Joy of Exhibitionism

For whatever reason I have been an exhibitionist for as long as I can remember, it didn't manifest itself as being a gay thing until I was about 35 years old. Growing up in NYC we used to go to a beach where there was a shower facility and locker room. Most guys showered with bathing suits on but I enjoyed the admiring glances I got from older men when I hung my suit on the towel hooks. It didn't occur to me that I might have been gay or bisexual at that time.

I married at 24 and a couple of years after while on a trip to LA I got very drunk while enjoying conversation with my seatmate. I came out of a blackout in a hotel room with him sucking my dick and trying to roll me over for some anal activity. This was my first actual gay sex encounter and I panicked and asked him to leave. I was not to have another same sex experience for about ten years.

Some time later I worked with Todd who was an out gay man who, at that time, was constantly ribbed and laughed at for his effeminate ways. By this time I had ceased drinking and he asked me for help with his alcohol problem, I was active in a twelve step program at the time. One night when my family was away at the beach we ended up at my house and while he sat on the couch I went into the next room, removed my clothes and basically attacked him. That night was the first time I had oral sex with a man and I can't say I was my best effort. Subsequent meetings with Todd allowed me to get to the point where, if I do say so, I became expert at sucking. Very sadly Todd became HIV positive and committed suicide.

It was shortly after that I started my bath house experiences. The desire which at times was always strong became overwhelming when I forsook sobriety and began using cocaine. I began my trips to a place called Man's Country in Manhattan. While most attendees wore towels I always enjoyed being totally naked. I also wore a cock ring that brought more attention to my below average size dick. It was there that I began having sex in the public areas of the facility. Some time I'd have sex with five or more guys in a night, anal had no appeal to me as this was at the height of the HIV epidemic. Every now and then I'd don a garter belt, stockings and other female garb when it was allowed. It was also at this time that my wife and I began going to Plato's Retreat, a Manhattan hetero sex club. While it was a swingers place we never swapped but just enjoyed having sex in public. We divorced soon after.

Around 1990 I moved to California and began visiting nude beaches until I discovered a Berkeley bath house called SteamWorks. I no longer used drugs and returned to my sober ways but never lost the intense desire to be a submissive cocksucker. After some time I discovered the Water Garden in San Jose. It is a day gay resort with a hot tub, pool, steam room and play room. My favorite place is the play room, here you can have sex and do it with an audience. I always put on a good show. As an aside I might add that I only find circumsized  attractive. Another oddity is I never swallowed but more about that later. Another place I regularly go is CCBC gay resort in Cathedral City a short distance from Palm Springs. They have nice rooms, a large pool and several areas where you can hook up and enjoy anonymous, casual sex. It's a great place for an exhibitionist and once this pandemic is over I'll be on my way.

More recently I spent countless hours scouring Craigs List for a suitable outlet for my desires. I enjoyed sending nude photos of myself to prospective partners, always hiding my face, but everything fell through until I found an ad for a masseur who when I e-mailed assured me he would massage me while naked. I jumped at the chance not knowing what to expect. He was younger than me, slender and good looking. As we undressed my heart began to race when I glimpsed him naked, he had a lovely body and an absolutely gorgeous dick. I got on the table and the first thing he said as he started was "touching is allowed". I waited a discreet minute or two before I touched his dick and within a minute I was off the table, on my knees with a mouthful of cock. Robby became my regular guy with me seeing him every two weeks or so, it was, of course a business transaction yet it was always kind of  sweet with kissing fondling and dirty talk. I now have to satisfy myself with thinking of how I loved to watch him undress and how he'd sit down and I'd position myself between his legs, tease his with kisses and licks around his balls and finally put his beautiful dick in my mouth. Robby's preference was for slow and easy as is mine. It was pure erotic joy when I finally got to the point where I swallowed his load  What could be better for a submissive cocksucker than swallowing a big load of warm salty cum?

So here I am at home Jerking off and wondering if I will ever get to suck another cock.