WHEN IT RAINS
There’s a rite of passage when you’re queer. It’s called “coming out.” Before Tik Tok, IG, Snapchat, and going viral was the latest sensation coming out was one of the most feared things a queer person could do. That fear of being rejected for being something other than who the world wanted you to be was like death on a winter’s day. Here’s my story:
TWELVE YEARS EARLIER
Anthony bit his bottom lip as he unbuttoned his pants and pulled his semi erect cock out. He leaned over and took that cock into his mouth. His tongue rolled around the inside of the foreskin. Ant let out a deep sigh as he tossed his head back.
Grayson worked his neck, taking more of Ant in his mouth. His lips slid up and down the rock-hard shaft as he stroked himself. Ant placed a hand on the back of his head, making him take more of that pretty dick. He sighed and encouraged Grayson to take him deeper into his mouth. His smell and taste ran free to be completely devoured. He deep-throated the entire fat cock.
Grayson leaned back and hiked his legs up; his tight hole winked at Ant. The gorgeous stud smirked and ran his fat, heavy tongue across that smooth, tight hole. It sent tingles through his toes. Ant took his time and rolled his tongue across the taint and then sucked on the outer ring of Grayson’s ass.
Anthony worked his tongue inside his hole. He used it like it was a spear and spread those anal walls. He could feel that tongue completely darting in and out of his hole. He closed his eyes and let Ant’s tongue work its magic on his sweet and innocent anus.
Ant pushed his dick against that hole, and it slid right inside of him. Their bodies offered zero resistance. Ant groaned as he bottomed out in him. His balls came to rest against Grayson’s. The man could feel every inch of Ant’s dick buried deep in him. Anthony started to fuck him slowly. Grayson’s dick grew harder as he pumped into him.
Grayson’s walls turned into mush as he picked up the pace and urgency in his stroke game. Grayson rocked his body back and forth on that dick. Anthony sucked his ear into his mouth and let his warm breath trickle down Grayson’s smooth skin. His dick slid deeper into that wet hole. The moans between them grew louder. Anthony sat directly in that ass and pounded his backside.
Anthony’s hips slammed into Grayson one last time. His body strained as he unleashed his hot semen inside Grayson’s anal cavity. The two stared at one another. There was peace and love in their eyes. Anthony leaned down and kissed his boyfriend. Grayson kissed him back. It was the most passionate kiss they had ever shared with another soul in their young lives.
“What the fuck,” came the shrill voice of Grayson’s mother.
The two men jumped. Anthony fell off the sofa and rolled onto the floor. Grayson quickly covered his private bits with the pillow. His mother stood there staring at them with a look of pure disgust and anguish on her face. That look made parts of Grayson crawl and run away.
“Mom,” his nervous voice cracked as he spoke. “I can explain. We were just playing.”
“Don’t,” she said as she held her hand up. She sounded cold and removed. The love was missing. Grayson had spent his life fighting for love and affection, and it always seemed so far off in the distance. Still, he could always hear it just beneath the surface. He couldn’t hear it then. It was missing in action.
She looked at Anthony and told him, “You have twenty seconds to get out of my house.”
Anthony nodded his head. He quickly jumped up. All his personal business was on display. He didn’t care. He slipped his clothes on. He looked at Grayson with tender and loving eyes. He didn’t want to leave him alone, but he knew he didn’t have a choice.
Anthony walked toward the door. With each step he took, his heart broke. Grayson’s mom watched Anthony as if she were watching death walk by her. He took her temporary distraction and quickly slipped his pants and shit back on. That was not how he wanted to come out, but he hoped stupidly that she’d love him no matter what. She birthed him. She couldn’t turn her back on him, right?
Anthony opened the door, and the wind from the raging storm blew into the room. It sent a cool chill down Grayson’s spine. It iced over his mother’s heart. Anthony stepped out of the house and closed the door. She slowly turned her head back to her son. He was her firstborn, her eldest, and the one she never truly loved. She taunted and teased him his life with her variation of love. Through acts of manipulation and backhanded compliments, she ruined him before he ever had a chance to flourish in the world.
