“I can’t sleep.”
The message didn’t exactly invite a reply, so it took me a while to figure out what to send back. I was terrified of making things worse with him again.
Our first time together had already turned into a complete mess, and we still hadn’t really talked about it. I could still see that look on his face: sad, startled, almost disappointed. The same look that had haunted me since last night. The one that had followed me all through the day until Julien had briefly managed to wash it away in the warm water at the spa.
I wanted to see Adrien smile again.
I wanted to stop replaying that expression in my head. So I went for the safest approach I could think of:
“Same here. Sorry about earlier.”
Adrien answered much faster than I had:
“Why?”
“Because the whole roommate council thing was stupid in the end. I should’ve talked to you before bringing it up.”
I set my phone down on my chest for a second, waiting anxiously for his answer, but at least a little relieved that I’d apologized.
Then I grabbed it again:
“And sorry about yesterday too. I didn’t want things to go like that.”
Adrien started typing. The three little dots appeared… then suddenly vanished.
“I hope you’re not mad at me.” I kept going.
The silence that followed lasted way too long for my already fragile mental state. I stared at the screen, barely breathing.
I was already preparing myself for the possibility that I’d never get to hold him again the way I had before.
Never share those quiet moments where he opened up to me.
Never feel him relax against me again.
Part of me was already convincing itself that all of it had only been temporary for him. A detour.
Then finally:
“Come here.”
His room smelled stale.
I noticed it the moment I stepped inside after he told me the door was unlocked. It was a mix of body heat, sweat, and something sharper underneath it, almost herbal. The room itself was nearly pitch black except for the cold blue glow of his phone lighting up his dark curls.
I stepped inside and quietly shut the door behind me. Part of me didn’t want the others hearing anything.
What would they think?
We’d literally just agreed on new rules, and Julien had already spent half the day messing around with me. Technically, I probably shouldn’t have been in Adrien’s room for anything except emotional support.
And honestly, part of me believed that was exactly what he needed right now.
Another, much more anxious part of me was convinced we were about to settle everything between us once and for all—and that nothing would ever feel the same afterward.
“You still not hungry?” I asked, trying to break the suffocating silence. “I didn’t eat either.”
“No. Not really in the mood.” He shifted slightly and lit up the empty spot beside him on the bed with his screen. “Come here.”
Seeing me hesitate, he tapped the pillow next to him.
He still had on the same t-shirt and boxer briefs from earlier. He wasn’t under the blanket.
God.
“You sure this is a good idea?” I asked quietly.
“If I’m asking you.”
I sat carefully on the edge of the bed, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark. The closer I got, the more his scent filled the air around me. Beneath the stale smell in the room, there was something else too—something wrong. Heavy.
“You can sit closer if you want.”
I obeyed, leaning back against the wall beside him until our shoulders touched.
We stayed silent for a moment. I was almost afraid to move. Afraid that even shifting an inch the wrong way would make everything collapse again. So I let him decide what happened next.
He made the first move.
Adrien turned toward me and curled against my chest.
There was no awkward “big spoon, little spoon” setup this time. This giant guy (easily a head taller than me) pressed himself against me with his face turned away toward the bedroom door while one arm wrapped around my waist.
The warmth and weight of him immediately made my chest tighten.
“Sorry.”
This time it came from him.
I stayed quiet, letting him continue.
“I ran away earlier. Same as yesterday.” His voice shook faintly. “I’m Sorry Steph.”
One of my arms slipped around him automatically. We were holding each other again, but there was something sad tying us together this time.
“It’s my fault, I should’ve...”
“No.”
Adrien cut me off immediately. There was frustration in his voice now.
“I know what you’re about to say. And I’m tired of letting you take all the blame for everything.” He swallowed hard. “Don’t try to justify it. I just want…”
He stopped.
His body trembled suddenly.
In my arms, this twenty-six-year-old man was shaking.
“Hey. You okay?”
I tightened my hold around his side instinctively, trying to steady him.
“Ah...” he groaned through clenched teeth, like he was in pain. “Fuck.”
Then he pulled away abruptly and fell back onto the mattress beside me, breathing hard.
I stared at him.
He looked pale. Exhausted. Sick, almost.
What the hell is happening to you?
“You need something? Adrien? Tell me.”
I grabbed his arm gently, trying to get him to answer me.
“Please tell me what’s going on. You can be angry, disappointed, whatever… but right now I’m seriously worried about you.”
He let his head drop heavily onto the pillow and closed his eyes, before his right hand got into his hair, massaging his head.
“Shit…”
I leaned closer.
And then I smelled it.
The same smell from the last time I’d kissed him in this room. The same faint taste. The same evasive look in his eyes.
Adrien wanted me close.
But he didn’t want me to understand how bad things really were.
Or what he was doing to himself.
I sat up straighter and turned on my phone flashlight.
“What… what are you doing?”
I ignored the question and started scanning the room. The desk. The shelves. The floor.
“What are you looking for?”
Still nothing from me. I was too focused.
But I couldn’t find anything.
Where did you hide it, idiot?
I turned back toward him, angling the flashlight away from his eyes while still lighting part of his face.
“Adrien. Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“What?” His tone sharpened instantly. Defensive. “What are you implying?”
