“Wake up, sleepyhead.”
Oliver felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and rolled over to see his dad smiling at him.
“Happy birthday, son. You feel like a man today?”
He sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He’d almost forgotten what day it was.
“I don’t know,” Oliver said sleepily. “What does 18 feel like?”
“You tell me,” his dad said, smirking. “It’s been a couple of decades since I was that age, myself.”
His dad sat on the corner of his bed, already dressed in his work suit. His hand was still on Oliver’s shoulder.
Oliver suddenly noticed that he was nearly naked underneath the covers. In fact, his blanket was only just barely covering his morning wood. He tried to surreptitiously cover himself.
His father laughed. “You know, I’ve seen you naked a million times, son. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Oliver blushed. He still felt self-conscious about his body around his dad. Compared to his father, who was a muscular, burly man, Oliver was much more slender. His lack of muscle made him feel inferior in comparison.
In fact, when it came to father and son, they couldn’t be more different. Oliver’s height of 5’7” was nothing compared to his dad’s 6’3” towering frame. Even their hair was different — Oliver had light blond hair, while his father had dark black hair that was graying slightly on the sides. And whereas Oliver had almost no body hair, his father had coarse black hair covering his chest, arms, and legs.
Even first thing in the morning, sitting on Oliver’s bed in his work suit, his dad reeked masculinity. Oliver could see his arm hair poking out from underneath his cufflinks as his dad continued to rub his smooth shoulder with his hand.
Weirdly, Oliver could feel himself growing even harder at the feeling of his father’s touch. What the hell? He must still be half asleep.
He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, thanks for the birthday wishes, dad. I’ll see you at dinner tonight.”
His father stood up, picking up his briefcase off the ground.
“7 pm at I Soda, don’t forget. They’re crazy busy on a Friday night but I made the reservations way in advance. We’ll meet back here and then head there around 6?”
“Okay,” said Oliver.
His dad leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. Oliver could feel the scratch of his 5 o’clock shadow tickling him, causing him to shy away.
“I love you, Ollie. She’d be so proud of you.”
He touched Oliver’s cheek, rubbing him softly. Oliver nodded.
“Happy birthday, and I’ll see you tonight!”
With that, his dad was gone. Oliver lay back against his pillow, his erection tenting up the blanket covering him. He put his hand on it and stroked it lazily. Surely he had time to rub one out before school.
He closed his eyes as his thoughts drifted to his girlfriend Ashley.
As he stroked his cock, his mind filled with Ashley’s soft red hair and curvy frame, he found himself going limp.
Hmm. Perhaps he hadn’t been horny after all. It must have just been a bit of morning wood.
As Oliver walked into school a couple of hours later, he met up with Ashley in the hallway outside first period.
“Happy birthday, booboo bear!” she said, kissing him on the cheeks.
“Thanks,” he said as he took her hand. They walked down the hall towards her first class.
“I’m sorry I won’t be around this weekend,” she said, pouting. “My dad’s making me get up ass crack early tomorrow to catch the morning tour at UMD.”
“It’s okay,” said Oliver. “We can just do something next weekend. Maybe after my swim meet Saturday?”
“I’ll be there with bells on,” she said cheerily. “So, I’m sure you’re devastated I won’t be there tonight, but what DO you have planned?” she asked.
“My dad’s taking me out to eat in the city. We go to this Italian place every year… well, almost every year.”
Ashley hugged him. He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent. She smelled sweet and citrusy, like pomegranate. He found her perfume comforting. It reminded him of his mother’s.
“I think that is so cute,” she said as they ended the hug and continued walking to class. “I love that you and your dad are so close. I’m jealous, my dad’s a total garbage person.”
“He can’t be that bad,” Oliver said. “He’s always friendly to me.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “That’s because you’re a guy. He’s such a misogynist. And a bible thumper. You know he told me he doesn’t even want me going to college in the first place? He thinks I’m just going to get my MRS degree.”
Oliver gave her a playful nudge. “Well, aren’t you?” he asked, winking.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, fuck off,” she said, laughing.
He dropped her off at her class, kissing her goodbye before he headed to first period.
Oliver barely paid attention during class. High school felt like a moot point since he’d already gotten Early Admission into West Virginia University on a swimming scholarship. His mind wandered during all of his classes that day, sifting through various thoughts.
The feeling of his dad’s hand on his bare shoulder.
His father’s arm hair poking out of his cufflinks.
His mother’s perfume.
He didn’t know why, but his birthday seemed to be bringing up a lot of memories of his mother. He thought about the year before, when he was too grief-stricken to go out for his birthday. Oliver’s dad had tried to persuade him to keep up the tradition, but he locked himself in his room and refused to come out.
Oliver had taken his mother’s death pretty hard. He had only been a few months shy of 17 at the time, and her death had been unexpected, to say the least. He’d been in shock for the first few months, but with the help of a good therapist and his dad, he felt like he had really started to come to terms with it.
After the final bell rang, Oliver headed to the school’s weight room for a quick workout before swim practice.
“Hurry up and spot me, dude. I’m doing this set to failure,” said his friend Manny. He was sitting on the flat bench underneath a barbell loaded up with at least 20lbs too much weight.
Oliver rushed to stand behind the bench as he helped Manny unrack the weight. He stood over him to spot him, looking down at Manny’s rippling arm muscles as he lowered the bar to his chest.
“Man, you look ripped right now,” said Oliver in quiet awe.
He would kill to have muscles like Manny. Manny was on the wrestling team, so he’d been training for a lot longer than Oliver had.
Oliver watched as Manny struggled under the bar, lifting it up one, two, three times, his muscles bulging.
Manny was an absolute lady-killer, a Bulgarian guy with tan skin, thick, dark hair, and a strong jawline. He had turned 18 a couple of months before Oliver, and in that short amount of time had already gotten several tattoos to cover his muscular build.
Oliver looked over at himself in the mirror next to the bench press. As a swimmer, he had a much slimmer build. He checked out his frame, lifting his shirt to check out his tan stomach. He had a tight body and somewhat well-defined abs, which he was pleased with.
But Oliver was still self-conscious about his size, envious of the guys like Manny and his father who reeked of testosterone with every step they took.