She couldn’t love him. Grayson looked too much like his father. He was a constant reminder of the man who loved her with his fist and adultery. She never mastered separating her son from the man who helped create him. It was easy to take her rage and frustration out on the teen who wanted nothing more than to have her approval. The silence in the room was louder than their voices ever could have been. Grayson studied his mother’s calm and calculated face. He searched her eyes for any hints of her thoughts and feelings, and he found nothing.
“Mom?”
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up,” her icy voice pierced his ears. “You’re fucking sick! A fucking faggot ass boy! You just like your ugly ass daddy. A damn disappointment. At least he was a real man where it counted.”
She was so calm with her delivery. It took a moment for him to realize that she was ripping him apart for who he was. The moment he pieced it together, tears began to roll down his face. He looked around the room for some sort of comfort, but there was nothing there for him.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappoint you,” he cried, hoping his tears would touch her heart. “I didn’t want to be like this. I promise.”
“Hurt me?” She asked as she began to pace back and forth. “I’m not hurt. I’m used to little boys who think they’re men disappointing me. That’s all they good for. I thought I raised you better. I taught you to be a man. I worked my ass off! Put you in a good school with them damn white folks and you turned out to be a dick loving ass nigga! My own blood a damn faggot!”
“Why do you keep calling me that? You never called me these types of names before.” He could barely get the words out.
She blew her breath in disappointment. “Because before you were my son!”
“I still am. I’m still me. I’m still Grayson. I’m still the same. You just know something else about me. I’ve always been gay! I tried not to be, but I just am.”
She ran over and tackled him to the sofa. He fell back on it. She sat in his chest. Her weight mixed with the weight of his guilt made it impossible for him to push her off. He wrapped her hands around his throat. Grayson fought and slapped her arms. He felt the air vacating his lungs. Part of him wished for death. It would have been easier than hearing the insults and feeling the pain. She released his throat and slapped him across the face. The force knocked the remaining wind from his lungs. It was like someone had punched him in the gut. His arms began to shake. His world crumbled around him. This pain he had never felt before rose in him.
“ALWAYS BEEN GAY? I trusted you with your brother. How can I trust you anymore around, Braylon? How do I know you won’t do something to him?” She climbed off him. She stormed over to the TV and knocked it over. She was in full-blown rage.
The word cut deep into his soul. His little brother was his best friend. It was his light in life. “That’s my brother. I would never do anything to hurt him. I protect him always.”
“So, you think getting fucked in the ass in my ass with your little brother upstairs is protecting him. Something is wrong with you mentally. You’re crazy, and you’re gonna burn in hell! I don’t trust you around my child, and I don’t want you here. You have to go. Get out of my house.”
“Mom, please! I’m sorry. I love you. I can change.” He quickly dried his eyes. “I can be straight. It’s a phase. I can like girls, and I’ll go to church. I can pray and read the bible. Please don’t make me leave.”
She folded her arms and stared him in the eyes. “I don’t want you here. Get out of my house. Go find your damn boyfriend. Since you're grown and gay!”
“Mom, please,” he begged as his tears started falling again. “I don’t have anywhere to go. Please don’t do this to me. Please! I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. Please! Mom, please!”
“STOP CALLING ME THAT! I’m not your mom anymore. GET THE FUCK OUT! I’ll call the police if you don’t leave.”
“Mom,” he whispered her name.
“If I had a knife, I’d stab you in your heart. I hate you.” A single tear rolled down her right cheek. That single tear was proof for Grayson that she didn’t want him there.
She pointed toward the door. His eyes cut across the room to the door. Never had a small door been so painful to look at. Grayson couldn’t move. He couldn’t pull himself from the pain of her love. It was comfortable, even when it hurt, and that comfort felt safe in some twisted, cruel way.
