Characters:
- Bernard, 45, dynamic executive, suit and tie, authoritative voice that gradually cracks.
- Léo, 19, quasi-hippie look: long hair, tie-dye t-shirt, baggy pants, nonchalant and ironic.
- Max, 20, quasi-skinhead look: shaved head, bomber jacket, tight jeans, boots, increasingly sadistic and gleeful.
- Dr. Zigzag, eccentric psychologist, 50-60, oversized white coat, crooked glasses, theatrical and manic gestures.
Set: Kitsch consultation room. Large desk, three chairs, a couch, a board with buttock footprints. Door at the back.
Lighting: Bright white at the start, turning red when the kicks land. Duration: ~12-15 minutes.
Dr. Zigzag is sitting at his desk, playing with a big foam foot. Bernard enters, flanked by his two sons who are dragging their feet.
Bernard (energetically shaking the doctor's hand): Doctor, I'm desperate! These are my two strapping lads: Léo and Max. 19 and 20 years old, recently adults, and they still haven't got their high school diploma! They spend their days in bed, I have to bring them breakfast like princes, and in the evening it's video games or… God knows what kind of videos on the internet!
Léo (yawning, slumped in his chair): Pfff, Dad's exaggerating…
Max (arms crossed): Yeah, we're not machines either.
Dr. Zigzag (jumping up, very excited): Gentlemen! You're in the right place! Traditional therapy is a failure. I have a revolutionary treatment: Kick Therapy! Well-placed kicks in the ass to put everyone back on the right track. But careful! I need the express and unanimous consent of all three. Total commitment, no restrictions!
Bernard (without hesitation): Perfect! I commit for all three of us. We're finally going to sort this out.
Max: Hey! We're adults, we can refuse!
Léo: Yeah, we're not signing anything.
Bernard (already pulling out his pen, authoritative): Yes, yes, we all commit! Yes, we accept the therapy. Yes, we'll do everything the doctor prescribes. Yes, no exceptions! (He signs loudly.) There! It's settled.
Dr. Zigzag (delighted, clapping): Excellent! Let's begin. Mr. Bernard, present your grievances.
Bernard (standing, pacing): They do nothing! No diploma, no job, nothing!
Léo (smirking): Wait Dad… weren't you the one who told us for years “You don't need a diploma to succeed in life, look at Steve Jobs”?
Bernard (taken aback): Uh… yes, but that was to motivate you!
Max: And breakfast in bed? You're the one who brings it every morning saying “My little princes need their strength”!
Bernard: But… I was trying to be a good father!
Dr. Zigzag (slamming his desk): Guilty! Bernard, you created this situation. Gentlemen, first kick to make him realize it!
Léo and Max glance at each other, slightly embarrassed. Bernard removes his jacket under the pretext of “better mobility.” He bends over slightly, hands on his knees.
Bernard (protesting before the kick): This is ridiculous! Doctor, you're not seriously going to have my own sons kick me in the ass?!
Dr. Zigzag (reassuring, with a grand theatrical gesture): Don't worry, it's symbolic so everything is fair and balanced: their turn will come later! Go ahead, gentlemen!
Léo (timidly): Uh… like this? He gives a tiny kick, almost a caress on his father's buttocks.
Bernard: Ouch… well, almost nothing.
Max (a bit harder, but still restrained, with a small emerging smirk): And this? A slightly firmer kick. Bernard jumps.
Bernard (rubbing his ass, already a little red): Ow! That stings! Boys, stop right now, this is humiliating!
Dr. Zigzag: Good, but we're going to ramp it up. Next grievance!
Bernard (blushing): And all those dodgy videos they watch!
Max (big carnivorous grin, growing more sadistic): Oh really? What about your own browsing history, Dad? We checked… we weren't disappointed! Guys in leather, harnesses, BDSM sessions where you get dominated… “Yes Master, harder Master!” Not exactly motivational videos for the diploma, huh?
Léo (laughing, imitating the voice): “Oh yes, punish me, I'm a naughty senior executive!” We've seen everything, Dad. Even the “mature submissive” playlist!
Bernard (panicking, stuttering, trying to defend himself comically): That's… that's private! It was just… to relax after work! And it's fiction, okay! It doesn't mean anything! You have no right to go through my computer!
