Gay'nxiety

An open window let the blue light of the coming night shine on his shirtless form. "It's okay. Trust me," is what he said. Behind him, the shadow showed it's teeth. Still, "It won't hurt you," is what I heard.

The door closing behind me left my back against the wall. He liked having the lights low, "My insecurities hide in the dark, but with the lights on I have to remember they exist." The shadow flooded the ceiling, growing taller with every step he took toward me.

"You can take them off," he stammered, "Or I can help?"

I felt the shadow swallow me, lurking behind, in front, and all around me. When his hands touched me, the shadow flickered, but only barely.

"I can make it hard again," he sung into the side of my throat. Heat, rising like spearmint under my face, carried his intentions to straight into my brain.

Silhouettes grew in the window.

"Are you okay?" I noticed his eyes panning, following my line of sight to the sidewalk too close to the apartment window. The shadow roared and I sensed it rubbing its claws together. "I get it," he breathed, letting me fall out of his palm, slinking over my lowered waistband, pulsing in the stream of air from the poorly sealed unit he pays too much for.

Crashing the window shut and turning the rod for the blinds, he coated the room in darkness.

"Is that better?"

I nodded, reaching my arms out to find his body. Realizing he cannot see me, I called out softly, "Yes. It is," and "thank you," just as my calloused hands found his cold, wet shoulder by the window.

His tongue was warm, but his mouth felt cold. Like the saliva between the two of us made some frosty chemical reaction from which there was no turning back. His lips housed the flavored remnants of his gum, and it tasted familiar enough to calm my flight tendencies.

Craning downward to reach the floor felt like falling endlessly into an empty pit. With his shoulder pressed into my chin and his tongue in the crease of my ear, I welcomed the sensation of falling together.

His tongue left a cold trail from my lobe to my jaw, to my neck, and under my pec on the right side. He rested it there, and let his lips get familiar while his right hand palmed the dry side of my chest.

Like an inchworm, his fingers crawled down my ribs, outlining softly the taper forming my crotch. With ease, we slid the jeans and briefs down my thighs. I missed the feeling of his fingers between my balls and thighs for just a moment until I heard a jar snap shut and soon-after felt the cold, soothing gel locate my hole. Two fingertips alternated massaging it, drumming it, and poking it inward. Soft moans mimicked the pulsing of the lips as they opened awaiting his touch yet tensed up every time he fed them.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes."

"Lift your leg for me," he coached.

He kissed the back of my knee and brushed the upper part of my calf with his hair. Impatiently--mercilessly, his fingers burrowed up my hole, commanding those lips to obey him. Several fingers played with one another in and out of my hole. Before long I was hurting more without him inside me than I was from being crammed full.

"I might get a whole hand in there, if you relax it a bit."

My own fingers latched his wrist and my head, jaw pointing upward, shook fervently.

"Well, I guess it's dick time."

I never got to answer, but it wasn't a question anyway. He never told me how big he is or how long or set any expectations whatsoever. I'd told him before agreeing to come by that I'd only ever put one finger up there but was curious.

Shouting was automatic, but it subsided after reconciling it was just the shock of the full force of his hips driving a rod inside me.

"It only hurts if you fight it," he reminded me, not ceasing for a moment. I held my breath and pushed my hole open from the inside. What felt like centimeters were more likely inches. Like cracking a safe, he'd found a new locked section where my body wasn't willing to let me in.

My hands, without warning had sent fingers to cling to the underside of the door. I heard voices outside. Two guys laughing.

The shadow showed its teeth behind him as he studied his own cock prying me open like a archeologist's tool. He didn't care at all.

My eyes squeezed shut and I reminded myself, "you wanted this. Man up."

The locked section inside of me pushed back. He was not getting in there.

"C'mon," he laughed, I felt him lunging toward me, the angle of his dick in me was starting to bother me, not knowing where my organs are in this process. It was evident he wanted to kiss me, but I refused to open my eyes to see the shadow lurking again. Instead I blindly lifted my chin as much as possible without letting go of the door. I couldn't find him but was eager for a kiss--something humanizing enough to let me feel valued beyond just my ass hole.