She quickly yanked Grayson by his arm. He cried in defiance and dropped to the floor. Her strength knew no end. She pulled her son by the arm across the floor. She was determined to rid him and his sinful ways from her home.
“NO! NO,” he kicked and screamed. “Please! Mom please. I love you! I‘ll do anything. I’m sorry.”
She shouted, “All I want is you gone from this family!”
She dragged him halfway across the floor and then released him. He stopped begging and accepted his fate. The one person in the world who was supposed to be there for me and love unconditionally had instantly stopped loving him because she couldn’t accept the one thing that actually made him so unique. She looked at him as if he were a blemish. He picked up his feet and walked toward the door.
He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Gone was the beautiful young man who was full of life, love, and self-worth. He saw someone he didn’t know, but would later identify as trauma, pain, fear, and low self-esteem. He opened the door and stepped out into the pouring rain.
The wind whipped fiercely. He was instantly soaked with nowhere to go. He was alone in the world. He moved down the driveway. The rain washed away his tears. He moved like a zombie as the words she spewed at him replayed over and over in his head.
“Blue? Blue? BLUE?” Anthony shouted as he ran up behind him.
Grayson was lost in his trauma. He didn’t hear Anthony. He kept walking. Anthony caught up with him. He placed a hand on Grayson's lower back. He snapped his head in Anthony’s direction. All he could see was the person responsible for the destruction in his life.
“I was calling you. I tried to hang close by to make sure things went okay. Are you okay?”
“DO I LOOK OKAY?” Grayson unleashed his fury on Anthony.
“Babe, what happened?”
“You happened! You just had to come over. I told you my little brother was there. Now she knows. She hates, and I’m homeless. I have nowhere to go. I’m alone and it's all your fault!” Grayson pushed him. Antony stumbled a little.
Grayson walked to the playground. It was the only place he could think of. Anthony was right behind him. He refused to give up on his boyfriend. He was determined to be there for him. Grayson stopped walking and just stood at the gate. Anthony stood on the side of him. He was quiet. He just wanted to be near Grayson.
“Grayson,” this tiny little voice called. It rocked Grayson to his core. He gasped and turned around. There in a raincoat coat was his little brother, Braylon. Braylon was a fierce nine-year-old, and he loved his big brother.
Grayson ran over and hugged him. “Bray, what are you doing here?”
“I heard you getting in trouble. I followed you. Are you okay?”
Grayson’s lips trembled, “I’m okay now that I’ve seen you. We have to get you back home before Mom starts to worry.”
“Are you coming home?” The little one asked.
Grayson sniffled, “Not tonight. But I’ll be back one day. I’ll always come back for you.”
“Good,” he said. “G, I’m scared.”
“Hey, Bray, you don’t have to be scared,” Anthony told him. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you.”
The heaviness of the rain stopped. The wind stopped blowing as hard as it had been. It appeared the worst of the storm had passed. Anthony looked around. He noticed the change, and his eyes caught it. The worst of the storm had not passed. It was right there above them. The wall cloud had crept up on them and was prepared for maximum damage.
“We need to get inside. Now,” he said.
Grayson looked at Anthony and followed his eyes up to the sky. It could have easily been missed had it not been so glaring in the night sky. His eyes widened as the twister started a dark smudge in the sky that began to grow. They could hear the distant rumble. The funnel began twisting and stretching. It tore across the sky. The thunder began to rumble. It let out a growl as if it were hungry and coming for them.
Anthony shouted, “RUN!”
He ran across the playground toward the nearest building. The wind picked up speed. It howled through the empty playground. The swings turned like wild pendulums. Grayson grabbed Braylon’s hand. He could feel his heart beating against his chest. The weight of his responsibility as a big brother weighed against him. He knew Braylon was trusting him to get them both to safety.
