My mind tried to find a way out where I could keep my job and maintain my dignity at the same time. My gaze remained fixed on the bookcase behind Thomas, while he continued to watch me silently. A chill ran through my body at the thought of losing my job.
No, that's not going to happen.
I didn't know if I was making the right decision; I moistened my cracked lips and then ran my hand through my tousled hair. My breath caught in my chest as I thought about the dry lemon in the refrigerator, about shelves that held everything except food. I knew that if I lost my job, I would end up on the street.
I walked over to the chair in front of Thomas's desk and slumped into it. I placed my arms on my legs and buried my head in my cold, sweaty hands, my heart racing a mile a minute.
Several long minutes passed with neither of us saying anything, while my mind spiraled into a whirlwind of thoughts: “It's not worth trying.” “If I had quit my job as a truck driver earlier, this wouldn't be happening.” “What good is dignity if it doesn't put food on the table?”
Staring at the floor, my eyes began to fill with tears as visions of me sleeping on the street came to mind. It seemed I never had a choice; the weight on my chest grew heavier as I straightened up to answer Thomas. I ran my hand over my face to wipe away the tears rolling down it.
“Have you made a decision, Oliver?” he cleared his throat, crossing his arms. His muscles tensed with the action, while something wrapped around his wrist was visible.
Avoiding his gaze, I replied, “Could you give me a few days to think about it?” I asked, putting my hands in my pockets.
I turned my face away abruptly when I heard him laugh. He threw his head back and his body shook with the force of his laughter. I stared at him with a frown and my mouth open, tilting my head, trying to understand why he was laughing. After a minute, his laughter subsided, although a small smile remained on his face.
“Do you think you have time to think about it, Oliver?”
His mocking tone made me realize that time was the one thing I didn't have.
“Why?” I asked, staring at his face. “Why what, Oliver?” “Why do you want me to move in with you? Why are you helping me?” I asked as I got up from my chair to pace around the office. “What do you want from me, Thomas? Is it because of Sam? If it's because of her, I don't want your help.”
I stopped far away from him.
“Why shouldn't I help you?” he asked with his stupid smile, mocking me. “Besides, what do you have that I could want?”
His smile grew wider as he approached me. I took several steps back to try to get away; the office began to feel small and suffocating with him so close.
“This is my home address. If you want to keep your job, come. If you're not there at the end of the day, you don't have to come back to school.”
He turned away after leaving a small piece of paper in my hand. He returned to his seat, and I stood there for a minute while he began signing some papers. I turned around and left his office. The hallways were empty, and Anna was already gone. I walked quickly to the school exit so I could catch the next bus.
When I went outside, I began to slow down. My thoughts were all over the place; people walked slowly around me, and time seemed to stand still. Suddenly, a boy bumped into me and brought me back to reality. I realized that I didn't know where I was; the streetlights lit up the street, and the basketball court didn't look familiar, nor did the people around me. I took out my cell phone to check my GPS to see where I was and noticed that it was already seven o'clock; apparently, the meeting had lasted longer than I thought.
The GPS told me I was two bus stops away from the school and that the next one was two minutes away. I kept walking until I reached the stop. The bus was just there; I got on after paying and took a seat on the right side, next to the window. It was still twenty minutes to get home.
But could I call it home? I had never felt at home there, or anywhere else since Sam left me.
Should I move in with Thomas?
I scratched my head as I looked out the window for something to distract me, but my thoughts always drifted back to the same place: Sam and Thomas. I leaned my head back against the seat as I sighed, putting my hands in my jacket and closing my eyes. Mentally, I made a list of pros and cons.
Cons
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I'd be under his watchful eye all the time.
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I think he's in love with Sam.
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I don't like his attitude.
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He's very domineering.
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He's my boss and he's her friend.
Pros
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I wouldn't have to pay rent.
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I'd keep my job.
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I could save money.
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I'd sleep better.
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I wouldn't have unbearable neighbors anymore.
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I'd have peace of mind.
I didn't register it at first. The outside world was just a blur of lights until the vehicle stopped at my stop. I got up mechanically, but when I reached the door, the world came rushing back in the form of a violent shove from behind.
My knees hit the concrete with a thud. The pain was immediate, a sharp burning sensation that made me grimace. A woman tried to help me, but my attention was elsewhere. I looked up, furious, only to see blue hair and a white jacket walking away indifferently. It was my neighbor. The same one who made my life miserable in the building was now pushing me out of his way as if I were trash.
I walked over to the seats at the stop to sit down while I took a deep breath. I looked at my pants; they were torn, and my knees were turning black from the dirt and the impact. I brought my hands to my head and pulled at my hair, messing it up roughly. The woman gave me one last look before getting on the bus, and it drove away.
I spent a few minutes processing how my neighbor had pushed me. I didn't know if moving was the best decision, but I needed to get out of there quickly. As best I could, I got up and headed for my apartment. I arrived in two minutes and climbed the stairs, listening to the noise coming from apartment 304.
I went in as fast as I could, left my keys on the table, and went to my room to get everything ready.
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