Manny was Oliver’s best friend. He’d been pretty surprised the month before when Oliver asked him to start training him, but he’d agreed nonetheless. Oliver had yet to see the results he wanted, but he had to admit that his arms and chest were looking a bit more pumped than they had the month before. He still had a long way to go if he wanted to measure up to his dad.
“Bro!” Manny said, struggling to lift the bar back up.
Oliver snapped out of his reverie, grabbing the bar and helping Manny put it back on the rack.
“Thanks, man,” said Manny as he sat up on the bench. “Remember, we’re going for progressive overload. If you’re not lifting heavier than last week, you’re not growing muscle.”
Oliver nodded. “And that’s how you bulked up?”
“I mean, it’s part of it,” said Manny. “But we’re not really going for the same thing, you and I. I’m going for size. You’ve got more of a twink thing going on. There’s only so much muscle you wanna grow as a swimmer.”
“What’s a twink?” Oliver asked.
Manny laughed. “Uh, you know? A twink? It’s like a skinny little guy with not a lot of muscle.”
Oliver frowned. “Well, thanks a lot. Why do I even ask for your help?”
“It’s not a bad thing,” said Manny. “A lot of people like twinks.”
“They do?” Oliver asked.
Manny nodded. “Of course. I’m sure you’ll kill at WVU. They’ll be all over you.”
OIiver smiled. It felt good to be validated by a guy as attractive as Manny. If Manny thought that he was attractive, surely the girls at West Virginia University would.
Although Oliver had been dating Ashley for over a year now, she was going to college in Maryland, and he wasn’t sure if she was interested in doing the whole long-distance thing. To be honest, he wasn’t even sure if HE was interested in it. He’d had little to no interest in sex after his mom died.
And Ashley had been so patient with him. She could probably have gotten some from any number of guys in school, but she stuck with Oliver through his grief. To be honest, she didn’t even seem to mind the lack of intimacy.
“We’re going to do a reverse pyramid today,” said Manny, taking weight off the barbell for Oliver’s set. “Try and go for four to six reps on this set. I’ll be here if you get stuck.”
Oliver laid down on the bench, his eyes gazing up at the bar in front of him. He could see Manny lumbering over him, his muscle tee barely covering his ripped body. Oliver’s eyes traveled across Manny’s torso. Of the tattoos Manny had gotten on his chest, Oliver was always drawn to a small tattoo of a butterfly a few inches above his belly button.
Oliver’s eyes involuntarily began to drift down, following the smattering of hair leading down from his belly button to his basketball shorts.
“Anytime you’re ready, bro,” said Manny.
“Sorry. Let’s do this,” Oliver said as he lowered the weight.
What was going on with him today? He was so distracted. His body image issues were really causing his mind to go bonkers. He couldn’t stop fixating on the men around him. He kept telling himself that the best way to stop obsessing was to build the kind of muscle he admired on other guys.
As he struggled to get the bar up past his second rep, he wondered if perhaps that goal was somewhat beyond his reach.
____________________
Noah sat in his office, poring over the documents on his computer as he tried to make sense of the legalese in front of him. There were days that Noah loved being an attorney, but today was not one of those days. He closed out of the email, rubbing his eyes as he took a sip of coffee and resolved to revisit it once his midafternoon caffeine kicked in.
For the hundredth time that day, he stared at the photo he kept as the background wallpaper on his computer. It was the last Christmas they’d had with Evelyn. He was sitting on the couch with his late wife while his son Oliver sat in between them, beaming. All three of them were wearing matching pajamas.
Noah had set the picture to be his desktop background a few months ago as a sort of attempt to keep her memory alive. But every time he stared at the photo, he felt the same dull pang of loss. He knew that he should change it to a different background, but for some reason doing that felt like it would be a betrayal.
He looked at his son and his wife in the picture. They were so alike — you could instantly tell they were mother and son. They had the same blond hair, the same small frame, the same soft skin…
Noah closed his eyes. His mind flashed back to that morning, sitting on his son’s bed as he wished him goodbye. Had Oliver been hard? He couldn’t tell, but his eyes had wandered down his son’s body despite himself.
He was so smooth, just like his mother. And his skin, so tan and soft. It had felt so good underneath Noah’s fingers when he touched his shoulder.
Try as he might, the feelings that had come up recently around his son had not gone away. If anything, they had gotten stronger. And now that Oliver was 18…
Noah could feel himself getting hard at his desk, imagining what it would have been like if he had reached down and put his hand underneath the blanket…
Suddenly his phone began to ring. He looked at it, then let out a sigh. He answered.
“Hey, Tony. What’s up?”
“Hey man… it’s going good, it’s going good, uh… I just got out,” he said.
Tony was his wife’s brother. He was a tall, thin guy with dark red hair. Noah always thought he was kind of weaselly looking. The fact that he was calling was never good news.
Tony was the black sheep of the family, in and out of rehabs and substance abuse programs since he was 18. He never seemed to be able to stay out of trouble, and once he landed in prison, his parents had cut him off.
Noah didn’t blame them. Although his wife’s parents were relatively wealthy, they had had enough of Tony’s shenanigans and left him on his own in a Los Angeles jail to face his latest charges.
“Oh?” asked Noah. “I thought you were in for another year?”
“Yeah, I got out early. Good behavior I guess. Anyway, I thought I’d stop by next weekend, wish my nephew a happy birthday.”
“His birthday’s today.”
“A belated birthday then. Come on, man. You know Evie would have wanted her boy to have his uncle in his life.”
Noah wasn’t quite certain that Evelyn would have wanted her son consorting with a felon, but he also knew that she wouldn’t have turned her brother out onto the street, either.
“How long were you thinking of staying in Montclair?” Noah asked.
“Oh, just a couple of weeks. A month at the most. I’ll be gone by the summer, for sure,” said Tony.
Noah rolled his eyes. It was only February — how long was Tony planning on staying?
“You can stay in the guest room for a couple of weeks. But then you gotta move on, Tony. Get a job in the city, there’s tons of work available,” said Noah.
“Yeah, for sure. I’ll definitely look into that. Give my best to the kid, and uh, tell him happy 21st for me.”