They sprinted toward the nearest storage shed. The violent wind pushed them off course. Anthony began to lose ground to the storm’s furious pull. The sound of the twister drowned out everything. It was like the ground had split open and every lost soul was crying out for help. The ground shook beneath them. They kept running. It seemed like the shelter was close, but still far away. They were so close. Safety, or the illusion of it, was within reach by a few feet.
“Grayson! Help me!” Braylon’s voice was small and desperate.
Grayson stopped and snapped his head back around. His heart leaped from his chest when he saw Braylon. He was frozen at the base of the slide. The wind picked up in ferocity. The twister moved closer. Its shape twisted above the playground. It was like a creature reaching for them. Grayson took a step.
A sudden and terrifying force that couldn’t be comprehended yanked Braylon off his feet. The twister grabbed him and pulled him into the air with the most horrifying ease. It was as if Braylon had been weightless.
“Braylon!” Grayson screamed, his voice cracked and raw.
Grayson didn’t even know if Braylon heard him call for him. The wind was too much. The howl of the twister drowned everything out. Braylon’s tiny, terrified face disappeared into the darkness of night. He was swallowed whole by the beast in the sky.
“Braylon!” Grayson screamed once more. He tried to run toward the twister. The force of the wind knocked him back. Then everything went black as the shed collapsed. The roof caved in on top of him. All he could see in the dark was the face of his little brother. He couldn’t breathe, think, or fight for survival.
PRESENT DAY
The motel room was silent for several long seconds. Aiden wanted to give Grayson time to come back from those emotions after retelling him the story. He also wanted to make sure the man was completely present mentally for what he had to say next.
Aiden placed his hand on top of Grayson’s. “I am so sorry. I remember when I lost my parents. I didn’t see it happen. I just knew when the neighbors found me that they were gone. I always found anger with God for not letting me see them leave. Now I thank Him for sparing me that type of trauma. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”
“Words can never describe my pain,” Grayson responded. “I was supposed to protect him. I don’t even know or remember when I let go of his hand. I let go, and I didn’t realize he wasn’t running anymore. He was so scared, and I failed him. They all turned their back on me. I woke up three days later in that hospital room alone. No cards, balloons, or anything. The doctor said no one came to see me.”
Aiden raised his eyebrow and asked, “No one?” He was in utter shock at the revelation that had just been spilled to him.
“Not a soul. My dad was never in the picture. My mom disowned me, and my stepdad blamed me for his son's death. Anthony had so much regret that he couldn’t face me. So I got discharged and the doctor told me he’d pay for me a one-way ticket to anywhere I wanted to go. I picked New York.” The look on Grayson’s face and in his eyes said more than his words ever could.
“Why did you come back?” Aiden needed and wanted to know the answer.
Grayson wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Tomorrow is Braylon’s 21st birthday. I promised him when he was little that I’d give him his first drink when he turned 21. I plan on honoring that promise. It’s the least I can do. If he hadn’t come after me, he’d be alive. The twister was coming for me. I don’t deserve to be loved, happy, or peaceful. I should be suffering for the rest of my life.”
It all clicked for Aiden. He finally understood why Grayson liked being in control and why he felt like everything was his fault. He finally found a mirror in the storm and could see every ugly detail, and Aiden still was determined to be part of Grayson’s light.
“I’m gonna wrap my arms around you now and just hold you. No conversation unless you say something. I just want to hold you.”
Aiden climbed into bed and spooned with Grayson. He wrapped his arms around the man. No words were needed. The action was enough. It served a purpose far greater. It was sweet, warm, and tender. They were emotions Grayson had been denied by people and by himself. It was the start of forever. Whatever that meant!
© Grayson Rose 2025. All rights reserved.
I would like to thank you for taking this journey of storms with me. Though this story is based in fiction for the most part, there are parts sprinkled with truth. Grayson's personality is a direct mirror of mine. The exchange between Grayson and his mom was an accurate portrayal of my coming out experience. I would like to stress that my little brother is very much alive. Again, thank you for reading and for giving me the space to pour my soul into this story.
Grayson Rose
