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Tonight

The first thing you notice is the distinctive smell of the place.  When you walk in the door there's this cellophane-like, plastic smell in the air.  Which should be expected given that there is a lot of cellophane and plastic in the large open store.  Printed and taped porn is wrapped in cellophane and sex toys are made of plastic…so...there you go.  The smell isn't unpleasant at all, but it is very specific to this environment.

The air changes considerably when you enter the back rooms.  The place where it all goes down.  The video booths.  The screening rooms.  The dark hallways built so there are a lot of corners.  These areas smell like sex.  Pure simple male animal lust.  And it's intoxicating.  Sweat.  Cum.  The smell of desire.  The smell of need.  The scent of everyday ordinary horny manliness.  Fuck.  If someone could capture this fragrance in a bottle he would revolutionize the cologne industry.

I'm Brian, by the way.  Forty eight.  Divorced father of two unbelievably awesome kids (grown now...how did that happen?).  And queer, just so you know, as a fucking three dollar bill.  I am finally to the point in my life where I could give a flying fuck about the gay part.  I am a man.  A decent, God fearing, all American, masculine man.  Who just happens to love sucking and being sucked and fucking and being fucked by other men.  God bless America mother fuckers.  Take me as I am or take a flying leap.  Your choice.

So what brings me to this castle of male desire on the outskirts of downtown Nashville?  What do I bring to the game?  I'm not ancient but hell; I’m way closer to fifty than I am to forty.  I'm sure not the stereotypical gay sex object.  I'm 6'1",185 pounds, solid but not ripped (by any means).  People have always said I am handsome but, when I hear that, I think they're playing fast and loose with the word.  My nose is too...off...to be handsome.  Plus I have a small scar on my right cheek from a bike accident I had when was twelve.  I will admit to having nice eyes.  Clear, deep, and green.  I've thick, close-cut, light brown hair; definitely graying at the sideburns and my two-day-beard.  Not to mention the gray that is finding a home in the fur on my chest and stomach.  My cock is, at best, average in size (ok...it might not be huge but it is thick with a vein running up and over the shaft that guys seem to really enjoy running their tongues over).  So, if I'm not hung and don't look like Brad Pitt, what do I have to offer other guys on the prowl in the corridors of this market?

Let's just say I have a very willing spirit.  And let's acknowledge that stereotypes are for losers.  There is plenty of room in the gay world for every day men like me.  I’m not a Bear or an Otter or even a Daddy.  If I’m a type, it’s Guy-Next-Door.  Who-Loves-Sex-With-Other-Men.  A-Lot.

I've been coming to this particular adult establishment for years.  I started visiting when I was in my thirties and still married.  I was trapped in a marriage that from all outward appearances was perfect.  But I knew better.  Didn't do much with anyone back then but I was a keen observer.  I learned the ropes by watching the, and pardon the pun, ins and outs of what goes on at places like this.  My natural voyeuristic bent helped.  I love to watch people.  In particular people having sex.  Ok.  Well...I love to watch men having sex.  Preferably with each other.  And let me tell you...there are few better places to see that happen than at so called "straight" adult establishments.  At least in cities that have no gay bath houses.  Adult book and video stores are a closeted gay man's wet dream.

Literally.

I am no longer closeted.  Ex-wife knows.  Kids know.  Family knows.  And even the folks at work know.  Hell.  I'm the fucking poster boy for the newly out middle aged gay man.  I'm happy.  I'm accepted by most people about who I give a shit.  I'm "comfortable".  So why am I not out looking for Mr. Right in the proper places for gay men to find their Prince Charming?  The numerous (at least in my city, thank God) socially acceptable places to meet a nice gay man with whom you can settle down?  Why do I continue to visit haunts of closeted, usually married, gay men every few months?  Why do I get off on the secrecy vibe when I am no longer a secret?

Maybe because having an orgasm with dozens of horny men nearby is hot as fuck. 