Max (openly jubilant now): Oh yes we do! And honestly Dad, you're way more obedient in your videos than in real life. It's given me some ideas…
Bernard (suddenly getting worked up, trying to regain control): And because of you, your mother left! You showed her my videos! You spilled everything, you traitors! She packed her bags the same evening!
Léo (bursting out laughing): Oh yeah? And who left his computer open with the password “submissiveBernard123” written on a Post-it?!
Max (sadistic and laughing): We just did her a favor, Dad. She deserved to know why you always came home “tired” from the office. Honestly, she took it better than you! She even said she understands your “late meetings” better now…
Bernard (completely humiliated, bright red): Shut up! This is… total shame!
Dr. Zigzag (miming big kicks in the air while speaking): Guilty to the highest degree! Remove that tie you are no longer worthy of wearing!
Bernard, humiliated, removes his tie. Dr. Zigzag grabs it and dramatically hands it to Max, who puts it around his own neck like a trophy, proudly.
Dr. Zigzag (still miming kicks): This time, a real kick with momentum, gentlemen!
Max takes a run-up, boot forward, clearly excited. Max (with obvious pleasure): This one's for all the times you bored us with your speeches! Loud resounding kick. Bernard stumbles forward with a loud squeal.
Bernard (comically yelling, jumping on the spot while holding his ass): AÏÏÏE! Jesus Christ, that burns! Max, my boy, you really put your heart into it! I think you're enjoying this a bit too much!
Léo (getting into it, encouraged by Max): And this one's for the breakfast in bed!
Max suddenly pulls out his phone.
Max (hilarious and sadistic): Wait Léo, I'm filming this! This is gonna go viral on Insta!
Léo delivers the powerful second kick. Bernard lets out a high-pitched cry and rubs his ass while spinning like a top.
Bernard (theatrically moaning): Ow ow ow! My poor ass! I can already feel the bruises lasting until retirement!
Max (laughing openly, sadistic): See how nicely that smacks? I love this! Come on Dad, arch your back better, we're gonna set you straight!
Dr. Zigzag (still miming kicks): Not yet! Final point: you let them rot at home while you work.
Max & Léo (in unison): Because Mr. Executive is too busy watching fetish porn at the office!
Dr. Zigzag (miming a massive kick): Guilty to the ultimate degree! And the pants — we don't want to dirty them with the kicks!
Bernard removes his pants (he is now in shirt and underwear). The two sons take a run-up together.
Max (with a big sadistic smile): For all the years you ruined our lives with your contradictions! Léo: And for your submissive videos!
Double synchronized kick. Bernard lets out a long theatrical groan, falls to his knees, then almost rolls on the floor clutching his ass with both hands.
Bernard (on the floor, voice broken and comical): Mercy! My ass is going to look like two ripe tomatoes! I surrender! I submit! I'll do whatever you want, but stop kicking me like a penalty shot!
Dr. Zigzag (triumphant, miming one last kick): Here is the prescription: every morning and every evening, the boys will give you a solid kick. They will personally cut off your internet access on all your devices and confiscate your phone so you are no longer contaminated. You may go to work (someone has to bring in the money), but they will keep a close eye on you the rest of the time.
Dr. Zigzag: No more “buts”! Let's go!
Léo ties Bernard’s tie around his neck like a leash. Max opens the door.
Bernard (finally protesting, still on his knees, panicked and ridiculous): But… in my underwear? In front of everyone? With a leash? Doctor, you're going too far!
Léo (pulling the leash, laughing): Come on Daddy-dog, we're going home!
Max (giving a final little kick to make him move, with obvious pleasure): And tonight, first official session! I can't wait, Dad… you're gonna see how well I aim now!
Bernard gets up with difficulty and starts walking on all fours toward the exit. Once near the door, he hesitates, trying to hide his underwear with his hands, sucking in his belly and walking like a duck, mortified.
Max (mocking loudly): Look at that walk! He looks like an old lady going to the beach in a one-piece! Come on Dad, go out in the street like that, the whole neighborhood is gonna love it!
Bernard, in his underwear, walks on all fours toward the exit, moaning and rubbing his ass, while Dr. Zigzag bursts out laughing and waves his foam foot.
Dr. Zigzag (to the audience): Family… only a kick in the ass really works!
Curtain.
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