“I can smell it on you again.” I leaned closer near his mouth. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I swear, it’s not what you think.”
I sighed.
Great. Now he was lying to me too.
And he still wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Fine,” I muttered, making sure he heard the disappointment in my voice. “But you need to talk to someone.”
I leaned back against the wall, staring up into the darkness above us.
“At least drink some water,” I added. “You haven’t eaten anything.”
He let out another breath that almost sounded like a laugh:
“Let me do what I want. I’m a grown man, Steph.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.”
That finally earned a weak little laugh from him.
“You’re not going to bed like this. I’m getting you a glass of wa—”
His hand caught my wrist before I could move.
“Wait.”
His voice came out softer this time.
“Don’t leave.”
He was looking straight at me now. Even in the dark I could see something bright and raw in his eyes, like a sudden flash of honesty breaking through everything else.
“Can we just… cuddle for a while?” he asked quietly. “Like before.”
I swallowed hard.
“I…”
“I’ll drink later. I just…” He looked exhausted. “I just want to be with you for a bit. No overthinking. No drama.”
Easy for him to say. I practically had a PhD in overthinking!
Still… if he really needed me here…
At least this way I could keep an eye on him.
So I lay back down beside him again, mentally prepared to jump into emergency mode if things got worse.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “But we are going to talk about this. Seriously.”
Adrien moved closer immediately, lying on his side beside me.
“Anything you want.”
I let out a long sigh.
This guy was seriously not going to make my life easy.
“Big spoon or little spoon?” I asked softly.
Adrien didn’t hesitate.
“You can be the little spoon. I feel like holding someone.”
Someone.
If he’d said you, maybe it would’ve felt more intimate somehow. More personal. But I was probably overthinking it. Adrien clearly just needed someone close tonight.
So I let him pull me against him, my back to his chest. His arm wrapped around my waist naturally, warm and heavy, grounding me almost instantly.
“Thanks, Steph.”
His breath brushed against my ear, sending a shiver through me.
“One hour,” I warned quietly. “I’ve got an early day tomorrow.”
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
He held me a little tighter after that, and slowly, little by little, the tension in the room began to soften.
“When are we actually going to talk?” I asked after a while. “Tomorrow night?”
“I… don’t know about tomorrow,” he murmured. “Big day at the lab.”
His fingers absently brushed against my chest.
“Saturday?”
I sighed internally.
Of course. My roommates were apparently determined to schedule my emotional breakdowns in advance now.
“But Saturday there’s Greg’s match. And Julien’s concert that night.”
Adrien swallowed near my ear before letting out a tired groan.
“Right. Fuck. That’s true.”
A short nervous laugh escaped him.
“You’re going to the concert then?”
“Of course,” I answered. “At least to support Julien.”
Something about that answer made him tense behind me.
“God, what an idiot…” he muttered under his breath.
Was he talking about Julien?
Or himself?
“Why don’t you come?” I asked carefully.
“Hey,” he replied immediately, “I thought we agreed not to overthink things tonight.”
Fair point.
We fell quiet again.
“Saturday morning?” he finally offered.
Even now, despite everything.
I hesitated for a moment. Waiting another full day to understand what was going on with him felt unbearable.
But eventually I nodded.
“Saturday morning.”
The rest of the night was calmer.
Adrien slowly seemed to settle again, both physically and mentally. It didn’t even take the full hour before he drifted off against me, making it surprisingly difficult for me to escape the bed afterward.
The guy was huge.
When I finally managed to slip out of his arms, he only murmured a sleepy “Goodnight” before sinking back under.
I stood there for a second in the dark, watching him breathe.
Then I quietly grabbed a glass of water and left it on his bedside table before heading back to my own room.
By the time I collapsed into bed, my head was overflowing with thoughts.
Tomorrow.
Focus on tomorrow.
I had classes. Responsibilities. A life outside this apartment.
And yet all I could think about was the weekend ahead.
Greg’s match. Julien’s concert. And somewhere in the middle of all that, a conversation with Adrien that felt increasingly unavoidable.
Not to mention Sunday with my family.
That thought alone nearly made me laugh into my pillow.
“Hey Mom, hey Dad. By the way, I became my roommates’ cumdump and they sometimes also use me for my emotional stability skills.”
Yeah. No chance.
Two weeks ago I’d still been imagining normal university life. Cute girls in history lectures. Study sessions. Making some friends around campus, going to parties with them and maybe finding a girl to hang out and eventually asking her out. Something simple.
Instead, I’d somehow ended up as the official “House slut” (like they called me on the group chat), emotionally entangled with three complete disasters masquerading as roommates.
Julien with his reckless energy and his dangerous sexual games. Greg and the beast inside of him and...
Whatever storm Adrien was trying so hard to hide.
And somehow, despite all of it, I’d changed too.
I was finally starting to speak up. To set boundaries. To admit what I wanted.
There was just one thing left now.
I needed to understand what was happening to Adrien.
Because whatever it was… I couldn’t just sit back and watch it destroy him.
Maybe the others knew something. After all, they knew him since they were young. Julien had told me about their bond. About the trust they had in each other.
I needed to know.
Badly.
Maybe tomorrow…
I’d ask them.
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