Look...do I want to meet the man of my dreams and build a life with him?  Grow old with him? Watch the grandkids play in the back yard with him?  Hold his hand as we watch the sunset?  Yeah.  I want that.  Hell.  The thought of that is better than the thought of any orgasm in my immediate future.  So I date.  I'm looking.  And, funny thing, when I'm dating a guy, I have a strict no sex policy until at least the fourth date.  Dating is about finding out what a person is like.  Who he is inside.  Sex, too early in a relationship, fucks that up.  At least for me.  But I'm not expecting to meet Mr. Right in this place or on this night.  I'm not even expecting to meet Mr. Right Now in this dark, electric cave of a place.  That's ok.  I'm not dating anyone at the moment and tonight...I want to play.

*

After paying the $20.00 "membership fee" to enter the back rooms, I pass through the metal detector and head to the rear of the store, past the videos, magazines, dildos, blow-up dolls, and lubes and walk through a door frame curtained by heavy red velvet drapes.  It takes a few seconds for my eyes to grow accustomed to the low light coming from 40 watt bulbs hanging a good ten feet above and spaced to leave certain corners dimmer than the main passageway.  I stand just inside the now closed curtain and breathe in the welcoming heady scent.  My cock stirs in my Levis, as if knowing on it's own that good things are about to happen, the sensitive mushroom head tingling slightly as it brushes the rough denim.  The place is busy.  It’s Friday, a little after 5:00 and the after work crowd is arriving.  It's going to be a good night.

My eyes now adjusted to the light, I begin my evening by joining the men who are strolling through the corridors.  The hallway, about six feet wide with a black linoleum floor and walls painted a dull gray, runs about twenty or so feet  then turns ninety degrees to the right.  About fifteen feet later there’s another right that takes you back to the front where there is a last turn that will bring you back to the curtained entrance.

These four connecting halls surround two media rooms.  One showing straight films, the other non-stop gay porn.  Each theatre has three black leather couches, the largest placed against the back wall, a slightly smaller one in front of it, and a smaller couch still at the front, closest to the screen.  The screen itself is a high def 70” television hanging on the wall about five feet from the floor.  There is a long low table below the screen with mints, condoms, paper towels, hand sanitizer, leather and glass cleaner.  I observed early on that it is just simple common courtesy to clean up your jizz should you shoot onto anything the janitor would have to address.  Most guys are pretty good about this.

While there is always action to be found in the theatres, I want to see what else is going on tonight before going into one.  And, by the way, while I will generally spend my time in the gay room, there’s no shortage of sex between men happening in the straight theatre.  Some guys figure that if the place gets raided (something that I have never heard of actually taking place) they will be better off if their wife and friend reads about them being arrested in a straight theatre than a gay one.  Being out, that’s one less thing for me to worry about.  Though I would prefer to not be arrested at all, of course.

No.  First I want to just walk around a bit.  Get the feel of the crowd.  Maybe check out one of the private video rooms (really a walk-in closet) that are available behind one of several doors along the left side of each corridor.  In addition to a chair or two, each of these booths has a smaller high def screen on one wall.  A console box under the screen allows you to scroll through the available movies, gay, straight, and bi, until something or someone catches your eye.  Many of the booths have glory holes cut into one or both of the side walls.  There’s also paper towels and hand sanitizer on the wall by the door.

Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to utilizing the “private” rooms.  I notice tonight for instance that one guy, a hunky African American probably in his early thirties, has left the door open and it treating whomever wants to watch to a show.  He sits slouched back in the chair watching an interracial gay flick as he strokes what must be ten inches of hard thick cock.  I’m all about doing a good deed and since the guy obviously gets off on performing  for others I pause and join two men who are already taking in the scene.  You know.  Just to help him out.

Nathan (I’ve named him Nathan in my head because it sounds collegiate and this guy is built like a former college athlete) has his khakis pulled down just enough to allow access to his balls and enormous shaft.  He’s turned slightly sideways so we are treated to a profile view as his fist slowly strokes up and down.  Nathan spits in his hand and lubes himself, the light of the video now reflecting off his wet, milk chocolate colored dick.  His bush is visible in shadow, thick and dark.  With his free hand he lifts his polo shirt up and and runs his hand  up his stomach then to his chest.  A light coating of that same curly dark hair trails up from his navel and is barely visible against his brown skin.

