as our commitment to each other grew stronger and more and more permanent.

When the lease on my flat in London was due for renewal I decided to talk to Dad about it. He was in the kitchen making dinner. ‘Need a hand with anything dad?’ I loved calling him that when we were alone and I knew he got off on it too.

‘You can prepare the greens if you like…..you do them so much better than me.’ A smile lit up his face. He knew me too well. ‘Want to talk about something?’ I looked at him questioningly, ‘Phil, the only time you offer to help me in the kitchen is when something’s on your mind.’

‘Really? I’m that obvious?’

‘Yeah….pretty much. Come on, out with it.’

‘You know my lease expires at the end of the month?’ He nodded and sort of grunted in acknowledgement of the fact. ‘I was wondering whether or not I should renew it.’ Dad put down the knife he was using, came over to me and hugged me from behind.

‘And why wouldn’t you renew it? Are you thinking of going somewhere son?’ He kissed the back of my head.

‘Well that sort of depends on you.’

‘Why’s that?’ He was playing hard to get. He knew exactly what I wanted from him but was going to make me ask. It was the way he controlled me. Control in a nice way, there was nothing sinister or underhand in his actions, it was just how he let me know he was helping me and how he was developing my trust in him.

‘I was hoping….no, wondering. Well, no, actually I was really hoping you’d think about letting me move in here. I mean you’ve got lots of spare rooms and I’d be out all day and of course I’d pay rent…..’

‘Oh you would, would you? And why would I want you to live here with me? What could I possibly gain by letting you permanently share my bed? Apart of course from an endless supply of farts and snores and dibbled on pillows and…’

‘Okay, okay I get it. It was just a thought.’ I knew I had him, we just needed to play the game to it’s conclusion.

‘How much wardrobe space do you think you’ll need?’

I moved in the following month the small amount of furniture I had being swallowed by the big house. At first it was strange but comforting seeing my things scattered through the rooms we used and I couldn’t help but get a buzz every time dad used one of my gadgets or utensils in the kitchen instead of his own stuff. That I settled in quickly with little fuss was due in part to the amount of time I had been spending there It was a familiar space that had good memories for me. The main reason however, was my new Dad. He was attentive and encouraging. Sexy, gorgeous and the best lover I had ever had.  He also gave me space to live my own life away from him to allow me to develop and grow. He surprised me one evening when he brought up the subject of John, the farm worker I had met the first weekend I had spent there.

‘He’s reluctant to come up to the house now you’ve moved in and I need your help with him.’ I put down the book I was reading and gave Dad my full attention. ‘You know he’s one of my lads don’t you? He’s never been as close to me as you are, no one has, but he is still important to me.’ It was clear that Dad was upset, although I’d learned enough about him in the few months we’d been together to know he wouldn’t admit it. Why is it that people who are great at helping others are crap at asking for help when they need it themselves?

‘Why does my being here stop him coming?’ I felt I had to be careful, this was the first time Dad had spoken to me about anything that was bothering him. ‘Do you think he might be embarrassed?’

‘I don’t  know, maybe.’ He sat down heavily on the sofa opposite. ‘I’ve a horrible feeling he might be jealous.’ I was absolutely convinced that was the problem and I was the cause. Dad spent all of his spare time with me. John hadn’t had quality time with him since I’d arrived on the scene.  

‘I only see him occasionally Dad and he always seems polite and amiable. I like him. Maybe you should invite him for dinner. Start to include him a bit more?’ My suggestion was tentative and I internally sighed with relief at Dad’s reaction to it.

‘Yes, that’s a bloody good idea.’ He was becoming more animated. ‘It would be even better if you asked him.’

‘What? Why me? He’s your boy.’ As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I’d fallen into his trap.

‘And that’s why he won’t come if I ask him. You are as bad as each other.’ He came and sat next to me. ‘Admit it Phil, you’re as jealous of him as he is of you. Neither of you want to share me.’ He was right of course but I wasn’t about to admit it.

‘Jealous? Me? Now you’re being ridiculous.’

‘Prove it.’ He was laughing at me. ‘Prove you can share me with him.’

‘Okay. I will. Watch this space.’ He kissed my forehead.

‘Good lad.’ Standing up he took my arm and pulled me to my feet. ‘He’s in the stables seeing to the new horse.’ I was being pushed to the door. ‘No time like the present.’

To be continued..