Chapter One - Rise and Fall
Camille Carson was born in England. My parents are both local and national Ice skating dance professionals, and I was born into it. They saw a future men’s figure skating champion in me.
At age 4, we moved to Canada. My mother is French Canadian, and I was enrolled in the Canadian Ice Academy and excelled, winning every junior national competition. At age 11, I was sent to Massachusetts to the MAI Skating Academy where I could also continue my education and live in supervised dorms. I had made the elite.
I thrived like never before and was set for gold, given the best coach Andrei Vlasic. I was on my way to achieve my dreams, that is until he walked in the door. Nikolai Rustov. A US national, whose Russian parents settled here also when he was just as young as I was. He was a year older and my new dorm roommate. I saw him, I fell instantly for him, even at age 12. I knew then that I was gay.
He was handsome, taller yet lithe, with the perfect build, and golden blonde hair that was messy and unpredictable, just like him. His engaging smile, infectious teasing laughter and sheer charisma overwhelmed a shy inward-looking boy who thrived through work and practice.
Miko was cocky (in more ways than one) and untamed, often in trouble, mostly I had to cover for his excesses or he would have been booted out. A naturally gifted skater, he hardly practised, he would try anything, and injuries and pain did not daunt or prevent him from taking the worst risks.
In fact the exact opposite of me, we were the perfect foil, the closest of friends yet rivals. He was always my friend first then my rival. I found out the hard way that I was his rival first, then his friend and he had no qualms as he manipulated his way forward no matter how much it damaged my chances as long as he won. I remained innocent unaware of his intentions.
As a young teen, he was solid, he pushed me to do better, while he struggled with his wild nature, we would jerk off together and sometimes each other, we both worked hard at our routines, I continued to soar and he ranged from brilliant to erratic. I confessed that I lusted after him, that I was gay, he kissed me one night and told me he had feelings and loved me too, and though he was nearly a year older, he wanted us to lose our cherries together and with each other the day I hit 18.
I was 16, he was 17, we had entered a state competition, he saw me win round after round, he fell once, he was ranked 6th, but for the fall he may well have won. I went to him, to comfort and assure, we were close like brothers. He was with family, his coaches and as he saw me come, he turned and said, ‘Get lost Carson, I need my family not weird gay friends, just fuck off”, I was stunned at his reaction and, of course, he used his charm to brush it off later. He knew what he now had to do.
We shared practice hours one session after the other after we had trained with our coaches. Slowly he worked on criticising my skating, he took most of my practice time for himself though that was a strict rule, and he got me to lie. My performances ebbed, and I fell. But still he worked on thrashing my self-esteem, then followed that by hugging me close when I was in tears.
Finally, the Junior Nationals arrived. He was on a high, and my coach was unsure if I should enter. That morning before the competition, Niko was silent, literally just ignoring my existence, he left for the venue with a curt ‘bye’, but before he left he said it was just as well my academics were top grade in case it did not work out. And with that one sentence, he knew that he had banished what could have been his greatest rival. I was left bereft.
In a few days just after the Nationals he would be 18. He used that to further distract my practice, he knew my timings and at short notice would ask that I do a favour for his party as he was too busy, if I refused he would say I was not a great friend and he had more to lose if he did not practice. I was so low, so defeated I just did his bidding, he was the only light in my life I was desperate.
He won the Junior Nationals with a spectacular display. I dropped to 16th place, my coach did not even attend, his assistant was there. My parents were supportive yet so disappointed. Niko was jubilant, he celebrated his success, went with his team, family and other friends to party, and just ignored my plight, no comfort just left me alone.
I went up to him, he did not see me, but I heard one of his team ask about me, if he gone to see me as we were roomies and he replied, “Nah, he is just a loser, a bit sick of carrying him around, may look to move in with Sergei”. I turned and ran back to the dorm and just broke down completely.
As I lay there, I began to realise what he had done, I sat up and picked up my training notebook, I looked back at every competition, I pinned down when our loyalty to each other became a one-sided track, I thought of all his comments, cheating me out of practice time even making me miss training sessions with the team. Now he was king, I would look like an envious and jealous colleague if I made a scene. But I knew what I had to do, be resolute.
Niko returned in the early hours, he had missed his love, in the hiatus of celebration and cheer one thing was missing, one person, his Cami. He looked at the beauty of his love, the pale moonlight lit his bed, and before him was a breathtaking sight, the kindest and most gracious soul. He thought being a champion would give him the thrill of happiness, but his victory was hollow. The best dancer was in the room, one whose chances he had ruined deliberately, the pain at seeing his love sink to 16th was unbearable, he could not face him, worse he had joined in the mob mentality of kicking him down when he most needed his friend.