I’m standing between the other two men, both white and about my age.   Both are wearing their wedding ring.  The guy to my right is wearing an obviously expensive suit, shirt and tie.  Not to mention a Tag Heuer watch that I can't help but covet just a bit.  He’s nice looking in a preppie sort of way, tall and trim though not skinny.  Slightly wavy blonde hair cut, I'm sure, to meet his boss' expectations.  I can’t tell the color of his eyes.  He’s wearing stylish glasses, the action from the video  flickering across them as he watches Nathan. 

The other fellow is dressed much more casually in sweat pants and a tee shirt.  He’s stockier than Mr. Suit and not classically handsome but he has a great smile and is dripping masculinity.  Dark hair is curling from the neck front of his tight fitting tee.  His arms are hairy too and his left hand is in his sweat pants massaging a nice bulge that tents the soft gray cloth.  He's the sort of guy who will later have his buddies and their wives and kids over for a beer and pizza.  I like him immediately.

The three of us watch as Nathan continues the show, pushing down on his pubic area, tightening the skin on his already engorged cock.  The pink head of Nathan's cock seems even larger than before.  Other men on the prowl have slowed their pace but there’s really only room for the three of us to watch and we’re not going anywhere just yet so the other men move on.  I casually brush my hand down the front of my jeans, feeling my cock swell and grow down my right pant leg.  Mr. Suit notices.  We glance at each other, our eyes locking for a second.  I open my mouth slightly and lick my upper lip, partly because my lips are dry and partly to send a signal.

It’s then that I feel a hand cup my left ass cheek.  I lean back a bit and press into Tee’s palm.  Mr. Suit notices this small movement, too, and takes the opportunity to place his palm on my stomach.  He looks at me as if wanting to know if touching me is ok.  I smile letting him know that he is fine.  His hand creeps down and begins gently rubbing up and down the outline of my denim clad cock.  I’m so hard that even the mushroom head of my shaft is clearly visible.

Tee’s attention to my ass has grown more urgent.  His visual focus is on Nathan and the video images on the screen but his hand is all over my firm butt.  He lifts my polo shirt and tries to slide his hand down the back of my jeans.  There’s no room but I, again being the helpful guy I am, unbutton the first two buttons on the fly of my jeans.  This gives him room to slide his hand in and cup my bare ass in his rough hand.  I love having my ass played with and let out a small moan. 

Suit now takes advantage of the extra room in my jeans on slides his hand down the front, quickly making delicious contact with my hot prick.  And when I use the word hot I'm talking about temperature.  It’s as if my penis is on fire from the inside.  I undo one more button giving Mr. Suit the room he needs to wrap his fist around the base of my dick.  He gives me a gentle but insistent squeeze and I hear myself emit a low growl of pleasure. 

Nathan has now turned his attention from the video and started watching the three of us.  Suddenly the roles are reversed and we’re his show.  Hey…time about is fair play.  I’m not ready this early in the night to cum, however, so I have no intention of letting Mr. Suit pull my cock out completely as he was struggling to do.  One thing I have found to be the case, and this might surprise a lot of people, is that most all men will show good manners and either stop or slow down when asked nicely.  Everyone is there for a good time and no one wants to spoil it. 

Anyway, I need the friction on my butt and penis to stop for a moment.  I say softly to the guys who were making it their mission to have me shoot my load after less than thirty minutes of arrival that “I need to slow down guys.”  Those are the first words spoken between us.  Immediately their hands leave my jeans and travel up my back and chest. 

I glance at Nathan, whose pace has quickened considerably and follow his gaze to  Tee, who had raised his shirt and lowered his sweatpants a bit.  Tee’s cock is sticking straight up and tight against his abdomen.  Instinctively I reach down and wrap my hand around his thick meat, running my thumb lightly over the bulby head.  I meet Tee’s eyes and he flashes that great smile at me.  Pressing my thumb over his jizz slit I feel the slick of his pre-cum.  Squeezing that pink ridged flesh just slightly releases a nice little spoonful of his juice.  I bring my now wet thumb up to my tongue and taste this wonderful essence.  Mr. Suit is watching and, after I suck my thumb clean, he leans forward and kisses me, his hot, sweet tongue battling mine for the remainder of Tee’s man honey.

