I'm only 18 but feel desperately fucked up. It shouldn't be like this because I would seem to have everything going for me. I'm reasonably good looking, have a hot body so I am told, and popular amongst my friends. There's nothing lacking below the belt either, not massive but big enough to make a nice bulge in my jeans.

Although my name is Justin my best friend Paul usually calls me Big J, the origin being a secret between the two of us. Actually it started in our earlier teen years when we began to jerk off together. Paul was impressed with my package, not that he has anything to complain about either, and started calling me, Big J.

Jerking off together was also about the time I began to get pretty confused. Seeing Paul feverishly wanking off for the first time was such a major turn on for me that I came strongly after just a few strokes and shot the furthest ever! The sight of Paul with his legs wide open pumping his rigid cock, his balls jumping around below his shaft, was the most erotic thing I had ever seen. Then when he came with heavy pants of pleasure, his cock bucking strongly as he shot long squirts of cum, I just about fainted. I had frequently looked at myself wanking in the mirror but seeing Paul was something else again. After that, each time I jerked off, I pictured Paul wanking himself and imagined my hand around his nice fat cock and wished his was around mine. I watched my cum shoot out often pretending it was Paul's fresh spunk from those lovely bouncing balls which pulled up so tight before he came and even tasted it with that in my mind. Oh boy, such a major turn on! We didn't get into mutual masturbation to start with but from then on I also took more notice of other boy's bulges and got a good look at their cocks in the locker room at school. There were some stunning boys with amazing cocks I would drool over. Wow, plenty to fantasy about!

Needless to say most of our teen conversations were centred around girls and what we would like to do to them. I had no problem getting dates, girls said I was cute, and I certainly enjoyed it when they wanked me off. The problem was that when they were jerking me I would fantasy that it was Paul or one of my other guy friends doing it. This became increasingly disturbing and not a little frustrating.

When we were 18, Paul and I went bungee jumping from a high bridge over a gorge. We went tandem which meant we were harnessed together. We held on to one another for dear life when we jumped. I nearly shit myself for the free fall bit but as we swayed back and forth at the end of the rope, whooping with delight, I got a massive erection. Paul and I were clasped really closely and I was so worried that he would notice. He did! Nobody could get that close to my boner and not notice! He commented that a thrill like bungee jumping often caused that response and confessed that he was semi-hard also. The difference was that I was turned on by being in such close proximity to Paul. I just wanted the time with our arms wrapped tightly around one another to last forever. From then on I really craved to wank, suck, fuck, whatever, with other guys, particularly Paul. He had a steady girl friend though and I guessed that he wouldn't like the idea! Paul and I were such close friends that we shared lots of 'in' jokes and secrets. It became a source of discomfort for me because Paul had the habit of leaning very close and whispering some comment into my ear. His male smell, the warmth coming off his body, the touch of his hand, would make my mouth dry and get my prick swelling up big time. When he put his face close to mine, and he was a really cute looking guy, I just wanted to kiss him passionately pushing my tongue between his full lips. Then I would imagine sliding my cock between those same lips and could almost feel him sucking on my prick. Hmm, pre-cum would wet my briefs and I would have a serious boner to contend with. I visit to the men's room and a quick wank thinking of Paul sorted me out for a while.

One night Paul came to my place in a real state. He'd tried to go all the way with his girl but she refused and got angry. I was surprised thinking that they had been fucking for a long time already. Anyway after a couple of drinks, Paul said he was frustrated and wanted to wank off. This wasn't unusual for us and so we both dropped our jeans, leaned back next to one another on a small two-seater couch and started to stroke. This was the first time we had actually sat next to one another to jerk off. Having Paul right next to me naked from the waist down wanking his nice cock made me actually shiver with excitement. After a couple of minutes I was beside myself and blurted out, "Would you like me to wank you?"

Without hesitation Paul just leaned right back on the couch, opened his legs and said, "Great idea Big J!"