“...he’s 18, Tony.”
“Right. Man, 18 was fuckin rad. Anyway, I’ll see you next weekend!”
Tony hung up. Noah set the phone down and turned his attention back to the computer. His mind quickly turned to mush as he immersed himself back into the legal documents before him.
7 pm couldn’t come soon enough.
____________________
Oliver loved a good plate of spaghetti. Every year since Oliver was a kid, his parents would take him to I Soda, his favorite Italian restaurant in NYC, for a plate of pasta and a slice of cheesecake. Growing up just a short drive away in Montclair, New Jersey, Oliver was used to going into the city for special occasions.
This year, however, he felt anything but special.
“You ready to order, Ollie?” his dad asked. The waiter stood looking at him expectantly.
Oliver stared at the empty spot in the booth next to his father as a memory began to resurface. It was two years ago — his parents had sung him Happy Birthday, an awkward 16-year-old Oliver rolling his eyes as they beamed at him across the table.
He would give anything to hear his mother’s voice now.
“I think he’ll just have the Cacio E Pepe,” his father said, handing the menus back to the waiter. The waiter nodded and walked away.
Oliver’s dad took his hand and held it, rubbing it with his thumb.
“I miss her too, Ollie,” he said softly.
Oliver looked up at his dad staring sadly back at him. He mustered a smile and squeezed his dad’s hand.
“So,” he said, putting on a grin, “I’m finally 18 now. I think it’s time you let me drink in the house,” said Oliver.
He took a piece of bread from his plate and dipped it in olive oil and vinegar.
His dad laughed. “Not a chance in hell, son. But if you like, I’ll let you try a sip of my wine.”
Oliver rolled his eyes. His dad had always been overprotective.
Much as this irked him, Oliver knew that he wouldn’t have made it through this last year without him. His father had been like a superhero after his mother had died, taking care of all of the arrangements, dealing with the will and the funeral, and even making sure that Oliver was okay.
Before his mother died they had never been very touchy-feely, but this past year Oliver had spent many nights curled up in his dad’s arms, crying while his dad softly stroked his arm and sang to him.
His dad was his rock.
“Come on, Noah. Don’t be such a stick in the mud,” Oliver said playfully.
“It’s dad to you, boy,” his father said, putting on a fake stern voice. They both laughed.
Oliver’s dad looked around, then picked up his wine glass and poured half of it into Oliver’s empty glass. Oliver looked up at him in shock.
“A toast, to my son,” Noah said, raising his glass.
Oliver raised his and held it up, inspecting the dark red wine in the candlelight of the restaurant.
Noah looked Oliver in the eyes. “I am so proud of you,” he said. “You’ve managed to accomplish so much at school, with your swimming and your friends, getting into college…”
His voice caught in his throat. He spoke with a trembling voice. “After everything you’ve been through, losing your mother…”
A tear came to his eye. He gripped his glass tightly, not looking away from Oliver’s eyes.
“You’re the best thing in my life, son. I love you.”
He grabbed Oliver’s hand again and held it tightly. Oliver looked down, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by his father’s gaze burning a hole in him. He knew his father loved him, but this public display of affection was still a lot for him.
Oliver clinked his dad’s glass and drank down the wine, then winced. Cocky as he might be, he hated the taste of alcohol.
Noah laughed. “Not for you, huh?”
“I think I’ll stick to the pasta, thanks,” said Oliver as their dinner arrived.
The spaghetti tasted just as good as Oliver remembered. The candlelight gave the restaurant an almost magical feel, making Oliver’s heart flutter with excitement. His head had a pleasant buzz from the wine and his face felt flush and warm. He joked around with his father, laughing as they reminisced over happy memories from when he was a kid.
“Do you remember on the trip to Kentucky when mom got locked out of the hotel? And you and I were so tired from rock climbing we slept through all her yelling and banging?”
Oliver was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “Yes, and the maid lady had to let her in! She was so pissed!”
They were still laughing when the waiter stopped by to ask if they needed dessert menus.
“Just a slice of cheesecake for my boy,” said Noah. “It’s his birthday today.”
The waiter wished Oliver a happy birthday and went to place the order.
Oliver smiled warmly at his dad. “I’m glad we did this. You were right to bring this tradition back. I’m… I’m sorry I couldn’t do it last year.”
Noah took his son’s hand and held it tightly. “I’m always here for you, know that, right?”
“Of course, dad,” Oliver said. His head was still swimming from the wine and the heat of the restaurant. He blinked lazily, still holding his father’s hand.
All of a sudden he noticed his dad stared at him, his face growing serious.
“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about,” he said quietly.
Oliver frowned in confusion. What could it be?
Suddenly Oliver’s heart sank. His face fell as he took his hand away from his father’s.
Noah looked at him in concern. “What’s wrong, Ollie?” he asked.
Oliver looked away. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”
Noah raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Ollie-”
“Who is it? One of the ladies from church? It’s Mrs. Burton, isn’t it? Slutty Mrs. Burton? Well, fuck her if she thinks she can replace mom!”
He began to tear up.
“I don’t know why I didn’t think this would happen. But of course it did, I mean, look at you!” said Oliver.
His father blinked in confusion. “What does that mean?”
“Well, you know…” Oliver trailed off, embarrassed.
What he was going to say was that his father was gorgeous, all beefy and hairy with just a touch of gray in his sideburns. Women would be all over him. But something about that felt awkward to say to your dad.
Perhaps he shouldn’t have had that glass of wine after all.
“You’re still young, I guess is what I’m saying,” he finished lamely.
Noah reached over and took Oliver’s hand again, holding it in both of his hands.
“Ollie, no, that’s not it,” he said.
Oliver sniffled. “No? You haven’t met someone?”
Noah smiled. “Well… I guess I sort of have.”
Oliver’s face crumpled. “How could you do that to mom!”
Noah squeezed his hand. “Ollie, listen to me. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I have watched you grow into the most amazing, brilliant, strong… beautiful young man…”
Oliver furrowed his brow in confusion. This is not where he thought this was going.
“...and I couldn’t help but start to see you in a different way.”