A low but powerful groan leaves Nathan’s lips.  Just in time, we three older guys give our full attention to the younger man who has invited us into his fantasy.  Nathan’s body goes rigid.  His grip on the base of his cock grows tight and he stops pumping.  His balls, the size of large eggs, draw up so far into his body that it looks as if they might shoot out of the end of that awesome fuck pipe.  They don’t of course but what could easily be three shot glasses of thick white cum fire like a pistol, past his stomach and chest and hitting Nathan square in the face.  Time freezes and then the young man shudders as he squeezes the last drops of his spunk from his slit.  “Fuckkkk…”  he says finally.  Catching his breath, Nathan smiles at us, reaches down and, taking a couple of baby wipes from a travel pack in his pocket, wipes the goo from his handsome face.

Speaking of catching your breath, I am breathing awfully heavy after watching Nathan’s release.  I'm not alone, either.  Suit and Tee are as sex drunk as I am.  We watch as Nathan pulls up his khakis, struggling to fit his still semi-hard penis into them.  Once he has adjusted himself and zipped up, he leaves.  Smiling sweetly he touches each of us on the chest as he passes, thanking us softly and telling us to have a good time.

We decide to take him up on that.

*

Suit, Tee, and I barely fit in the tight video booth but the forced closeness only serves to make us more desperate to explore each other’s bodies.  Our hands and mouths are all over each other the second the door closes.  Suit’s tongue is in my mouth.  He tastes a bit like cinnamon and he moans into me as our tongues tangle wildly.  With one hand I am massaging his rapidly hardening penis while the other fumbles with the zipper of his slacks.  I can barely breathe I am so turned on. 

Tee is adding to the fever of the moment, as well as to the somewhat awkward stance in which we're balancing.  Three grown men in the tiny booth is bad enough but Tee has squatted down and is quickly removing my jeans.  He snaps the last two buttons on my fly and yanks them down to my ankles.  I’m naked from the waist down, since I never wear underwear in these situations.  My cock is rock hard and sticking straight out, pressing into Suit’s trousers.  Tee goes right for my pucker, spreading my ivory ass cheeks wide he plunges his hot wet tongue into my hairy hole. 

I gasp in dizzy pleasure as Tee’s mouth takes on a life of its own.  I feel his rough beard on my butt.  It’s as if Tee has been starving for my starfish.  He licks up and down my crack and taint, stopping to focus his attention to my quivering sphincter, licking and sucking.  Now he's running his beard up and down the valley, the rough hair scratching wonderfully across my tender skin.  If we three didn’t so tightly fill the room, my knees would collapse.  As it is, I push back into Tee’s eager face, flexing my hole to open as wide as I can to this tongue-fucking.

All the while, Suit has not let up on his assault of my mouth.  Our tongues continue to battle inside each other’s mouths.  Through my delirium, I have managed to release his cock from his pants and now hold his hot flesh stick in my right hand.  I lightly stroke what I estimate to be about six and half inches of solid manhood.  I want to see what I am holding but to look down would mean I would have to stop kissing him and Suit is a fan-fucking-tastic kisser.  Some random synapse makes note of the way my hand catches on the ridge of his cockhead with each stroke.  I realize that this catch is synchronized to little moans that Suit is breathing into me as we kiss.  His corona must be extra sensitive.  I run my finger, slick with a bit of pre-cum, over that pulsing cap and sure enough, Suit goes wild.  Our kissing intensifies.  I LOVE being able to find a guy’s pleasure points and use them to make him lose himself in the moment.

Speaking of pleasure points, Tee has found one of mine.  He is settled in on my ass for the evening.  I don’t want him to suffocate so I try to press on his shoulder to let him know he can stand up and take a breath but Tee will have nothing of it.  Tonight, this man needs to be doing exactly what he is.  My ass is this man’s heaven and who am I to deny a hot guy something he so obviously enjoys?  Not to mention something he is so fucking good at.  Tee’s tongue has found its way deep into me, deeper than anyone has ever rimmed me before.  I feel as if he could almost reach my prostate with his probing mouth muscle.  I can tell by the way his arm is hitting my calves that he is finding great pleasure in stroking his cock as he eats out my now very wet hole.