"Agh!" I gasped when he poked my ribs three times, but screamed like death when I felt it. In that instant, my body submitted against my mind's will and he'd snaked himself into that final section of me. It felt like being punched in the gut at recess. He didn't stop. There was more. He kept reaching inside me, so deep I didn't know how to move without incidentally giving him more access to me.

My left hand had discovered his waist. They didn't push it off, but just rested there as he sandwiched if firmly between the back of my cold ass cheek and the sweaty, unshaved fat of his inner thigh. I felt his right testicle graze the back of my middle finger, realizing he was so far inside me his nuts might go in next.

"Speechless, eh," he bragged, "I have that effect on people."

I waited for him to gyrate. I knew in that moment my inner sphincter could push him out and ban him from going back. Even breathing felt like too much movement as my toes curled up in a prayer that he'll pull out soon.

"Too deep," I coughed out pathetically, like I was drowning.

"You like it now, just wait."

An unnerving sound inside me matched the feeling. My gut got heavier, and I felt a serious urge to get to a toilet. "Unh," and "ahh" and sounds of relief poured out of him as he continued pissing inside of me.

"What are you--"

He palmed my mouth and the salty sweat mixed with the Vasoline I brought in caked my lips and attached to my tongue. "Relax," he sung, "it's sterile. And it's hot."

I didn't think I wanted his piss in me, but something clicked. I snapped.

"Use me," I told him, breathlessly. Whining like a bitch. Whimpering like a bad puppy. "Fill me up."

"Attaboy."

He pulled out so quickly I worried my anus was inside out. I felt a small squirt and pictured his piss piddling on his own carpet. Serves him right.

Seconds later, I felt another jab force my hole to submit. This one went in easier, and seemed to lock itself in place when my hole could neither push it out or pull it further in.

"To keep it in you. Small but plug. I'll pull it out when I'm done with you and you can shit my piss in the toilet for me."

He let my leg rest, but straddled my waist and inched himself up my body. I felt so full. Somehow purposeful. Another set of feet took off running down the hallway.

As I shut my eyes I felt his body weight shift. Cold, pasty skin brushed my lip and I could smell it. A familiar scent, but none I've ever welcomed.

"Now, lick it until I'm done," he ordered, pressing his ass hairs so closely to my face I felt them lock with my nose hairs.

It felt like a Life Saver gummy when my tongue poked it. It was sweet, but like raspberry. I noticed after coating it in saliva, it smelled like my mouth and I actually began craving it.

There was no need to ask for more. He puckered it periodically to let me further in, and everytime I flexed my tongue to fit it as far up there as I could, he sat down, smothering me in his ass. I nearly wanted to die if it meant my last breath would be his glorious ass hole. The scent of a workout and the wetness on my nose was euphoric.

He paused to let me lick his balls, but I didn't want those. My tongue was jealous of my forehead for having his hole kissing it repeatedly. Pulsing in rhythm with his masturbating and teabagging.

"Give it back!"

He obeyed, and pressed his heels against my ears. I was deafened to most, but still heard the intonations of his gutteral moans as I began licking like his furry ass cheeks were a cone and the space between them was my favorite flavor of ice cream.

I heard an echoed, "Oh yeah," and felt the full weight of his ass and thighs press down on me. It sounded like he was saying, "lick it" repeatedly as he slapped my abs in a panic. And so I did. I swirled my tongue inside of him like I wanted to clean him out. When the salty sweet taste didn't feel enough, I started jabbing my tongue, suffocating all the way. I thought I might need to tell him I can't breathe, but it was electrifying having me ass pin me down and force me to makeout with it more fervently than I'd ever kissed any woman.

His body convulsed, knocking my head around underneath him and I caught a breath when he leaned forward. I wished I could see it. His hole staring down on me, dripping the remnants of our kisses.

My abs got wet, like a leak in the ceiling hit me. Then my knee caught a drop. Then my abs again. And then my chest collected a pool of his leaking cum. Like an animal I wiped at my abs, and fed his cum to my tongue. I was ready to blow my own load when he stood up opened the door and told me, pointing in the yellow light from the hallway, "You can keep the plug."

As he tossed my clothes into the hallway, I sat in shock, hearing him say, "Thanks for a good time."