Noah was still squeezing Oliver’s hand. Something about the way his dad was looking at him made him feel as naked as he had been this morning.
“You’re not my little boy anymore,” his dad continued. “The one who cried when we took him to summer camp and begged us to come pick him up. You’re a man now. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice that. And I think you’ve noticed it too.”
Oliver was thoroughly confused now. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest.
“Dad, what are you saying?”
Noah took a deep breath. “What I’m saying, son, is that my feelings for you have changed. I’m falling for you.”
“Happy birthday to you…” sang the waiter as he walked over carrying a plate of cheesecake with a single lit candle on it.
Noah dropped his son’s hand and joined in, the two of them serenading Oliver as he looked at them, slack-jawed.
“Make a wish!” said the waiter.
Oliver stared at him, baffled. His brain felt like it was short-circuiting.
“I think he’s probably just feeling a little too old for birthday wishes. Thank you, though,” his father said to the waiter.
The waiter smiled and walked away.
“You okay, Ollie?” his dad asked him after he put out the candle.
“What do you mean you’re falling for me?”
His dad sighed. He folded his arms on the table and leaned forward.
“You know I’ve always been bisexual, right?”
Now Oliver’s jaw truly dropped. What was going on with the world? Bisexual? What the hell was he talking about?
“No!” he yelled. “Of course I didn’t know that! When would you have brought that up?”
Noah motioned for Oliver to lower his voice. “Well, it’s true,” he said. “I had a life before I met your mother. I was quite the romantic, actually,” he said, grinning. “I bedded my fair share of guys and gals.”
Oliver blinked in surprise. “Dad! What the fuck!”
Noah chuckled. “What, you didn’t think your old man had a sex life?”
Oliver covered his eyes with his hands. “I can honestly say I have never thought about your sex life.”
“Well, I’ve always been attracted to both genders. But then, when I met your mom… she was the only one for me. We were faithful to each other for the whole time we were married. I haven’t been with anyone since. And I don’t want to, except…”
He looked at Oliver. Oliver was surprised at the nervousness on his father’s face. He looked like a scared little boy.
“Except I can’t stop thinking about you, Ollie.”
Oliver’s mind was reeling. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Was his dad… coming on to him?
“I mean, I can’t help it. I’ve tried to push it away, I really have. I told myself, ‘you’re my son, it’s inappropriate, it’s wrong…’ but I just can’t change the way I feel.”
His dad gave him a sheepish smile. “You’re so my type, Ollie, I mean… I’m a red-blooded American man, and you’re... I can’t help but want you. I wanna be with you… and I think you feel the same way.”
Oliver stared at his dad in shock. He had no idea what to say.
“I’m not even gay!” he blurted out.
Noah raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that, son?”
Oliver scoffed. “What are you talking about? Of course I’m sure. I have a girlfriend!”
“Ollie… come on,” his dad said, shaking his head.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oliver asked defiantly.
Noah sighed deeply. “Listen,” he said, “Ashley is cute and all, but you guys aren’t exactly tearing each other’s clothes off.”
Oliver opened his mouth but found himself at a loss for words. “But… I… that’s just not where my mind is at right now, okay!” he said lamely.
His dad smirked. “Remember when you were a little boy and you were obsessed with High School Musical?”
“All the kids my age were!”
“The girls were, Ollie,” Noah said gently.
Oliver scoffed
“It’s okay, though! There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfectly normal to be gay. Plus, kids your age are so much cooler about being able to just fool around without putting a label on anything.”
“Dad, I am not gay,” Oliver said.
The cheesecake sat in between them, untouched.
“Okay, fine. You’re not gay,” said Noah, raising his hands. “But haven’t you at least fooled around with another guy? What about that friend of yours, Manny?”
Oliver’s face turned red. “No!” he said. “I don’t… I don’t even think Manny would be into me.”
“But if he were, you would try it?” his dad asked.
Oliver scoffed. “What — you’re twisting my words! I am not fooling around with anyone. And I’m not gay!”
Noah sat back in his seat. “Okay, son,” he sighed. “But do me and yourself a favor. Before you close the book on that, you might want to consider giving it a try. Something tells me you’re gonna like being with a guy more than you think you do. You never know, you might be fluid.”
Oliver looked away, mortified. Why did his dad think that he was gay? The possibility of being gay had never crossed his mind, not even once. And yet apparently his dad automatically assumed that he was a homosexual.
And he claimed to be in love with him! What the fuck was up with that?
“I’ll tell you one thing, son,” said Noah. “I’ll be patient. We can take this slow, as slow as you want. You can set the pace, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”
He leaned in and lowered his voice, speaking barely above a whisper.
“But I’m not gonna stop being attracted to you. And I’m not gonna stop trying to get in your pants. You’re too fucking sexy for that.”
Oliver blinked. “You… you think I’m sexy?”
Noah grinned. “Baby, you’re perfect.”
He reached out and touched Oliver’s cheek.
“With your smooth skin, your tight little body, your cute little butt in those speedos… God, it makes me wanna do… unfatherly things, let’s just put it that way.”
Oliver blushed. “Gross, dad.” He batted his dad’s hand away.
He knew he should be feeling nothing but disgust, but his chest felt like it was full of butterflies. Did his dad really think he was perfect? He had always felt so inferior in his father’s shadow.
To know that this man found him desirable, desirable enough to cross several social and moral lines to try and be with him…
Wait a minute. What was he talking about? This was his dad!
This was so wrong. There was no way he was going to have sex with him, no matter how patient his dad intended on being.
What was he going to do now? Breakfast sure was going to be awkward from now on.
“Aren’t you going to eat your cheesecake?” his dad asked, pushing the plate towards him.
Oliver picked up a fork and took a bite, trying to ignore his growing erection under the table.
____________________
Luckily for Oliver, the rest of the weekend passed without incident. His dad was busy with work, so he gave Oliver some much-needed space.
Oliver himself had a massive pile of homework he knew he had to deal with sooner or later, but every time he sat down at his desk to work on it, his mind would go straight back to his birthday dinner.