I realize suddenly that what is making this encounter so hot is that it almost exclusively involves some form of kissing.  I love to kiss.  The feel of another man’s face against mine is intoxicating.  Shaved or bearded, it doesn’t matter.  It’s the intimacy and pleasure that the male mouth can give and receive that is so mind-blowing.  Some guys won’t kiss in situations like this.  And that’s their call but damn…they sure are missing out.

I feel Tee’s rhythm falter and I know what’s about to happen.  I reluctantly take a break from Suit’s beautiful lips and urge Tee on.  “Eat that ass, man.  Stroke your hard cock.  Shoot your fucking load while your tongue is buried in my man hole, you fucker.”

I don’t always talk dirty during sex but when I do, I get results.   Tee's face presses into my ass as he cums, the vibrations of his moans and texture of his beard nearly making me blow my own load.  The feeling is like nothing I have ever experienced.  It’s primal.  It’s wonderful.  It takes my breath away.

Tee falls back on his haunches.  “Oh my GOD” we say at the same time.  Tee flashes that gorgeous smile of his.  The front of his tee shirt is covered in his milky seed.  Suit has taken his cock in his own hand and is rolling his fist just under the head.  His penis is every bit as perfect as I imagined and sure enough, the head flares noticeably at its base.  I love seeing what I had felt and look forward to feeling that cock in my mouth and catching that ridge not just on my hand but on my lips.

As Tee stands up, using the wall against his back to help lift himself off the floor, Suit’s cell phone rings.  Well, it doesn’t ring exactly.  It announces the caller.  “Call from Jennifer at home” the phone states.  “FUCK!” Suit says as he drops his cock and reaches into his pocket.  “Shit shit shit” he mumbles as he declines the call.  I know then that I will not get to taste that awesome cock of his.  The intrusion of something so personal into the room leaves us all feeling a bit awkward.  Suit apologizes and Tee and I both assure him that we understand.  

We maneuver so that Tee can open the door.  “Your ass is the best thing to happen to me this year” he tells me.  “You are a beautiful man and I would love to fuck you some day.”  I smile and say thanks.  Tee leaves.  Suit has his dick back in his slacks and shrugs.  “Sorry man,” he says shyly.  “I wish I could stay but…I’m late as it is and...and I’m gonna catch hell from the….”  He lets that sentence trail off but I know who he means.  Lord do I feel sorry for this poor guy.  For the second time tonight I tell him that I understand.  He kisses me deeply one last time.  When he pulls away I see how torn he is.  And then, he too is out the door.

A very hot and hairy cub is standing outside massaging the impressive bulge in his jeans.  Our eyes  meet and he flashes me a grin that rivals Tee's for sheer horny sweetness.  This man is gorgeous and part of me (not that part) thinks he might actually have been waiting for me to finish with the other guys.  I wink at him but close the booth door just the same.  A few seconds later the cub tries to open the door, probably thinking I'm wanting him to join  me since I did, after all, wink.  Right now, though, I need a minute to myself.  As is courtesy in these places, the cub only tries once, then moves on.  I find a movie that looks pretty hot and fasten my jeans, which isn’t easy as I’m still pretty excited to be here.  I sit and take a moment to catch my breath.  The night is young. 

The film is a "classic", shot in the late-80s when sex was something new to me.  Exciting and without thought.  Sex is still exciting (please God, let it always be) but all these years later I admit that the act most always involves thought.  As I watch the half dozen or so men in the video doing things to each other that make my mouth water, I think back to the time when I was in Suit's shoes.  I can sure empathize with how he's feeling on the drive home.  It wasn't that long ago when I was there myself.

And then I realize something.  I've seen this film before.  I watched it when it was first released on VHS.  Fucking VHS.  I watched it with the very person who made me start thinking about sexual intimacy rather than just having sex.  That was both a good thing, and...well.  You know.  We grow up and we learn.

Wow.  I haven't thought of Mark in years.  And, given the circumstances, that says a lot about the resiliency of the human spirit.  Getting over Mark was rough.  I wonder whatever happened to him.  I hope he's out there somewhere, still fucking.  Still being beautiful.  Still alive.  Though there was a time when I would not have been so concerned with the alive part.  Yeah.  It took a lot to get over Mark.