Trembling, I leaned over and gripped his stiff cock. Oh boy! What a beautiful feeling, even better than I had imagined. Clearly I was totally used to how my own cock feels in my hand but it was totally different to grip another guy's – so hard and yet spongy, and hot! I gripped it full fisted and Paul grunted with pleasure as I started to stroke up and down, a bit tentatively at first. When I had set up a good steady rhythm he squirmed and sighed, "Oh yeah man, you wank me even better than my girl, maybe even better than myself!" and opened his legs wider. My cock was twitching, leaking, and harder than I could remember. I thought that the feel of Paul's rigid prick in my hand and the sight of his balls slapping up and down as I stroked him was the ultimate wank off scenario. Then however the startling amount of pre-cum that was pouring from his cock slit and dribbling down his fat shaft created a most awesome wet squishy noise as I pumped him. It took my breath away. How I loved to make his balls jump up and down as I wanked him a bit faster. I couldn't wait to feel them and so I massaged them around for a couple of minutes with Paul's stiff prick swaying around above his balls and dripping pre-cum. I gripped his cock again and this time pumped full length strokes more firmly. Paul's mouth gaped open as he gasped, "Yes, yes, oh yes, give my cock a really good hard wank, mmmm, oooh, oh boy yes!" (obviously the sort of thing he said when his girl wanked him off)

His cock just seemed to get harder and harder as his breath came in pants and his balls pulled right up. He was definitely about to come when he put his hand on my wanking hand and said, "Hey man!" I thought that he suddenly wanted to back off. Instead he said, "Hey, what about you my friend?" and quickly leaned over and gripped my cock, which was throbbing with need by then. Oh, oh! I sank back onto the cushion as Paul began pumping my prick with deliciously slow but full length strokes. Never had I felt anything like it! Words couldn't describe how good my cock felt and my balls, already drawn up, ached to deliver their load. Paul quickened his strokes, urging me on with the words, "That's it Big J, feels good hey? Push up and let me stroke the full length of your lovely big dick." I thrust my hips up and down in time with Paul's pumping. He let go for a moment to massage my balls saying softly "Such lovely fat balls full of spunk ready to shoot lots of hot cum." (Where did he earn such language?)

He most certainly was not wrong. I desperately wanted to come then and there but as Paul continued to wank me I shifted my position so that I could grip his cock at the same time. With a bit of maneuvering we sorted out arm positions and pumped one another's cocks simultaneously. It didn't take long for either of us. Already at the point of coming, the added stimulus of wanking one another brought us both to a ball shattering climax. I grunted loudly and shot first, a massive squirt that went high into the air. I was unloading a second squirt when Paul cried out as he began to come. It was very difficult to keep wanking one another once we had both started to actually shoot together. I just wanted to lay back shuddering and let Paul milk my cock of every last drop. He said later that he felt the same way, but we kept on pumping one another until we had finished coming. What a mess! Spunk everywhere, and the smell of freshly ejaculated semen was heavenly. After collapsing for a couple of minutes we laughed as we cleaned up.

That was the first of many mutual wank off sessions. We usually made one another come separately after that, taking turns who would come first. I couldn't get enough of it but as much as I wanted to I was really frightened to take it further. Paul seemed to be more and more into girls whereas it was clear to me by then that I am gay.

Eventually our mutual wank off sessions became less and less frequent.

It's just so lonely not being able to have a partner. I know I'm only 20 but I think guys in this sort of predicament will understand what I'm saying. I think I might be sort of bi but clearly with a much stronger gay side, and it's definitely a guy I want. But how does a guy go about finding such a partner? I have read that gay clubs can be a bit of a mine field, I don't know, but anyway I feel it's preferable to meet someone in the normal run of things without just sex on the agenda. Make no mistake I desperately want sex but I crave it within a relationship of some kind. It doesn't have to be a relationship forever but at least a friendship where another human being likes and wants me romantically for who I am, not because I have a pretty face and a big cock! Maybe I'm being unrealistic.

There have to be many others out there in the same predicament but how do we find one another?

Writing out this story has made me think about the things Paul said when he was wanking me off. I think he was more experienced with guys than he let on. I think I will tackle him on that within the next couple of days.



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