Why was his dad so convinced he was gay? And what did he mean about giving it a try? Oliver didn’t even know the first thing about sex with girls, let alone guys. In his almost 2 years of dating Ashley, the most they’d ever done was kiss and maybe a little cuddling. He’d refrained at first from doing any more because he wanted to be a gentleman, but then after his mom died the thought of going further barely occurred to him anymore.
His thoughts about guys, however, were a constant. Now that his father had planted the seed in his mind, he began to realize just how frequently he was checking out other guys in the locker room. He had always thought that this was because of his own body image issues. After all, each glance was always accompanied by this feeling of insecurity and longing.
But was there something more to that longing?
That was as far as Oliver’s thinking got. He refused to let his mind wander any further. This was dangerous territory. Even if he were attracted to men, or “fluid”, like his dad had suggested — what would that mean? He still wasn’t going to have sex with his own father. That would be heinous.
It was one thing to be gay. It was another to be gay with your dad.
When he walked into school that Monday, things were no clearer in his head. He greeted Ashley in the hallway with a kiss like he did every morning. This morning, however, he let the kiss linger.
How did it make him feel? Was it turning him on?
After a few seconds, Ashley pulled away. “Um…wow. That was a lot for first thing in the morning, Ollykins. You okay?”
Oliver blushed. “Yeah. I’m just glad to see you. How was UMD?”
“It was so much fun, the campus is gorgeous. I can’t wait for the fall, I am so done with Montclair.”
Oliver listened as she talked about her trip. He focused on the feeling of her hand in his, the softness of her skin. He watched her lips move as she talked, tried to focus on the color and the wetness of her lips. He felt nothing.
“Oh, by the way, how was your birthday dinner? You have fun with your dad?” she asked.
Oliver sighed. “It was fine.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it sounds like you had a blast. What, did he tell you you were adopted?”
“Honestly, I kind of wish he had,” said Oliver.
“You and me both,” she said, sighing. “I would kill to find out I was adopted. Sometimes I think I should have been born into some sort of hippie commune. Or maybe Oregon, or something.”
They stopped, having reached her classroom. She kissed him on the cheek.
“Don’t be so glum. Your dad loves you. I’m sure whatever he did doesn’t change that.”
She ducked into her class, leaving Oliver standing there lost in thought.
Maybe his dad loving him WAS the problem.
When he headed to the weight room after school that day, his friend Manny was already on the squat rack. Oliver was looking forward to doing a bit of lifting to take his mind off of all the shit that had been dogging him since the weekend.
Oliver always loved leg day. It felt like the one weight exercise he was actually good at. Plus, he had to admit that if he had one feature he was truly proud of, it was his ass. He had developed a nice bit of muscle there from swimming, giving himself a round, tight butt.
Manny stood behind him to spot him while he squatted. Squatting outside of the rack always felt a little scary, but Oliver felt safe knowing Manny was behind him to catch him if he wavered.
“Let’s go for 12 reps. Keep it going, bro, you’ve got this,” Manny said.
Oliver groaned. He was only halfway through the set and already his knees felt like they were going to buckle. He kept his form, squatting down for rep 7, rep 8, rep 9…
By his tenth rep, he could already tell he was going to have trouble getting it back up. He struggled underneath the weight, his skinny legs wobbling as his face turned red.
“Help…” he choked out as his knees started to buckle.
Manny squatted behind him and wrapped his arms around his torso. He pushed his body against Oliver’s, thrusting his hips into Oliver to help lift him back up. With Manny’s assistance, Oliver was able to heave the barbell back into the frame.
Oliver collapsed back against Manny, panting. His legs were like jelly—there was no way he was going to be able to move for the next few seconds.
Manny held him in his arms, chuckling as Oliver went limp like a rag doll. “Too much for you, huh?”
Oliver laughed weakly. As he got his breath back, he began to notice how it felt to be held by Manny. He could feel Manny’s chest pressed tightly against his back, his arms holding him like a vice. Oliver could feel the strength coming from those arms, as well as the feeling of Manny’s pelvis still tightly pressed against his butt.
He could hear Manny breathing in his ear, feel the heat of his breath in his neck. He suddenly had the thought that if he were one of those guys on the wrestling mat, pinned underneath Manny, he would be helpless.
The thought of being pinned underneath Manny sent a rush of blood down to his cock. Oliver went pale as he felt himself growing hard underneath Manny’s touch. He tried to push the thought away when Manny let go of him, leaving him to grasp at the bar to steady himself.
“Let’s do some abs next,” said Manny, patting him on the back.
Oliver was grateful for the distraction. He covered his crotch as he followed Manny over to the mats in the corner.
Manny had him do three sets of sit-ups, keeping his knees on Oliver’s feet to keep him steady. Oliver could feel his abs starting to ache as he forced himself up again and again.
“Come on, 10 more!” said Manny.
Oliver’s mind began to get fuzzy from the exertion. He tried to keep his eyes trained on Manny’s, but they started to wander with each sit up.
9. 8. 7.
Manny was wearing his muscle tank again. His arms looked so big today. Was that his tricep or his bicep? Whatever it was, it looked fucking enormous. Oliver wished his arms were that big.
6. 5. 4.
Oliver could see Manny’s nipples from where his tank was hanging down. They were a light brown color, with a little bit of hair around them. Oliver wondered what they might feel like under his tongue.
3. 2. 1.
Oliver collapsed against the mat. He closed his eyes, breathing heavily as Manny stood up in front of him.
“Uh… dude?”
Oliver looked up. Manny was standing over him, looking down at him and trying not to laugh.
Oliver looked down. Fuck! He had gotten hard again, creating a giant tent in his workout shorts. He hurriedly covered himself, his cheeks turning red as he sat up.
Manny laughed. “Happens to all of us, man. Something about getting that pump just makes you wanna fuck something, am I right?”
Oliver pushed past him. “I’m gonna take a shower,” he said as he scurried into the locker room.
The showers in the locker room were each separated by a partition just above waist height. He headed for the shower on the end, hoping for a little bit of privacy to deal with his shame. Luckily the locker room was deserted.
He turned on the water, then shucked off his clothes and stepped underneath the stream. The warm water felt good on his sore muscles. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the water on his body.