Niko knew true happiness came from love and he loved Cami, but for now, as long as he had no clue, he had to take Cami’s place with the top coach so he could win the World Championship. He had destroyed Cami’s childhood dream of qualifying but he was sure Cami would be submissive as usual, a true loser. Just one more act, once he was Champion, then he would take Cami in his arms and lift him once again.
I was awake, but closed my eyes when he came in. Niko had come up to my bed, he touched my shoulder gently and just looked. He bent down and kissed my forehead, and said sorry in the saddest voice and that he always loved me. I did not react. Then after a while, my sheets moved and he got in my bed, I felt his warm body against mine, his hips rubbed my ass, and his arm wrapped around my body.
I knew he was in love with me, despite his betrayal of our brotherly friendship, I found peace in his arms, I placed my hand on his and slept.
I rose at the crack of dawn. Only three places were awarded to MAI for the championship, two had been awarded to the Gold and Silver MAI medal winners at the National. Nikolai Rustov and Armin Zimmerman (a German Argentine). I had to compete against 16 to win the last place, the odds were dire. But I was resolute.
I slipped out of bed quietly, grabbed my gear and headed to the rink, I sank to my knees as I sailed across the ice. Placing my music, Klaus Badelt’s Sorrow, I sank into my mind, every negative thought released as I let go of Niko’s hold on my life. I danced like I once did, my body flowed like water twisting and turning through rivers, I was flawless, the very routine that I presented at the Nationals and sank. I repeated the dance, this time with an ambitious set of jumps, including an axel which I had not done on the day. Again flawless.
Once again, I sank to my knees and slid. Elated, my head in my hands but full of regret. Then suddenly I heard a loud clap. I was startled.
I looked up and saw a stranger. A woman. I went up to her and said the public was not allowed. And neither are you at this unsupervised hour she retorted, and laughed out loudly. So infectious was her laugh, I literally found myself smiling and chuckling, I had not felt this joy for so long.
She introduced herself as Elizabeth Bamboye, call me Bambi she said, and we just laughed again. She was a new coach at MAI, and she asked why such a world-class talented dancer and easily the best at MAI had not performed as expected. There is a sadness in your eyes she reiterated, be happy she told me, be happy. She often came to practice her techniques at this hour, she stayed to watch and was careful not to overstep as she knew my coach, but clearly did not approve of him as she said a good coach would have sorted what she saw in 5 minutes.
I went back to the Dorms, Niko was up but quiet.
I reached out to him, hugged, kissed and congratulated him on his win. He smiled, said it was amazing and then said he was sorry I did not make the cut. But I smiled and played his game saying perhaps it was not meant to be like he said.
My phone pinged. It was Coach, he wanted to see me next Monday. The assistant coach had already spoken to me after my dire ranking and advised that Coach was going to take extra time to get my routines back on track so I was not to worry. Niko’s big birthday party, which I had put together was on Friday.
He turned sharply and asked about the timing of the meeting. I hesitated for a moment. I asked why, and he gave me the usual line of wanting to be supportive ‘just in case’. I knew how he longed to be in the top coaching team, but I was the only straggler and all he needed to do was to knife my back once again. But, instead, I smiled and thanked him, said I would be fine.
Niko went out partying with his newfound friends, the type who leech off champions, we always went together but somehow he was embarrassed to be in my company. He said nothing, and when they came around, they went to his room in our quarters and ignored my existence. I continued to practice in the early hours and Bambi was always there encouraging, a rock in shifting sands.
That night on Wednesday, his friends came around, this time with Rupert Salem, a fellow Canadian, with a slim frame and longish hair, not one whose hand you would shake or trust. He was 19, languishing in the middle ranks, his time at MAI was coming to an end. He wanted a coaching role, practice partner for Niko, he flirted touching him at every opportunity, Niko barely flinched. Nor did he say I was his love. He just loved the attention.
They cornered me in the small lounge, then Niko said he thought it best if his friends took over the party, I was just not being cool. I was angry, said I had done everything he asked, it was all planned and he was my best friend, did that mean anything at all? His friends just laughed and mocked. I was close to tears, then Rupert came to me and put his arms around my shoulder and teased that crybabies don't do adult parties.