“Good workout today, man.”
He opened his eyes to see Manny stepping into the shower next to him. Like Oliver, he was completely naked, but the partition blocked him from the waist down.
Oliver stood up from against the wall and folded his arms, covering his chest.
“Thanks.”
Manny turned on the water, wetting himself before he started lathering up with soap. He grinned at Oliver.
“You’re so funny, dude.”
Oliver furrowed his brow.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
Manny shook his head, smiling.
“You’re just so… I don’t know. Uptight. I mean, we’re both guys, right? It’s just a boner. We all get them.”
Oliver blushed.
Manny raised an eyebrow. “Dude, relax. Don’t be such a prude. Man, I swear, every time I mention sex you tense right up. It’s like you grew up in a convent or something.”
“I’m not a prude,” Oliver retorted. “I guess I just… I don’t know,” he finished lamely.
Manny looked at him curiously as he washed the soap off of his body.
“What?” he asked. “You can tell me, I’m your bro.”
Oliver stood there awkwardly, his arms still folded to cover his chest. He shifted from one foot to another.
“Fine, don’t tell me. I don’t care anyway,” said Manny indignantly. He reached to turn the water off.
“Do you think people can be fluids?” asked Oliver suddenly.
Manny looked at him, confused. “I think we’re all part fluids, bro.”
“No, I mean like… sexually,” Oliver said slowly.
Manny laughed. “Oh, you mean fluid. Yeah, definitely. I mean, girls especially. I feel like every girl can fall in love with at least one woman, you know? But it’s different with guys.”
Oliver tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked.
Manny shrugged. “Men are a lot more sexual. Like, girls are all about feelings and shit. Guys just wanna fuck. So what’s the difference between fucking a girl and some twink? It’s all mental, bro.”
Oliver considered this. “Have you ever fucked a guy?” he asked.
Manny smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he asked.
Oliver turned away. Shit. He’d crossed a line, hadn’t he?
“I’ve never fucked a guy,” said Manny. “I’ve fooled around a little bit though.”
Oliver looked at him in shock. “With who?” he asked.
“You know, sometimes you’re wrestling a guy, you both get a little hard, he kinda gives you that look… I’ve had a couple of handy manny’s from guys after a match.”
Oliver’s mind was reeling. He stood there in silence.
Manny shut off the water and grabbed his towel. He started to dry off.
“What,” he asked. “You don’t approve?”
Oliver shook his head. “No, I’m just… surprised. I didn’t know you did that.”
Manny shrugged. “I’m full of surprises,” he said.
Oliver reached for the handle to shut off the water. His heart was beating out of his chest. He opened his mouth and said quietly, “I think… I might be fluid.”
“What’s that?” Manny asked, wrapping the towel around his waist.
“I think I’m fluid,” Oliver said, a little louder.
Manny laughed. “You’re not fluid, dude. You’re gay.”
Oliver scoffed. “Wha- what are you talking about?”
“You’re gay, bro. It’s cool,” said Manny.
“I’m not gay,” said Oliver. “I have a girlfriend!”
“I thought she was just like, your beard or something,” said Manny.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You know, like when a gay dude asks a girl to pretend to be his girlfriend so people don’t think he’s gay.”
“She’s not pretending to be my girlfriend,” said Oliver, annoyed. “We’ve been dating for almost two years!”
Manny tilted his head, looking at Oliver curiously. “You ever fucked her?”
Oliver blushed. “No,” he admitted.
“But you’ve been thinking about dudes,” Manny said.
“I didn’t say that,” said Oliver quickly.
Manny laughed. “Bro, you literally just told me you thought you were fluid. Plus, you practically eye fuck me every time we work out.”
Oliver was stunned. He opened his mouth to protest but Manny quickly cut him off.
“It’s chill, bro,” said Manny. “It’s cute, I don’t mind it. To tell you the truth... I kinda like the attention.”
Manny was standing out of the shower now, his towel wrapped around his body. He walked over towards Oliver. Oliver quickly grabbed his towel to cover himself.
“What made you start thinking about all this?” asked Manny.
Oliver backed towards the shower wall, wrapping his towel around himself. He avoided Manny’s gaze.
“Nothing… my dad just told me I might be-“
“Oh shit! You talked to your dad about this?” Manny asked.
“I didn’t bring it up! He told me he thought I was gay and… he said I should try it.”
Oliver didn’t mention the rest of it. He was barely able to admit that part to himself.
“Holy shit,” said Manny. “Well, maybe your dad has a point. What better way to figure out whether or not you’re gay than by fooling around with a guy?”
Oliver rolled his eyes. “It’s not that easy. I have a girlfriend, I can’t just find some guy after a wrestling match to… touch my cock, or something.
Manny laughed. “Fair enough, bro.”
He looked at Oliver for a moment. “So, uh… what kinda dudes are you into?”
Oliver blushed. “I haven’t even thought about this before three days ago, I don’t-“
“You gotta like muscles, right? I mean, who doesn’t?”
Manny took a step closer. He was standing only a few feet away from Oliver now.
Oliver was frozen against the wall. “I mean, I guess…” he said quietly.
Manny looked down at him, his gaze burning a hole right through Oliver.
“What about tattoos?” he asked. “You like a guy with ink?”
Oliver’s eyes darted down to the butterfly underneath Manny’s sternum. A bead of water was dripping down his abs, as he was still wet from the shower.
“Su- sure,” said Oliver.
Manny was now standing directly in front of him. He stared down at Oliver. Oliver could barely lift his eyes above Manny’s chest.
“You know I’ve always kind of had a thing for you, bro,” Manny said softly.
He grabbed Oliver’s hand and gently placed it on his crotch. Oliver gasped at the feeling of Manny’s bulge through his towel. Manny took his other hand and put it underneath Oliver’s chin. He lifted his head to look him in the eyes.
“So fucking cute,” he said. He leaned in and kissed Oliver.
Oliver closed his eyes, surrendering to Manny’s embrace. Just like on the squat rack, his knees felt like jelly. He reached his other hand out and touched Manny’s chest.
Unlike with Ashley, every neuron in Oliver’s brain was firing as he kissed Manny. He felt like he had at the restaurant the other night after half a glass of wine — head swimming, body tingling, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body.
But it was more than that. The way Manny was kissing him made him feel desired. Despite all of his shame around his body, he could feel how desperately Manny wanted him. That feeling of being wanted excited Oliver more than anything he’d ever done with Ashley.
He knew that, no matter what Manny wanted, he would give it to him. He was powerless, just like he would have been if Manny had had him pinned on the mat.
Manny slipped his tongue into Oliver’s mouth as he pulled him in closer. Oliver’s hand was still on Manny’s cock, massaging it through the towel. Manny moaned into Oliver’s mouth.
“Fuck, dude. I’ve wanted this for so long,” Manny said.
He grabbed the towel and let it fall. Oliver looked down. His eyes widened as he saw Manny’s cock for the first time.
Fuck, it was so much bigger than he’s expected! It was perfectly proportional, a decent girth, and 8”. The thing that shocked Oliver, however, was that it was uncircumcised. Oliver had never seen an uncircumcised penis before, and the extra foreskin was fascinating to him.
Manny smiled at him. “You can touch it if you want,” he said.
Oliver reached down and touched the head of Manny’s cock with the tips of his fingers.
“Mmm…” said Manny. “Squeeze it.”
Oliver wrapped his fingers around it and began to stroke it up and down. Manny groaned.
“Your hands are so soft,” he said. “Like a girl’s hands. Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy.”
Oliver blushed. He felt so powerful in that moment, so thrilled at his own ability to turn Manny on.
Manny wanted him! He thought he was sexy! This fucking Greek God, this boy that Oliver had been idolizing for the last few years, thought that HE was sexy.
He stroked Manny’s cock up and down, enjoying the way the soft, warm skin felt in his fingers. He looked up at Manny and saw the Bulgarian boy throw his head back, enjoying the feeling of Oliver’s touch.
An idea came over him all of a sudden. He looked at Manny, whose eyes were still closed. Quickly, before he could change his mind, Oliver got on his knees.
Now that he was level with Manny’s cock, he inspected it up close. The thick, bulbous head was leaking out a bit of precum, which ran into Oliver’s fingers. He put his face right up next to it, looking closely at every vein. Finally he closed his eyes and took the head into his mouth.
Manny opened his eyes. “Oh fuck, bro, your mouth feels so good.”
He put his hands on Oliver’s head, running his fingers through his hair as Oliver took more of his member into his mouth.
Oliver was harder than he’d ever been, kneeling in front of his friend with his friend’s dick in his mouth. He put his hands on Manny’s massive thighs, squeezing them as he felt Manny’s cock hit the back of his throat.
Oh shit. What did he do now? He was only halfway down Manny’s cock. How was he supposed to fit any more into his mouth?
“Lick my balls, bro. Feels so fucking good.”
Oliver pulled Manny’s cock out of his mouth, with a bunch of saliva pouring out as well. He wiped his mouth, then lifted Manny’s cock. The same way he’d inspected Manny’s cock, he inspected his balls. They were large and warm, with little black hairs coming out of the sack.
Oliver cupped them in his hands, feeling the weight of them. They were definitely larger than Oliver’s were. He put his nose in Manny’s crotch and breathed in. God, there it was. That masculine musk that Manny and his father both reeked. This was the source!
He continued to smell Manny’s balls, breathing in the intoxicating scent as much as he could.
Manny laughed. “I’m glad you like the smell,” he said. “Try tasting it.”
Oliver looked up at Manny, wide-eyed. Manny stroked his cheek, smiling at him. He then lifted his cock up to give Oliver access to his balls.
Oliver opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, gently lapping against the flesh of Manny’s ballsack. Just like his cock, it tasted fleshy and slightly salty. Oliver opened his mouth wider to take in more of Manny’s ballsack until one of his testicles popped in.
“Brooooo…” Manny groaned, continuing to stroke Oliver’s cheek with his hand.
Oliver sucked on Manny’s ball, rolling it around in his mouth as he explored the feeling. He could feel the warmth of Manny’s cock resting against his face as he licked all around Manny’s testicle. He soon switched to the other testicle, giving both of Manny’s balls a passionate cleaning.
“You’re so good at this, bro,” Manny said, putting his hands behind his head as he enjoyed Oliver’s mouth on his balls. “I told you you were a cocksucker.”
Oliver turned red, kneeling in front of Manny with one of Manny’s balls in his mouth and his own dick harder than ever. But he didn’t stop — in fact, he grabbed Manny’s cock and shoved it back into his mouth again. He focused on taking as much of Manny’s cock as he could into his mouth, but it kept hitting the back of his throat and making him gag.
“Relax your throat, dude,” Manny said, grabbing his hair and thrusting lightly into Oliver’s mouth.
Oliver tried, opening his throat muscles to let the invading phallus in. Manny thrust back and forth, burrowing his cock deeper into Oliver’s throat until it went all the way in. Oliver opened his eyes in shock as his nose brushed up against Manny’s pubes.
“That’s it, now you’re deep-throating me,” Manny said, grinning.
Oliver continued to bob up and down on Manny’s cock, his hands reaching up and running along Manny’s abs. Manny took Oliver’s hand in his own and ran it over his body, across his pecs and abdominal muscles.
“I knew you liked my body, bro,” Manny said, smiling. “You can’t take your fucking eyes off me.”
Oliver traced the little butterfly tattoo on Manny’s sternum with his fingers, his other hand reaching behind Manny to push him deeper into his mouth. He closed his eyes and focused on Manny’s cock, enjoying the sounds of Manny groaning in pleasure.
Soon Manny grabbed Oliver by the arm and pulled him to his feet. He kissed Oliver again, shoving his tongue into Oliver’s throat as he pressed Oliver’s body tightly against his own. Oliver put his hands against Manny’s chest, completely at the mercy of Manny’s kiss.
Manny broke the kiss, then turned Oliver around and ripped his towel off, leaving him completely naked.
“Bend over and put your hands up against the wall,” he whispered in Oliver’s ear.
Oliver did what he told him, his heart beating in his chest. He could feel Manny’s hands on his cheeks, spreading them apart.