Niko was many things, but his love and bond were unbroken in his heart. Yelling at the top of his voice, he demanded that they leave me alone, grabbed Rupert by the collar and told them all to fuck off. They scuttled off quickly. He sat by me, said he loved all that I had done, but much as he would love for me to be there, he thought it too soon for me to take on the gossip and talk. I asked if he was ashamed to be seen in my company.
Just at that moment, the silver winner walked in. Armin Zimmerman. Talk, dark and model handsome with lightly tanned aristocratic features, perfect lips and his dark and golden flecked hair. He kept to himself, a loner who was fiercely competitive.
He was in my coaching team though I barely knew him, he had come up to check on me as he had not seen me around. The word was ‘team’ he said, we had to support each other, they all looked for me after the competition but I had gone. It had been a few days, and his teammates were a bit worried.
Then he turned angrily to Niko and told him he was one selfish bastard, as he had been out but what had he done for Cami, had he bothered to find and check on his friend after the Nationals. Niko told him to mind his own business and said he won because he was better than Armin, and he could just go fuck himself and leave us both alone. Niko looked in my direction for validation, but my silence spoke volumes.
Armin came up to Niko, and told him he had checked the logs, that he knew and suspected that Niko had taken my practice time, he had caused my ranking and he knew that because of this party, I had missed sessions. He called Niko a disgusting cheat, and he would complain except that he did not want me to get into more trouble.
Niko kept quiet, but then Armin turned to me and said I was going to this party and if this ungrateful bastard did not take you, he would. He left.
There was a long silence. Then Niko said that the MAI team were taking him and Armin to Prague in a week to prepare for the World Championships in March. It was 12 weeks away. He had also asked to move rooms as it was not helping his well-being to be near me anymore. He hoped I understood.
Armin was right, he was a bastard who had ruined my chances and now deserted when I really needed him. But still within, my love and desire burned, the loss of cherries still the deal that bound our love. I looked up at him, said nothing and went to my room and locked the door. He knocked, asking if he could come in. I said no.
I went to my practice early. This time he was awake, he had spent the night on the couch. He looked weary as though the burden of his actions wore him down. He said good morning and I responded with a nod. He asked if I was angry or upset but I told him I was not, if he did not want me at his party I was not too bothered. I picked up my training gear, and he seemed surprised and asked where I was going that early.
I was tempted to give a sarcastic reply about ‘catching up on training’, but I just said I could help him pack his gear and he could move on Monday with his friends, that it was best for both of us that we parted company, at least until after the Championships. Are we still best friends he asked, but I replied that we had our own roads to travel, that he had moved on anyway so we could just be friendly if we ever met. Then I left.
Niko sat there in silence, he was devastated, he had lost the only person who truly made him happy, the only person he was deeply in love with, he never thought sweet gentle Cami would end it.
At the rink, Bambi was there and Armin came too. Then I told them everything. Bambi said what he had done was a serious breach and I could also complain about grooming, but I loved Niko and said I was not against the Academy knowing so that he could not do that to anyone else but I would not give evidence.
The best way was to win.
The day of the party arrived, Niko left early that morning, no message, and he never came back. Armin called, I was reluctant to go but he insisted, I went along, it was amazing, he gave a speech to loud cheers, thanked his friends for the party, but I was never mentioned, he caught my gaze a couple of times, but ignored my presence. I was so hurt, very few people wanted to talk to me, Armin was having a hoot but still was checking up to make sure I was ok. I told him I was leaving, there was nothing there for me. I was getting an Uber, but instead walked back a couple of miles, back to my room alone.
I was a winner on ice because of my natural ability to adapt, to learn fast and, at least on ice, a steely determination to hit the highest peaks. I was a blotting paper, I absorbed information. Until recently, I was secure, I was sure, my baby face was a mask that hid a fire within that I needed back, and I was on my way.
Now I had to bring it to my empty life outside the ice, to win on the ice, I had to be a winner off it.
He came back in the early hours. He came into my room to check I was asleep, touching my hair gently. Then I heard hushed voices in the lounge. Sounds of passion, clothes ripped off taking over in the still of the night.
Our last bond, to take our virginity together in just 12 weeks when I hit 18 was about to be shattered. His backstabbing and betrayal had continued.
But as sickened and jealous as I felt, I was going to take advantage, video the scene and jerk off watching a hottie I desired, fuck a slut to oblivion for my pleasure.
It increased my determination, the more he backstabbed, the higher I would rise.
I had a plan.
Revenge is a dish best served cold, as cold as the winning gold medal you hold. At age 17.
(Chapter Two to follow, when Niko’s desires heat up, pent-up feelings released with a vengeance)
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