Holy fuck! Was Manny going to fuck him? Oliver wasn’t sure he was ready for that. Hell, he’d only just now realized that he was actually attracted to men!
“Shit, dude. You have such a pretty pink hole,” Manny said.
All of a sudden he felt something warm and soft pressing against his hole. He winced, preparing for the protrusion of Manny’s cock until he realized that it wasn’t Manny’s cock at all. No, it was something softer than that rubbing up and down his hole. He turned around and looked in shock as he saw Manny on his knees. Manny was licking his asshole!
Oliver moaned. Whatever Manny was doing, it felt amazing! Oliver knew that gay dudes fucked up the ass, everyone knows that. But he hadn’t realized how good it could feel to have someone eat your ass. He pressed his face against the shower wall, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he surrendered to the talents of Manny’s tongue.
Manny wiggled his tongue deep inside Oliver’s hole, causing shivers to go up and down Oliver’s body. Oliver reached back and pulled his cheeks apart, allowing Manny to go in even deeper. His eyes rolled in the back of his head as he felt Manny probe him in the most intimate place imaginable. Fuck, this felt so good!
After a few minutes of unimaginable bliss, Manny stood up and whispered into Oliver’s ear.
“I fucking love your ass, bro. So fucking delicious.”
He raised his hand up and put his middle finger into Oliver’s mouth. Oliver sucked on it obediently, getting it nice and wet. Manny then reached down and slid his finger inside of Oliver’s asshole, causing Oliver to let out a small cry.
“Shh…” Manny said as he held Oliver from behind. He kissed his neck, his right arm wrapped around Oliver’s neck while he used his left hand to work his finger deeper into Oliver’s hole.
Oliver whimpered as he felt Manny’s finger move around inside him. It was such a foreign feeling, but one that made him feel warm and tingly inside. After the initial discomfort, he quickly found that he wanted even more of Manny inside him.
“Does that feel good, bro?” Manny whispered into his ear, his finger curling in a “come hither” motion inside of Oliver.
Oliver nodded, his cock leaking massive amounts of precum from being manhandled by this hunk. Manny continued to hold him tight, rubbing his hard cock against Oliver’s lower back as he finger fucked his hole.
Oliver could feel himself steadily approaching orgasm, the anal stimulation too much for the young man. He quickly reached for his cock and, on only the third stroke, began to shoot his jizz all over the wall.
“Fuck, dude, you’re gushing!” said Manny.
As Oliver came, his mind involuntarily flashed to his father. He could see his father’s hand on his shoulder as he sat in bed naked, looking into his father’s eyes. He thought about those eyes as he continued to soak the wall with his sperm.
Oliver fell to his knees, completely spent as the last of his seed dribbled out of his cock. He looked up at his jizz dripping slowly down the wall.
“My turn,” he heard Manny say behind him.
He turned around to see Manny stroking his cock above him, his other hand rubbing his nipples as he jerked himself off. Oliver could barely move, still deflated from his orgasm. He watched curiously as Manny pleasured himself, their eyes locking. Manny bit his lip, stroking his uncut cock as he continued to rub his body.
Oliver marveled at just how incredible Manny’s body truly was. Every muscle in his body was tensed as he masturbated himself, his pecs and biceps nearly popping out of his skin. Oliver felt a wave of desire flood over him, despite having just cum. He put his face right underneath Manny’s cock, looking up at him as Manny jerked himself.
Manny smiled. “Here it comes bro… UGH!” he shouted as he began to shoot his load.
Oliver closed his eyes as the warm, sticky cum shot out of Manny’s cock and onto his face. He could feel each jet of cum shooting farther and farther, getting all over his lips, nose, eyes, and hair. He didn’t know why, but something about having his face painted by Manny made him feel like the sexiest man in the world.
Manny grunted as he finished orgasming, the jets of cum beginning to subside. Oliver opened his eyes, wiping the cum away as he looked up at Manny. Manny let out big, heavy breaths, staring down at Oliver’s cum-filled face. He grinned.
“Well, you’re definitely not straight, dude,” he said.
He took his thumb and wiped some of the cum off of Oliver’s chin, then stuck it in between his lips. Oliver sucked on Manny’s thumb, tasting his cum. He was surprised at how pleasant it tasted — not as bitter as he might have imagined.
“Thank God for Manny’s clean diet!” Oliver thought as he swallowed it down.
Manny reached over and turned on the shower, surprising Oliver. Oliver got to his feet and closed his eyes, washing the cum off of his face. Manny went up behind him and held him around the waist, pushing his deflating cock up against Oliver’s ass.
“That was fun,” he said as he put his chin on Oliver’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long. Ever since I first saw you in that little speedo of yours.”
Oliver moaned. He reached up and held onto Manny’s arms. Manny kissed him on the neck, then turned and grabbed his towel.
“I’m gonna go get changed. Thanks for that,” he said, stepping out of the shower and wrapping the towel around his waist. He winked at Oliver before walking away.
Oliver leaned against the wall, enjoying the warmth of the water as his post-orgasm mind tried to work out what had just happened.
Was he gay? It would be pretty foolish to assume he was straight after the mind-blowing orgasm he’d just had being finger fucked by another guy.
But what about Ashley? Was he attracted to her at all?
His heart sank as he realized his betrayal. What was he going to tell her? He wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret for long, he knew that. Mostly because he really fucking wanted to do it again.
And what of his dad? It was his father he’d been thinking about when he came. Did that mean his father was right, that he was attracted to him? No, that couldn’t be true. It was just an involuntary thing. His dad was the one who’d planted the whole idea of being gay in his mind in the first place. That was the only reason he was thinking about him.
Oliver could accept that maybe he liked sucking dick. But sucking his dad’s dick? He wasn’t sure he would go that far. Something about the whole thing still repulsed him. The idea of being on his knees, taking his dad’s cock into his mouth, feeling his dad cum on his face the way Manny had… it made him feel this pit in his stomach.
But if he was being honest with himself, it also made his cock grow hard despite the fact that he had just cum only moments earlier.
Oliver reached over and turned off the shower, still no closer to knowing what to do about his dad. If anything, he only felt more confused.
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